As I zipped up my pants, I smiled down at Lex, at the shadow of a collar visible around her tiny throat.
“Stop staring,” she said, a blush coating her cheeks, but she giggled anyway.
I smirked. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look away.”
She gave me a look, but she couldn’t fight another smile emerging. “Do you want to go see Molly and the baby?”
I tsked. “I doubt Tensley will let anyone past him to see them.”
My nerves flared. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see their baby. To see their son. To see a reflection of what my life could have been.
“We can wait,” she told me, noting my silence.
I shook my head. I’d see the baby and congratulate them and leave. Simple and quick.
“Let’s go,” I said, nodding at the door.
She smiled and stood, pausing, her hand going to her forehead.
I gripped her elbow. “You okay?”
She shook her head and with one blink was out of her daze. “Just stood up too fast.”
I watched her, my stomach twisting, searching for any sign of distress. But she smiled at me again and we moved out of the room, down the hallway. We didn’t hold hands, not in front of the soldiers as we passed them, but I desperately wanted to reach out and hold hers. The need felt strange, foreign to me. I was a lone wolf. I didn’t crave anyone’s company, but I wanted hers. Always.
I knocked at the door, taking a deep breath and glancing down at Lex beside me.
She smiled, a smile that helped calm my nerves taking over my body.
Tensley opened the door, glaring at us.
“She’s resting,” he whispered in a hiss.
“Can we see the baby?” Lex whispered back, her eyes widening, pleading to him.
He sighed, still glaring, and stepped aside.
The two of us crept into the dark room and I glanced over at Molly, curled on her side. Her blonde curls lay messily across the pillows and sheets. She was alive. Seeing her made it real.
I wasn’t reliving my past.
Tensley walked over to a cradle and picked up the infant, offering him to Lex. Lex carefully took him and pressed him into her arms, smiling down as he cooed.
“He’s perfect, Tensley,” Lex muttered, her finger tracing his chubby cheek.
I couldn’t bear to look at him; a flash of memories and pain stabbed through me. Of a baby I lost. Of a woman I loved ripped from me.
“Do you want to hold him?” Lex asked, lifting him up for me to take him.
I clenched my jaw and after a moment, shook my head. I looked away from her mouth dropping into a frown.
I could feel Tensley’s eyes on me and I didn’t dare look at him. The longer I stayed in the room, the longer I felt caged, I felt like I was stepping into my past and seeing how things could have been.
“Beau,” Lex whispered, touching my arm and I hadn’t realized I was gasping for air.
I turned, leaving the room and marching down the hallway. I heard Lex’s feet chase after me and as I came to a stop in front of my father’s office, I fisted my hands.
The footsteps stopped, and a loud thud echoed in the hallway.
Soldiers hollered and when I turned to see what had happened, my heart stopped.
The sight I saw before me made my iron heart drop deep in my stomach.
Lex, her dark hair spread across the tiled black and white floor, laid on the ground, a group of soldiers surrounding her.
I rushed forward, shoving anyone back and bent low.
One of the soldiers sat beside her, patting her cheek.
“What the fuck happened?” I hissed.
He shook his head, freezing at the sight of me. “She just passed out. She went down hard.”
My hand went to the back of her head and cradled it. No blood coated my fingers.
Thank God.
“We need a warlock,” I said, gripping underneath her legs and lifting her into my arms as I stood. “Call one. Now!” Scorpios had several staying at the townhouse, working as our doctors for any medical emergencies.
The man nodded, a distant look in his eyes and turned.
I moved through the crowd, everyone parting to let me pass. I opened the same spare bedroom we had used and laid her down.
What could have happened to make her faint? What…
My fingers touched her mark, feeling the cool metal there, tight to her throat.
What if my mark had anything to do with it? What if her body rejected me? What if it was too much for her?
I paced, unable to sit, unable to stop moving back to her and kissing her parted mouth.
She was breathing, but it was low and unsteady. Her pulse was weak.
The door opened, and I turned to see a strange looking man, most likely the warlock, and Tensley, his expression a dark one. The warlock’s hair was dark and wild, and his eyes seemed too wide.
He stayed quiet and moved next to Lex, tapping her wrist twice. “She’s a souleater?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “I’ve been feeding her.”
That was when he paused and hummed to himself. “Can you please wait outside?”
I stepped closer, my anger flaring.
Tensley gripped my arm. “He’ll be able to concentrate better.”
I didn’t like his suggestion, but my eyes went back to Lex. My Lex. My throat grew tight and I turned away. I stepped out into the hallway and paced as Tensley watched me.
We had reversed positions in only a few hours. With my everything now on the line.
“You and her?” Tensley asked pointedly, and left his words hanging in the air. I knew he wouldn’t approve of us together. “She’s eighteen, Beau.”
“I know how old she is,” I snapped.
Tensley’s cool eyes scanned me and after a beat, he straightened. “You care for her.”
I sucked at my teeth, staring at the floor, hands stuffed into my pockets.
My silence spoke enough of my feelings for her.
He didn’t say another word and I was glad because I didn’t want to talk. My anger and worry were eating me inside and the only person I knew could ease it was in the other room unconscious. Fuck.
Minutes passed, and I finally leaned back against the wall, eyes closed. Nothing calmed me. Not when I couldn’t be close to her.
Then the door opened, and I jerked forward, marching back into the room.
The warlock stepped closer to me, tall and lanky. He narrowed his eyes at me. “She’s going to be asleep for a few days.”
I glared at him. “Why?” I folded my arms, hoping to restrain my own violence.
“I can feel your essence from here,” he said, his brows rising to his hairline. I felt Tensley move closer to my side. “It’s dark. You’re toxic. You’ve been filling her up with a soul that’s too dark and angry. It’s slowly destroying her.”
My stomach dropped, and I gritted my teeth. I shook my head. My own soul. My toxic soul---was harming Lex.
A memory of a story Lex had once told me flashed in my mind.
What she hadn’t known then was that she’d be affected by the souls she fed on. She became greedy for power and glory, much like her brother had been. His essence had tainted hers.
“The more she feeds from you, the more damage it does to her. Her soul attached itself to yours. And when it’s such a poisoned soul,” the warlock said, his eyes again scanning me, a dark look taking over his features like he just saw the devil himself. “You could kill her.”
I dropped my gaze, staring at her. Motionless on the bed. Pale and drained. I was killing her. I was destroying her.
The warlock explained my options. Of getting treatment for her. Of finding her a new feeder. But nothing to cleanse my soul. Nothing to save my dark soul.
I couldn’t change me. She could only change who she was feeding from.
I nodded absently. He left, and I walked over, kneeling at the side of the bed.
I wanted to touch her, I wanted to comb back her hair, but I was afraid any contact would make it worse. My eyes burned, and I didn’t want to acknowledge the heaviness in my chest.
I had cursed her and doomed us.
She needed good treatment. She needed someone with power to care for her.
“We’ll take care of her,” Tensley said, stepping closer to the bedside. His gray eyes traced her tiny body and then he looked up at me. The man that had destroyed her in the end, just like he’d warned her he would.
Days had passed, and I hadn’t slept the entire time. Tensley had been able to move her into Scorpios and had hooked up an IV to keep her hydrated as she rested. She never fully awoke. Sometimes she mumbled. Sometimes she moaned, and I fought to reach out and calm her fears.
Just like I had months ago when she had a nightmare.
We had become so attached, so addicted to each other. I couldn’t sleep without her sleeping next to me. I monitored her care, I told the nurses to be gentler with her when they changed her sheets or clothes or the needle in her arm.
On the fifth day, Tensley had taken me into his office. I could tell by the look he was giving me that he knew the anger roaring inside of me. He saw the dark bags under my eyes and my fingernails dug deep in the leather chair.
“She’s getting better,” Tensley said. I already knew that. He cleared his throat when I didn’t speak. “The warlocks think the treatment could help even more.” The treatment was supplements for souls. Energy to tide her over. I knew Lex would fight that, but it was the best option.
“I’m toxic to her,” I said, my voice void of any emotion. The last few days had drained me and I felt like the same Savage as before. “She shouldn’t be around me.”
Tensley squared his jaw. “The warlocks suggested…a break. To break the tie between your souls. That it would help her heal. Help her move on.”
All his words were sharp knives to my already bleeding wound.
But it was the truth.
I was too ruined, too tainted for her. Her own body was decaying because of it.
I needed to let her go. I couldn’t watch another woman I cared for die because of me. I was what needed to be removed. The toxic in her life. I could be self-destructive, but I wouldn’t allow myself to destroy her.
I needed to leave her be.
Or until…until I cleansed my own soul.
To give her the man she deserved, the soul that would keep her healthy and happy.
“There’s a new position I have,” Tensley said, dragging me from my dark thoughts. “In Boston. After Fitz’s death, Ares’ territory became ours. We need someone to keep the chaos in line with an iron fist until they kneel to who is now in charge of them. You’re the only man I know could handle that and thrive.”
And he was right. I was a destroyer.