Kim
Three.
That's how many months ago I woke up after some of the most unforgettable, life altering sex I've ever had to find that Cody had left during the night.
After a night of pure and unmitigated passion, I was alone in bed. I remember smelling his pillow and putting it to my face.
It smelled like Cody. Like my stepbrother. The man I loved.
I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I finally got out of bed. I mean, at first I thought maybe he went down to the Starbucks across the street to get some coffee. Or maybe he went to go for a run around the Reservoir.
Five.
That's how many hours after thinking that he'd just gone out for a bit that I realized he wasn't coming back any time soon. That's how many hours it took me to wait for him to call me back and not get any answer. How many hours it took where I sent text after text and heard nothing back. It looked like they weren't even being read. There wasn't much I could do that afternoon but go to Cody's apartment where I rang the doorbell. I'd given up all hope that he was going to come back to my apartment and now I was giving up on dignity as well.
But despite the fact that the doorman let me up, there was no answer. Either he wasn't home or he wasn't opening.
Four.
That's how many hours I waited outside his apartment. I sat next to the door, feeling the hope in my heart start to die. In truth, I probably would've sat there for the rest of the evening if the doorman hadn't come up to the floor. He saw me through the security cameras.
"Mr. Cody left this morning, and hasn't been back," the doorman said to me. "He was holding a suitcase when he left."
I nodded dumbly and realized that was probably my cue. The doorman was being nice but telling me politely I needed to leave.
One.
That's how long I waited. I didn't text him back or leave any more voicemails after a last one telling him to get back to me when he was ready. I sent one email too.
Then I waited. I tried to get my mind off of waiting at first. I went and signed up for another few rounds of kickboxing and yoga at Equinox. But being in the gym reminded me too much of Cody's hot, ripped body. So the next day I set out to the Hamptons to go horseback riding.
But just heading East made me think of Cody and I couldn't make it past the Jamaica station on the Long Island Railroad. I got off and took the E train back to Manhattan, tears in my eyes.
Three.
That's how many weeks I waited before I mentioned anything to Mom. I mean, at first I wondered what I would even tell her.
"Hey, can you tell me where my stepbrother is, because I miss fucking him?" is not something that I could start a convo out with. And on the same note, if I acted too into where Cody was and what he was doing, she'd get suspicious. Then I'd have to come clean and tell her about the whole stepbrother fucking in the end.
So I worked up my courage and made my way over to the townhouse she had moved into after getting married.
Mom's always glad to see me. Even though we live in the same city, we sometimes go more than a week without seeing each other.
At first my mom was glad to see me. She asked the maid to bring us some tea and we sat by the window in the living room so we could catch up.
But it's my mom, you know? She gave birth to me. She knew exactly when something was bothering me.
"Kim, honey," she said to me. "What's bothering you?"
I remember sighing and looking at her. "I have something to tell you," I said and her eyes widened with concern. "It's about Cody and I."
"Your stepbrother?" she asked me. I nodded. "What about him?" she followed up.
"I...think I...might be in love with him," I said hesitantly, looking at signs of reaction from Mom.
There were none. What the hell, I remember thinking.
"We've been seeing each other and we've been...uhm, together a bunch," I said to her.
I was expecting horror.
Revulsion.
But her eyes just twinkled.
“Oh baby, you think I didn't know that?" she asked me with mirth in her voice. "Cody's a handsome man, I'm surprised you waited this long to take him for a spin."
Can I just say that what was going through my head at this point was simply, 'Oh My God'.
Take him for a spin?
"I mean, Kimberly, I've only been married to his father for a year; do you think that makes him your biological brother or something?" Mom asked.
When she saw my eyes, she let out a laugh.
"Is this what you're worried about, hun?" she asked me. When I nodded, she brought me over for a hug. "Oh, I love you so much, dear. Thank you for making your old mother smile."
When she let go of me, she was smiling. I was smiling back.
"You're such a good girl, Kim, I know you'll never go down the dark paths I did, and I'm relieved in a way," she told me. "I've done things that you can only probably find in an Eddie Cleveland book."
I rolled my eyes. I never liked it when Mom tried to tell me her sex stories and despite the fact that I had just confessed my taboo relationship, I didn't want to hear it from Mom either.
But at least she wasn't freaking out. There was that I guess. Now all I could do was wait.
Two.
That's how many months I've been waiting since I talked to Mom about Cody.
I mean, I've tried my best to get on with my life. Mayor Anders makes sure with the number of scandals gripping his administration that we're never short of work.
I try to go out with my friends, go to the gym, do some reading.
Of course, there's Dirty Lil' Angels; I get a lot of fun from there.
But it all inevitably comes back and reminds me of Cody.
"Girl, you need to snap out of it, soon," Lisa tells me one Thursday afternoon as we're day drinking at the Central Park Boathouse. "You've been so mopey, it's starting to get me down."
I look at her.
"Have you gone to talk to Cody's dad at all?" she asks me.
And I realize that I haven't.
One.
That's how many minutes it took me to tell Lisa she was a doll and ask to get my bill.
Fifteen.
That's how many minutes it takes me in a cab to head down to Midtown to where Cody's dad has had his office.
I brush past his administrative assistant. Good luck trying to stop me.
"Hey, Kim," he says to me, looking up in surprise. "What's going on?"
I'm panting from running over basically from the Boathouse. But Lisa is so right. I can't believe I never even thought to ask my stepdad where his son was. I mean, I heard rumors sure; my Mom passed along everything that she heard. He was in Europe. He was working at a bank somewhere.
But I should've gone to the source. I mean, sure, it wasn't like we had family dinners or anything where I could casually ask where Cody was at. We only really did Thanksgiving and Christmas.
"I need to know where Cody is," I tell him. "Please it's important."
He leans back and looks at me.
"Why is that?" he asks me.
I'm done hiding the truth.
I'm done hiding my feelings for him.
"Because I love him," I declare proudly to his dad.
That's when I feel a touch on my shoulder...