I partied my ass off, feeling more alive than I had in years. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when Lisa left my life and boarded the plane that day. Life returned to my new normal. Carrie and I met only once a month after the holidays. She needed to study and make sure she graduated on time. She kept her promise and never fell in love with me or became clingy. She was a lady of her word, and for that, I respected her.

Women moved in and out of my life at a fast pace. With Carrie busy and my cock as hard as ever, I added to my list of conquests. I met April at a bar around the corner from my apartment. She was a regular, and we’d strike up a conversation when I ran into her. We flirted and ended up at her apartment one night. I put April in the sex rotation with Carrie. They both had standing appointments to help relieve the ache I felt.

I had two lovely and willing ladies to fill my evenings, I filled my room with new furniture that was mine and not borrowed from the company, and I bought myself a new flat-screen television and Blu-ray player. I upgraded my tablet, getting rid of the outdated ultraslow model I’d purchased from the company when I arrived.

I wanted to see my family and go back to Ohio for a visit. I hadn’t had a day off since Lisa walked out of my life. Summer was fast approaching, and Ohio was beautiful in the spring. I made plans to meet up with some friends from high school on my way home. I had a convenient overnight layover on the East Coast to catch up with an old friend before finally arriving in Cleveland.

I ended up fucking a friend of my friend during that “lay” over. I can’t remember her name, but I remember the look on her face when I didn’t want her number. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and we wouldn’t be a “thing” after the one night of alcohol-infused passion. I made that perfectly clear. I always did, but I guess sometimes women thought that after a taste of their magical pussy, I’d change my mind. It didn’t happen. Pussy was plentiful, and I wouldn’t settle for anything but freedom and options.

I happily departed the Carolinas and boarded the plane headed to my hometown. I had a grandmother and aunts and uncles to visit during the day and friends to fill the nights during my short trip. I sat at my aunt Sarah’s kitchen table, sipping some coffee and scrolling through my newsfeed.

Today was Freddie’s birthday. I hadn’t seen him in years. High school friends seemed to drift apart as we scattered across the country. I tapped his name to wish him a happy birthday. His page was like opening a yearbook, but with photos of people who had grown older and changed through the years. Time was a motherfucker on the body.

A photo of a beautiful brunette caught my attention. She stood near the ocean with her hair blowing in the wind and her eyes covered with sunglasses. She made my cock twitch in my pants. Who was she? The last name was familiar, the same last name as Kyle. I hadn’t seen him since that night at the bar long ago when he gave us coke to party the night away. I wondered if they were related; they had to be. I wanted to know how he knew her, but I didn’t. I pushed the Add Friend button and thought I’d talk to her someday to find out how I’d never met her before.

I posted my wishes to Freddie and shut down my tablet for the day. I had a busy schedule, and my aunt was dying to show me the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I hadn’t visited there when I’d lived in Cleveland, and my aunt felt the need to be a tour guide. Sometimes family members forget you’d lived there and knew the city. She wanted to show me how the city had changed and evolved while I’d continued my life elsewhere. I had an evening flight to catch and thought it was a great way to end my trip.

Cleveland was barren compared to New Orleans. Traffic didn’t fill the streets. No one sat at the café tables outside the restaurants, and the Hall of Fame had only a trickle of people moving throughout the space. The city I’d once loved was now a shell of its former self and not the home I once loved.

I sat at the airport, thankful to be heading back to a city as alive as New Orleans. I’d fallen in love with her in the last eight months. A love that didn’t make me miserable or cause me stress, but one that embraced me with open arms and a good time. I said good-bye to Cleveland as I stepped into the tiny metal tube that would carry me back home to New Orleans.

The flight was bumpy and uncomfortable. I hated flying and always had. There was nothing pleasurable about it, but it was a necessity that was unavoidable in life. I crawled into bed and stretched out, flipped on my television, and turned on my tablet. Sophia Romano had accepted my friend request, and I had a message waiting. I clicked the messages, and Sophia’s face filled my screen and a smile danced across my lips.

Sophia: Do I know you?

The statement was simple. Maybe she was a careful girl. I could be vague in my answer, maybe flirt a little.

Me: Not yet.

My statement could’ve scared her off, but it was too tempting not to type it in the little box. I quickly messaged her to let her know how I found her, not wanting to risk being blocked. She didn’t block me, but it took her a minute to respond. Maybe she was thinking about blocking me, but I knew once she started talking about Freddie and the people we had in common, I had her.

We chatted online for hours, the conversation easy with her. She seemed like a genuine person and made it very clear that she didn’t walk the same path as her brother, Kyle. She’d gone to school and become educated, unlike me or her brother.

She told me her life had been navy blue. The statement confused the fuck out of me. What the fuck did a color have to do with her life? I thought about the statement, and if I had to choose a color to describe my life, well, I couldn’t pick just one. My life resembled a tie-dyed shirt with various colors and shades mingled together in a massive heap twisted together.

Sophia intrigued me, drew me in with her words, and I looked forward to talking with her. Did I want to fuck her? More than anything in the world. As the days and weeks flew by, I wanted her more and more. She was a good girl, but I knew if I peeled back the layers, there was a girl underneath who was dying for some fun. She needed color in her life, and I could give that to her.

I stopped seeing Carrie and April, not wanting to miss a night talking to Sophia. She made me laugh every day. She found a way of putting everything into perspective and made me laugh when I became the most frustrated. I shared everything with her during the day. I sent her photos of the places I traveled to, told her about the people I met, and wanted to know everything she did in her day. I became obsessed and transfixed with her.

I had feelings for her, and I’d never even touched her. I didn’t understand how that was even possible, but it happened. I felt connected to her. The idea of being with an independent woman who had an education was beyond sexy. I pictured her in her librarian work clothes, hair tied up, and glasses. I wanted her to be my naughty librarian.

I spent more weeks trying to get her to New Orleans than I had ever spent on any woman in my life. Women had always been easy for me to lure to my bed, but Sophia fought hard to resist me. I eventually wore her down. Her need for fun and excitement outweighed her cautiousness.

“I told my brother that I’m coming to see you,” she said.

“What did he say?”

“He said he had a call to make and immediately hung up on me.” My heart stopped. Kyle must not remember me, or maybe he wanted to see where life had taken me after all these years.

“Think he’s calling some of my friends?” I closed my eyes and started silently praying that nothing would turn up. I wanted the approval.

“No doubt—knowing my brother, he’s looking for any red flags.”

Thankfully, he found nothing, or my friends didn’t feel the need to share my past. Sophia had told me that Kyle was superprotective of her, but I wasn’t looking to use her or hurt her. I wanted to spend time with her and see if the connection I felt with her on the phone and online were real.

Sophia is everything she portrayed herself to be. She’s a genuinely nice person who is beautiful and quirky. I can’t describe every way she’s different than any woman I’ve come into contact with, but she is. She’s my soul mate who I had to walk through hell to find. Sophia’s my kismet, the one worth everything I went through to be with in the end.

I often wonder how different my life would have been if I’d met her instead of Danielle. Bridget was inevitable, and Sophia was too young at the time to get more than a glance from me. What if she’d been with her brother that night in the bar and caught my eye? Would I have escaped the heartache of the loss of a child and the betrayal by my wife? I never would’ve been arrested and may not have the drinking issues I still battle with on a daily basis.

Life’s full of what-ifs, but none more than the Sophia question. I felt like I wasted years of my life without her by my side. The other women were meaningless and unimportant; although they helped me to realize what love is and should be, and with Sophia, I found it and held on tight.

She saved me from myself and my life of misery. She showed me true love and stuck with me through everything: job loss, drunken nights, and despair. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

I often wonder why in the fuck she did, but then I remind myself that I would’ve for her. When you truly love someone, you stand by their side and help them through the darkest times in their life. I’m thankful she’s a special person and has the patience of a saint. She was meant to come into my life when she did. She saved me, and I’ll forever be indebted to her. I live my life for her and to be the man she deserves.

I’ll never forget the day she said to me:

“Kayden, I love you for everything you are now, not for what you were. I want to know all of you, what made you into the man you are today, the man who has consumed my every thought and captured my soul.”

It changed my life and altered my path forever. I’d seek help and get counseling, never wanting to abandon her again or break her heart.