CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Jude
THE PAST TWO WEEKS had been pure hell.
I felt like a tool about the things I’d said to Cady, but most of it was true. And what the fuck was so wrong with falling in love anyway?
All I wanted to do was screw someone else to blow off some steam, forget about her, get her out of my system and off my mind once and for all.
Forget about her, ha!
As if that was ever gonna happen. Not to mention it was a dick move, up and leaving without saying bye to the boys or anything. I missed the little nerd, the little delinquent, the not-so-little-anymore teen boy.
I missed Cady a helluva lot more.
The second week since I’d stormed out of her house, I stormed around my house.
“Yup.” Dad sat in his recliner, the Thursday Night Game muted, while I paced from one room to the other. “I think you made the right decision, boy.”
“How’s that?” I halted beside his chair, brows drawn down because I didn’t think I’d stopped scowling since I’d left Cady in her bedroom.
“Redheads. Nothin’ but trouble.” Dad kicked up his footrest.
“I wouldn’t say that.” I might start to take offense if he kept up with this angle.
“I’d have given up on Cady too.”
“I didn’t give up.” Now I really was getting annoyed.
“You quit,” Dad said, all matter-of-fact.
“After she fired me!” I bellowed. “She wasn’t paying me anyway.”
“You were just taking care of her boys out of the goodness of your heart? Woman like that don’t deserve you.”
“How would you know?”
“Just sayin’.”
“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” I paced to the fireplace. “Cady’s an incredible woman. An amazing mom.”
He sniffed like he was the king of fucking England.
“She is.” My jaw hardened. “She’s worked hard to get where she is, and she’s got a huge heart. She just doesn’t wanna let anyone else in. And she’s cute when she doesn’t even know it . . . like when she misses a button on her dress or she hops around on one shoe because she can’t find the other one . . . Besides, any man would be a fucking fool to walk away from her.”
When I glanced back at Dad, he’d slouched all the way back in the recliner, folded his hands together to try to stop the shaking, and had shut his eyes.
“Are you even listening to me?”
One blue eye peeped open. “Are you listenin’ to yourself?”
I stood stock still, digesting what I’d just admitted.
I loved her.
I’d given up.
She was still worth the fight.
“I’m just glad you didn’t saddle me with that Cady Dalton as a daughter-in-law.” Dad’s jaw popped with a giant yawn, probably a fake one.
“I don’t like you very much right now.” I glared down at him.
He shrugged. “I’m all the family you got, so I guess that’s tough shit.”
Then he glanced at his watch in an exaggerated way. “Tick tock. Gettin’ late. Bet ya don’t wanna spend another Thursday night hangin’ around here with an old pain in the ass like me when there’s a good woman like Cady out there somewhere.”
****
And so, an hour later—like a complete dumbass or a man on a mission—I stepped into the Wentworth Inn.
“Room 27, please.”
“I’m sorry, sir. But someone’s already checked into that room.”
I recognized the receptionist from my many visits.
“Who?” I waited, so tense my teeth grinded together.
“I really shouldn’t say, but a Miss . . . Dalton.”
On the way to Room 27, I tempered my strides. Schooled my face. I’d been down this road with Cady before, and I’d been back every single week since—bar the last one. I’d sat in this room alone more Thursday nights than I cared to count.
When I reached the room, I noted the security latch keeping the door from closing completely.
My hand shook when I touched the handle.
I opened the door.
And smelled her perfume instantly.
She was waiting.
A glut of emotion robbed my voice when I saw her perched on the sofa, hands clenched between her thighs.
I wanted to kiss her. Run my hands all over her. Take her home and tie her to the bed until she admitted we were made for one another.
I closed the door and leaned against it.
I didn’t move.
Didn’t say one single word.
Cady looked less than impeccable. Good, maybe she’d been as miserable as me. Except, as usual, I felt sucker-punched by the mere sight of her. And I’d never seen her like this. Only one dim lamp illuminated her, and her auburn hair floated down around her shoulders, halo soft. She’d dressed in worn-out sweats and sneakers.
Endearing.
Real.
No armor of lacy lingerie or perfect high heels or pretty dresses.
Just her.
I steeled myself against her.
And she looked unsure, sitting there with big unblinking eyes. Nervously tapping her foot. Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth.
This time I wasn’t gonna put her at ease. Hell, for all I knew she’d booked the room to get her rocks off with some other anonymous boy.
“Jude.” She rose but didn’t move any closer. “I can’t believe you came.”
“This is the last time.” I glanced around the room, worried I’d find evidence of another man. “You’ve been sitting here alone?”
“Yes.” Her hands folded together at her breasts. “I was so worried you wouldn’t show up.”
“I didn’t want to.” With a harsh laugh, I entered the room a little more. “Didn’t intend to. Not anymore. Do you know I picked up another woman last week? Actually”—I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck—“I picked up two. Never had a threesome before.”
Her lips tightened, pain flashing in her eyes.
“You didn’t think I’d just mope around over you again, did you? You told me to start seeing someone.”
She took two faltering steps toward me. “I didn’t think—”
“No. You sure didn’t.” I wasn’t about to budge a single inch.
“I deserve that.” She sniffed then swiped beneath her eyes. “Why are you here if I already lost you?”
“Because the thought of touching any other woman makes me feel sick.” I leaned back against the wall. “I didn’t go through with it.”
“You didn’t?”
“Jesus Christ. I would’ve if I could’ve, Cady. But fuck, you ruined me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jude.”
She flew to me, but I grasped her arms, holding her away from me instead of crushing her to my chest like I wanted to. And it was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.
“You know what I want. All or nothing.”
“I’m scared.” Her voice broke.
She looked so small and vulnerable she broke my heart.
“I’m so scared of loving again,” Cady admitted.
I nodded, trying to keep my cool even though my blood pounded through my veins. “You’re either brave enough to love me, or you’re not. And I can’t make it easy for you anymore. This is it, Cady. Or I’m walking out that door, and I swear to fuck I’m never coming back to you.”
She lifted her eyes, and they were filled with tears.
She swallowed, and I watched her fingers convulse.
She started in a whisper, and I leaned closer to hear her.
“You’re right. I was such a coward. I fought against you the whole time because . . . you know why.” Pulling from my restraining grasp, she cupped my face in both her hands, and I couldn’t look away from her.
I was fucking terrified to start hoping now.
“That doesn’t matter. Life sucked without you. And I don’t want to try to keep you separate anymore. That never worked anyway.” Fingers sliding down, she clenched my shirt in her hands. “I want all of you. I want you to be with me, to be with my boys, to be with us.”
“Then tell me.” Taking a deep breath, I tried to hold it all together, waiting, hoping.
“I love you, Jude. I love you so much I hurt when I’m not with you.”
“God, woman.” Shaky, I swept her into my arms. “It’s about damn time.”
Carrying her in fast strides to the sofa, I sat with her in my lap.
Tears coursed down her cheeks, and I wiped them gently away before crushing my lips to hers. Unharnessed joy replaced all the hurt.
I held her tightly against me, and she touched me everywhere she could reach, hands wandering from my hair to my shoulders, and around to my back.
No touch was close enough, no kiss deep enough. No words said enough.
Grunting, I slipped my lips to her neck and my palm up under her sweatshirt. Her hot skin seared me, and I brushed against her breast.
Cady pressed away from me, her forehead resting against mine.
“What is it?” I swept a hand down over her hair.
“I don’t want to make love here. Not in this room. Never again.”