KACE. What we try to remember and what we prefer to forget. Our mind doesn’t always have an understanding of how we want to sort things. Sometimes a simple memory can be enough to defeat even the toughest of souls.

Acceptance of these memories as being in the past, and understanding they are nothing more than a reminder can often allow us to continue through life without feeling guilt, sorrow, or shame. Not accepting them as such can allow us to be overcome by the emotion associated with the memory.

“Shane. Baby, you fell asleep,” I said as I tugged on his arm.

He pulled his arm away from me and pressed his hood against his face.

“Baby?” I said softly as leaned over him.

He pulled against the sides of his hood and looked out of the opening.

“Oh,” he paused and looked around the room.

“Sorry,” he said as he sat up in the chair.

“I must have fallen asleep,” he apologized as he pulled his hood from his face.

His face was covered in sweat.

“It’s hot in here, baby. You shouldn’t wear your hoodie,” I said as I leaned into the chair to kiss him.

“Where’s your mother?” he asked as he looked around the room.

I steadied his face with my hands and looked into his eyes, “She’s making lunch for us,” I said as I pressed my lips against his.

As if the kiss woke him up totally, he held me in his arms and kissed me deeply. “Kace, you mean the world to me,” he said.

“You mean the world to me,” I responded.

“No, I mean. Well, fuck. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just. I don’t know. I want to spend the rest of my life being everything you want in a man. I want to make up for what you haven’t received in life. I want to always be here for you. I want so much for you to be happy,” he said.

“What got into you? I am happy,” I responded.

“An entirely different degree of happy,” he said as he stood up and pulled his hoodie off.

I smiled, “Okay, sounds good.”

He looked around the room as he tossed his hoodie on the back of the chair. He rubbed his eyes and turned to focus on my face. Slowly, he smiled.

“How long was I out?” he asked.

“I don’t know. We talked a while. I heard you snore after a bit. We just decided to leave you be. I thought you were worn out from all of the training for the fight. Is that okay?” I asked.

“No, babe. It’s fine,” he said as he stretched his arms behind his back.

“While she’s cooking, you wanna look at some stuff with me?” I asked excitedly.

“Sure, what do ya got?” he asked as he rubbed his hands together.

“Well, mom said she had all my stuff from when I was in high school in a spare room. She saved everything. I want to go look at it. I might want to take a few things home,” I giggled as I rubbed my hands together jokingly.

As we both stood and rubbed our hands together, I got excited. I was eager to see things I hadn’t seen in ten years. Things I had long since forgotten. The old memories were going to be nice to sift and sort through. Not knowing what I may encounter was exciting. I tried to recall what she might have set aside, and the excitement almost overcame me.

“Well?” I asked.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Mom, we’re going to go snoop,” I screamed into the kitchen.

“Okay, have fun. There’s a foot locker beside the bed,” my mother’s shallow voice responded.

I opened the door and Shane and I stepped inside. Immediately, I felt a wave of heat come over me. I began to shake lightly.

My Hello Kitty comforter on the bed. I snuggled under that comforter for forever. Josh and I first…

Fucking Josh.

I turned and looked at the wall. All of my medals from running in track were on the wall in a shadow box. My throat felt full, and a lump rose in my throat as I walked toward the box. Newspaper clippings were framed on each side of the display. I walked to the framed pages and looked at the dates.

“Oh my God. This was my senior year - after I left. She kept them, Shane. She kept them,” I said as I pointed at the framed articles.

Several of the articles were for first place running in long distance. I always liked running, it allowed me to clear my head. The habit of running had stuck with me and become one of the few things I looked forward to. A five mile run could clear my mind like nothing else. I turned and looked at Shane.

“Fun, huh?” he said as he looked around the room at my things.

It was truly a step back in time and almost overwhelming. I gazed at the foot of the bed and wondered what was in the locker on the floor. I knelt down beside it and placed my hands on top of the locker. I looked up at Shane.

“Come here, babe. Let’s see what’s in here,” I said as I pointing to the locker.

I placed both of my hands on the top of the lid.

Shane knelt down beside me and sat cross legged on the floor. He turned, put his arm around my shoulder, and pulled me close to him. As I leaned into him, he kissed me softly on the lips. I pressed my thumbs under the top of the trunk lid as he kissed me.

“Babe, I’m so glad we’re here,” he said as our lips parted.

“So am I,” I responded as I took a deep breath.

He turned and looked at the locker as I opened the lid. A musty smell came out as it opened. My dresses, my shirts, my pants, my skirts - all folded nicely. I turned and looked at Shane, excited to see all of the things I hadn’t seen in ten or more years. A rush of emotion filled me.

“Babe, look,” I said as I sorted through the articles of clothing.

I picked up a dress from my sophomore year in school and smelled it. Holding it in my arms, I turned toward Shane. He gazed into the foot locker and rubbed his dog tags frantically with his right hand.

Something’s wrong.

His lip was quivering.

“Babe,” I said softly.

He started to stand, holding his hand under his shirt on his dog tags.

“Babe,” I said as I stood up.

Something’s bad wrong.

I heard a snap.

His hand came out from under his shirt, holding the broken chain in his hand. He turned and looked at me as if he were in a trance.

And as the dog tags fell from his hand, Shane Dekkar collapsed into a motionless pile on the floor.