“Do you think they’ll let you on the plane if you get pissed?” Julian Moors asked as he glanced back and forth between the two pints of Guinness in his hands.

Max peeked up from his phone to see the big grin on his best friend’s face as Noel Parker chuckled next to him. “I’ll just have one drink, Julian.”

“Oh?” Julian sat down at the table and blinked at him. “Do you think one of these are for you?”

“Julian, give Max his pint,” Julian’s older brother, Rob, said as he sat down at their table.

Julian grumbled as he slid the pint over. “Fine. Here, Max.”

Reaching over, Max picked up the Guinness and set it close to him. “Thanks. What’s taking the others so long?”

Rob glanced over his shoulder for a moment before he returned his gaze to Max. “Guess the girls are staying at the bar.”

Max craned his neck to find Noel with a smile on his face. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Noel said with a nod. Then he lifted his beeping phone. “It’s Alex. He expects to see you as soon as possible.”

“Definitely. When are you and Clara going back to Boston?”

Noel set down his phone. “End of next week. Clara wants to catch up with everyone.”

Just before Max could ask him when he would be starting work, Clara called out, “Noel!”

Max glanced over at the bar to find Noel’s wife waving her husband over. She had that soft, loving expression on her face, and Max turned to find Noel smiling and getting up from his seat.

“I’ll be back,” Noel had said, abandoning his drink and leaving the table before anyone could comment.

“You both going to follow?” Max asked with a teasing tone to his voice.

“Allison will call me over if she needs me,” Rob commented as he picked up his pint and sipped some of the amber-coloured beverage.

“And you?” he asked the youngest Moors brother.

Julian grinned. “Stephanie wants space after I tricked her into going to the doggie marathon on Sunday.”

Max chuckled. “So did you find a breed you like?”

“Nah. I couldn’t decide. They were all just running past, and I couldn’t decide which I wanted more.”

“Do you want a big dog or a small dog?” Rob asked.

“A small one,” Julian answered.

Max tuned the Moors brothers out as he returned his focus to his phone. Unlocking it, he glanced at his messages and was disappointed to find that Josie still hadn’t replied. He was scared she wouldn’t come to the airport. He’d have to head over to security soon and make his way to his departure gate.

“She could still show up, you know,” Julian said with a hopeful tone to his voice.

Sighing, Max set his phone down and attempted a smile. He appreciated the fact that his best friend had lied to try to make him feel better. There was no chance Josie would show up at the airport. She hadn’t replied to any of his messages and hadn’t answered any of his calls. It was stupid for him to believe she would even want to say goodbye to him.

When he told her that she was his La Vie En Rose, she had slapped him.

And hard, too.

She didn’t believe him.

But Max had given her every right to doubt him.

Josie gave him the chance at closure with Andrea with the belief that he’d return to her, but he didn’t. He let Andrea and his guilt win.

He hurt the one person he loved the most in the world.

“I doubt it,” Max said to Julian.

“Max,” Rob said, getting his attention. The rowing world champion frowned at him. “You know you don’t have to go to Boston. You can stay.”

“I have to go and make up for what I did to Noel and Alex. This is my chance to get them to forgive me.”

Rob shook his head. “They don’t care about that anymore. Max, they want you to be as happy as they are. And seeing you with Josie at my engagement party, you were happy. I did some stupid stuff to Allison before we got together. And take it from me, what you’re doing isn’t the right thing.”

“Yeah,” Julian agreed. “Message Andrea and tell her that you can’t work for G&MC. By the time she lands in Sydney for her stopover, she’ll read it. She’ll understand, Max. She knows you don’t love her and that what you both had was lust. What you have with Josie is honest and real. And you found that on your own. You found her on your own.”

Max inhaled sharply.

Julian was right.

His love for Josie, he had found that and her on his own.

He had discovered the beauty of it himself.

But Max had been the one to screw it up.

He had hurt Josie, and she had undoubtedly taken her love back.

“Josephine hasn’t spoken to me in almost four days. I’ve called, and I’ve messaged, but she won’t answer me. I get why she won’t. I hurt her the way I have never hurt another woman before. I made her hate me. I just have to accept that I lost her, and it was my own damn fault,” Max said remorsefully.

“You should tell Noel that you can’t go because you love Josie and want to be with her. He’d be happy you found someone who loves you,” Rob added.

“You didn’t see the way she looked at me …” Max said as the memory flashed before him and that sickly feeling in his stomach returned. “She looked at me as if I broke her heart, and I did. I never thought someone would love me the way she did, and I was selfish enough to destroy it.” Max picked up his pint and held it in the air. “So to new adventures in Boston. Hopefully, I can come back a better man.”

Rob and Julian didn’t join his toast. Instead, they stared at each other in a silent exchange. Max decided to let the brothers converse with their stares as he sculled back the Guinness, hoping it would dull some of his pain.

Envy consumed Max as he watched three of his best friends wrapped up with their spouses. They all appeared carefree and happy.

They were free of longing when they had what they always wanted.

They had love.

Max had love, but he’d been stupid enough to let it go for redemption.

But as he sat with his mental lonesome, he was happy to see his best friends so content with their lives.

Married and engaged.

Max had hoped for that someday.

That day would never come.

After Josie, there was no one else.

For so long, he thought his future was with Sarah.

But she lied and became obsessed with ruining the lives of so many he loved.

Then he met Andrea, and thought she could be it.

But Julian was right.

Max lusted after Andrea—he knew that after experiencing what pure love felt like with Josephine Faulkner.

Pressing the home button on his phone, Max saw that he had an hour until his flight boarded. He would have to go through security and find his gate soon. Not wanting to be the last person to board, he cleared his throat and stood from his chair.

“I’d better get going,” he announced as he reached down and pulled up the handle of his carry-on suitcase.

“We’ll walk you,” Clara said.

Max shook his head. “Nah. I can make it to security on my own.”

“Are you sure?” Ally asked.

He chuckled. “I’m sure, Ally. You guys stay and finish your drinks. No need to break up the fun. Make sure you send me a video of Julian attempting to row.”

Julian’s nose crinkled at Max. “And I thought you loved me unconditionally, Maxwell. You know, I could be good at rowing, too. I might be even better than Rob, but I chose not to overshadow him because he needed a hobby in life.”

Stevie rolled her eyes. “Oh, suuure. Says the guy who couldn’t out hula-hoop our neighbour’s six-year-old.”

“I’ve been practising!” Julian revealed, and Max shook his head with a chuckle.

“I’ll see you all when I return.”

“And when is that?” Rob asked.

Max shrugged and then picked up his phone, passport, and boarding pass. “When the job’s done. All right, I’d better go.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you to security?” Clara asked once more.

“I’m sure,” he confirmed and then all his friends got out of their chairs.

One by one, they embraced him and wished him well.

When he hugged Julian, the youngest Moors brother had whispered that Orchid would miss him and he’d be sure to send pictures so he wouldn’t get lonely. Whereas Rob, the rowing world champ, said he’d keep an eye on Josie when he stopped by to pick up Ally from the bakery. Max had thanked Rob and appreciated him doing that for him. The moment he had finished hugging Noel, his best friend had told him that he was grateful to him for helping out in Boston and that he’d see him at work soon. It didn’t feel right hearing that Max would be in the States working with Noel, but he pushed away the doubt and nodded.

He had quickly hugged Clara, Stevie, and Ally before he waved goodbye and wheeled his small suitcase away from their table and out of PJ O’Brien’s Irish pub at Melbourne Airport. The walk to security had taken several minutes as he weaved through the groups of people lined up at McDonald’s and the surrounding cafés. His phone vibrated in his hand, and he somehow juggled everything to unlock it and read his latest message.

 

Dad: Be safe in Boston, Maxwell. Your mother and I will miss you. Come home soon.

 

Although Max appreciated his father’s message, it wasn’t the message he had hoped for.

Using one hand, he managed to type a reply.

 

Max: Thanks, Dad. I’ll message you both when I get there. I will FaceTime when I can. I love you both. Tell Katie that I’ll see her when I get home and that I hope she isn’t mad at me forever. I promise my stay is only temporary.

 

When Max reached security, he spun around and took in the terminal. He saw so many faces, but none he prayed he’d see.

Max stood there. He had a few minutes to spare before he had to go through security.

So he waited.

And waited.

Five minutes passed.

Then ten.

And he knew he couldn’t wait anymore.

Any longer and he’d miss his flight.

Heartbroken, he spun around, pulled the handle of his suitcase, and headed towards security. When he had almost made it to the guard, Max lifted the hand that held his passport and boarding pass, ready to hand them over.

Then he heard it.

Heard her.

“Max!”

For a split second, his entire body halted at the sound of his name on her lips. His heart soared in his chest, and his lungs finally took in that first breath of fresh air since he walked away from her outside her apartment. Max slowly spun around, afraid to discover he might have imagined her voice calling out for him. When he completed his turn, that air in his lungs was pushed right out at the sight of her.

Josephine Faulkner stood before him with flushed cheeks and glassy blue eyes. Her long brunette hair spiralled perfectly down her chest. She wore tight blue skinny jeans and a long-sleeve white top. But what got his attention was the heartbreak in her eyes, and that small smile on her face was one he knew she forced.

Max wanted to drop his things and run to her.

Hug her and promise he’d come back and never hurt her again.

But the way Josie stared at him, he knew he had to wait for her.

So Max took several steps, dragging his suitcase with him as he closed the distance between them.

“Josephine,” he breathed.

It sounded so right to him.

Her name.

The way his heart clenched at the sight of her.

She was so right for him.

“You’re here.”

She nodded. “I am.”

She sounded so broken that it ripped his heart out of his chest.

It was so painful not to see that sparkle and love in her eyes directed towards him.

“Josephine, I’m—”

The shaking of her head had him shutting his mouth. Then she inhaled a shallow breath and said, “You said everything you needed to on Sunday. You told Stella to let me know you were leaving today. I was gonna let you go …”

No.

She clenched her eyes tightly closed for a moment. When she opened them, he saw her agony clear in those once bright blues. “I told her I couldn’t watch you leave. Because then everything I thought you were would be a complete lie. I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t let me down, but I was wrong—” Josie paused to wipe the tears that had fallen down her face away. Her lips pressed into a strained smile. “I was so wrong about you. So I was gonna let you go and forget you because I deserve so much more than what you gave me.”

“Josephine,” he whispered as he reached out and cupped her wet cheek. He had expected her to pull away, but she didn’t.

She let him touch her.

“You gave me every opportunity to fall in love with you,” she said in a small voice. “And I did.”

“I love you,” he confessed.

And she nodded. “I know, and that’s why I have to say goodbye.”

He shook his head. “No, Josephine. We don’t have to say goodbye.”

She let out a short laugh. “We do, Max. Because some people don’t get goodbye. And I will have a lot of regrets in my life, but I can’t let never saying goodbye to you be one of them.” Josie reached up, wrapped her fingers around his wrist, and pulled his palm from her cheek. She glanced down at his hand and pressed her lips tightly together.

“Please don’t do this, Josephine,” he pleaded.

“You were never mine to have, Max,” she said, lifting her chin to look at him. “You were never mine to keep. Your fingers were never mine to feel caressing my skin. Your lips were never mine to touch. And your heart, Max … your heart was never mine to love.” The sight of the tears in her eyes was torture, absolute torture to be on the receiving end of. Then she removed her hand from his wrist and cupped his face.

“I love you. Please believe me.”

Josie got on her toes and pressed her lips to his left cheek. When she pulled away, her sweet lips made a small, tight smile. “You deserve the love you’ve always wanted.”

You.

I want you.

Then she pulled away and took a step back. “Goodbye, Maxwell Sheridan. Thank you for being the better thing in my life for as long as you were. I hope Boston has your Lorelai Gilmore waiting for you.”

And before he was even able to tell her that he would return to her, Josie spun around and quickly put space between them until he lost her in a crowd of people.

She had left.

She had given him a goodbye.

A goodbye he thoroughly deserved.

A goodbye that wouldn’t be one of her regrets.

But as he stood outside airport security, he felt the regret simmer in his chest, and his eyes stung at the sight of her gone.

After Max passed through security and made his way through Melbourne Airport’s duty-free shopping, he arrived at his gate. He had found a free seat by the large windows that overlooked the plane he’d soon be boarding. Normally, this would be the time he would unwind.

But as he sat at the departure gate, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t find peace in him.

Max only found regret as it licked his wounds and stung him.

It was as if he couldn’t breathe.

Setting his passport and boarding pass on his lap, Max grasped his phone and unlocked it. He ignored his missed calls and messages and opened his photo album—needing their memories to comfort him.

Then it sunk in.

He didn’t have photos of him and Josie together.

She had them.

Those photos they had taken together at the Australian Ballet rehearsal were all on her phone.

She had proof of their love.

Nothing.

I have nothing.

Max clenched his jaw at the thought.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget the way she looked at him outside security.

Couldn’t forget the way her tears burned his chest.

Couldn’t forget that mix of hate, betrayal, and love in her once bright blues.

“You deserve the love you’ve always wanted.”

That was what she said before she told him goodbye.

The love I’ve always wanted.

The love I’ve never deserved.

Not after he tore out her heart and said he had to leave with another.

The love he wanted was Josie’s.

He wanted her.

No one else.

It had been no one else from the moment he stood on that bridge with her.

It was always her from the moment she asked him if he was okay.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Qantas flight ninety-three in partnership with American Airlines to Boston, Massachusetts, will be ready to board in a few moments,” the lady behind the Qantas counter paged, but Max ignored the rest of the announcement.

Instead, he opened the messages on his phone and scrolled to the ones before Andrea had walked back into his life.

The messages where Josie had texted him her I love yous.

Suddenly, all he could think about was Josie outside security.

She came to the airport for him.

His last request, she gave.

And he saw and felt her love and pain.

“I hope Boston has your Lorelai Gilmore waiting for you.”

His heart stopped as realisation flowed through his veins.

He had been so stupid.

I don’t want Lorelai Gilmore when I had Josephine Faulkner.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Qantas flight ninety-three to Boston, Massachusetts, is now ready for boarding. Please have your passports open and your boarding passes ready,” the attendant paged.

Max collected his passport and boarding pass from his lap and stood. He grasped the handle of his carry-on, tilted it, and then pulled on it as he made his way towards the business class boarding line.

 

 

Josie leant against the wall opposite to her mother’s ICU room. She hadn’t moved from against the wall in the twenty minutes since she arrived at the hospital. When she left Max at the airport, she rushed out of the terminal and hailed the closest taxi, returning to the Royal Melbourne Hospital.

During that taxi ride back into the city, she cried, and the taxi driver had asked if she was okay. Josie had nodded as she wiped her tears away. She was sure he must have thought she was crazy, but she couldn’t help it. Josie had planned to be tough and strong and show Max that she didn’t need him. But seeing him, waiting and looking for her, had her calling out his name. For a single moment, she had thought about turning around and going back to the hospital, but seeing him search for her was all it took to coerce her heart.

Josie couldn’t let him leave without a goodbye.

She was so close to breaking and telling him that she loved him.

But he didn’t deserve those words.

And she didn’t deserve him obliterating her hopes further along the line. So she said goodbye and wished him well.

Inside, she was breaking.

Inside, she screamed for him to see sense and choose her.

That Andrea or any other woman couldn’t love him as honestly as she did.

Sighing, Josie knew her wallowing had to end.

Max was gone.

He was on a plane en route to Boston to be with Andrea.

And Josie, well, she had enough on her plate to forget him.

Pushing off the wall, Josie took two steps until she was face to face with the door that led to her mother. She gulped down air, set her hand on the handle, and then twisted it. She slowly pushed the door open to find Stella sitting on the chair, staring at Josie’s mother.

“Hey,” Stella whispered and stood from the chair.

Josie entered the room and closed the door behind her. When she faced her best friend, Stella blinked several times as her smile faded. Then she crossed the room and wrapped her arms tightly around Josie.

“I’m sorry, Josie.”

“It’s okay,” she lied.

It wasn’t okay.

But she would find a way to cope and make it okay.

Maybe not today.

But someday.

Josie untangled her arms from around Stella and smiled at her. Although, she hated knowing that she and Max were over before they had even begun, she got closure. She had the goodbye she would be stripped of from her mother.

“Stella, is it okay if you could give me a minute alone with my mother?”

Her best friend nodded. “Of course. I’ve gotta call West back.”

“Thanks,” Josie said. Stella left the room and closed the door, leaving her alone with her mother.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Five small steps were all it took for Josie to reach her mother’s bed. Josie set her hands on her mother’s. She squeezed them in hopes that her mother knew she wasn’t alone. That even though she was on life support, Josie still loved her and would always love her.

Josie’s eyes scanned the various machines that breathed for her mother. Four days ago, her mother had been admitted, and she hadn’t gotten any better. Her mother’s cancer was terminal. Her lungs had collapsed, and Dr Frederickson had told her yesterday that more of her organs would shut down as the cancer continued to spread.

She knew her mother was weak.

She had fought for so long and so hard.

Closing her eyes, she knew the choice she had to make. It would be selfish of Josie to keep her on life support in hopes of her mother waking and telling her she loved her one last time.

It was about what was best for Emily Faulkner.

And as Josie opened her eyes, she knew exactly what her mother needed.

“I said goodbye to Max earlier,” she said as her thumb brushed across her mother’s cold skin. “It hurt. I didn’t think I could love someone like I love him. Truth be told, Mamma, I didn’t ever want to know what this felt like. The first man I ever loved, and it ended just like that. Because I knew I wouldn’t be enough to make him stay. Just like I wasn’t the daughter Dad always needed. And just like I wish I was the strong woman you always believed me to be.”

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

It was all Josie got in return.

And she knew that it was all she would ever get.

“But I was strong enough to face him and say goodbye. And I can move on with my life without regrets because I know that later in life I’ll always wonder why I didn’t tell him goodbye. Why I let my pride block my heart from closure. But I did it. I got the goodbye I never wanted.” Josie couldn’t hold back the tears she cried. It only upset her further that she couldn’t stop them. “And you, Mamma, deserve the best goodbye.”

Removing one hand from her mother’s, Josie reached behind her and pulled her phone out from her back pocket.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Her mother’s heartbeat filled the room as Josie unlocked her phone. Her pride would not win. Her disappointment would not flourish and stop her. Her heart’s pain would not dictate a change of mind.

Because it wasn’t about Josie.

It was about her mother.

And the desire to give her mother everything she ever deserved fuelled the courage as she opened her contacts and scrolled through until she found his name.

Ambassador for abandonment.

Josie stared at his name for a long moment, then peeked up at her mother.

Her mother deserved a goodbye from her ex-husband.

Josie pressed the call button, exhaled heavily, and ignored her thumping heart as she held her phone to her ear. She heard the international dial tone before the regular rings echoed.

She wouldn’t hold her breath.

She knew her call would either be ignored or picked up by her father’s assistant. He never picked up any of her other calls.

Josie stared at her mother as the phone continued to ring. She knew it was about four in the morning in Berlin, and her chances of him answering were slim. But this time, she’d leave her father a message and hope that for once he’d put her before his career and his family.

It would be the first and last time she’d beg him to come back to Melbourne.

If he didn’t, then she knew she wouldn’t just lose her mother, she would lose her father indefinitely.

Josie would never want contact with him ever again.

He would be dead to her.

And she would want nothing from him or his family.

Just as Josie was about to hang up, her call was answered with a groggy, “Hello?”

It was her father.

Josie was speechless.

Tears welled at the thought that this could be the breakthrough for their relationship.

“Josephine?” She heard the terror in Jeff Faulkner’s voice. “Josephine, are you there?”

Josie licked her lips as she blinked those tears away. “Dad?”

There was rustling of bed sheets and then footsteps. “Josephine, what’s wrong?”

“I’m-I’m …” she sobbed. Then Josie took in short breaths in hopes of extinguishing the heat in her chest.

“Sweetheart, talk to me,” he pleaded.

Sweetheart.

He hadn’t called her that since she was eight.

“Dad, I need you.”

“I’m right here,” he assured.

Josie pulled away from her mother and covered her eyes with her hand. “It’s … terminal … I don’t …” Her sobs became louder. “I need you here … P-please, Dad.”

Her father fell silent.

And then she heard him close a drawer loudly. “I’m taking the next flight out. I’ll be there soon, Josephine,” he promised.

And for the first time in fourteen years, Josie actually believed that her father would come through with a promise.