Chapter Twelve
Darkness enveloped me as I lay beneath the covers, trying to sleep but too wired to get there. The puppies had stayed in the living room with Aidan, meaning I had nothing to distract me from reliving the day's events. Aidan had given me incredible pleasure. I'd invited him to stay with me. Somehow, having Aidan around made me forget about Rade and the divorce and everything else in the entire world. I had no choice but to resist my lust for Aidan.
Resist hard. Resist like crazy.
I wriggled under the covers, unable to get comfortable, and flopped onto my back.
Aidan had been so sweet today, playing with the puppies, making me lunch and dinner, even washing the dishes. His kindness made me uneasy, because resisting liking him proved harder than resisting his seduction.
Oh, but that orgasm. He'd made me want more — not simply another climax, but more of him. I couldn't stop thinking about him in the bathroom after he'd pleasured me. Unzipping his jeans. Taking his rigid, engorged cock in his hand. Stroking and stroking and stroking. Head thrown back, mouth wide, eyes closed as the ecstasy overtook him.
Hot as that was — and God, was it hot — another fantasy kept tormenting me. Aidan had taken a shower earlier and emerged from the bathroom in jaw-dropping style. Shirtless. Wet. Dark hair shimmering, droplets of water dripping onto his shoulders and rolling down his sculpted chest. If I hadn't vowed never to sleep with him, I might've lapped up every bead of water and dragged my tongue up the rivulets, laving that smooth skin and tickling each tiny hair with my lips. He would've sucked in a breath, groaned, thrust his hand into my hair. I could've moved lower as I kissed my way down to his waistband, popped the rivet of his jeans with my teeth, took hold of the fabric and yanked it down to bare his rigid —
Gah. I threw my hands up and let them drop back onto the bed, bouncing a little. I was getting way too turned on thinking about Aidan.
I shoved off the covers and the rush of cooler air on my sensitized skin made my body ache in every naughty way imaginable, plus a few I'd never known before. My satin nightie billowed, and as it settled back down, it teased my taut nipples.
Aidan. Naked. Wet. Groaning while I tasted every inch of his skin.
I shifted position, which only rubbed the slickness drenching my sex onto my thighs.
His hot mouth on my breast. His strong hands on my ass.
My clit pulsed, my nipples shot harder.
I lifted my head to glance around the darkened room. The puppies had stayed in the living room, where Aidan was staying up late to chat with his sister Jamie. I'd shut the bedroom door. Alone in my room, I could surrender to the need. It would hardly be the first time I'd done it since Aidan barreled into my life.
Sliding a hand down my body, I brushed the satin fabric of my nightie over my skin, skimmed my fingers over my breast and across my nipple. A little shock of need jolted through me. I envisioned Aidan on all fours above me, lust in his eyes. As I teased my nipple with my thumb and forefinger, I imagined him taking the nipple in his mouth, that agile tongue tormenting my flesh. I stifled a moan.
My hand moved lower, as if an outside force commanded it. Across my belly it skated, down over my mound. I dipped one finger inside my folds, to find the hard nub of my clit.
One of these nights, maybe you'll show me how you touch yourself.
A husky breath burst out of me. My skin tightened and tingled, every hair erect, every nerve enlivened with anticipation.
I wanted Aidan to watch. I wanted him to see.
And heaven help me, I wanted to come under his molten gaze.
Squirming, I slapped my hands onto the mattress and drummed my fingers. I could walk out there and issue my invitation, but the idea of what I was about to do had me so excited I might come just from the sensation of my own thighs rubbing together as I walked, rubbing my swollen sex.
I grabbed my phone from the bedside table, dialing Aidan's number.
He answered on the third ring with a drowsy hello.
"Were you asleep?" I said. "Didn't mean to wake you."
"Not sleeping." He yawned. "Just a wee bit tired after Skyping with Jamie. She's got more energy than your puppies."
One hand on my tummy, I crooked my fingers, anxiety trickling through me. Could I really do this?
"Well," I said, "I should let you get some rest."
Noises indicated he was changing position. "Ahmno sleepy. Why are you calling me when you're down the hall?"
Because I'm a big old chicken. "I, uh… wondered if you'd like to…"
Why couldn't I finish a damn sentence? After our conversation about self-pleasuring, making a lewd invitation shouldn't have tied me up in knots.
"Spit it out," he said. "Unless you want me to come in there and torture it out of you."
My mind spun with visions of all the erotic ways he might torture me with pleasure.
I took a breath, cleared my throat, and said, "Remember that thing you wanted to see?"
"Thing? Are you meaning the quilt on your bed? Or maybe the window drapes."
Was that humor in his voice? Was he teasing me because he knew what I wanted to ask him? I clutched my nightie in one fist. "You said maybe one evening I'd let you watch. How about tonight?"
He choked and sputtered. "Do ye mean — "
"I want you to watch me masturbate."
Silence, interrupted only by the susurrations of his heavy breathing.
My voice low and throaty, I said, "If you're not interested anymore…"
"Ahm interested," he rasped. "When?"
"Now."
Click. The call ended amid the thumping of footfalls in the hallway. The pitter-patter of puppy feet followed in the wake of Aidan's steps.
He flung the door open.
Mandy and Misty careened toward the opening.
Aidan clapped the door shut, muttering, "Sorry, wee lassies."
Breathing hard, hair mussed, he stood near the door, his gaze glued to me. His T-shirt hung loose, the rivet of his jeans was unhooked.
I crooked a finger. "You can't see anything from way over there."
Puppies whined and pawed at the door.
Aidan's bare feet made hardly a sound on the wood floor as he moseyed to the bed and climbed over my legs to lie down at a diagonal to me with his head near my hip. He braced his head on one palm.
"Should I take my nightie off?" I asked.
"Not this time." He stretched his free arm down to rest one fingertip on my ankle, then glided it up the inside of my leg, past my knee, halfway up my thigh. "I like a bit of mystery."
With that one finger, he pushed the hem of my nightie down to cover me more. His hooded gaze found mine.
Desire wound tight inside me, but a thread of anxiety whipped around it. What the hell was I doing? Letting him touch me had been wild and insane. Inviting him to watch me masturbate, that was a whole new level of crazy. Possibly depraved. A sign of slipping morals, for sure.
I had married a man I didn't love, who now held onto me in spite of his promise to let me go. Didn't I deserve something for myself, something wonderful and wild, something that belonged to me because the choice was mine and mine alone?
"Second thoughts?" Aidan asked, studying my face.
"No." It wasn't cheating, I reminded myself. I'd filed for divorce, and Rade and I had agreed from the start to live separate lives. I reached out to skate my fingers over Aidan's cheek. "I want to do this, but I've never done anything like it before."
"Take your time, I've got all night. And if you change your mind, you can stop anytime. I willnae complain."
His patience and sweetness tugged at my heart but also fired up my libido. I wanted him more than I'd ever dreamed I want could a man. I wouldn't give him what he wanted most — a wife and children — and so I couldn't give him all of me. Not yet. Maybe… I swallowed, knowing that for tonight this was what I could give him.
I spread my hands over my throat, running them down to my collarbone, pausing there to soak in the lust darkening Aidan's eyes and expression. He pressed his lips together, then flicked his tongue out to dampen them. I glided my hands lower, until they covered my breasts. The delicate wisp of satin on my skin made me sigh out an uneven breath. His eyes on me, his parted lips, it emboldened me to go on, to go further, cupping my breasts in my hands and flicking my thumbs over the hard nipples while I kneaded my flesh.
Aidan stared at my hands, the way they massaged my breasts. His voice rough and low, he said, "I want to be doing that to you. I want my mouth on you, right where your thumbs are."
His assertion hit me like he'd done exactly that and I pinched my nipples through the satin, letting out a little moan and rocking my hips. With his gaze pinned to my hands, tracking wherever they moved, I skimmed them down over my belly with deliberate slowness, relishing the feel of smooth, cool fabric on my skin and the sight of him devouring my every movement. My hands breezed over my hips and down onto my thighs. I let one palm stay there, flat on my left thigh, and swept the other up and under the nightie's hem. My fingers grazed my mound. My neck arched and my head tilted back as my eyes fluttered shut.
"No," he all but growled, "donnae close your eyes. Please, Calli, look at me while you do this."
I opened my eyes and our gazes locked onto each other, bound by an invisible force, a power borne of lust and something deeper, something I couldn't acknowledge even if I'd wanted to, something forbidden — in my world. I didn't care if this was wrong. Didn't care if I should feel guilty. In this moment, connected to him by shared need, I gave in to my deepest, darkest desires.
My fingers slipped between my folds, where I was slick and hot and achy. Caught by Aidan's eyes, I couldn't look away from him as I stroked my fingers up and down, two fingers on either side of my cleft, caressing my folds. My clitoris throbbed, begging for attention. As Aidan's mouth fell open and his heavy breaths huffed out of him, I rubbed harder and faster, skirting around my clit, knowing once I touched that nub I'd lose it. Pleasure cascaded through me, intensifying with each stroke of my fingers, heightened by the attention of the wicked Scot lying beside me.
His eyes darted, his gaze switching to my groin, to where my fingers worked my inflamed flesh. My hips gyrated and my legs moved in restless rhythm with my fingers. He tore his focus away from my loins to fixate on my face again, and his was a look of such desperate longing I couldn't deny him what he clearly wanted more than anything in this moment.
"Watch me touch myself," I said. "Please. I'll keep my eyes open and watch your face."
He exhaled a heavy breath, nodding, and leveled his gaze on my hand moving beneath the nightie.
With my other hand, I eased the fabric higher, revealing a glimpse of my sex, even as I whisked my fingers over my flesh, my breaths shortening into sharp gasps.
Aidan sucked in a long, deep breath. Eyes almost closed, he smiled with intense satisfaction. "You smell like everything I've ever wanted."
Mindless, I scraped my middle finger up my cleft and onto my clit, rubbing the rigid nub with ruthless strength and speed, frantic to achieve release. It roared through me and my back bowed up off the bed, but I kept stroking hard and fast, wringing out wave after wave of pleasure. When I collapsed in a heap, my hands slack on my thighs, Aidan was staring at me with slitted eyes, his mouth tight.
"How was it?" He ground out the words.
"Good," I said, between heavy breaths. "But nowhere near as good as when you touch me."
Ducking his head, he shifted his hips in an uncomfortable movement and exhaled a shaky breath. "Excuse me."
He scrambled off the bed, staggering toward the doorway.
"Wait," I said, and he hesitated with his hand on the knob. From the way he was almost limping, favoring his crotch, I had a suspicion about his need to flee. "Are you running away to relieve your needs in the bathroom? Like you did this morning?"
Body rigid, he growled out a frustrated breath. "Aye."
"You don't have to leave the room." I pushed up into a semi-sitting position, my legs outstretched and my hands on the bed, holding me up. "I want to watch."
"No you don't," he said, tipping his head from one side to the other, shoulders bunching. "Ye donnae want to see my — "
"Come on, I've seen your penis before."
He growled again, letting his head fall back. "Not that. Ye donnae want to see my — to see me — what happens when I — "
"When you come? I can handle seeing you ejaculate."
"Cannae control it." He shoved a hand through his hair, clenching his fingers and mussing his hair. "After watching you… Never been this hard before."
"It's okay." I rose onto my knees, still flushed all over from my orgasm. "Let me see you pleasure yourself, Aidan. It's only fair, since I let you see me."
He twisted his head around to fix his surprised gaze on me. "Are ye sure?"
I nodded, beckoning him with one hand.
With halting steps, he reached the bed.
Smiling, I patted the mattress in front of me.
Aidan settled onto the bed. His erection bulged large and hard inside his jeans, the reddened tip peeking out where the rivet was undone.
I took hold of the zipper and eased it downward.
Rather than stopping me, he hauled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, his eyes fluttering shut. His rigid cock popped free, bouncing in the air.
"Would you like me to…" I trailed off, uncertain of speaking the words. I burned to enact my fantasies from earlier today, when I'd watched him shuck his clothes and I'd gaped at his erection with a deep, carnal hunger growing inside me. What would it feel like to take his cock in my mouth? What would he taste like? I wanted to give him pleasure so much my chest grew heavy, burdened by the weight of my desires.
"Aye," he said, grinning at me, eyes sparkling, "I'd love you to do that. But not this time. We can save that for after we fuck."
"If we do."
"When," he corrected, eyes crinkling with humor.
"Still arrogantly certain, eh?" I sat back on my heels. A brazen impulse took hold of me and I thrust out a hand to grasp the base of his erection. "Sure you don't want some help?"
His grin broadened for only a second before my firm grip on his shaft made him scrunch up his face.
"Ahhh…" He clenched the sheets as I dragged my hand up his erection. "Calli…"
A drop of liquid oozed out of the head of his penis. I bent over his lap to rolled my tongue over his rosy tip. The salty yet earthy flavor of him suffused my mouth.
"You win," he hissed. "Have your bloody way with me. But do it quick, I may not last long."
"If I do something wrong, you can tell me."
"Willnae do it wrong. Follow your instincts and do it quick."
I hopped onto the floor to kneel between his legs and closed my mouth around the head of his cock. Since I'd never done this before, I relied on instinct and the encouragement of his noises to guide me. I drew his thick, sleek shaft into my mouth in one long thrust. He gasped, his entire body as stiff as his erection. With my tongue, I sucked and lapped at his flesh while I withdrew my mouth, only to swallow him once more. One of his hands dived into my hair to cup the back of my head, urging me on with gentle pressure. I consumed him again and again, my mouth ravenous for him, desire surging inside me again with a new kind of need. A need to give him the kind of pleasure he'd given me. To watch him come apart while I milked his cock with my mouth and tongue.
His hips bucked each time I plunged his shaft inside my mouth. He gasped, grunted, his face scrunched and tight with a pain that stemmed from the frenzied need to come.
With my hand around the base of his shaft, I pumped in concert with the thrusts of my mouth, licking and suckling as if I'd die without the taste of him on my tongue.
A throaty shout erupted from him, as his body convulsed and he exploded in my mouth.
"Mm," I said, sitting back and smiling. "You taste good."
He gaped at me, panting, seeming shocked by my statement. "It's not fair. I haven't tasted you yet."
"Oh, you'll get around to it."
I knew with total certainty he would. My Scotsman was stubborn and committed to toppling each of my rules one by one. I could sleep with him. Breaking my first rule had no effect on my ability to uphold the other two. After what I'd just done for him and to him, I no longer had the luxury of denying how much I wanted him — how much I wanted his body.
Casual sex. Sure, I could do that.
No, I couldn't. Could I?