Chapter Twenty-Seven
Zane took a deep breath and opened the door to the café. It was the night of the Tourism Association meeting about the Christmas season, and (much against his will) he had to attend. He’d known he couldn’t send one of the lads from the Centre to something like this; it was way outside their job descriptions, and, for several reasons, he hadn’t wanted to ask Matt to attend either.
Things were still strained between the two of them. Matt wasn’t coping very well with events in his life, and, despite part of him wanting to be his friend, to be the person who could help him cope, Zane couldn’t find it in himself to be that person for Matt right now. He was still too angry with him.
That, plus the fact that Matt had taken Faith out. He knew about their evening in Darlstone. Did they really think that by driving over there they wouldn’t be seen? Then again, he knew he couldn’t lay all the blame on Matt for the end of things with Faith.
He could have behaved sensibly about all this. He could have gone and talked to Faith and explained why he’d behaved the way he had. But he’d probably left it all too late now anyway. Faith had kept her distance since they’d last spoken in the office at the Centre, and he couldn’t blame her. But now, the fact that he missed her so much was starting to make him wonder if there was any possibility that he might get his head around things after all.
Maybe he could allow himself to believe they had a chance at a future together. But first he’d have to try to forget about the past. Then he’d have to force himself to face up to his fears. After all of that, he’d still have to explain everything to Faith and try to convince her to get involved with him again. Was doing all of that a better or worse prospect than being without her and facing a safe but boring future alone?
With each passing day he felt as though he was getting closer to answering that question. He still loved Faith. He still wanted to be with her. If only it was that simple. Even if he did manage to convince himself that he was prepared to open himself up to a relationship with her again, what guarantee did he have that Faith was prepared to do the same for him? Right now she probably hated him.
The idea of that made him feel as though someone had just punched him in the stomach. He didn’t want Faith to hate him. He wanted her to love him. But whether or not he would ever be lucky enough to get to experience her love again, would depend on two things: whether she wanted to love him again (especially once she knew the truth), and whether he would allow himself to be loved.
The café was pretty full; obviously the Christmas season meeting was a popular one. Zane made his way over to the table at the back of the room where refreshments had been laid out. Part of him still wanted to avoid seeing Faith.
But fate had different ideas. Just as he helped himself to a coffee and turned to find a seat at the back of the room, he practically split his drink all over her.
“Oh, sorry,” he managed to say, feeling like an awkward teenager.
“It’s OK,” she replied, looking about as awkward as he felt.
Was this what they were reduced to? They had been amazing together, and now… Now what, exactly?
“I was just going to find a seat,” he said.
Wow, Zane. Good attempt at sparkling conversation.
“Good idea. I think the meeting is about to start.”
“There’s a lot of people here tonight.”
Zane had resolved to keep his distance, but he could feel that resolve softening. Faith still had an effect on him. Just as she’d always done, ever since the first day he’d met her. That was here, in this very café, at another Tourism Association meeting very similar to this one. Now, that felt as though it had been a million years ago. Back then he’d felt drawn to her, and that connection was clearly still there, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.
What was he going to do about it? What could he do about it? Did she also still feel the connection between them?
The group around them at the refreshment table jostled for cakes and coffee as people began to get ready for the start of the meeting. Someone bumped into Faith as the crowd tried to reach the table, and she stumbled.
Instinctively Zane steadied her. Their eyes met, his hand lingering on her arm a fraction too long. He got his answer: Yes, she did.
The spark jolted through him and from the look in her eyes he knew she felt it too. All he wanted to do was forget about his doubts, his fears and his confusion, and grab her hand, get out of the café, go somewhere they could be alone, pin her up against the wall and kiss her in such a way that she was left in no doubt how he felt about her.
“I think the meeting is about to start,” she said again, looking away. The spell was broken.
The meeting droned on for almost two hours. Zane made copious notes about what activities happened and when, the Christmas lights switch-on ceremony, and the various entertainments planned for tourists during the month leading up to Christmas itself. The Centre did need to be aware of what promotions were happening and when, but the notes were mainly, if he was honest with himself, an exercise in distracting himself from looking at Faith.
She was leading the meeting, dressed tonight in jeans tucked into brown knee-high boots and a red jumper skimming her hips. Her hair was tied back in a simple ponytail. Each time he looked at her his heart pounded. He knew he was still in love with her. What he didn’t know was what, if anything, he could do about it.
What had she been doing in Darlstone with Matt that night? They weren’t involved, were they?
No, they couldn’t be.
Could they?
As soon as the meeting was officially closed, Zane got to his feet and headed for the door. He didn’t want to mingle with everyone, chat, eat more cake, drink more coffee, as usually happened after the meetings. He couldn’t stand being in a room with Faith a moment longer; he had to get out. He didn’t trust himself. He might end up saying something he’d regret. He also hated being in a room with her and knowing he wasn’t with her any longer, as part of a couple. He couldn’t stand that he wasn’t able to slip his arms around her any more or sneak a kiss with her in the kitchen.
But what he couldn’t stand most of all was that, of course, it was all his own doing.
Even if he plucked up the courage to see if there was any chance of him and Faith getting back together, how would he explain things to her?
Despite his best intentions, he couldn’t get out of the café for people wanting to stop and chat to him. Everyone in Carleton was so friendly. Sometimes he loved it, at other times he found it claustrophobic and frustrating. Like now. As the guy who ran the newsagents droned on about the importance of the Christmas festival to the village, Zane half-listened, nodding here and there as was expected of him, but his eyes and his concentration were on Faith. A man he’d never seen before was chatting with her, had cornered her by the buffet table. Zane watched as the man touched her arm. Faith smiled up at the guy. Who the hell was he?
“Who’s that with Faith?” he asked the guy from the newsagents.
He turned to look. “His name’s Andy. He’s the new sous-chef up at the Royal.”
Zane watched as the guy took a step out of the way of someone trying to get to the buffet table and, as he did so, casually slipped a hand to Faith’s waist.
For a second Zane forced himself to look away. What Faith did now was none of his business. He looked back at the two of them. If the guy got any closer to Faith you wouldn’t have been able to fit one of the café’s laminated menus between the pair of them. At that moment Faith looked over and their eyes met. He couldn’t help himself. He was going to rescue her, whether she wanted him to or not.
“Excuse me,” he said to Mr. Newsagent. “Got to go.”
In two seconds he was by Faith’s side. The sous-chef took a step back, looking surprised.
Zane reached for Faith’s hand, glaring at the guy. “Faith, I want to talk to you.”
Sophie was in the kitchen when they walked in. She took one look at the two of them and made her escape, closing the kitchen door behind her.
“What is going on with you, Zane?” Faith shouted as soon as the door closed. “The other day you made it pretty clear you didn’t want to talk to me, now you storm over and almost drag me off to the kitchen.”
Zane waved a hand in the direction of the café. “That guy practically had his hands all over you!”
“So what if he did? It’s none of your business any more. You were the one who ended things between us, remember?”
He turned away and shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to calm down. She was right. Technically it wasn’t any of his business. But he couldn’t let go. “So, did you enjoy your trip to the pictures with Matt?”
“Oh.”
He thought she looked surprised. “Surely you didn’t think I wouldn’t find out?”
Faith chewed on a fingernail. He’d never seen her do that before. “Did Matt tell you?”
Zane shook his head, leaning back against the counter top. “Nope. Apparently somebody saw the two of you leaving the cinema, and word got around in the village. I have to say I’m very surprised. I didn’t think that was your style.”
“We’re friends. That’s all.”
“Yeah, right. You’re not naïve, Faith. You know how he is. Like I said, in the circumstances, I’m surprised you’re contemplating getting involved with him.”
“Why?” Faith snapped. “Because he’s your friend, your business partner?”
Zane shook his head.
“No,” he said, his voice cold. “Because he’s married.”