The pieces of my life I had always found distasteful were never able to be cast aside, forgotten, or simply walked away from. They remained a part of me, and often became part of my day-to-day decision making, reminding me further of their significance in my life.

They lingered in my mind, loitering about in my life because they were unresolved, and resolution was something I found to be impossible or unattainable. I believed my mind had the capacity to be cleansed of all problems my past created if I was simply able to confront the doer of evil.

The human mind strives to fix what it believes to be broken. Consequently, if I believed something to be in need of repair, I felt I could find no peace until I exhausted myself in the process of doing so.

I watched the pen form the words on the paper. I felt writing to be more intimate than typing a letter and printing it. After much thought, extended moments of pause, and a few tears, I stared down at the completed work.

You may or may not have noticed, but I did not begin this letter with any kind of a greeting or recognize you at all by any type of introduction. Additionally, you will find the envelope to be addressed to your inmate number, and not your name. It was not an oversight, but something I truly felt was necessary.

To me, you are a monster, and clearly the opposite of what I believe to be human. I live in a world of grey because of you although I certainly realize a black and white one surrounds me.

To recognize darkness as being so, we must have an understanding of what is light. To truly comprehend goodness, an understanding of what we believe to be evil is necessary. 

You define evil.

I know this because I am as good as I am able to be. I believe I am not as wholesome or proper as I may have been had you not taken my parents from me, but as good as is possible considering the circumstances of my life. I refuse, however, to credit you with creating what little evil resides within me, and I take all responsibility for what little I possess. I reserve hope of one day obtaining a personal sense of perfection, as I am still young and have a lifetime to make whatever corrections I feel I must to do so.

You took something from me which can never be replaced or corrected. I am writing this letter not for you, but for me. I believe conveying my feelings will provide me with a sense of closure and a small bit of satisfaction in knowing although it wasn’t done in a physical sense, I confronted you.

If there is a heaven, and I suspect there is, I find comfort in knowing when I leave this earth I will not have the potential of stumbling upon you or the wake of evil that follows in your footprints.

Until the day you burn in hell I will look down upon you as what you are.

With what little forgiveness I am able to offer.

Blake West

I folded the paper neatly, inserted it into the envelope, and sealed the letter. If nothing else, writing it provided me with a sense of relief so profound, I found it unnerving I hadn’t done it sooner.

Riley’s confrontation of me the day at the lake, our revelation of secrets, and my admittance of what happened to my parents was the first time I had spoken to anyone about my loss short of Doc Racine. Admitting what happened made the loss become real, and the reality of it all caused me to deal with it.

I may have been a few decades late in resolving matters, but found satisfaction in doing so nonetheless.

I picked up my phone and typed a text message.

Write your letter yet?

I pressed send, tossed my phone on the counter, and stood from my seat.

Riley was good for me in so many ways. Our having found each other wasn’t by design or the result of an exhaustive search on either of our parts. We were two people who were looking for nothing yet found everything; and we found it in each other.

Knowing the odds of us finding each other was more than merely happenstance, yet further understanding what caused us to meet was beyond my comprehension, I was only able to sit back and thank God for gracing me with her presence.

My phone beeped. I swiped my finger across the screen and pressed the message with the tip of my thumb.

Yes. Pick me up?

I fumbled with the keys, pressed send, and stared at the screen.

Be there in ten

A smiley face came back immediately. I glanced down at it and grinned.

Riley had her own reasons to be angry with the world, society, and the system, but she remained peaceful inside and out. One day I hoped to be a little more like her, but until that day came, I would have to remain satisfied that I was good enough to be by her side.

And by her side I intended to remain.