When Susan leaves, it’s a fucking giant breath of fresh air. The door closes and I feel lighter than normal. “At least you and Lisa are hitting it off,” I say.

“Yeah, well, she’s easy. I really like her. She has so much happiness in her,” she says.

“I have no idea where she got it from.” I laugh.

“What’s up with Susan?” she asks. “What do you need to call her about?”

“Who the hell knows? She’s probably pissed off that I hired such a hot woman to work under me,” I say.

“I’ll work under you any time you ask me to.” She winks and walks toward me.

I smile and run my hand around her firm ass. “I like the sound of that,” I whisper.

She turns around and pushes her ass onto the zipper of my jeans. I’m hard, of course. I’m practically drooling. When she moves away, she smiles, taunting me. This is her go to move, I see.

“Don’t call her tonight,” she says. “Let’s just have another night to ourselves.”

“That sounds perfect,” I tell her.

She walks over to the couch in the living room. She takes off her jeans, and her shirt. She sits down on the couch delicately, and stretches her body over the leather. “I thought we could get a little comfortable,” she laughs.

“Make yourself at home,” I mutter.

I pull off my shirt, zip down my jeans, and fling off my boots. I fall onto the couch and accost her. I wrap my big arms around her. Judging by the way she holds me, she feels safe and true with me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think the same.

“What’s up with the building codes?” she asks me, while switching to Netflix on the TV.

“You really want to know?” I laugh.

She shrugs. “Not really, but a little bit.”

“I’m going to have to rebuild the whole garage. It’s a lot to think about right now,” I admit. “And we haven’t exactly had the greatest year so far. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to afford it.”

Emily looks at me with caring and understanding. She has an empathy most people lack, which is exactly why I like her so much. The hard truth is that I don’t know whether or not I can do this for much longer. I love being a carpenter. I love building things, learning, and watching something come from hard work. Yet, building cabinets and chairs isn’t doing it for me. It’s not fulfilling.

“That’s not all that’s wrong,” she says. “Talk to me.”

“I just feel bad putting it on you. It’s not your trouble,” I say.

“We’re together now, right? You have to let me in, Michael.”

“I’m just not sure where this is all going,” I admit. “Do I really want to keep a business with this woman?”

Emily holds silent and still. “What would you do?” she finally asks. “Fire all of us?”

“No, of course not. This isn’t something I have thought through. This is just me talking here,” I say. “I just really need to disconnect from her. I’m realizing it more and more every single day. I can’t keep her in my life like that. Plus, I want to do something meaningful. I want to help people in some way.”

She drags her nails across my chest. I shiver as shockwaves tickle through my body. “You’re so noble,” she says.

“No. Just selfish. I would get more out of that lifestyle choice than remaining where I am today. And I’m thinking that it’s good to jump into the dark every now and then,” I say.

She scrolls through the movies on the screen, without really paying attention to each click. “I’m making you too impulsive,” she says.

I grab the controller from her hands and kiss her. “What? Am I scaring you?” I ask.

“You’re talking about a huge change in your life, Michael. I just went through some pretty major changes. It’s not easy,” she says.

She knows exactly what I’m going to say back. I can feel it. “It’s not easy the other way around, either,” I say. She nods, knowingly.

“I know. Of course, I do,” she mutters back.

“And I think if we want to continue doing this, I’m going to have to really think things through. It’s just not smart for me to be beholden to her in any way. If she wants to try and take Lisa from me, she can.” I groan when I say that last bit because I know there is a real struggle there. “Lisa won’t have it. She just won’t. She likes visiting me. We have fun together. It just sucks that Susan’s dad is a lawyer.”

“Wait,” she stumbles on my words. “Back up for one second. Her dad is a what?”

“He’s a divorce lawyer. He’s one of the best in the state,” I say, groaning even louder. The whole situation is fucked.

“And you weren’t going to tell me this?” she asks, though she’s not too shocked at this point. At this point, she probably thinks I’m the biggest liar in the world. I have held truths back from her, but only to protect her and my family. Even if she does feel good so near to me, it doesn’t feel good to be left out of the loop on these things, and I know that. I just don’t know how to frame all of this shit.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I say. She stretches away from me and sits up against back of the couch. She covers those beautiful tits with her hands and looks away. “Oh, come on,” I groan.

“No, it’s kind of fucked up. I want to know the truth about everything, Michael. I want to know what really happened,” she says.

“You know what really happened. We got a fucking divorce. We had a baby way too early. Shit got all fucked up. Now, I’m here and we’re all intertwined in a web of mess. Look, all I want to do is get you and myself out of it. I want to start over,” I say.

“I’m not talking about all of that. I know you’ve been through a lot. We both have here. I can understand how you feel,” she says. “But I’m also going to need to know just how much shit I’m getting into with you.”

“Well,” I sigh and close my eyes tightly. I don’t bother to continue my thought. Instead, I straighten my back and breathe in, thinking deeply to myself. “See, this is why I never found anyone. I never wanted to get them involved.”

“You were going to have to face it eventually.” She shrugs.

“Her father is one of the richest men in the state. Steven Munchowski is a man who bears no sympathy, no empathy even. He will seek to destroy whoever gets in the way of his clients,” I say. “So, when we talk about Lisa being taken from me, it’s not as light as I make it out to be. He’s much worse than Susan.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” she says. “They can’t just take your daughter from you.”

“Yeah, well, there’s more to the story,” I admit.

“Michael…” She drops her head onto my chest and just listens. She’s too tired to fight, too tired to even react anymore. I am too. I just want this to work, somehow, but I’m not sure it’s even possible. It’s been tainted from the beginning. It’s all my fault, of course.

“I got crazy at the beginning of this thing. Well, maybe towards the middle I did too,” I say.

“What did you do, Michael? Did you hurt her?” I feel the knife twist in my stomach. My air becomes shallow. She tries to hold onto me, but I feel her letting go.

“No, I never touched her,” I say. It comes out quick and truthful, and I hope she has no doubts that I’m being sincere. “Everything I did, I did to myself. I’m not a violent person. I straightened up at the end, but I guess it was already too late…”

“I know you aren’t,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to figure everything out here.”

“I was a drunk,” I tell her.

My stomach returns to normal. It’s not a fun thing to admit, but it’s not the end of the world. “You were an alcoholic?” she asks.

“An insane alcoholic. I would drink constantly. During the pregnancy. After, even. Eventually, I stopped. It’s one of the reasons she called for the divorce,” I say. It’s a big weight that falls off my shoulders.

“I never knew. You drink now, though,” she says.

“The thing is, it wasn’t ever really how you’d imagine. Sometimes, when you’re going through so much pain and no one is willing to listen, you take to medicating yourself. Some people eat. Other people pop pills. I drank and Susan became tolerable again.”

“I mean, I can’t say that I don’t understand it. I just wish you told me. On paper, this is a big thing. It can look really bad for you, Michael,” she says.

“I know. Trust me. I do.” I say. “I knew it was going to drive us apart. I knew Susan would leave eventually because deep down, I wanted her to. I wanted her out of my life and I was a fucking coward. I couldn’t even tell my own wife that I wanted her gone. But how could I? I had a beautiful daughter. We were a family. I didn’t want to be a statistic. I wanted her to grow up happy and normal.”

“She is happy and normal,” she tells me. “Right now, I think she just needs her dad to be happy and normal. She knows Susan is a bit off.”

I raise my brow in confusion. “What do you mean? Did she say something?”

She turns tense, but she’s honest. “Yeah, she essentially said that she’s stressed out all of the time. She said she doesn’t like fun.” She almost laughs saying it, but she bites her tongue. Of course, I don’t. I burst out laughing.

“Well, there you go,” I say.

“Lisa takes after you, I guess,” she laughs.

But the laughter dies down and we’re both left looking at a blank TV screen. “I can’t stop wondering about Lisa. I wonder if she’s done her homework. I wonder if she’s watching TV right now, smiling to herself. I don’t know why I care about your kid, but I do. She’s so sweet, but most of all, she’s a part of you. She’s a part of your struggle, but she’s also the cure to any pain you’ve felt. It’s amazing, Michael,” she whispers.

I nod and feel my chest tighten. “Yeah. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, next to you,” I say. “I’ll come up with something. I can get my own lawyer. I’ll figure it out.”

“You’re going to have to do more than that,” she says. “I don’t know Susan that well, but if I know anything about her, it’s that she’s a fighter. She’s someone who is willing to go down with the ship if she has to.”

“Yeah.” I nod. “So I’m going to have to find a way to make this beneficial for her. I just can’t figure it out just yet.”

“When do you have to start on the building codes?” she asks me.

“Two weeks,” I mutter.

“Then we have two weeks.” She smiles.

“You aren’t done with me? You’re not judging the shit out of me right now?” I ask.

“You made a mistake. You didn’t have any bad intent. You were just being stupid. If it did anything good for you, I think getting married has at least helped you become a stronger person. And if you ever have any doubts with me, I just hope you’d tell me,” she says.

“Doubts? Are you insane? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I say, curling my hand around her waist. “Right now, I’m feeling pretty fucking lucky.”

“Me too.” She kisses my chest and breathes in my cologne. She makes a light sighing noise and smiles to herself.

But I can’t help but feel that there will be doubts someday. All relationships start in a hazy fuzz of love, but very rarely does that feeling last. She clutches onto me, sucking in every last ounce of warmth and comfort. She tucks her head into the nook of my shoulder and closes her eyes.

I’ll do whatever it takes. I just want this to last.