Ruby

We arrived at my apartment, after an excruciatingly silent drive. Neco’s weird vibes had been rolling through the car since we got in and I hoped he’d drop me off then go. He didn’t, of course. He climbed out and followed me to the elevator.

I knew why, but I wasn’t in any hurry to start this conversation.

The doors slid shut behind us, and with him standing a little behind me, his eyes burning like lasers into the back of my head, I started to fidget.

The silence was killing me, but what the hell could I say? “Sorry for living my own life, for finally moving on and not asking for your damned permission?”

God. Why was he was standing so close? His scent had filled the small space and—I shivered—I was sure I could feel the heat radiating from his big body right through my clothes.

I couldn’t take it another minute. “Look, Neco . . .” His fingers slid over my lower back suddenly, and I choked on my words . . .

“You quit your job?” he growled.

I turned to face him. “That’s exactly what I did.”

“Why?”

“You know why, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

His hands went to his hips and his head dropped, shaking from side to side. He was quiet for what felt like forever, then finally, “Don’t do it, Ruby. I’m asking you again not to take that job.”

When he looked up at me, what I saw had my belly dropping to my feet. “I have to.”

His lips flattened. “If you’re doing this to punish me . . .”

“What?” My heart jumped in my chest. I was so fucking sick of this, sick of myself. Of these feelings that wouldn’t go away. Neco had been my Superman, and last night, when he tried to take back that kiss, he showed me how he really felt. He might want me, but he didn’t want to want me. My fantasy of him and me together was never going to happen, and now, he was going to try to get in the way of what I desperately wanted, again. Suddenly, I was—furious. Hurt. Broken.

Done.

Done holding it in. Pretending that I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling.

My own anger rose higher, exploded past what was healthy, and mixed with the hurt hammering me, I just sort of . . . snapped, reacting in a way I never had before. I stepped closer to him, pressed my hand to his chest, and shoved . . . hard.

He barely moved, so I did it again, with both hands this time.

The elevator doors slid open. Neither one of us moved. Neco stood there, staring at me, green eyes shooting fire at me, through me.

“I wouldn’t do that again if I were you,” he said, voice low, hard.

The doors slid shut again.

“No? Why the hell not?” I shoved him again, this time putting my body weight behind it.

He grabbed my wrists suddenly and came at me, striding forward, forcing me back. His body collided with mine and I hit the wall behind me. Neco crowded in, teeth gritted.

Right then, I didn’t give a shit. “Oh no, you’re pissed off at me . . . again,” I fired at him, sarcasm dripping from my voice. “Well, newsflash, I don’t give a shit.” I tried to yank my wrists from his hold but he didn’t let go.

“Yeah, well, I’m sick of your shit, woman, sick to death of your fucking games. There are a fuck of a lot of other things I’d rather be doing tonight than chasing your ass around the city.”

Taking that job with Harry was far from a game, neither was my decision to finally let Neco go. Yeah, I’d messed with him in the past, but not for some sick entertainment like he obviously believed. That he hadn’t worked it out, the truth behind all of this, that he thought I would play with him to amuse myself because I was bored, or some ridiculous attention seeker, hurt like hell. Why couldn’t he see? Why couldn’t he see me?

“You chose to come after me. I was just fine.”

“Didn’t look that way to me.”

“That’s because you see what you choose to see.”

“I see just fine,” he snarled.

“What’s the real problem here? Did your need to interfere in my life get in the way of something tonight?” I said, my words fueled by pain and frustration. “Did you have plans to fuck your cop? Is that what has you so wound up, why you’re acting like such a giant asshole?”

He scowled down at me, actually baring his teeth.

“Good,” I yelled. His grip tightened and I hissed like a wild cat. “I hope I ruined your night.”

“Ruby,” he gritted out.

I yanked my wrists free and shoved at him again, but he grabbed my hands and shoved them over my head.

“Don’t you fucking ‘Ruby’ me.” I struggled to get out of his hold but his fingers were like iron manacles.

“That’s why you did this? Quitting your job, threatening to work for Harry, just so you could get my attention?”

I was breathing heavily, heart pounding, pulse racing. “No. I wanted to get the hell away from you. And I can assure you it’s no goddamn threat.”

“Bullshit.”

I held his hard stare, refusing to look away. “I’m done with this. I’m sure as hell done with you.”

“Bullshit,” he said again, head dipping lower.

His mouth was only an inch from mine and I could smell his minty toothpaste mixed with the soap or deodorant he used. It was dark and intoxicating. I squirmed and he held me tighter.

“You think you want a piece of me, baby girl?”

Oh God. My eyes dropped, locked on his throat, trying to get my shit together, suddenly struggling to breathe.

He pressed into me deeper. “You must want it pretty fucking bad since you’re willing to lie to get it. Send me running in circles, like some asshole you can manipulate? Well, maybe it’s time I fucking gave it to you.” He ground into me.

He was hard. Holy shit. I stilled, and forced my eyes back up to his. I knew I looked like a deer in headlights, because that’s how I felt.

“You think you can handle me, Ruby?”

His voice damn near vibrated with rage, and when I looked at him properly, I could see all traces of control had vanished. The Neco I knew and loved was gone. I didn’t really know this one. This is the side he refused to show me. This was the Neco that had worked for Tomas Mendoza, a crime boss from our old neighborhood. The Neco that had come to be after all the awful shit he’d done for that asshole, before he got out and started working for Hunter and Van. The one he’d always tried to shield me from.

Neco stared back at me. “Nothing to say all of a sudden?” he said, voice cold, low.

I shook my head. “I’m done talking.” Then I leaned in, so close my mouth brushed his, trying to force him to retreat.

A rough sound broke past his lips, full of frustration and anger and . . . something else I couldn’t name.

I thought he was about to step back and let me go again, but he shook his head, eyes darkening.

“Me too. Time I gave you what you want.” Then he slammed his mouth down on mine, growling against my lips, kissing me . . . hard.

Keeping hold of my wrists with one hand, he dropped the other to my ass and hauled me higher against the elevator wall, pressing me into it. His lips parted over mine on a snarl and his tongue delved deep, spiking into my mouth. I started to tremble as lust shot through me, kissing him back just as hard. His kiss was rough, hungry, wild, and my head started to spin out of control. I dug my nails into his shoulders, thighs tightening around his hips, arching against him, against the hard flesh digging into me with enough force to cause pain. I wanted more. He started to grind against me, against my swollen clit, and I groaned against his lips, into his mouth.

He tore his mouth from mine. “This what you wanted, baby girl?” He started sucking the skin along my jaw to my ear. “This what you wanted from me? Why you devote so many hours to fucking with me?”

I had no answer for him, barely registered what he’d just said. Words, logical thought, had abandoned me. All I knew was Neco was kissing me again, that I’d die if he stopped.

If he moved back a fraction, I could reach his zipper, slide it down, free that huge, hot, hard flesh pressing into me. I could drop to my knees in front of him . . .

“Or is screwing with my head enough to get you off?”

The anger in his voice penetrated, hit like a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head. He wasn’t kissing me anymore; he was looking down at me, breathing hard, ice forming over the heat in his eyes. I was breathing hard, too, my lungs squeezing tighter the longer I looked into that hard, unflinching stare.

“You say you’re done with me,” he growled. “Baby, we will never be done.”

“Okay, so how about you tell me what the hell you want from me, Neco? After this.” I held his stare. “What happens next?”

He flinched, like he’d suddenly come back to himself, like he’d come back from wherever he’d gone just now. His mouth worked while he tried to find the words, hesitating, too long.

Instead of answering, he lowered me to my feet, his hands slipping away from my overheated body, giving me an answer without words.

And I got it, loud and clear. I stepped back, putting distance between us, then hit the button to open the elevator doors.

He watched me, arms crossed over his monster chest, jaw tight, eyes searching mine. Finally, he said, “I’m not your Superman, Ruby. I’m not even close. I’m not that boy, and you’re not that girl, not anymore. We can’t do this.” He cursed. “This has to be over.”

I just stared at him, shock rocketing through me like I’d just suffered a head-on collision.

His eyes dropped to my belly and he gritted his teeth. My shirt had been pushed higher when he had me against the wall, exposing some skin. I shoved it down, humiliation slapping me in the face with force. I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. He meant it; he meant every word. Oh God.

I straightened my spine. So done with this, with it all. “You’re right. This does have to be over.” I looked up at him, let him see I meant every word. “I’ll give you what you want. And you . . . you stay the hell away from me.”

Then I spun and ran from the elevator, ran to my apartment. He’d kissed me, and what? He wanted me to think it meant nothing to him? That after all we’d been through together, that he could use my feelings for him, a kiss, to teach me a lesson, and I wouldn’t see right thought it? He wouldn’t give in to what was so obviously between us, fine, I got that loud and clear. But the punishment didn’t fit the crime.

My Neco would never intentionally hurt me. He could lie to himself all he wanted, but he couldn’t lie to me.

But no matter how much I wanted him, I couldn’t force him to take a chance on us.

So, for once I agreed with him, no matter how much it hurt.

It was over.

* * *

Neco

Who knew it was possible to miss someone’s eyes? It sounded fucked up, even in my own head. But I did. I missed Ruby’s. The color, the shape. The way I felt when they were on me.

She’d come in to pick up some things she’d left at the office this morning, so she had everything she needed for her new fucking job, and she still wouldn’t look at me. Three days had passed since I acted like a giant asshole and delivered words I knew would create the most damage. It worked. I’d hurt her. I’d pushed her as hard and as far as I was capable.

Letting her walk away had damn near killed me. But I did it for her, to protect her. I had to keep telling myself that. Ruby came first always.

Jesus, I could still taste her.

And now I was sure she hated my guts.

Mission accomplished, motherfucker.

Hunt was talking to her now, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The streak in her hair was blue today, to match the blue skirt she was wearing—the kind that was tight all the way down to her knees but hid nothing, cupped her round ass in a way that made my mouth water. Her shirt was white, an old Red Hot Chili Peppers Concert T, and had “Suck My Kiss” written in red across her tits. I hated how much I wanted to suck what was under that shirt. Jesus, I could already feel her hard little nipples in my mouth.

My fingers curled into fists. The way she’d kissed me back, feeding me those sexy little whimpers, her husky groans. I lost it in that elevator. I’d almost done a hell of a lot more than kiss her. The need that had risen in me at that moment had scared the shit out of me. We’d only kissed and I wanted to lock her in my apartment and never let her out of my sight. The warning bells had started ringing in my head. Kissing her was bad enough, but if I got her under me, all bets were off. Stopping, saying what I had to, was the hardest thing I’d done in my whole damn life. But it was the right thing to do. If I hadn’t put an end to it, I would have given in. It would have only been a matter of time before I broke. I would have taken her, made her mine in every way a man could claim his woman.

That couldn’t happen.

I was already fucked in the head over her, having a hard enough time staying away as it was. God, I thought she was bluffing, that quitting her job here was another way to mess with me. I didn’t think that anymore. And truthfully, I was starting to think it had been more wishful thinking on my part. Better that than the reality. Ruby out in the field every day. Putting herself in danger. But that was my reality, wasn’t it? Because something was different about her, I could see it even now. She wasn’t coming back to the King Agency, and I . . . I didn’t know how to deal with that.

I’d also realized something in that elevator—Ruby had been living in denial, she’d still seen me as that boy, her boy, not the monster I was underneath, the monster I’d become when I worked for Tomas.

I knew the moment she saw the real me. I’d seen the unshakable trust between us begin to dissolve before my eyes. She looked at me like she never knew me at all. I’d hated it and felt relief at the same time.

I’d been afraid of her seeing that side of me. Now that she had, I knew she wouldn’t push for anything romantic between us, and not just because of the shit I’d said to her.

She felt like I betrayed her.

The irony was, I’d been the one person she’d trusted when we were kids. And I’d more than likely destroyed that trust, in a way I wasn’t sure I could ever earn back.

It was the right the thing to do.

I needed things to go back to the way they were. I only hoped I hadn’t pushed her too far. I needed Ruby in my life. And I needed to be the one that took care of her.

I ignored the urge to go to her, to apologize, fucking get down on my knees and beg her for forgiveness. Protecting her, in every way, was inbuilt, as natural to me as breathing. Not following that instinct and making sure she was okay after what happened between us was hard as hell.

It’s for the best.

I would never stop being there for her, but it was past time she worked out I wasn’t some goddamn hero. Not even close.

I’d been repeating the same shit over and over in my head the last three nights. I knew I was right. Didn’t make this any easier, though. I just hoped my dick would hurry up and work that shit out.

Or I was utterly fucked.

Hunter turned to me. “I need to go see Raul.” He held up a case file. “Might have a lead for this asshole.”

Raul had been there for Hunter and Van when they were kids, taking on the role of father in their lives when their own had been a violent drunk. He also had good, reliable contacts all over this city.

I dipped my chin and pushed away from the wall. Ruby sat with her head tilted down, loading her stuff into a box, hair forward, concealing those fucking eyes I was getting desperate to see.

Putting some distance between us is the right thing to do. I repeated in my head again.

Didn’t stop me from turning back to look at her as we walked out the door. I couldn’t stop myself.

She still wouldn’t look at me.

A few hours later, I was sat in a booth at Raul’s club, Stilettos. He’d given us the info we needed, but nothing could be done tonight, so Hunter and I, as well as Jude, Zeke, and Van, who had walked in a short time after us, were having a drink and shooting the shit with Raul. Some of the girls offered private dances, tried to climb on some laps. Van shook his head, declining. Jude and Hunter as well. And Zeke gave off such an intense fuck-off vibe, none of the girls went near him.

I, on the other hand, was feeling antsy as fuck, near crawling out of my skin, so when Jayne, one of the girls that worked the bar, told me her shift was over and took my hand, asking if I wanted to go to a private room, I got up and followed her. Jayne and I had fucked around on more than one occasion. She was a nice girl, gave amazing head. And right then I could do with a distraction. I refused to analyze my actions, to think too deeply about what I was doing or why I was doing it. I didn’t want to fucking think. Period.

She shut the door behind us and I sat my ass in the seat. These back rooms got used for all kinds of shit. I should probably scrub the chair my ass was on, but right then I just wanted to get off, wanted to get Ruby out of my goddamn head. Jayne was the kind of woman that knew what she wanted and went after it, in and out of the sack. I admired that about her. No bullshit. No emotions. Just a good time.

My own hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me. The trait I admired in Jayne was the same that made me fucking bat-shit crazy in Ruby.

Because you don’t care about Jayne.

She walked up to me, all fluid and sexy, and I jammed all those fucking thoughts about feelings way down deep before they could take hold.

Her hands went to my knees and she leaned in. “I’ve missed spending time with you.” She slid one of her hands higher. “How about I take care of you first?”

That suited me just fine tonight.

“Sure. On your knees.” My dick stirred behind my zipper when I eyed her dark hair. It was the same almost black of Ruby’s. No streaks of color and a little longer, but still . . .

Fuck.

She popped the button and slid down my zipper, freeing my cock. I was barely hard. She dropped to her knees, licking her lips, fingers curling around my dick. “You ready?”

I felt numb.

Then she looked up at me, brown eyes clashing with mine and I jolted. This felt wrong, so damn wrong. I couldn’t do it. Jesus fucking Christ. A beautiful woman was on her knees in front of me, my dick in her hand, and I couldn’t fucking do it.

My phone rang right at that moment, thank fuck, saving me from having to come up with some bullshit excuse. I gripped her chin and shook my head. “Gotta take this.”

She pouted prettily. I felt nothing. I just wanted her to get the fuck out.

“You mind?” I motioned to the door.

“Come find me later?” Then she quickly picked herself up and walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

Dragging the phone from my pocket, I stared at the screen. A contact for one of the jobs I was working.

It bordered on insane how badly I’d wanted it to be Ruby calling me.

Shit. I dropped my head back against the wall, a rough, shaky breath bursting past my lips. I was sitting in the back of a strip club, limp dick still out after turning down a blow job, hoping the woman I wanted more than anything in this world would call me. Yeah, this felt wrong on so many levels. In ways I was not prepared to think about too deeply. My situation, how out of control I’d allowed myself to behave with her these last few months, became clear. I’d let down my guard. I’d fucked up, in a big way.

I held the phone, so damn tempted to call her. Stay the hell away from me. She wanted me to back off, leave her alone. I didn’t blame her. If I called, we’d be back to square one. I couldn’t do that to her or to me. I had to quit Ruby, get my damn feelings under control. And the only way I could do that, was cold turkey.

I was too damn weak. If I caved and called, if I heard her voice, I’d do whatever she wanted me to. I’d kiss her again, and this time I wouldn’t stop.

I turned my phone off, shoving it back in my pocket, my dick back in my jeans and, feeling sick to my fucking stomach, got the hell out of that fucking club.