I study the book from the Library of Lives. It appeared on my desk the day I became a deity. No wonder it didn’t turn up before then; it probably mentions that I’m not an ordinary demigoddess. No, I’m a Goddess now. Yay me.

I know that I only need to open it for the knowledge inside to seep into my mind. I discovered that new skill yesterday when I randomly opened one of the books lying on my mother’s desk. I now know everything about the herbs in her Realm despite never having read a single page in the book. It’s scary to know that if I wanted, I could walk through the Royal Library and learn everything in its books within a day. I don’t think that would be wise, though. Already, hand-drawn images of herbs keep popping up in my mind at random moments, and that was only a single book. I think my head would explode if I did this with more than a few books.

But the tome in front of me is different. It’s about demigods and I know that I’m mentioned in there. Back during my first visit to the Library of Lives, the clerk looked me up in it. It feels like a very long time ago. My first death experience. The guide to Immortality. The fight against a being pretending to be my mother.

It's strange, back then I was so desperate to find out more about demigods, and now I no longer need to. Unless all demigods turn into Gods at some point. No, I doubt that, someone would have warned me. Everyone was just as surprised when I turned into my new me just like I was. I never thought this much power could run through my body without killing me. My magic has grown from a cat into a lion and its cave is barely large enough to keep it contained. Wherever I go, magic happens. Lights start flickering, tiny ice flowers grow on windows, something explodes. Yes, there's been a lot of exploding. Luckily, nobody's got hurt... yet. I have no idea what to do with all the power I now have access to. It's more than double the magic I had before, and then some. I could level the entire Palace if I wanted to. Maybe even the surrounding villages as well. I'm powerful now, and that scares me. Not that I'm going to tell others that. Especially not my Guardians. I want to be the normal, old Wyn when I'm around them, not the Goddess whose head is full of knowledge and new desires.

Someone knocks on the door and I open it with a single thought. I don't even have to think about how I use my magic, I just focus on the intended result and it happens. It makes it easier, but also more uncontrollable. What if I put too much energy into the motion and the door was ripped out of its hinges? I could injure someone. That's my greatest fear right now. Hurting others with my new powers.

Before she even says something, I know that it's Tamara. Yet another one of those useful Goddess gifts.

"My Princess, I would like to talk about the coronation again."

I turn around and glare at her.

"No."

Tamara is old, her white hair framing a wrinkled face, but there's a strength in her that rivals that of the generals. She's more important than all of those, too, being the spy mistress that she secretly is.

"It's your mother's wish. Do you really want to go against that?"

"Yes. It's not right."

Mara sighs. We've had this discussion before, and I don't think we'll reach an agreement today either.

"Wyn, she needs you to step up and take her place. There will be war soon and she can't lead our people in her current condition."

"I can lead them as Princess," I say with as much authority as I can muster to prove my point. "I don't need to be Queen for that."

"I've told you, there are powers that come with being crowned Queen. Powers to lead, to heal, to give the people confidence. You need to inspire them, and while at the moment they're all fascinated by your ascension to Godhood, that won't last forever. Certainly not in battle when they're facing an enemy's sword."

I shake my head. "My mother will heal. Once she's back to how she was before, what happens then? Will there be two Queens?"

Tamara's fierce eyes soften a little. "You know she won't recover. Not until the Summer King has been pushed back, but by then it might be too late. We need you now, Wyn. We need you as our Queen."

"No. I can't."

I sink back into my large leather chair. It's an impossible situation. My mother won't get better until the war is over, but to win the war, we need a Queen. I can't do it, though, I just can't. It feels like betrayal and treason against my mother, even though she's the one who made the suggestion.

Demand, actually. My mother didn't ask me to take her role. She told me to do it.

"How's my father?" I ask, hoping to change the topic. I don't doubt for a second that Tamara will try again, but hopefully, I'm getting a short reprieve.

"He's asked to see you." She turns to leave. "Maybe you'll listen to him."

As soon as she's out of the door, I make my magic close the door. I may intentionally have put too much force into it, so it slams shut with a bang. Oops. Well, nobody will dare tell me off. Even if I'm not the Queen, people have started treating me as such, even the Council members. It's annoying.

I sign two more papers that someone, probably Mara, put in my in-tray, then leave my office to head to the Royal Quarters. Two days ago, my father was released from the hospital wing to recover in a more comfortable environment. Physically, he's mostly healed, but not so much mentally. Both my mum's death and his imprisonment have left their traces on him. He's not the man I remember. He was always an emotional person, but now he's on the verge of tears pretty much whenever I see him. I envy him that he's allowed to show his emotions so openly. I have to keep up the facade so that my subjects don't see how I'm feeling inside. How broken I am.

Two guards are standing in front of the doors leading to my father's new rooms. They bow deeply when they see me approach and open the double doors for me. At least they're not calling me 'Queen' like some of the other guards recently. I had to threaten them with demotion if they ever do that again. It's treason.

My father is still in bed, his form only a small bulge under the sheets. He's lost a lot of weight during his imprisonment, and despite the cooks making all his favourite dishes, he's not eating much. I think he's lost the will to continue going on like before. He doesn't look after himself either; his beard is a shaggy mess, so different from the clean-shaven father I was used to. I'll tell one of the barbers to visit him. Maybe it's just because he's been too weak to shave himself.

"Dad, how are you?"

He's awake, staring at the ceiling. My heart begins to ache at the pitiful sight of him. This isn't supposed to be like that. He was always a role model for me, even despite his ditziness.

"Dad?" I ask again, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

He doesn't react, just keeps staring up. I take a quick look myself to see if there's anything special up there, but no, it's just a normal, boring ceiling. There are not even any of the floating lights there.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" I ask softly, taking his hands in mine. Finally, he seems to realise that I'm here.

"Wyn?"

"Yup, as I live and breathe."

He doesn't smile, at least his aura doesn't show any trace of humour.

"Was it a nightmare?" he asks slowly.

My heart hurts even more at the false hope in his voice. "No, dad, it wasn't. She's gone."

"She was so brave," he mutters. "So very brave. Just like you."

I cringe. "I'm not brave. If I was, I'd already be in the Morrigan's castle, making her pay for what she did. But no, I ran like a coward."

He sits up a little and I help him by pushing a pillow under his back.

"You had people to protect. Sometimes, not staying to fight is braver than taking up arms."

I stare at him. "When did you become a philosopher?"

He grimaces. "Always been one. I've just never had a chance to talk about battles and courage before. I wish I didn't have to now."

"Me too," I sigh. "The world has become very strange. Some days, I just want to go back to Earth and live my human life again."

"No," he says, his voice a little stronger now. "You belong here. This is your world, Wyn. Our life has never been enough for you. You're destined to be something bigger than us, and I think you know that. Look at yourself, look at how they treat you. You're special, darling."

I shake my head. "I wish I wasn't."

"We all want to be someone we're not," he says, his voice sounding as if he's smiling. I wish I could see his face properly. "I don't want to be a widower. I don't want to be a victim of the Morrigan. But you know what? I'm proud to be the father of a Goddess."

His aura is sparkling with pride. I want to tell him that I'm not a proper Goddess, that I'm nothing to be proud of, but I don't want to extinguish that spark.

"If you're feeling up to it, I can introduce you to the Court," I say instead, taking advantage of him being more energetic than he usually is. "They're all very curious about the human who raised me."

"Oh no, I don't think that's something for me. Your mother would have loved it, I'm sure, but I'd rather stay here, if you don't mind. I'm not made for crowds."

I smile. "Yes, I'd rather stay here too, if I'm honest. Part of the job though." I sigh. "I should get back. There's a Council meeting later on that I need to prepare for. I think it's going to be a long one."

"I'm not envying you. Although that Tamara woman seems very capable."

"Mara has been here?"

"Oh yes, she wanted to know about the prison I was kept in. She was very gentle about it."

Somehow, I can't imagine Tamara being very gentle, but if he thinks so, that's good. Glad I have one thing less on my list. I'd waited until now to ask him questions about what happened to him. Storm gave me a full report after we returned to the Palace, and he got a good enough overview of the Morrigan's hideout.

I can't believe it's only been a week since we returned from there. So much has happened, and yet, not as much as there could have been. My personal life has changed, my whole being has, but the political situation hasn't. We've not heard anything from the Morrigan since we broke my father out of her dungeons. She's no longer in that place, and just in case she returns, we have spies monitoring the Gate.

Angus has stopped moving his troops, but they're close to the borders. It's as if everyone is holding their breath, waiting for the inevitable moment when the big battle begins. For now, I hope we can prolong this time of peace. Well, maybe not peace. The absence of outright war.

I say goodbye to my father and tell one of the guards at the door to call for the barber. Let's see if my dad will get the hint.

I return to my office, feeling a little better. As traumatised as my dad seemed when I got in to visit him, he did become more like his old self towards the end. That's progress and it gives me hope.

I close my office door behind me and lean against it, taking a deep breath. Back to being the Heiress.

"Tough day?"

I jump and ready my magic, before I notice that Frost is sitting on my chair, his legs propped up on the desk.

"What are you doing here?" I push my magic back, despite her struggling.

"Coming to see how you are." There's humour in his voice and I'm sure he's smiling. I wish I could see it.

"You look sad," he says softly and gets up from his chair.

"Not used to all the changes," I mutter and sink into his hug. "The eye thing is getting to me."

He hugs me tight. "We'll find a solution. Your mother can see normally, so I'm sure there's a way. Besides, why ever would you want to look at us? Crispin's the only pretty one."

I laugh. "Are you trying to make me say that you're all rather handsome looking?"

"Got me. Now, say it."

Instead, I kiss him. Luckily, my body is well acquainted with Frost’s and knows exactly where his lips are waiting for me. I don't need my vision for that.

He opens his lips and lets me in. I kiss him hard, possessively, showing him that he's mine and that I won't let him go. I almost lost him last week, and I'm not intending for this to ever happen again. Death isn't allowed to come between us. Not between me and Frost, and not between any of the other guys either. Dying isn't allowed.

Our tongues dance and he shifts his hands on my back, sliding them lower until they reach the waistband of my trousers. I'm refusing to wear dresses at the moment. It doesn't feel right to be wearing pretty clothes while half the country is readying for war. At least that's my excuse.

He slips a hand under the fabric and runs it over my naked skin.

"I want you," he mutters, breathing hard.

I don't bother replying. I'm sure he knows how much I want him from my hard nipples pressing against his chest, and my fumbling fingers on his belt. Why does he always need to wear a belt? It's making things difficult.

Then I remember that I'm a Goddess now and grin.

"Look what I can do," I whisper and tell my magic to intervene.

"I'm naked," Frost observes a second later. "You too."

"That was the point of it," I chuckle. "Look at the desk."

He turns around and laughs. "You're very efficient."

"Perks of the job." I've lifted all the things that were lying on the desk and deposited them in a corner of the room. I've never had sex on a table before, but it sounds like something that could be quite a lot of fun.

Without warning, Frost picks me up and carries me towards the desk. I wrap my legs around him, already feeling his erection hard against my arse. I don't think we have any need for foreplay today.

He sits me down on the table and bends down to kiss me again. His breath is hot against mine; his fresh seaweed scent caressing my senses. My Frost.

I cling to him, encourage him to push forward and enter me. He doesn't need much encouragement. His cock is hard and I'm ready for him. He glides into me without much resistance and I moan against his kiss. I think my fingernails are leaving red streaks on his back, but he doesn't complain. He starts to increase his rhythm, driving into me faster and faster. My breasts are rubbing against his chest, sending tiny lightning bolts all the way down to my core.

The table groans beneath us, but I send some magic into it to make sure it won't collapse. That would be such a turn-off.

The closer I get to the point of no return, the louder my moans get. Frost is breathing hard, his lips meeting mine whenever he pushes into me, then leave again a second later. It's a cat and mouse game that's driving me crazy. I could use magic to keep him close, but I don't think he'd appreciate that.

I know he's probably looking at me, but I can't tell it from the bright silhouette I see him as. Golden light is shimmering all around him, and suddenly turns into thousands of tiny sparks when he comes in me. I need a second longer, one more push of his cock into my core, then I come apart, wrapping my arms around his neck to steady myself. Shivers rack through me - and something explodes.

"Wyn, get your magic under control," Frost warns, but it's too late. Sparks are flying, rainbow clouds are erupting all over the room, and the smell of burning wood reaches my nose.

"What did I do?" It's hard to focus, my mind is still shattered into very happy pieces.

"Ehm... bookshelf... let me."

He steps back and I can see him gather his water magic, the azure blue of it contrasting on his usual gold. It's strange seeing someone else do magic. He sends out his magical energy towards the bookshelf, like a net of blue fibres, and then once they reach the shelf, he sends a spark there that makes them erupt into water. That's probably not how it actually works, but it's what my new senses tell me.

"Did I burn any books?"

I'm refusing to turn around and look at the damage. Can't I have normal sex just once? There always seem to be explosions, burns, or someone interrupting us. At least this time we both got to climax before the inevitable happened.

"Just one."

"Tell me... oh. I think I know which one."

I make the remains of the book fly towards me and take them into my hands. Fragments of knowledge jump into my mind, jumbled and broken. The book isn't salvageable, that's for sure.

"Frost?" I ask carefully. "You know how the Library of Lives states that non-return of a book results in decapitation? What do you think the punishment is for burning one of their books?"

His groan is answer enough. There's going to be one very angry librarian somewhere.