Chapter 29

Elsa

The aroma emanating from the small opening on top of the lid is almost sickening as Tanner offers a recycled-paper coffee cup to me, filled with a hazelnut roast with cream and sugar.

As much as I love coffee, I can’t consciously put it into my body in my current state. And trust me, I want it. I’m exhausted all the time and could really use the pick-me-up.

But something about knowing that a life is growing inside you puts you in a kind of less selfish state. I’ve become so much more self-aware since I found out, to the point where I’m weirding myself out.

“No, thank you,” I let out. “I’m good with just water,” I explain, pointing to my purse.

“Oh, okay I guess,” he replies. “Are you feeling alright?”

Clearly, I’m weirding Tanner out as well. Spectacular.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assure him.

“Alright, then,” he responds sharply, taking a sip of his own coffee just seconds later.

I stare at his face and watch his Adam’s apple move as he swallows the succulent bean water. Fuck him.

“Well, here. Let’s go to Angela’s. It’s just up the street, so why not, right?” he says.

He’s being incredibly nice to me this morning.

I’m not complaining, albeit, I’m a bit thrown off. I’m so accustomed to having some quick reply ready to fire at him, and I haven’t needed one so far.

I’m beginning to wonder if he’s feeling alright himself.

The sound of footsteps along the pavement and the wind between the people on the crowded street whipping through serve as the soundtrack to our walk to the bakery.

I’ve been going to Angela’s for as long as I’ve lived here. They make everything from scratch every morning.

As we approach the building, Tanner even grips the door handle before I can reach it and pulls, holding the door open for me as I enter the quaint little shop. I give him an intense, very confused look.

He’s being too nice. I’ve never seen him go out of his way so hard to not piss me off. I take a deep breath, and as I exhale, I realize that I need to have my guard up today.

“Hello there, Ms. Elsa! What can I get for you today?” a familiar voice asks.

Angela really is just the sweetest soul.

“Good morning, Angela. Nothing crazy today. Just an everything bagel, please. Tanner, did you want anything?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Alright, baby. It’ll be at the counter when you go pay. Thank you!”

“No, thank you, Angela,” I respond as I pull a few dollars out of my purse and set it on the counter.

I snag my bagel and sink into it as we start our walk out of the bakery.

We walk quietly together, hands linked. There’s a subtle tranquility to it. One that only exists when you’re not talking about it.

“You know,” starts Tanner. “We’ve been getting along really well for the past few days.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that,” I reply. Consider the unspoken tranquility kaput.

“And?” I ask. I’m not sure why he’s even mentioning it.

“And nothing. I just wanted to say I’m enjoying it. I hope I’m not out of place on that,” he explains, flashing me that award-winning smile.

Goddamn that smile.

“I can’t say you’re wrong,” I admit to him.

We exchange a brief, hopeful gaze before I snap back to reality.

“But I’m also not holding back when I say, I didn’t expect this to be going the way it is, Tanner.”

“Things are just so much more intense between us than I could have ever imagined. It’s making it a little hard to draw the business line in the sand, you know?”

And I do know. Because I’m feeling it as much as he does. Only I would have never been the one to start this conversation, especially wandering around Times Square. But I suppose it’s as good a time as any.

It’s not like I have anything less serious to discuss with him.

And that’s when I freeze. It hits me like a ton of bricks when I remember what I wanted to tell him.

I take off my sweater and just hold it draped over my arm as I continue to gnaw at my everything bagel. Why are these so delicious?

As my sweater taps against my torso because of the momentum during our walk, I feel that little plastic indicator gently poking me, gently reminding me of our much-needed discussion.

How am I even going to break all of this to him?

We turn the corner, and I hear Tanner let out a deep sigh.

“What’s wrong, Tanner?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all, Elsa. I just have something I need to talk to you about. I know I said I didn’t have a reason to say what I said a few minutes ago, but I do. And I need to discuss it with you.”

Oh, shit. I knew he was being so nice to me for a reason, and he’s about to lay it on me.

“Well, let’s find a place to sit down. My legs are getting tired,” I say.

“Alright, yeah. Good idea.”

We make our way over to a little bench along the sidewalk next to the mailboxes and a cute little donut shop.

The people are still hustling and bustling all around us. and it makes it hard to really focus on one another. But we manage.

I grip onto the positive little test in my sweater as I take the last bite of my bagel. I take my sweet-ass time chewing it, knowing full well that Tanner will try to lay something thick on me.

But I can’t even really talk. I’m about to do the same thing to him—something way more intense than what he has to tell me!

I see Tanner hesitantly start to speak. “Elsa, um...Why don’t you go first? I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I insist. Let’s start with you,” I counter.

“Well, alright. I’ll start,” he says.

He must be dying to get this off his chest.

He pauses and takes a deep breath. My eyes are locked on his face.

His jaw is so pronounced. He’s been gritting his teeth, and his eyes are just a bit sullen, which honestly, only I would notice.

While I wait for him to find the words, I sit with my own teeth clenched and my heart racing.

It’s pounding so hard in my chest I’m almost worried that he can hear it thumping around.

I grip the pregnancy test tight as he locks eyes with me and begins to speak.

“Elsa...”