I wake up and he’s not near me, but his cologne and rich scent is all over his pillow and the bed sheets. I breathe in the air and open my eyes. Finally, I crawl out of bed and make my way into the kitchen. I find him sitting at the table, staring off into the distance. He quickly turns my way and snaps out of it.

“Brooding again?” I ask him. I squeeze each massive shoulder of his and there’s at least a million knots under that skin. “You’re—”

“Tense?” he asks me. He gives me a smile and nods. “Yeah, I had a nightmare. First one in a long time. Sorry for being a total weirdo about it.”

“You’re not a weirdo.” I kiss his head. “Okay, you’re kind of a weirdo. But still, you’re my weirdo. You can talk to me about these things, you know?”

He holds onto my arms and leans back to kiss me. “You’re too good for me,” he says. “It was only a dream. It’ll pass. I just needed to leave the room for a bit and gather my thoughts.”

“Your friend,” I whisper. “Was it about him?”

He nods and looks away. “Can’t get it out of my head. I can’t believe he’s gone,” he says.

Now is my time. Ask him. He’ll tell you. He has to tell you what happened. “Soren, I want to ask you something, but I don’t want you to get mad at me,” I say.

“You want to know what happened. Don’t you?” he asks me, sighing. “I know I can’t keep it from you forever. I just never knew how exactly to put it.”

I take my hands off his shoulders and sit down next to him. I touch his thighs and look him in the eye. “I’m scared of knowing,” I tell him. “But I want to know. I want to know that you’re not some drug dealer or something, or a killer. The whole thing just freaks me out. Why did your friend die and why’d you have to leave right after it happened? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Listen,” he says with intensity. “It wasn’t because of anything I did, okay?”

“Okay,” I reply. I patiently wait for him to reveal everything to me. The whole truth. Finally, I’m learning who exactly Soren Payne is and why he’s back here.

“I moved to Buffalo because Gabe stole my woman,” he says. I’m stunned.

“Woman? Who?” I ask him immediately. I have to admit, I feel kind of angry with him keeping that part from me. “For something that happened over twelve years ago, you seem to be pretty hung up on it.”

“Julia,” he says. “I can understand if you’re angry, but you need to let me ex—”

“Julia?! Your brother’s wife?” I stand up from my chair and turn red with anger and hurt. “Yeah, I’m a little angry, Soren. What the fuck?”

“It’s nothing to me anymore,” he says. “She means nothing. I held a grudge out of spite. I thought it was out of principle, but it wasn’t. I was wrong, okay? That’s not even a big part of the story, Emma.”

“Well, it’s big to me,” I tell him. “It’s pretty much a fucking deal breaker, to be honest. What is wrong with your family?”

He groans and places his face in his hand. He’s not getting any sympathy from me. This is bullshit. I can’t believe I ate dinner right next to her. Jesus.

“I knew you’d turn on me,” he says. “It didn’t take long. Did it?”

“That is not my fault, Soren. You know it. You held things from me,” I angrily spit the words out.

“I was trying to do the right thing here,” he says. “Now. Now that we’re together.”

I turn away from him and stare out the window. “I don’t know if we are together anymore,” I say.

He stands up, full of anger and dumb confusion. “What the hell do you mean you don’t know if we’re together or not? This was twelve years ago, Emma. I’m not in love with her. I was a fucking child,” he says.

“It’s just weird you didn’t—”

“I didn’t even know you then!” he screams. “You were just some beautiful girl I wanted to take out. I didn’t know you’d actually want to stay with me. What was I supposed to do? Give you my life story on day one?”

I sit back down and cool off for a second. “Tell me more,” I say. “Tell me everything that happened.”

“Will you be cool with me again? Because honestly, this is bullshit,” he says.

“I can’t give you any definite answers,” I tell him. “I feel weird about the Julia thing, but you’re right. I’ll get over it eventually and I do realize that it’s a brother thing. But I need to know, Soren. Are you involved in some bad shit?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” he says. “And if that makes you want to leave me, I’ll understand. But it’s not my fault. None of this is my fault.”

“Then explain it to me,” I tell him, though I’m scared shitless. So he is involved in some bad shit. This is exactly what I was afraid of.

“I met a family friend named Michael. We opened up a shop in Buffalo, in the rough area. We were dumb, naïve even. We thought it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. We were wrong,” he says. “Some guys called The Good Guys came in demanding parts and fixes. They said we owed it to them for being in their neighborhood without asking. What was I supposed to do? Say no? They kill people, Emma.”

“The Good Guys? They sound like idiots. They can’t even come up with a hard name,” I say.

“They’re a lot tougher than they sound,” he says in a low, deep voice. “They’re known for some really bad shit, Emma. Stuff I won’t go into. So, yeah, I gave them some deals and so did Michael. It was just what had to happen. Eventually, they knew they could take advantage. They wanted to buy in the company. We wouldn’t have it so they retaliated. They came in with guns blazing. I was lucky. I got out when they were searching the other garage. But I held my friend in my arms and I saw him pass right before my very eyes. I can’t shake it now. It haunts me.”

“So you came back home,” I whisper. “But now what?”

“Now, I wait. I hide and I sit tight. That was the plan, anyway,” he sighs. “Then I met you.”

“Will they… will they come here?” I ask him, body turning numb. I start to shake, but not out of fear. The shaking comes from my body not being able to handle what I’m hearing. Some people are after him and they want him dead. “Will they come after me too?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “All I can do is hope and try to protect everyone I hold dear.”

“You could fail, Soren. There are more of them than there are of you,” I say.

“I won’t fail you,” he says.

“How can you even say that?” I ask him. “How can you sit there and pretend that everything will be okay when you know damn well that it’s not okay? This is fucked, Soren! This is so hopelessly fucked.”

“You know, a month ago I would have said you were probably right,” he says. “But I’m not that man anymore. It used to be that everything I touched turned to shit. Not anymore. I’m making sure that only good things happen from here on out. Things may get hard, but I’m searching for stability. If they come, they’ll meet their maker.”

I just sit there, staring into the void. “I’m scared, Soren,” I say. It’s the only truth I know right now. “I’m really fucking scared now.”

He wraps his solid arms around me and holds me close to him. “I know you are,” he says. “But I promise I’ll protect you. You’re the purest, most good thing that’s ever come to me. I can’t let you down. The stakes are too high now.”

But even in the comforts of someone like him, I find myself still worrying.