Goodbye.

The worst word in existence.

In every language, it was horrible.

And Max had used it.

Used it against Josephine.

Used it to hurt her.

Used it as a weapon.

Used it and cemented the likelihood of her falling out of love with him and hating him for the rest of their lives. He had no doubt that she’d never see him again. He wasn’t sure when he’d be back from Boston, but he couldn’t leave without making her understand why he was going. When he had told her that he was leaving yesterday, she was stunned. Her eyes had glazed over, and there was a nothingness to them. Like she wasn’t her. Like the Josie he loved had been ripped from her, and she was a shell.

Max saw the heartbreak in her eyes.

He winced at the memory of the wounded expression on her face.

His heart twisted and heated, remembering the horror when he had said that she was his La Vie En Rose.

It was the truth.

She was and always would be his life in pink.

The better thing in his life that he let ruin.

But he let Andrea’s words hurt him and convince him that right now he was meant to be in the States to right all his wrongs. Yesterday, he stood outside Josephine’s apartment and tore her heart out, knowing he would never deserve her or her love for the decisions he had made.

The moment she slapped him, he knew he was worse than Andrea.

And when he said goodbye, he knew he was worse than Sarah.

He had become a monster in Josie’s eyes, and it was justified.

He didn’t just break her heart, he also broke his.

She needs to understand why I have to do this.

Why I have to go.

Max inhaled a deep breath and stopped outside her apartment door. He would beg. He would plead for her to understand. He knew he couldn’t obtain her forgiveness just yet, but he’d spend his life trying. But he had to hope that she meant it when she said she’d wait for him.

That she meant her love.

That she’d understand.

His hand made a fist, and he tapped his knuckles against the door.

He stood there, nervous and anxious to see her. Hope and dread mixed in his chest. He had no idea what to expect. Max had been up for hours rehearsing incomplete sentences. He expected her door to slam in his face. He expected her silence. He also expected her anger. But what he didn’t expect was for her roommate to answer the door.

Stella’s expression was steel, cold, and completely unwelcoming.

He saw the disappointment swirl in her green eyes.

“Can I help you?” she asked. Sceptical Stella was gone. Instead, she was protective and brute, as if she wanted him gone.

“Hey, Stella. Is Josie home? I need to talk to her.”

Stella shook her head. “She’s not home, Max.”

His jaw tensed, hating that Josie’s roommate no longer had that teasing gleam in her eyes towards him. “Are you saying that because you’re her best friend?”

“I’m saying that because she’s not here, Max.”

“Where is she?”

She sighed. “Living a life without you,” she deadpanned. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to bed. It’s my first day off in ages, and you’re disturbing it.”

“Stella, please,” he begged. “I need to talk to her.”

“No, Max. She told me what happened, and I am so angry with you.”

He winced. In his time getting to know Josie, he had come to like Stella. It was clear now that his actions had affected her impression of him.

“Stella—”

“I really liked you, Max,” she said, interrupting him. “I get why Lorelai held on … and I get why she let go. I just thought you’d prove me wrong. I thought you’d see it through. I thought you were good enough for her. You have no idea how much you’ve hurt her. You have no idea what she’s going through.”

His heart dipped. So much guilt filled his chest. He had hurt her. “Can I see her? Please, Stella.”

“No,” she said with an unbelievable laugh. “Do you want to know how it all ends?”

“I don’t want to know how Gilmore Girls ends,” he answered.

Stella removed her hand from the door and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not talking about Luke and Lorelai.” She had pursed her lips before saying, “This ends, Max. Hell, it’s already ended. You’ve done all you needed to. Josie doesn’t go around trusting and falling in love with men. You know her relationship with her father. You were a rarity for her and her heart. But that’s over now. I don’t want to see you at my doorstep again, Max. The next time you show up here, I’ll call the coppers. I don’t care if you’re a lawyer. I care about my best friend, and I will do anything and everything to make sure you stay away from her.”

He understood the fire in her eyes and the passion in her voice to protect Josie. If he were in Stella’s position, he’d do the same thing. Max sighed in defeat. There was no way he could convince her to let him see Josie. “I understand.”

“Good. You can go now.”

“Just hang on a second,” he said.

Surprise and annoyance succumbed the features of her face. “What?”

“You might not tell her, but I really hope you do. I leave for Boston in a few days, and I’d really like it if I could just say goodbye to her. I don’t deserve to see her, and I get that. But I love Josephine, and she’s the last person I wanted to hurt. But I have to go. So if you could tell her that my flight leaves on Wednesday at eleven a.m. and that I’d like to see her and explain, I’d appreciate it.”

Stella’s jaw clenched. Then she sighed and untangled her arms. She gripped the door and said, “Goodbye, Max,” then she slammed the door deservingly in his face.

He hoped to God that Stella believed him.

It was just after ten a.m. when Max stepped off the elevator and made his way down the hall and to his office. Once he reached the glass door, he frowned the second he noticed a woman in his office. He wasn’t used to seeing her in skinny jeans and a white T-shirt. All the times he had seen her, she wore dresses worth thousands. She always had this professional appeal to her.

Max opened the door and walked inside. “Andrea,” he greeted in a clipped tone.

She had the worst timing in the world.

But he owed her.

He also owed Noel.

And when she had begged him to come work in Boston, he couldn’t refuse. Not if it meant it would affect Noel. He hoped that helping Andrea transition into her new role and him helping her with renewing all the contracts would pardon him for pursuing her. He hoped that his pro bono work meant he would be forgiven. Somehow, he’d have to make the trip to New York and finally tell Alexander Lawrence that his high school girlfriend had cheated on him with Max. That he was sorry for all the lies and betrayal.

“Your office has a great view of the city,” she commented as she spun around and faced him.

Her brunette hair was not as dark as Josephine. And her blue eyes didn’t have that brightness and clarity he had come to love in Josie’s. Andrea Wallace was no longer the spark to his detonation. She was no longer a muse but a hindrance. And Max knew it wasn’t just because he was in love with another woman. It was because Andrea had burned him. She left him and his feelings in the dark. She had him and dismissed him so easily.

“Thanks,” he said as he shrugged out of his jacket and set it on his oak desk. Going to Josie’s had made him later than usual, but he didn’t care. He took a chance, and it hadn’t paid off. Josie wasn’t home, and her roommate had warned him to stay away.

She also told you that you hurt Josephine.

His heart painfully throbbed at the thought.

He had hurt her.

He had seen it himself.

Max had walked away and chosen another path.

Another woman.

“How are you liking Melbourne?”

She smiled. “It’s nice. I can see why Noel loves it here.”

He tensed at the mention of his best friend.

“He’s here with Clara.”

“I know,” she said as she swept her hair over her shoulder.

“Have you seen some of the sights?”

Andrea shook her head. “No. What can I see in two days?”

Max let out a sigh and made his way around his desk. Once he sat down in his chair, he gazed up at her. “There’s a whole lot.”

“You wanna go explore together?” The hope in her eyes had him balling his right hand into a fist.

“I have a lot of work to do before I leave for Boston. I have clients I need to call and assure that I’m still their lawyer. There’s an information desk with maps at Federation Square. If you’re lucky, you might see the Men’s Single Scull Rowing World Champion training on the Yarra.”

The flash of hurt in her blue eyes had guilt surging through him, demanding to be felt all over. He hadn’t said anything about Josephine because he didn’t want to expose Josie to the horrible things he had done. He had to keep her safe and clean of and from Andrea. But he knew it was too little too late.

“Okay, I’ll go walk around,” she said in a small voice and then made her way to his office door.

Feeling terrible for how he spoke to her, Max got up from his seat. “Andrea, wait.”

She turned, and her lips made a tight smile. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry. For the way I just spoke to you, I’m sorry. You have to understand that you didn’t give me much time to just drop everything here in Melbourne and go to Boston with you. I have a career here that I’m putting on hold for you.” Max paused and clenched his eyes shut for a long moment, then he added, “I hurt someone for you.”

Andrea’s eyes widened. “Oh,” she breathed before looking away and making her way out of his office.

Two days.

Two more days and he’d be on his way to America to make up for his mistakes.

Then he could come home and beg for Josie’s love and forgiveness.

Max: Josephine, I’ve tried calling all day. Please, just let me know you’re okay. Let me explain. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I meant it when I said I love you. Please believe me.

 

Max: YOU’RE my La Vie En Rose, Josephine. Even if you don’t believe me.

 

Max: Please, Josephine. Please answer my calls.

Max hung up for the fifth time today.

His calls to Josie continued to go straight to her voicemail. He knew she needed space, but Max needed to see her before he left for Boston. He knew he hurt her—felt it the moment he agreed to help Andrea.

He wished Andrea had needed him before.

Before he fell in love with Josie.

Before he could hurt her.

Before he saw the betrayal in her eyes and the pain so visible on her face.

“Maxwell?” his father called out his name.

Max slipped his phone into his pocket and entered his father’s office. He approached his father’s desk with a careful expression on his face. Gordon Sheridan wouldn’t like what Max had to say.

But this was about Max.

For once, it would be about him.

About his morality.

No one would understand that.

He needed to be free of his sins in order for him to live a better life.

A life worthy of Josephine Faulkner.

“Everything all right?” his father asked, eyebrow raised as he set the manila folder down.

Max nodded. “Dad, I need to take some leave.”

“Leave?”

Another nod. “Yes.”

“May I ask why?”

“I need to do some freelance work for Noel. I need to right some wrongs.”

His father blinked unbelievably at him. “And this requires you to go where?”

“America.”

“For how long?”

Max swallowed hard, unsure of how his father would react. “For as long as it takes for Noel and Alex to forgive me.”

“And your life here?”

“On temporary pause.”

His father sighed and shook his head at him. “Life doesn’t pause, Maxwell. You might think it does. In your heart and your mind, you believe it will. But she will move on.”

“She?”

“You don’t think I know about you and Josephine? I saw you kiss her in your office a few weeks ago. You have a lot of life in you again because of her. I hate to see you take steps back.”

“I already have,” he whispered. “But I need to do this, Dad. I need to make sure I know that I’m a good man. I can’t live my life full of guilt anymore. Josephine doesn’t deserve that.”

His father let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t force you to stay. If you think your life needs to be in Boston, then go, but don’t expect life here to wait for you, Maxwell. Don’t expect her to be waiting. But I do expect you to properly inform your clients of your departure.”

Max nodded. “I’ll make calls now and inform them. I’ll continue to work for you, Dad. I just need to go and sort this out.”

“Just make sure you tell your mother goodbye before you leave, Maxwell. She won’t be happy,” his father said, then he reached down and picked up the folder.

 

 

Pretending is torture.

Josie had sat through her contracts lecture and tutorials in pain. Oswald had asked her several questions, but Josie shook her head and gave the same, “I don’t know,” response. It was the truth. She had no idea what he was asking. All Josie could think about was how many more minutes she had until she could get back to the hospital. Yesterday, Stella had all but forced Josie to agree to go to university. Not for her classes, but to hand in her assignment and hope that her degree got her mind off her mother’s health and Max.

Max.

The bane of her heart’s existence.

He was the last person she should be thinking of.

As she got out of her seat, she knew that every second that passed only made her miss him more.

He called and texted her.

But Josie couldn’t read the words he sent her out of fear. Scared that he would explain that he might have mistaken his platonic feelings for love.

That he fell out of love with her as quickly as he fell in.

That he’d been lying to himself about his feelings.

That he didn’t feel any love towards her.

That it was just sex between them.

Sex.

Just sex.

She didn’t want to hear that.

It wasn’t just sex to her.

It was a connection she had never had with another man.

It was making love.

Or so she believed.

Josie picked up her bag and her textbook off her table.

“Is everything okay, Josie?” Oswald asked, approaching her table.

No.

My mother is on life support.

Max had me fall in love with him.

Only for him to leave me.

Disappoint me.

Instead of what she really wanted to say, she said, “I had a tough weekend with one of my other assignments. Sorry, I’m just distracted with hoping I had enough cases in there. I promise to be a little more aware next week, Oswald.”

Relief poured into his eyes. “Good. I thought something might have happened. We start exam prep next week. We’re gonna review the semester. You’ll have to be aware, Josie.”

She nodded and plastered the fakest smile on her lips she had ever made. “I’ll be aware. I’ll see you next week, Oswald.”

Then Josie stepped away from her chair and made her way out of the classroom. As she walked down the hall, she shoved her textbook into her bag and pulled out her Evidence assignment. It wasn’t easy finishing it yesterday. Stella had brought her laptop to the hospital so she could write the conclusion and ensure the Acts she had included were relevant and the cases solid enough to provide evidentiary support. It took her hours, and she sent Stella home late that night to sleep. Josie had stayed at the hospital long after visiting hours. She would have to call her boss at the Little Bakery on Little Collins Street to make a batch of cupcakes for the hospital staff as a thank you. Josie knew she was breaking the rules by staying past visiting hours, but she couldn’t leave her mother.

It hurt her to leave her mother today to go back to university.

But she couldn’t let her lecturers and tutors know.

Her phone vibrating in her pocket had her moving to the left of the hallway and pulling it out. She glanced at the screen and sighed when she noticed it was from Stella. Her best friend knew she’d rather text than talk over the phone for fear her voice would break and Stella would hear Josie’s real pain. Sliding her thumb across the screen, she unlocked her phone, ignored Max’s messages, and opened the one from her best friend.

 

Stella: I called the agency. Won’t be taking any CRT jobs for a week so I can be with you and Em. I’m at the hospital now. West is gonna stop by later after work. If you need time to polish off your assignment, go! Don’t feel guilty, Josie. Your mother would understand. She’s in good hands. I’m telling her embarrassing stories about you.

 

Tears blurred her vision as that nagging pain hit her in the chest. She bit her lip to hold back her tears. She knew Stella was trying to cheer her up, and she appreciated it. Josie glanced up from her phone to see students, lecturers, and tutors go about their lives so easily and freely. They had no idea how much she struggled to breathe and walk without guilt. That she was capable of such basic human functions while her mother couldn’t.

It’s life, she reminded herself.

Some people got cancer.

Some people scraped their knees after a fall.

Some people said fuck at least fifteen times a day.

And some people had their hearts torn out in one agonising and unforgettable moment.

And for Josie …

She wasn’t the person who got cancer; she was the one who had to watch her loved one suffer at the hands of it.

She wasn’t the person who had scraped her knee; her entire belief was shattered after her fall at the hands of life.

She was the person who had said fuck at least fifteen times this morning.

And she was the person Max left behind at that very moment he destroyed her belief in him.

Her love for him was still there.

Still wanted to glow and grow.

But her pride and her brain had other ideas.

She would shut down that love.

She had to.

Sucking in a deep breath through her nostrils, Josie made her way towards the faculty desk and replied to Stella’s text.

 

Josie: You don’t have to take time off work, Stella. I’m just going to drop off my assignment now. I’ll see you at the hospital soon.

 

Stella: No, Josie. I HAD to take time off. I told you this; you’re my family. I’ll see you soon.

 

Josie tucked her phone into the back pocket of her dark blue jeans, turned the corner, and approached the assignment drop-off chutes. She searched the many slots until she found the sign that said MLL334: Evidence.

When she found her unit’s chute, she stepped closer to it and glanced down at her assignment. Josie knew it wasn’t her best work. She knew it was enough to pass, but she was sure that her average would drop. But as she pushed the paper into the slot, she didn’t care.

She didn’t care about the grade.

She didn’t care about law school.

She didn’t care about anyone or anything other than her mother.

Her heart whispered she was lying, that she cared about Max, but she refused to allow those whispers to persuade her. She would forget Maxwell Sheridan. Forget how he made her feel. Forget how much better he made her life—even if it was only temporary.

Josie would forget him. And as her paper landed on the bottom of the chute, she was determined.

“Josie?”

She spun around to find her legal practice and ethics tutor with a tight smile on his face. “Hey, Jason. How are you?”

Jason pulled the hem of his shirt down. He was dressed a lot more casual than usual. “I’m good.”

“That’s great.” She took a step to her left to walk around him so she could leave the law building and get to the hospital.

“Josie,” Jason said in a firm and serious voice that had her stilling.

“Yes?”

“Why did you lie to me?”

Josie faced her tutor properly, dumbfounded by his question. “Excuse me?”

Jason sighed and shoved his hand into his pocket. “I asked around, Josie. I asked all my connections at the top four firms. You haven’t applied for any positions. I even had them check, and sure enough, they had no idea who you were.”

“Oh,” she breathed. Her lie was now known to her favourite tutor.

“Why did you say you had interviews?”

She shrugged. It was the only thing she could do. Not without telling him that her entire world had imploded. That she was a scattered mess trying to become whole. “It was easier than you and every single one of my tutors knowing that I haven’t applied for placements.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“I …” She paused and bit the inside of her cheek, deciding to be somewhat honest. “I got distracted this semester.”

“I thought as much,” her tutor said as he pulled his hand from his pocket. “I pulled a few strings. My old mentor was intrigued when I told him about you. He was able to move things around and is willing to interview you for a placement at his firm.”

Josie’s jaw dropped. “What? Why would you do that?”

Jason’s lips curved into a smile. “Because you’re the only student who hasn’t begged to get an interview with him through me.” Then he handed her a card. “And because I truly believe you deserve a placement with the best.”

Glancing down at the card, her lungs ceased to intake breaths as her heart shrivelled up. “Gordon … Sheridan?”

“You honestly didn’t know that Gordon Sheridan was my mentor?” He sounded pleasantly amused.

“No,” she answered breathlessly. “I can’t—”

“My top student deserves an interview at the number one law firm in the state. I don’t expect to see you in class tomorrow, Josie. If I see you, I will fail you for your lack of class participation. Your average will slip, and I know how hard you’ve worked for it to be where it is. You deserve this interview.”

“But … but …”

He shook his head with a smirk on his face. “I choose one student each year. And this year, I choose you.”

He chose me.

Someone chose me.

Her eyes stung.

She was completely shocked and moved by Jason’s gesture.

“Thank you, Jason,” she said in a small voice, thankful for this one lifeline.

“Just ace the interview, Josie.” He nodded and then left her.

Josie’s eyes fell to the card.

Gordon Sheridan.

Out of all the firms in the state, his firm was the one she had always dreamed of working at.

Too bad she had already fallen in love and slept with Gordon Sheridan’s son.

Too bad this dream wouldn’t be one she achieved.

But she would go to the interview.

For Jason.

It was almost two p.m. when Josie walked through the door and found her best friend sitting by her mother’s bedside.

“Hey,” Stella said, setting the newspaper down on the table.

Josie let out a breath and made her way to her mother. Upon reaching her, Josie ignored the respiratory tube in her mouth and kissed her unconscious mother’s forehead. “Hi, Mamma.” Then she pulled away and set her car keys on the bedside table. “How is she?” she asked Stella as she faced her.

Stella’s lips made a fine line. “Still the same.”

No better.

No worse.

The same.

Josie nodded. “Has Dr Frederickson been to visit?”

“Yeah, he came by after lunch. The nurse did some exercise thing with your mother. Stretched and bent her arms and knees. I asked why she was doing it, and she said it was to make her comfortable and to avoid bedsores.”

“Dr Frederickson did say they’d have to do that.” Josie made her way towards Stella’s chair and sat on the arm, staring at the machines that kept her mother breathing. “You don’t have to stay, Stella.”

Stella grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I know, but I will. I love Em, too, Josie.”

“I know you do.”

“So how was uni? Did you get your assignment in on time?”

Josie glanced down at her best friend, appreciating her conversation topic choices. “I did. Also …”

“Yeah?” Hope swirled in Stella’s green eyes. Josie knew what she wanted to hear, but any talk of reconciling with Max would not happen.

“My tutor convinced his old mentor to interview me for a placement.”

Excitement reached Stella’s eyes. “That’s great, Josie! I knew you would get an interview …” Her smile quickly faded. “What’s that face for? Why aren’t you excited?”

Josie pressed her lips together. She gave herself a second to collect all the scattered feelings in her chest she had for Max and placed them in a box that would remain closed. “His mentor is Gordon Sheridan.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she said in a tiny voice. “The interview is with Max’s father.”

They fell silent for a long moment.

The sound of her mother’s breathing and heartbeat filled the room.

Then, after some time, Stella said, “Josie …”

Josie took in her best friend’s nervous smile. “Yeah?”

“Max stopped by our apartment this morning asking to see you,” she revealed.

She pulled her hand away from Stella’s and got off the arm of the chair. A tightening sensation consumed her chest as she turned and faced her. “You didn’t …?”

“No. I wouldn’t dare. I told him never to stop by our apartment again.”

“Thanks,” she whispered appreciatively.

A sad smile touched Stella’s lips. She had closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them. “He leaves for Boston on Wednesday morning.”

Josie winced.

Wednesday.

She knew he was leaving.

But knowing the date caused the cracks in her heart to stretch and deepen.

She was in love with him.

No matter how much she tried to deny it, she knew the truth.

But she couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with the lies.

That he had chosen her.

That he wanted her.

That she was the love he always wanted.

It was all lies.

Brought to light when it all ended.

“Okay,” she whispered, not knowing what else she could say about Max’s impending departure.

Stella got out of the seat and set her hands on Josie’s shoulders. “He wants to see you before he goes,” she informed.

Josie succumbed to tears so quickly that she winced at the feel of them dragging themselves down her cheeks. She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“I know, Josie. But I think you might come to regret it someday.”

“Why?”

“If you don’t give yourself closure. You don’t get the goodbye he owes you.”

It was so hard for her to breathe.

The idea of seeing him made her heart soar and plummet to the ground.

Burning.

It hit concrete with an explosion.

He had caused her too much pain to deserve a goodbye.

He chose Andrea.

Josie swallowed hard at the thought, knowing her selfish choice. “I can’t see him and watch him fly off with her. I don’t deserve to see that, Stella. I deserve a lot of bad things, but I don’t deserve that. No matter what I’ve done in my life, I don’t deserve to have my heart witness that.”

Stella’s hands left her, and suddenly, her arms were around Josie as Stella pulled her into a tight embrace. “He told me you’re his La Vie En Rose,” Stella whispered, causing Josie to sob on her best friend’s shoulder.

And Maxwell Sheridan would always be hers.

Unfortunately, like with every song, it had an ending.

The final chords played.

The music faded to silence.

Josie’s finger on the repeat button on her heart had been lifted.

“La Vie en Rose” had played for the very last time.