It seemed like yesterday when Sophia said, “I’m pregnant.” My heart skipped a beat before pounding feverishly in my chest with the realization that I’d be a father. Joy didn’t even begin to describe how I felt, but a sense of panic consumed me when I thought about the child I’d lost years ago.

I was almost paralyzed by fear for months. I waited for a call telling me I’d live the nightmare again. I doted on Sophia, not wanting to risk the health of our baby.

“Kayden, really, I’m more than capable of washing dishes and cleaning. I’m pregnant not dying.” She sat in the chair and stared at me like a child, with her arms crossed. She rested her arms on her giant belly, and the sight of her with my child growing inside brought me the most joy I’d ever experienced in my life. “I’m due any day now, sweetheart. The baby can come out and survive. Stop stressing out.”

“Sophia, just sit and relax. Kick your feet up, babe. You have a baby to take care of, and I want her safe.” I sprayed the counters and started to scrub the surface. “Who’s the boss?”

“So sure it’s a girl, huh? And to answer your second question, Tony Danza.”

God, she was such a nerd at times, and I loved her for it. “Goofball with the throwback. I can feel it, baby doll. She’ll be as beautiful as her momma, too. Big brown eyes with a thick head of hair. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms.” I could be a hard ass at times, but I was a mush on the inside. Sophia was really the only person I’d ever let see that side of me. I’d never been vulnerable in front of anyone, but with her, I knew I could be myself.

“Well, I deal with enough girls at work all day at the school library, trust me… We want a boy.” She leaned back and rested her head and began to scratch her stomach. “Who knew I’d be so fucking miserable with this alien growing inside me and fat as fuck, too.”

“You’re beautiful, Sophia.”

“Ohh, mmm,” she moaned.

“You’re making my cock hard over here, Sophia. Stop with all the noises.” I stopped and watched her. She almost looked like she did when I made her come.

“I can’t help it. My skin is so damn itchy. It’s almost orgasmic.” Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I stood there unable to move. It was erotic to watch, although she didn’t mean it to be. I’d been so horny lately but too scared to fuck her and risk hurting the baby.

“Stop, you’re fucking killing me,” I said.

“Why don’t you make me?” She continued rubbing her belly and making sounds that made my cock twitch.

I started walking toward her with the intent to give her other reasons to moan when she shot straight up and screamed, “Fuck!”

“What?” I yelled and rushed to her side.

“Contraction…” Her breathing stopped.

“Remember Lamaze, Sophia. Breathe, don’t hold it in.” What the fuck did I know? I listened to every word they said in that class and read every book I could find on pregnancy, but I didn’t have a human clawing its way out of my body.

“Fuck Lamaze, Kayden.” Well, at least she had to take a breath to put me in my place. “Should we go to the hospital now or wait?”

“I’m not waiting. Fuck, I’m not taking a chance with you or my little girl. I’ll grab the stuff. You wait here,” I said as I hopped up and headed toward the bedroom.

I could hear her say, “Where the fuck would I go?” I could see this wasn’t going to be an easy process. Sophia rarely had crabby days, but this was going to be a whopper.

“Come on, baby doll. I have everything.” I helped her to her feet, locked up the house, and headed to the hospital for the birth of our child.

“One more push, Sophia,” the doctor between her legs said.

“I can’t. I’m too tired.”

“Come on, baby. We’re so close. You’re the strongest woman I know.” I patted her forehead with a cool, damp cloth.

“It hurts too much, Kayden.” Her head tossed back and forth.

“You can do it.” The doctor patted her legs. “Now, Sophia.”

She squeezed my hand so tightly I thought she’d break my fingers. I didn’t say anything though. I wasn’t stupid. She pushed, and I supported her back with my thankfully free hand, helping to hold her up while she gave everything she had.

“Excellent, a little more.” She crunched her body up, and the doctor started to move back. I held my breath as the baby came into view. “It’s a boy.”

Sophia began to cry, and I stood there in awe. She’d given me a boy, delivered him safely to me, and we were forever part of another human being. We’d be together forever somewhere on this planet, passed along to the generations. “It’s a boy. I knew it would be,” Sophia said.

I couldn’t stop the flood of tears as I looked at our baby. To create a life is the most amazing thing in the world. To watch the woman you love bring that life into the world is indescribable. I cried the day our baby was born—my heart finally felt complete. I was whole again.

“You were right, Sophia. I couldn’t be any happier than I am right now.” I watched as they carried our baby boy over to a small table and started checking him and cleaning off his tiny body. His screams filled the air, and I stood there and didn’t move. I almost held my breath and was scared to blink, thinking the sight in front of my eyes would vanish and be a dream.

“Hey,” Sophia said as she squeezed my hand. I looked at her and smiled. “He’ll be okay. It’s normal he’s crying. Don’t worry, love.”

I leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips. “You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted, Sophia. You’re the world to me, and my life’s complete. A boy, Sophia, a boy,” I said in amazement.

“I love you, Kayden.” She stared into my eyes as I backed away from her lips. “We need to pick a name.”

“I didn’t spend too much time on boy names. I was sure as shit the baby was going to be a girl,” I said.

“Well, I like Jett or Tristan,” she said.

“Tristan brings too many images of Brad Pitt on a horse. Jett sounds badass. I like it.” I kissed her forehead and watched as the doctor approached with a calmer baby in his arms.

“Who’d like to hold him first?” the doctor asked.

“Go ahead, Kayden,” Sophia said as she pushed my arm away from her.

“You sure?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I didn’t ask her again. I held out my arms as the doctor placed Jett in them. Relief flooded my body as I stared at the small baby with pure white skin and dark brown hair. He had a head of hair like his mom, but his eyes were closed. I touched his hand, and his fingers moved. I held them between my fingers and couldn’t believe how tiny he was. I sat down next to Sophia with him in my arms.

“I love you, baby boy. I’ve waited a lifetime to meet you.”

I thought my life changed forever when Sophia pulled into my apartment parking lot, but I was wrong, as usual. Jett turned everything right-side up. Sophia had given me the greatest gift and brought joy into my life. I’d do anything for her. She’d asked me months before his birth to see a counselor, and I’d agreed.

I’d stopped drinking long before her pregnancy, not wanting to chance losing Sophia. No drink in the world was worth that risk. She deserved better than that. Counseling helped me identify my triggers—women and trust issues stemming from my father. Writing out my life story helped the counselor and me to reflect on the journey that’s my life. It was all a choice. I chose to drink, do drugs, and wallow in my own self-pity. I wanted my life back.

Sophia gave it back to me and showed me the light. She made me find my way back to my true self, the one I always portrayed on the outside but didn’t believe I was during the dark times in my life.

I’ve been sober for well over a year. Does liquor still call my name? Yes. It’s an addiction for a reason, but I fight every urge that comes my way. I don’t crave a drink because things are fucked up in my life but because my body craves it, but I don’t need it. Liquor can fuck off and go ruin someone else’s life. For once, I’m content and happy with Sophia and Jett in my future.