Neco

“All right. I’m fucking coming,” I barked as I walked across my apartment. My head was pounding like hell, and the bastard trying to knock the door down wasn’t goddamn helping. Probably shouldn’t have finished that bottle of Jack Daniels last night. I didn’t usually drink like that, but it was either get wasted or hunt Ruby down and finish what we’d started in that elevator. Since the latter wasn’t something I could do, I’d gone with getting shit-faced.

I unbolted the door, snarling as I pulled it open. Jude stood in front of me, his mallet sized fist in the air, ready to pound on my door again.

I scowled. “This better be fucking good.”

Jude didn’t answer right away, his eyes meeting mine and locking on. What I saw behind them had me bracing before he opened his mouth.

“My mother?” I asked, a sick feeling swirling in my gut that had nothing to do with being hung over.

Jude shook his head. That’s when I noticed Hunter and Zeke. They’d closed in from either side, expressions on their faces like they were about to do battle with a wild animal.

I knew. I fucking knew instantly who this was about.

“It’s Ruby,” Hunter said, skirting Jude, walking into my apartment.

He reached out to put his hand on my shoulder and I shoved him away. “Tell me.”

Zeke and Jude moved in as well, shutting the door behind them. “She was found outside her place . . .”

I grabbed Hunter by the front of his shirt and shoved him, until his back collided with the wall. “Is she dead?”

“No.” He didn’t try to fight me off, just held my gaze, sympathy clear in his. “She was beaten pretty bad. A lot of cuts and bruises, and she has a concussion.”

I jerked away from my best friend and paced the room like a caged lion. I started to shake from the violence hammering me, the need to hurt whoever had done this to her. I spotted my phone on the small table by the couch, where I’d left it last night. I’d left it off all night. A sick feeling washed over me as I turned it on. Whatever happened between us, I was always the person she looked to when she was scared, always. So when a message flashed on the screen, I wasn’t surprised. I forced myself to retrieve it, body vibrating with tension.

I heard a sob down the line. Ruby’s sob. A loud crash, a male voice. Ruby crying out followed by the unmistakable sound of flesh hitting flesh, her broken cries, her scream . . .

“Scott, no . . .”

It cut off.

Scott. I started to shake harder.

Hunter cursed and grabbed the phone out of my hand, putting it to his ear.

This was my fault. I’d turned my fucking phone off because I wasn’t man enough to deal with my feelings, because I was too damn weak to risk hearing her fucking voice if she called me. I’d gone to the back room of a fucking strip club to get off, to try and forget the only woman I had ever loved.

Ruby had been terrified, had been beaten, and I hadn’t been there. I’d failed her, again.

I roared, picked up the coffee table, and flung it across the room. It hit the TV, cracking the screen, knocking it to the ground. I’d upended the couch when Jude’s monster arms banded around me, throwing me to the ground and pinning my arms behind my back.

“Calm the fuck down,” he growled. “You’re not gonna be any use to our girl if you can’t keep your shit tight.”

I shoved him off and got to my feet. She’d needed me. She’d needed me and I hadn’t been there for her.

The anger in me was like nothing I’d ever felt in my life. I thought after finding her at that park all those years ago, being held down, almost raped, nothing could ever top the rage I felt that night. I was wrong. I’d never felt more helpless either. It was a tight iron fist squeezing my heart in my chest. I had to get to her. I had to see her for myself, hold her in my arms, feel her heartbeat strong under my fingers.

I shoved on my boots and then I was headed for the door. Hunter stopped me with a hand to the gut. “You gonna keep it tight?”

Right then, I knew I was capable of anything, any ugly, cruel, vengeful thing. I knew I’d gut that fucker Scott if I saw him, and I’d enjoy it. I’d enjoy watching him bleed. Instead of verbalizing that, I gave Hunter what he wanted and nodded.

Zeke, who had stayed by the door, locked eyes with me. “We’ll get him, and we’ll make him pay.” Then he opened the door for me, letting me pass.

“Though true,” Jude rumbled. “Not fucking helpful, Zeke. We’re trying to calm the guy down, not fuel the blood lust.”

I ignored them all and strode to the elevator.

The drive to the hospital felt like time had ground to a stop, like it was going in fucking reverse. Jude was driving, and he was sticking to the speed limit. Zeke was shotgun, and Hunter was in the back with me. I could feel him cast glances my way every so often, no doubt waiting for me to flip the hell out again.

“I’ve been locked up, Nec,” Hunter said low. I clenched my jaw. “Prison’s not a place you wanna go, brother.”

“I won’t get caught.”

Hunter cursed. “You’re too close. You go after this guy, you will end up inside.” He was quiet for several seconds. “I’m here for you, you understand what I’m saying? You do not do this alone.”

Hunter knew there was some deep shit between me and Ruby, knew it was complicated—also knew I considered her mine in a lot of ways. I wouldn’t let this go, and he knew that as well.

My best friend had seen firsthand what I hid, the dark shit I was capable of, the ugly I kept under wraps. But no way would I involve Hunter in what I had planned when I got my hands on Scott. He had Lulu and Josh to worry about. He’d served his time. No way would I be responsible for him doing more.

Because the reality was, if I got my hands on Scott—I would kill him.

We hit the hospital parking lot and I was out of the car before it fully stopped, striding across the lot. I heard Hunter curse, his door slam, boots pounding after me.

He grabbed my arm when we climbed in the elevator. “Ruby’s been though a lot. You need to rein in those emotions. She needs to focus on getting better, not worrying about you right now, yeah?”

Because she would worry. She’d put me first, like she did all the time, like she did for everyone. “I’ve got this.” Even as the words left my mouth, I knew they were bullshit. I was so far gone I was close to jumping out of my skin.

The doors slid open and Hunter and I strode out. Jude and Zeke were still parking the car. I saw Lulu walk out of a room at the far end of the corridor and I picked up the pace.

“Lulu?”

She looked up at the sound of my voice and her eyes locked on. They were glistening, like she’d been crying. She moved to Hunter instantly and he wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

“She’s in bad shape,” she whispered. A sob burst past her lips. “Seeing her like that . . . God, this isn’t about me.” She shook her head.

“Jesus.” Hunter held her tighter. “If this is too close for you, babe, go home. We’re here for Ruby.”

She shook her head again. “No. I’m fine. I just needed a minute to get my shit together.”

I moved past them, hand to the door, but Lulu reached out, grabbing my wrist. “You can’t go in there.”

I stared down at her. “Come again?”

Lulu’s expression went from sad to one of pity. “She doesn’t want to see anyone else. I’m sorry.”

“She’ll see me.”

“I’m sorry, Neco, she asked me to keep you out. Right now, she’ll only see me and Van.”

“Van?” Fuck that. I tried to open the door again, but this time Hunter was the one to stop me.

“You have to respect her wishes.”

I tried to shove him away, but he stood his ground. “Let me past.”

The guy looked grim. “Not happening.”

The door opened again and Van walked out as Zeke and Jude reached us.

“What’s going on?” Jude asked.

Van shook his head. “Ruby’s not ready to see anyone.”

The guy looked pointedly at me when he said this. Jude and Zeke were already standing in front of the door, barring it. I was close to losing my damned mind. If I didn’t see her for myself—see her fucking breathing, feel her eyes on me—I would crack. I would go insane.

I eyeballed Jude. The guy shrugged.

“Any news?” Van asked Hunter.

Hunter handed him my phone. That message was burned into my brain, and I knew it would never leave me as long as I lived. I ignored them all, trying to work out my chances of getting past and to my girl.

“She called you?” Van asked, voice rough. I turned to him, guilt slamming into me at the accusation in his voice. “Why didn’t you get this?”

I watched Van look back down at the message again, his eyes narrowing. He held up the phone. “Ah you were too busy to listen. This was when we were at Stilettos, right?” He shook his head. “So you were fucking while Ruby was fighting for her life?”

Hunter shoved his brother off. “Shit. Not cool, Van.”

Van’s nostrils flared, chest expanding with each angry breath, trying to calm down. “You haven’t see her,” he said to Hunter, then his eyes slid to me. “She’s family, Neco. None of us have much of one, not the blood kind. She’s only got us. I don’t give a fuck what’s going on between you two, we’re it for her. When she calls, you answer the fucking phone.”

I’d felt like shit many times in my life, but never like this. I felt like the lowest, slimiest piece of garbage in existence. Everything Van said was true. Still, I needed to be with her. I couldn’t be barred from her. I was her family. I meant something to her and I’d failed her. But she was that for me as well. Shit, that and so much more.

“She needs me.”

“She needed you last night.” Van fired his passing shot then went back into her room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

That’s when I lost my shit completely.

* * *

Ruby

Van walked back into the room, expression hard as stone.

I opened my mouth to ask what was going on, when something crashed against the wall outside my room. There was a shout, the sound of booted feet on the linoleum. I tried to sit up and winced. “What’s that?”

Van’s eyes slid to me. “Neco.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Oh God. There was more crashing and someone growled. Then I heard him yell my name. The sounds grew distant.

“He didn’t take being barred from you very well,” Van added unnecessarily.

Lulu stepped into the room, which meant I didn’t have to answer. A good thing, since I didn’t know what to say. Harry had stopped by earlier as well. But I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this, especially Neco.

“You need anything?” Lulu asked.

I shook my head and looked away, out the window. “Have they gone?”

Lulu sat beside me and squeezed my hand. “Yeah.”

“Good,” I whispered.

My throat felt raw, voice rough. I guess from all the screaming. I shivered. I couldn’t deal with Neco’s guilt right then, and that’s what I’d get from him. I didn’t want it. He had nothing to feel guilty about. I was careless, blind. I hadn’t taken notice of the signs. Scott had been acting strange long before he attacked me. I’d chosen not to see it to save face. The last thing I wanted was to admit Neco was right, that I should have kicked Scott out ages ago. I was humiliated. What an idiot they all must think I am. The girl who had been begging to be let out in the field just got her ass kicked by her druggie roommate. I’d trained so hard, I should have been able to defend myself, but I’d frozen up, so taken aback that I’d allowed Scott to get the better of me.

And the icing on the cake? There’d been hidden cameras in the apartment—in my bedroom—and I hadn’t even noticed.

All my life I’ve been trying to prove something to someone. First to my stepmother—I’d spent my childhood trying to convince her I was worth loving, that I wasn’t worthless. Then Neco had come along, and I hadn’t had to prove a damn thing. He cared for me, loved me in his way, for me. Exactly as I was. But then everything had changed and I’d been trying to get that back from him ever since. Trying to show him who I was, who I really was, and trying to prove that I was worthy of his love again, however it came. That this new me, this stronger version of myself, was just as lovable as the emotionally battered, sad little girl I’d once been.

Getting his approval back, his affection, had clouded my judgment, so much so I’d put my life at risk to prove a damn point.

So yeah, I was humiliated.

My stupidity now marked my body, and would leave the kinds of scars you could never forget.

“Go home to Josh,” I rasped to Lulu. “I’m fine, I promise.”

A tear streaked down her cheek. “You’re not fine. Jesus, Ruby. Let someone care about you for once.”

Tears started to well in my own eyes, so I closed them and shut out the room. Lulu was being amazing, the best friend I ever had, but I just wanted to be alone. Van was like a guard dog watching over me and I loved him for it. But I didn’t want him in here either. Unfortunately, he was the first one to get to the hospital. He’d barely left my side since. He felt responsible for me, like they all did. They’d been looking out for me since I was a kid and that hadn’t changed. I hated that I was putting them through this.

But I couldn’t take their pain-filled looks, the pity. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Shutting down my mind, I concentrated on the ticking of the wall clock.

“You rest,” Lulu said softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She was. She and Van were with me all night and the next day. Lulu finally left late afternoon, when Hunter came and took her home. She looked exhausted and I felt like shit that she’d stayed for me. Van finally got called away, some work thing that needed his immediate attention, and for the first time in two days, I was on my own. Well, Zeke was here, but he was outside the door, and I knew he wasn’t likely to come in to make small talk. I was more than happy with Van’s choice of guard.

I was sore from lying in the same position for so long. Nothing was broken, but I was bruised and battered and recovering from a pretty bad concussion. I hurt like a bitch, and when I tried to wriggle to my side, a cry of pain burst free before I could bite it back. The door opened a second later.

Zeke stood there, looking down at me. “All right?”

God, I hated this so much. Feeling so damn weak. “I was just trying to roll to my side.”

Without a word, he closed in, lifted me carefully in his arms, repositioned me, and lay me back down.

“Good?” he asked, in that husky Texas drawl of his, eyes intense, always watchful, alert.

“Yeah, thanks.”

He gave me a subtle chin lift then left again, shutting the door quietly behind him. That’s what I liked about Zeke. He was a man of action. No reason to waste words when you could just do what needed doing. He was so different now than he used to be. Before he went overseas, he used to be social, liked to laugh. I remembered him and Van a few nights before they were deployed. All the guys had been sitting around a bonfire behind Van’s house. They’d had a few beers and they were singing along with the stereo, laughing and joking. I don’t think I’d seen him smile since.

One thing hadn’t changed from those days, though. I’d always felt safe when one of the guys was around. Having him just out that door, I knew I could relax, that Zeke had me covered.

I’d felt fear in my life, but not like this. Right now, I felt helpless. Pathetic.

Afraid.

And I hated that more than anything.