It was just after five p.m. when Max returned to his apartment. Josie’s best friend, Stella, had sent him home. Visiting hours were almost over, and Stella had told him that it was best if he wasn’t there when Josie left with her father. He complied, only so he wouldn’t cause any trouble with Josie’s father.

“Max,” a familiar voice said as he pulled out his keys from his pocket.

Max almost stumbled over his own feet when he found his best friend, Nolan Parker, outside his apartment.

“Noel, hey,” he greeted once he reached him and began to unlock his apartment door. When he’d unlocked it, he pushed the door open and asked, “What’s up?”

His best friend had a serious expression on his face that had Max straightening his spine. Max had seen his best friend through his very worst and his very best, and this cold expression on Noel’s face was one he hadn’t seen before.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, come in. I can’t chat long, though. I have somewhere I’ve gotta be,” he explained as he led Noel inside, his best friend shutting the door behind them.

Then they walked further into the apartment until they reached the open-planned living area that consisted of the kitchen, dining room, and large lounge room that faced the glittering waters of the Yarra River.

Noel walked over to the large windows and stared out at the scenery. “I miss being back in Melbourne,” he admitted then spun around and faced Max. That cold expression simmered into one of understanding. “I know, Max.”

He flinched. “What?”

A smile tugged at his best friend’s lips. “I know you were attracted to Andrea.”

“H-How …” Max quickly shut his mouth. He had been careful after that kiss with her. He and Andrea had shared emails and messages, but they had never touched after that kiss.

“To be honest with you, I’m a little disappointed that you’re not in Boston right now.”

Max shook his head, confused. “How did you know?”

Noel’s brow arched. “That you were attracted to her, or that you kissed her while she was still my girlfriend?”

Fuck.

Max broke out in a cold sweat.

Noel knew the truth.

Noel knew everything.

“Relax,” his best friend ordered with a hint of humour in his voice. “It’s okay, Max. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

Noel shook his head as he glanced back at the view of the water. Then he returned his focus to him. “No. I’d be hypocrite if I were. I kissed Clara while I was with Andrea. I knew you were attracted to her the moment you met. But I didn’t do anything about it because I wanted to be with Clara. I wanted to be with the woman who is now my wife.”

“Who told you that we kissed?”

“It was actually one of the golf club workers in Scarsdale. Clara and I were visiting Alex and Keira. I dragged Clara out to the golf course so I could teach her how to swing a club. One of the cart drivers congratulated me on letting my ‘cheating’ girlfriend go and marrying someone a lot better. I was confused. I was sure he had me confused with someone else. But then he told me what he saw … and that’s how I found out.”

“Noel, I’m—”

“Don’t apologise, Max,” he insisted.

“But why?”

Noel let out a chuckle. “’Cause I’m not mad. Not when I found out and not now. Max, I’m married to the love of my life. Andrea is a wonderful woman, but she wasn’t who I wanted to be with. When I found out you could have something real with her, I was honestly happy. So when my boss said that Andrea was getting a promotion and would need help, I offered your name.”

“You wanted me to go to Boston in hopes that … we’d get together?”

“Yeah. I realised now that I shouldn’t have done that because you’re here and she’s there. Which only means you didn’t get on that plane because you have everything you want here.”

Max nodded. “I couldn’t get on that plane. I couldn’t go and be the friend you wanted me to be. I was going to Boston for you. So you could forgive me when I told you I kissed Andrea. That’s all. It was one kiss. Then she never replied to any of my messages and I moved on. I met someone who understood all the parts of me I’m ashamed of. She loved me, Noel. And when I told her I was going to Boston, I saw her love for me just die in her eyes.”

“You mean Josie?”

Air fled his lungs. “How’d you know it was Josephine?”

Noel smirked. “Julian has a big mouth. He didn’t mean to tell me. Clara’s shocked but is genuinely happy. She’s waiting until Josie tells her.”

“Well, she probably won’t tell Clara anything. She’s made it clear that she’s fallen out of love with me,” Max explained through his crippling pain.

“And you love her?”

Max swallowed hard and nodded. “Completely, wildly, and honestly love her, Noel… but I let her down. And when she needed me the most, I wasn’t there for her.”

Noel closed the distance between them and set his palm on Max’s shoulder. “Here’s the thing about love, Max …”

“Yeah?”

“When you’re in love with someone, you’re not immune from letting them down. Sometimes, you rush your decisions and actions because you think it’s what’s best for them. And sometimes one mistake can topple over everything you’ve put into building that love. But when you find someone who loves you the way you love them, you’ll find ways to make sure you make up for every little thing that has gone against you. And the only way you can do that is to be there for them and make sure they know you love them. Because if she doesn’t know how much you love her, know what you’re willing to do for her, then you’re letting yourself down, too.”

“Marriage has made you wise,” Max pointed out.

Noel let out a small laugh. “No. Learning from my mistakes is what made me wise. Everything I learnt from marriage has only made me a happier man. That’s why I could never be mad at you, Max. And I spoke to Rob; you already had my forgiveness even before you turned around and walked away from that plane. You went after your happiness.”

“Thank you,” he said appreciatively. “All I have ever wanted was for you to forgive me. Now I just have to get Alex’s and tell him about Sarah.”

His best friend dropped his hand from Max’s shoulder. “Trust me, Max. I can honestly say that you have never needed to get any forgiveness from Alex. He chose you when Sarah demanded he make a choice.”

“He chose me?”

“You’re his best friend. And him choosing you meant he was on track for a better life when he left for California. Then he moved to New York and met the love of his life. Seriously, if he had stayed with Sarah, he would have missed Keira and Will.” Then that smile of his faded. “And who knows, I might not have ever fallen in love with Clara. So stop feeling guilty, Max. I’m just glad you finally found someone you love. And since my wife loves her, then I approve of her. I’m a big fan of Josie’s.”

Max had Noel’s forgiveness.

He wanted Alex’s.

And most importantly, he desperately needed Josie’s.

 

 

“Ich liebe dich, Angelika. Ich liebe dich auch, Heidi,” her father said with a smile before he hung up the phone and turned to face Josie. “Sorry about that, Josephine.”

Josie shook her head. It was strange and fascinating to hear her father speak such fluent German. He was actually fluent in five languages. It had been one of the reasons he studied international affairs. He never thought he’d get the role as an ambassador. And when he did, he was no longer her father, and years later, he became someone else’s.

“Don’t be. What did you say to them in German?”

Her father readjusted himself in his seat as if he were uncomfortable. Though he had been on edge since Stella and West left to return to the apartment, leaving Josie and her father alone. Jeff slipped his phone into his pocket. “I … uhh … told them I loved them in German.”

“Why do you look so uncomfortable right now?”

“I thought you’d be uncomfortable with me expressing—”

Josie let out a soft laugh. “No. They’re your daughters, Dad. You don’t have to hide the fact you love them. I was just curious as to what you said to them.”

Relief simmered in her father’s blue eyes. “I tell them ‘Ich liebe dich.’ I tell them I love them.”

“That’s nice,” she said honestly. “I’m glad you do.”

Her father reached over and grasped her hand that was resting on the arm of her seat. “I love you, too, Josephine. You might not be ready to tell me you love me, too, and that’s okay, but I am so proud of you. And I am so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this on your own. I loved your mother. So much. I still do. There are parts of me that Johanna will never have because I gave them to your mother and to you. I love my wife and daughters in Berlin, I do. But I also love you, Josephine, and I’ve missed fourteen years of your life making sure I didn’t miss all the years in Heidi and Angelika’s lives. I’ve neglected you and let it happen for far too long. Now you’re an adult, and I can never be part of the childhood you had without me.”

The enormity of his revelation saddened Josie. He had missed so much of her childhood and teenage years. Her mother wanted her to forgive him, and Josie now knew that it was so they could share the next years of their lives together.

But right now, Josie wasn’t ready to commit to a better relationship with her father. She wasn’t ready for potential disappointment. He had come through for her once. But once could be a fluke, a rarity, an anomaly.

“Josephine,” her father said in a soft voice.

“Yes, Dad?”

He squeezed her hand once. “Johanna told me she emailed you.”

Josie flinched, surprised that Johanna had. “She did?”

“She did,” he confirmed. “While I was packing some clothes before my flight. Is Max the man you spoke of in your email?”

She pulled her hand free from her father’s. Out of everything in her email, he focused on that? Not that she needed space from her absent father. Not that he had never invited her to meet her half-sisters. Not that she wanted to get to know his wife.

Max.

He got Max out of her email.

“He was that guy. But like a lot of people in my life, he left and disappointed me. He turned his back on my love and chose another,” she said, hating the crack in her voice.

“But he’s been here waiting all day for you,” her father pointed out.

Josie nodded. “He has. But that doesn’t change that he left in the first place. He broke up with me after I found out that Mamma was going to be put on life support.”

“Did he know?”

“No. He does now.”

Jeff sighed. “Josephine, give the man the benefit of the doubt. He didn’t know.”

“What?” she blurted out.

“He didn’t know.”

Josie got out of her chair, appalled her father had sided with Max.

He’s not wrong.

She groaned at the little voice in her head. Stupid rationality was back. Her father was right. Max didn’t know. But that didn’t change anything. He still left. He still chose Andrea. He still used Josie’s love against her.

“And if I had told him, he would have stayed for all the wrong reasons. He still went to the airport to leave the country with another woman. He decided to leave, Dad. You have no idea because you were Max! You decided for yourself without taking into account anyone else. Of course, you’d side with him.”

“I’m not siding with him, Josephine.”

She instantly felt awful for saying that her father was Max.

No way was Max even remotely close to her father.

Maxwell Sheridan was more of a man than Jeff Faulkner would ever be.

A man who had wronged her just once and was trying to make amends for it. Her shoulders sagged at the thought. But maybe once was enough. Maybe once was enough to warrant forgetting him.

Then Josie’s eyes locked with her father’s.

Jeff Faulkner had wronged her more than once, and here she was, willing to accept him in her life. But not without the answers he’d deprived her of for years.

“What did I do?” Josie asked her father with a sob.

His brows furrowed as he shook his head. “I don’t—”

“You left me! You were my father, and you left me. You didn’t even tell me. You couldn’t even have a talk with me. You didn’t even try to make me understand. One minute, I’m your daughter. The next, you go away to live in Germany. What did I do? Why did you stop loving me? Why did I grow up without you? Was I not enough for you? Was I a disappointment to you the way you are a disappointment to me? I was a little girl who loved her father, and he walked away. You let me hate you! Why did you let me hate you?”

“Josephine,” he said in a tight voice.

“What did I do? What could I have done to make you love me?”

Tears glazed over his eyes as he shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault,” he tried to assure. “It was mine. It was my fault. You are more than enough. You are an incredible daughter. I shouldn’t have left you. I didn’t think you’d understand. You were eight. You … I should have … There are no excuses for what I did to you. Disappointing you, leaving you is a regret I live with every day. I didn’t get to see you grow up. I never stopped loving you, Josephine. And I should have told you and made more of an effort, so you wouldn’t have so much hate in you.” He cupped her face and brushed her tears away. “I let you down, Josephine. It was me. I had a daughter who grew up without me, and all I ever gave her was disappointment after disappointment.”

Her tears continued. It was everything she had ever wanted to hear, but it all felt too late. As she grew up, every disappointment he inflicted on her shaped her. Josie parted her lips, but nothing came out.

Her father’s hands moved away from her face. “I’m sorry, Josephine. I will never stop being sorry for what I’ve done to you. To your mother. I’m so sorry.”

And then he hugged her.

Josie remained motionless as she let him sob on her shoulder.

Her father was sorry.

And Josie got some answers.

But it still felt too late.

It didn’t feel deserved.

And she knew why.

Her mother wasn’t there to witness this historic moment between Josie and her father.

And that was bittersweet.

“Forgiving someone is so hard,” she whispered to her mother.

The ventilator answered her first before her mother’s heartbeat.

“Dad had to go to the embassy. I’m actually kind of glad he went. It was becoming too much. He apologised, but I’m still angry and hurt, and I hate how I feel. I didn’t forgive him. I just shut down as he continued to tell me how sorry he was.” Josie sobbed as those warm familiar tears streamed down her cheeks.

She imagined what her mother would say at that moment. Your father is trying.

“Yeah,” she agreed with a sniffle. “He’s trying.”

Then her mother would probably say, You should let him try harder.

And that had her rolling her eyes. Even the imaginary thoughts she had were all her mother. But they were just her imagination. Right now, her mother’s eyes remained closed as machines kept her alive.

Kept her breathing.

Kept her with Josie for a while longer.

She glanced over and took in the pink roses Max got. Stella had a nurse find another vase, and Josie had put them in water and set them right next to her mother. She knew Emily would love them. No doubt her heart would melt, and she’d whisper how right she thought Max was for Josie.

“Max got you flowers,” she stated with such longing it pained her. “There’s so much I want to say to him. I want to tell him I hate him for hurting me. I want to thank him for loving me when he did. I want to tell him that I love him without there being repercussions.” Josie took a deep breath, ready to confess her fears to her mother. “I want to tell him I’m done hoping for guarantees because life has none. And he might hurt me again, but I could hurt him. Others could hurt us. Disappointment is a part of life, and if I’m going to live it, I have to accept that they’re a constant concept—”

A knock on the door had her halting her sentence and glancing over her shoulder to find Dr Frederickson entering the room. She gave the doctor a small smile as she released her mother’s hand and turned her body to face him.

“Good evening, Josie,” he said as he stood at the foot of her mother’s bed.

“Evenin’, Doc,” Josie greeted. The clipboard he held caught her attention and dread rolled through her.

“How are you?”

“All right,” she replied, eyes remaining on the clipboard. “Dr Frederickson, you’re holding a clipboard, and you’re normally almost finished for the day.”

Her eyes met the doctor’s, and she saw the sorrow in them.

Josie felt her heart suddenly dip. “You have them, don’t you?”

He nodded. Then he lifted the clip and removed a stack of papers. “It’s the legal form for your mother’s withdrawal of life support.”

She took a step forward and grasped the papers from him. Josie glanced down at the form, but her vision was a blur of tears and printed words. She held back the sob in her chest. Just today, she thought of plans to defer her degree so she could spend her time by her mother’s side.

But the form in her hands was proof that Josie didn’t have months with her mother.

She didn’t have weeks.

She had days.

“Dr Frederickson,” she said in a painful whisper.

“Yes, Josie?”

“I’m so scared.” She lifted her eyes off the paper and focused on the doctor. The sympathy on his face only hurt her more. “I’m so scared to do this.”

“It’s okay to be scared,” he consoled.

Josie shook her head, letting her tears fall. “I’m so scared I will never forgive myself for killing my mother.”

Pain flashed on the doctor’s face. His arms were quickly around her, and Josie sobbed into his chest. “You’re not killing your mother, Josie. It’s not an easy decision to make. You’ll be ending her suffering.” Then he pulled back and offered her a smile full of support and empathy. “Take a few days to carefully read over the form. Then when you’re sure of your decision, sign it or don’t sign it. It’s your call, Josie. If you need me to clarify anything on that form, please find me.”

“Thank you,” she said as her fingers tightened their hold on the paper that would end her mother’s life.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Josie.” He bid her farewell before he left the room.

Josie blinked back her tears as she glanced back down at the legal form. She flipped through the pages, and she couldn’t even comprehend the words that formed sentences and the sentences that formed paragraphs.

It didn’t make sense to her.

It seemed ceasing her mother’s suffering was a legal headache.

But as the doctor had said, it was a decision she couldn’t take lightly.

She had to know what she was signing.

What she would put her mother through.

What she would have to live through.

Swallowing hard, she knew who she had to turn to in order to ensure that her conscience would be free of any negligence. Her feet had understood her intentions as they took her to the door. She had inhaled deeply, grasped the door, and yanked it open.

She froze when an empty hallway greeted her.

Max was gone.

She looked right.

Then left.

Not one single person was in the hallway.

Spinning around, she rushed back into her mother’s room and picked up her handbag from the floor. She rummaged through it until she found her phone in the bottom of her bag. Unlocking her phone, she realised that she had left it on “Do Not Disturb” mode and wasn’t alerted to any of the calls or text messages she had received. The pain and anxiousness she felt when she discovered that Max was gone was eased when she saw his message.

 

Max: Visiting hours were over so I had to leave. I’m a call away if you need me. I love you, Josie. I love you. I love you. I love you. Even if you don’t believe me, I’ll still love you.

 

Remorse filled her.

She had thought the very worst when she stepped into that hallway.

She thought he had left her and taken away his support.

But that one text was all she needed as she exited her messages and called the one person she knew would help her right now.

The phone rang three times then it was answered.

“Hey, Josie!” Ally greeted.

“Ally, I’m sorry to call, but this is important. I need to know Max’s address.”

Her boss was silent for a moment. Then she asked, “You know he loves you, right?”

“I do.”

“And you love him?”

“Very much,” she confirmed. “But right now, this call isn’t about me and him. It’s important I see him.”

“I know Max did a horrible thing by leaving, but some people have done far worse. And unlike them, Max came back for you. I know you’ll both figure it out,” Ally said.

Josie ignored the hope in her chest at Ally’s belief.

“Robbie, where does Max live?”

Josie could hear Rob’s voice in the background, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying.

“Josie?”

“Yeah?”

“Max lives on the thirty-third floor of the Maverick’s Tower on Lorimer Street on the Docklands,” Ally informed.

Josie nodded and clutched the legal form tighter. “Thanks, Ally. I really appreciate it.” She said goodbye and hung up the phone.