“How are you feeling about all this?”

Sitting in Ethan’s office, I can feel my nerves getting the best of me. Today is day one of insemination. I took the test in my office today, seeing that I was ovulating. I called Ethan, who told me to come down at lunchtime. So here I am, clutching my bag.

“A little nervous. I just want this to work.”

Ethan smiles. “I understand, but don’t get too stressed out. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.”

“I guess my little fate speech worked, huh?”

He laughs. “Yeah, I guess it did.”

I stare at something on his desk with a tissue over it. “Is that...?”

“My sample? Yes. It’s ready whenever you are.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Standing up, he looks flustered. “If you want, I can get a nurse in here. I’ve left everything you need under that tissue, but you don’t have to do this by yourself. I will totally understand if you don’t want to have to...well, you know.”

If I weren’t so nervous, I would have thought he was being cute. “No, that’s okay. I think I would prefer to do this myself.”

Nodding, he walks to the door. “Okay. I guess I’ll just go get some lunch. When you’re done, just give me a call.” I nod and he leaves.

I look back at the tissue and take a deep breath. I can do this. I just need to get through the first time, then it will be simple afterward.

Placing my bag down, I take off my coat and place it on the hook by the door before locking it. I walk over to the table and pick up the tissue, grabbing the contents from under it. I close the curtain around the bed. I know the door is locked, but I’ll feel safer if the curtain’s around me, too. I proceed to get undressed from the waist down before getting everything ready. I try to think about this whole thing clinically, but it still doesn’t stop me from feeling how strange this is. It’s just so...surreal.

Taking the syringe filled with his sample, I place some KY jelly on it and lie down. I take a few more deep breaths before inserting it. As I reach as far as I can comfortably manage, I start dispensing. Once that’s done, I place the syringe on some tissue and remain still. That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

For the next ten minutes or so, I lie there, wondering if a miracle is already happening inside me. The thought brings a smile to my face. I sit up and get dressed, then clean everything up. Picking up my mobile, I call Ethan to let him know I’m done.

He soon enters, smiling as he takes a seat. “I bet you’re glad that’s over with.”

I chuckle. “Yes, a bit.”

“Changing the subject… Are you and Kyle coming to my party on Saturday?”

I nod. “Yes, we’ll be there, which reminds me…” I pick up my bag. “Kyle wants to get you something rather...predictable, shall we say. I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of getting you something else. You can open it on Saturday morning.” I dig it out of my bag and hand it to him.

He accepts it, smiling. “That’s very generous of you. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The room becomes silent, making me feel a little awkward. I can’t help but think I have this man’s sperm inside me.

Suddenly, I get up. “Well, I best get back to work. I need to pick up a sandwich on the way.”

Ethan looks guilty. “I’m sorry I’m keeping you from eating.”

I shake my head. “I don’t mind. I do feel a little hungry now, though. I’ll call you if the pregnancy test comes up positive.”

Ethan gets up and smiles. “I look forward to it. See you soon, Alice.”

“Bye,” I respond, quickly exiting. I don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden. Knowing I have a part of him inside me makes me feel a little embarrassed.

Shaking my head, I exit the building and grab a sandwich from a delicatessen along the way. I’m back with enough time to eat it before having to get back to work.

“How did it go?” Sally asks, leaning a hip on the edge of my desk.

“A bit strange. I did it, then felt like I had to get out of there.”

She laughs. “It’s usually the guy who runs afterward.”

I snort. “Oh, stop it. That makes it even worse.”

She nudges me. “I’m only joking. It’ll be easier next time. In fact, I bet it gets easier every time you do it.”

Just as she says this, my phone starts ringing. “I’d better take this.” Sally rolls her eyes. We both know who it is.

I answer, immediately hearing Kyle’s voice. “How was it?” He knows where I’ve been. He wasn’t happy about it when I called him before I left.

“It went okay. Very clinical. The nurse was there and did everything.” I hate lying, but I know Kyle would flip out if he knew I did it myself.

“Where was Ethan?”

“He was out to lunch.”

I hear him sigh. “Maybe I don’t want to know.” He pauses a moment. I know he finds the whole thing difficult. I sometimes feel really guilty about it and think about calling it quits. But then he says something terrible, which makes me more determined than ever to go through with it. “Listen, I’m going to be working a little late tonight. The boss has some important clients coming in from the States who he wants me to meet and greet.”

“That’s okay. When do you think you’ll be home?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll keep you posted. Whatever you cook for dinner, just leave it in the microwave and I’ll heat it up once I get in.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Ending the call, I stare at the phone.

“Is everything okay?” Sally asks, placing a cup of tea in front of me.

I smile, looking up at her. “Thanks.” I look at the phone again. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

I look back up into Sally’s concerned eyes. “I don’t know. Kyle seems a little distant lately. He’s acting...strange.”

She places a hand on my shoulder. “Maybe he’s finding this whole thing hard. Why don’t you book a weekend away? I’m sure he’ll appreciate a little alone time with his wife. Maybe he’s missing the intimacy you two once shared.”

I have been trying to appease him every way I can. When we don’t use condoms, I go down on him. But I know he misses what we used to have. “I guess. Actually, that sounds like a great idea. I think I will do that. Thanks.”

She smiles. “Don’t mention it.”

“Speaking of relationships, how are things with you and Larry?”

Her smile becomes brighter. “Better than ever. We’re going away together for the weekend. He’s booked a hotel in Portsmouth.”

“Wow, sounds amazing. I hope you have a fab time.”

Squeezing my shoulder, she gets up. “Oh, I’m sure I will.” She gives me a playful wink before walking back to her desk.

Immediately, my desk phone rings. “ITF Insurance, this is Alice speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hello, dear. I tried calling you a half-hour ago, but you were out.”

I smile at the sound of Mrs. Bellingham’s voice. She hadn’t called today yet, so I knew it would come eventually. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Bellingham, but I was out to lunch.”

“Ooo, did you have anything nice? My favourite thing to eat for lunch is cheese and crackers, but the cheese gives me terrible wind.”

I pull the phone away and chuckle a little. I gather myself together. “That’s terrible. It’s always nice to have a bit of something you fancy, but bad if you have to suffer for it.”

“I know. I guess that’s why they say the good food makes you fat. I used to smoke, but gave that up years ago. The only thing I like to do now is have a little sherry before bed. It helps me sleep.”

“Well, there’s no harm in that,” I reply, settling back into my seat. I have a feeling I’m going to be here a while.