“You want to know what’s happening next?” A man’s cold voice on the phone. It’s groggy and old. Tired, even. I don’t know why I’m calling him. This is dangerous and I’ve just escalated the level up to eleven.

“Just tell me one thing,” I say. “Why are you willing to help me?”

“You idiot,” he says, coughing. “I’m an old man. Can’t you hear my voice?”

“What does that have to do with helping me?” I ask him.

“I worked hard for what I wanted. All my goddamn life. I built a family business back in ’82. I started the place with my wife,” he says. “Then The Good Boys showed up. They demanded things. I wouldn’t have it. This was my shop, dammit. Not theirs. I’ll get to the point. They shot my wife. They killed her in front of me. Now, I’ve dedicated my life to hunting them down, one by one.”

“Why should I trust you? How do I know you’re not one of them?” I ask him.

“You have to have faith,” he says. “Meet me at this bar. I’m there every day. It’s where I map everything out. I’ll help you.” He hangs up the phone.

“Fuck,” I whisper.

I waste no time with waiting for the inevitable. My chance at honeymoon happiness has currently been put on hold, due to the looming threat of the worst gang ever to inhabit Buffalo. The whole thing is ridiculous. The notion that they’re going to come out, all the way from Buffalo, just to find me when they already have my shop is insane, but I still have to be on my guard. Plus, I want my fucking shop back and I swore an oath to myself that they’d pay for what they did to Michael.

I grit my teeth and stare into the forest. I imagine an unshakeable beast lurking behind the trees. It’s so fucking big that a tank couldn’t even take it down. But here I am, staring straight at it. I don’t have any fear left in my body. The only thing I feel is anger and indignation. And I have a desire for a real future, for once in my life. That desire will carry me further than anything. Emma will give me the confidence to face whoever comes in my way.

She’s scared, but I won’t let her down. That’s why I’m going back to Buffalo. That’s why I’m in a goddamn airplane with Gabe, landing right in the heart of the enemy. Yeah. Emma’s going to kill me.

* * *

“Emma’s going to kill you,” Gabe laughs as we make our way into town. All we have are the clothes on our back. All we need is our fists. At least, that’s what we’re hoping.

“No shit,” I laugh. “I left her a good enough note, I think.”

“I’m sure you did,” he laughs.

“What? Don’t believe me? I’m a changed man. I’m poetic now,” I laugh with him.

“Sure you are, buddy,” he says. “So, look, we shouldn’t waste any time here. We have to find them and go.”

“Sounds good to me,” I say. “Just one question. What are we going to do when we actually find him and he’s with them? Talk them into backing down? It doesn’t seem like too great a plan.”

“You know the blocks they hustle on, right? If the bar was there, which it isn’t,” he says. “Then we’d know. Anyway, I don’t think you’re right on this. I think this guy is telling the truth.”

“They’ll shove a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger until your lyin’ dead on the concrete,” I tell him.

“I’m not naïve,” he says. “Trust me. I’m a fighter. They’ll recognize me and back the fuck off.”

“Cocky prick,” I mutter under my breath.

“Yeah, well. I’m the cocky prick who’s going to help save your ass,” he says, putting his hand out. I give him some skin and smile.

“I’m thankful for you, brother,” I tell him. “You’re doing me a lot of good right now. I feel like my life is getting back on track. It’s like I can finally breathe easy.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” he says. “Just don’t get too calm and easy about things too fast. You gotta always be on your guard, kid.”

Lame. Is he trying to school me, now that we’re good again? “You may be my older brother, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to your lessons,” I say. He gives me a grimace and shrugs. “That being said, I’ll obviously stay on my guard. It feels fucking weird to be back here.”

“I bet. I can’t believe you came out here. Buffalo of all places. I guess it has its ups,” he says.

“Sure. Only, I never really saw any of those for too long,” I laugh. “You know me. Something always comes up right when things are going well.”

“Shit happens,” he sighs.

Yeah, shit happens. Sometimes your business gets overrun with working class thugs and sometimes your business partner and best friend gets killed right next to you. Sure, things happen, but not these kinds of things. Not to most people. Most people get into fender benders. They lose a mortgage maybe. That kind of shit.

“The Payne family bears a curse, but it’s time it comes undone,” I mutter.

“Whatever you say, man,” he laughs.

We grab a hotel for the night and say very little to each other. A twelve-pack later and we’re smiling in the comfort of our room. Memories. They always flood back in the weirdest ways.

“Hey, remember when we set up that boxing ring in Harry’s backyard?” Gabe laughs hysterically.

“Holy shit, I forgot about that!” I exclaim. “You nearly broke the guy’s arm!”

“Well, I wouldn’t have stepped on his wrist if he didn’t try cheap-shotting me in the balls,” he says. “That bastard was always looking for the easy way out.”

“Yeah, well guess what?” I ask him.

“What? Is it going to piss me off?” he asks.

“Probably,” I say, sipping on my sixth beer. We need to get more or we’re going to pass out too soon. I guess that’s sort of the point. Tomorrow is the day, after all. “Harry is Emma’s boss.”

“At the publishing firm?” he asks. I nod. “Shit, she’s fucked if she’s dating you, man. He hates our guts.”

“Yeah, but I never understood why. We were always good to him,” I say. “We were best friends. We hung out constantly.”

“Are you kidding? We tormented the guy. Remember when we stuck his head down the toilet for socking me in the arm? We were ruthless,” he says.

“Yeah, well, he deserved it. Didn’t he? You don’t sock my brother in the arm,” I say, raising a fist.

We both laugh, but it begins to die down. “Good times, man,” he says, rocking back in his chair.

After some silence and some more drinking, everything is sort of quiet in the room. Outside, you can hear the rumbling of car engines, some faint laughter, and every now and then a loud bang from the city. I used to love the sounds of this city. It quickly became my home. It’s funny how something so memorable and comforting can turn into something so unfamiliar and distant.

“So, is everything good with you and Julia?” I ask him.

He looks at me like I’m crazy for even asking. He makes a little motion with his neck and cracks it to each side. “They’re good,” he nods. “We wanted kids, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. Julia’s having a hard time with it.”

“I’m sorry, man,” I sigh. “That must be hard.”

“It’s fine. It’s life, anyway. Shit happens, right? Anyway, she’s taking it harder than I am. She’s always dreamt of having her own children and now she might not get any,” he says. “She kind of puts it all on me, which is fine. I’m strong enough. Eventually, though, things will right themselves. They always do.”

“You’ve always had a good philosophy,” I say.

“Yeah, well. What’re you going to do? Wallow in despair?” he laughs. Yes, actually. Some of us do that sometimes. “So, this Emma girl… you like her a lot?”

“Would I be in this city, risking my life and yours if I didn’t?” I ask him. “She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, to be honest.”

“So, you love her?” his eyebrows raise and I just want to slap his stupid face for asking the question.

“No,” I immediately say. “Well, I don’t know. Maybe. No. We’ll see.”

He laughs and sets his empty bottle down. “That’s a lot of answers, but I’m sure you’ll know eventually. You know pretty damn fast,” he says. “She’s a good one. That’s for sure. Whatever you do, stick by her as much as you can. Give her everything you can, even when you have nothing left to give. Always find a reason to hold on. Hear me?”

More lectures. Great. “I hear you,” I say.

“I think I’m going to hit the hay. You tired?” he asks.

“Yeah, a little,” I say. “But I think I’m going to stay up for a bit and gather my thoughts.”

“Alright then,” he nods. “Just stay safe and out of trouble. Be sure to rest soon. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. You’re going to need all the energy you can get.”

“Don’t worry,” I smile. “I’m good.”

“Goodnight, brother,” he says, crawling into bed. He turns off the lights.

“Night,” I reply.

I walk outside and pull out a cigarette that I have left over from Emma’s. I kneel down below my door handle and rest my head against the wood paneling. The yellow light hangs above my head like a halo, but I sure as fuck ain’t no angel. “Fuck,” I sigh and light my cigarette.

Nothing ever works out how you think it will. I have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. Whether we get killed or not is up in the air. Am I prepared? Hell yeah, I am. It’s the only thing I’ve been waiting to finish.

I close my eyes and feel the cool burn of the cigarette. Smoke comes billowing out of my nose. I think of her smile. She’s got the cutest cupid’s bow in the world. It’s that arch of the lip and it does me in every time. The slope of her nose, the curve of her thigh, the hop in her walk, and the pitch of her laughter. These are all the things I’m fighting for. And If I have to die for this to end, so be it. At least she wouldn’t get hurt. At least she’d be free of this bullshit.

I’m not dying without a fight. Hell no. Because I want to feel her kiss again. I want to feel her ass pressed against my face. I want her to back her ass up, against the crotch of my pants, and pump it with no hands necessary. I want to feel the smooth skin against me and I want to hear my balls smack her backside. Most of all, I want to cum with her as we hold each other, as close as we can be. I want to really feel it as we become one.

Emma. I’m coming home. Don’t you fucking worry.