Maria
“Mommy?”
The voice of my sweet boy brought me back to the present, and my fear skyrocketed into my system. My blood ran cold, and my eyes widened in realization. If anything happened to Alessio…
No, I shook my head. I refused to let anything happen to my son. Without thinking twice, I was already pulling him out of bed. There was no time. The screams got louder. The gunshots sounded closer.
“Mommy, what’s happening?” Alessio asked, his little voice trembling.
My lungs clenched, and I didn’t know what to say to my little boy, how to appease his fear. God, Lyov…where are you? We need you.
I knelt down in front of Alessio. My stomach tightened, and then my baby girl went still, as if she was hiding away. I looked around the room, searching for a place to hide Alessio. My whole body shook, and the insides of me were twisted in knots. My eyes drifted to the bed.
Another loud bang rang through the walls of the Estate. “Alessio, listen to me carefully. I want you to hide under the bed. Okay?”
I could hear the tremble in my voice, the panic. My stomach dropped, and my lungs squeezed together. “No matter what happens or what you see or hear, you don’t come out. Do you understand?” I whispered, grabbing his shoulders and giving him a little shake when he didn’t respond. I hated the look of terror in his blue eyes, the same eyes as mine—the eyes Lyov loved so much.
At the thought of Lyov, I choked back a sob. I couldn’t die today. No, I just couldn’t. What would Lyov do? I was his Angel. He needed me. We needed each other.
Alessio finally nodded, and I breathed out a shaking sigh of relief. He would be safe. I would make sure of it even if that was the last thing I did. Tears stung my eyes. I tried not to cry, not wanting to scare and worry Alessio any further, but the tears slid down my cheeks before I could stop them. They were the hardest tears I had ever cried.
Pulling Alessio in to my chest, I held him closely. So tight. I wish I could burrow him into my embrace and protect him from this bloody, tainted world. I peppered his face with kisses. His chubby cheeks. His eyes. His nose. His forehead. I couldn’t stop loving on my sweet boy. Deep inside of me, I feared it would be the last time I could hold my baby in my arms.
When I pulled away, Alessio gripped my wrists tightly into his little hands. His hold tightened. He was so strong for his young age. There was no mistake that he was an Ivanshov.
“Mommy, what about you? Why am I hiding under the bed?” he questioned slowly.
I wished I had the answers for you, my sweet boy. But I didn’t.
Another loud bang came through, and this time, my whole body jostled. My mind went back to that night again. No. No. No. Stop, Maria. Think of Alessio. Think of your baby girl. Your little Princess. I needed to be strong for my babies. I couldn’t lose my mind right now; I couldn’t go back into being that broken girl.
No. I was Lyov’s Queen. And a Queen never cowered in fear.
“Alessio. Don’t ask me questions, okay? Please, baby, just listen to Mommy. Hide under the bed and don’t come out. Not until Papa, Lena, or Isaak come looking for you,” I said. I could hear the desperation in my voice. Alessio opened his mouth to argue; I could see it in his eyes. I shook my head, and he went silent.
“Please, my baby. Promise Mommy that you won’t come out,” I begged this time.
Alessio finally nodded, and this time, I cried. Pulling him into my chest again, I gave him a final kiss on his forehead before whispering, “I love you. I love you so much, my sweet boy. Never forget that.”
As we pulled apart, I could hear the noises closer to the door. They were right outside. I heard Boris. He bellowed something loud. I could hear fighting from the other side. My heart accelerated, and it beat heavily, almost painfully against my ribcage.
Quickly, I pushed Alessio toward the bed. “Go, my baby. Don’t come out. Don’t make any noise—no matter what. Do you hear me?” He crawled underneath the high bed, and I pulled the corners of the bedsheets down so he was perfectly hidden from view.
I separated my sweet boy from me. I suddenly felt sick, and my throat started to close up. Just when I stood up, the door banged open. My heart thumped, and I closed my eyes for the briefest second. My breathing stuttered.
You will never have to do anything without me. We will always be together, Angel.
Bringing my hand up, I choked back an agonized cry. Where are you, Lyov? Please come back.
The intruder tsked from behind me. Taking a deep breath, I faced him. The villain of my happily ever after.
My gaze found his face, and the world came to a screeching halt. Everything went chillingly silent. A dark cloud settled around my once happy bubble. My blood ran cold, and my eyes widened at the familiar face. My hands grew clammy, and my heart twisted.
“Maria. How lovely to see you again.”
That voice. It once haunted me. Many years ago, he belonged in my nightmares. He was the face I saw behind the bars of my cage as he reveled in my suffering and threw pieces of bread at me.
“Alfredo,” I replied, my voice surprisingly cold and hard. This man was part of my misery. He had sat there in a pretty suit and watched me break while laughing.
I saw Boris behind Alfredo. His face was harsh and badly bruised, bleeding. He seemed out of breath, his wide chest heaving and his face twisted in pain with each laboured breath. I could tell he had fought through hell to be here. But before I could rejoice in slight relief that Boris was here, everything crumbled around me. My heart thundered and then shattered at the sound of a gunshot going off and then Boris falling limply to the floor.
NO!
I wanted to scream. My lips parted, but my agony was silent.
Alfredo smirked, his face a mask of evil. “I am surprised Lyov left you unprotected.”
You are stronger than you think, Maria.
I lifted my chin up and stared into his black, soulless eyes. “Why are you here?” I asked.
“You know exactly why I am here, sweet Maria.”
Sweet Maria.
Sweet slave.
Bile rose in the back of my throat, and I suddenly wanted to throw up. I felt sick.
Get on your knees and suck my cock, sweet slave.
The memories assaulted me with such pain, and I almost doubled over. My gaze went to the dagger in his hand, and I saw the emblem. The Italians’ emblem. The Abandonato.
Alfredo Abandonato.
Oh God.
My eyes widened in realization. But oh, how late I was. So very late. So very stupid.
My head lifted up, and our eyes connected. He laughed, a cold, merciless laugh. He saw it in my eyes. He saw it in the depth of my soul. He knew that I figured it out. Only I was eight years too late.
Alfredo was there…when I was owned by Valentin. He would come to Solonik’s house, to the little parties that he would throw every now and then, to show his collections of slaves.
Alfredo took part during those parties. He was an active member of that society.
But Alfredo was an Italian. He was a Boss. He was not meant to be there. The Italians and Russians never crossed paths.
My heart hammered, and I closed my eyes briefly. Oh Lyov.
Solonik betrayed the Russians.
He was in partnership with Alfredo. Valentin planned it—this. He was the mastermind.
“A little too late, aren’t you?” Alfredo tsked with fake sadness. “Lyov will never know the truth now.”
His mocking words hurt. God, did it hurt. So bad. Sharp knives were being stabbed into me, digging holes into my soul and leaving me to bleed.
I didn’t reply. Angered by my silence, just like always—he wanted my tears, my cries of agony—Alfredo lurched forward and grabbed me by the hair.
His black eyes were hard and cold. I saw death in them. My death.
He spat into my face, his fist twisting painfully into my hair before violently pushing me away. My feet twisted under me, and I went down hard. My stomach hit the ground, and this time, I screamed. My Princess.
I squeezed my eyes shut as indescribable pain went through every inch of my body. But that wasn’t what hurt the most. My nose tingled and my chest heaved with a laboured breath. Darkness clouded around me. What hurt the most was the bleak and bitter realization that there was…no escape.
From the corner of my eyes, I saw Alessio trying to move, trying to come to my rescue. My sweet protective boy. He was so much like his father.
I gave him a slight shake of my head, silently begging him, and he stayed still. I saw his tears. I saw my sweet boy cry, and my tears fell.
Turning around, still on the floor, I held my stomach and looked up at the man who could be my downfall. I pleaded with him, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I pleaded with the devil, because I didn’t want to leave my Lyov behind.
“Please, don’t do this. I beg you. Have mercy.”
His laughter boomed around the room, and I flinched, choking back my cries. He knelt down next to me, and his filthy hands touched me. His fingers traced a line up my neck, my jaw, and then he thumbed my lips roughly.
His touch then continued down, toward my breasts. He circled my nipple, and I wanted to claw his eyes out. Alfredo raised an eyebrow seductively, and he pinched my nipple to the point of pain, and I cried out.
“I can show you mercy if you agree to come with me. Be my whore and then maybe I’ll show you mercy.”
I let my head fall back on the floor, and I stared at the ceiling. My body was cold and numb, my emotions in turmoil. My broken heart was like a shattered vase, all the fragile pieces scattered around. The broken glasses pierced my soul, without consideration and almost mockingly.
Lyov had been able to gather the shattered pieces of my heart before. He had slowly pieced them back together. It had not been a perfect mold, but it was perfect enough for us.
But now…those shattered pieces? They couldn’t be fixed or put together.
They burned into a bright fieriness until nothing was left but the ashes of it.
Alfredo leaned down, closer to my face, and murmured in my ear. “It could be just like before, sweet Maria. Although this time…I will take your cunt. Hmm, maybe I will let you come too. I’ll make you enjoy it. I’ll make you cream and squeeze my dick.”
No. I could see it in his eyes. The dark, evil glint. He would just use me in the most sadistic ways. He would fuck me until the sheets were red with my blood.
By the time Lyov found me, I would only be a corpse.
A man like Alfredo would never let me survive for more than a few hours, for his enjoyment. And then he would take great pleasure in ending me.
My sweet princess, what would become of her then?
Never again. I would never bow for men like him again. I’d rather die as Lyov’s Angel…a Queen, rather than as a slave.
“Never,” I spat. “I will never allow another man to touch my body. I only belong to Lyov. I would rather die than have you touch me.”
Alfredo grunted in response, and he raised an eyebrow, surprise at my outburst. “Is that your final decision?”
I kept my eyes on him, unflinching. My silence was my answer.
“Well, okay then,” he said.
He stood up and pointed the gun at me. “Why are you doing this?” There was a break in my voice, and I hated it.
“Don’t you know, Maria? The best way to bring a man down is by his weakness. And you, my sweet, are Lyov’s weakness.”
My breathing faltered. Lyov called me Angel, and I always thought of myself as his guardian Angel, the wings that would protect him just like he was my shield. I vowed to be his strength.
But it was in that moment when I realized that I was more his weakness than his strength.
I was his downfall.
I saw Alfredo’s finger on the trigger. My palm cradled my rounded stomach, and I felt my baby girl kick one last time. I wanted to rage at the unfairness. I wanted to hate Lyov for leaving us. But I couldn’t.
The fault wasn’t ours. The fault lay in the cruel game of fate.
For eight years, our lives had been divine and so full of love. But we had been dancing within the arms of death, escaping through it, but for how long? Time ran out, and it was my blood they wanted.
Time slowed and silence took the shape of life, surrounding me with a sharp coldness. Everything flashed before my eyes, my whole life. Everything, every little piece of me was unfolding and scattering around…floating far, far away. I watched it all from a distance. Not exactly here or there, but somewhere in the middle.
I thought of my parents. The accident. I thought of the abbey and all the sisters. I thought of Sophia and my unborn princess.
I thought of Lena. Isaak. Boris. Viktor. Maddie.
My sweet boy. Alessio. I remembered the day he was born. His first breath. His first cry. His first word. His first steps, the first time he walked toward his papa. I remembered how proud Lyov looked that day. I remembered how he had held Alessio close and kissed his forehead.
I thought of my Lyov. Our first look. His first words to me. His first touch on my skin.
My name means Lion. I am a hunter. I like to possess and own things until they are solely mine. But I am also the protector of my pride, Angel.
That also means I am your protector because I happen to love you very much. Fuck, I more than just love you. Love is a weak word to describe what I feel for you.
There are no limits on the hell I would walk through to make sure you are always smiling…always happy.
I thought of my cruel, heartless made man. And then I thought of my sweet lover.
My gaze flittered over my left hand, my wedding ring. It was very simple, with only a single small diamond in the middle. There was nothing fancy about it. Just elegant and perfect for me.
Our wedding. My beautiful white dress. Lyov had twirled me around the dance floor. Then he had leaned down and placed a kiss on my neck, over my thrumming vein.
I thought of Lyov standing at the end of the aisle as he waited for me to walk to him, on shaky legs. I held on to Isaak and made my way to my love. Our unbroken vows to each other.
I, Maria Andersen, take you, Lyov Ivanshov, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad. I will love, cherish, and honor you all the days of my life.
I, Lyov Ivanshov, take you, Maria Andersen, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad. I will love, cherish, and honor you all the days of my life.
Lyov’s smile.
Lyov’s grey eyes.
Lyov’s love.
Lyov’s heart.
In honesty, in sincerity, to be for you, a faithful and loving husband.
In honesty, in sincerity, to be for you, a faithful and loving wife.
Our entwined, singing souls. Never to be apart, for we were one. The stars had aligned, and we were meant for each other since birth. It was fated. It was destiny. There are no accidental meetings between souls.
I give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace. I promise to be worthy of your love.
I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.
His sweet kisses. His lips making love to me. He had touched me where no one else could. In the deepest part of me, my wounded soul. I had been crying from inside, begging for someone to see and save me. Lyov saw and he took me away, far, far away into our castle, where he was King and he made me his beloved Queen.
I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of what is to come, and as long as we live.
Lyov’s body on mine, pressing into me. Making sweet love. Our bodies tangled intimately. His breath as it breathed into me. Our wedding bands heavy on our fingers, with our hearts beating to the same beautiful rhythm.
For richer, for poorer. In joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. To have and to hold from this day forward. Always and forever. There will never be another, for my Angel is the only one. This is my solemn vow.
There will never be another, for my Master is the only one. This is my solemn vow.
His love for me. My love for him. Our love. My heart only ever wanted one thing. My heart only ever had one thought. One need. Despite everything I could have, all my heart ever wanted was Lyov. A piece of him—a single cloth of his love, even it was ripped or used. But he gave me more than that. Lyov gave me all of him—every fragmented, dark piece of him.
I am now Maria Ivanshov.
You are mine.
I have always been yours.
Just like I am yours. Always will be. I belong to you, Angel.
Sometimes, I had felt like I didn’t belong, a lost soul. But then I would lay my head on Lyov’s chest, his heartbeat strong in my ears, and he would hold me tight. I would then breathe, a slow shuddering breath of realization—his embrace was my home.
Your heartbeat is so strong. I like it. It makes me feel…warm.
I remembered his whisper in my ears. I could hear it as if he were speaking it right now. I could almost feel his touch, his voice caressing my skin.
It’s yours, Angel. You are the first fucking woman to lay her head on my chest. I have held no other in my arms like this. So hold me close and hear my heartbeat. And let me feel yours in return.
It wasn’t his collar or his chain that kept me close to him. No, it was all in his gaze. The way Lyov looked at me, I had been bound to him in the most beautiful way. He had made me his with a single look.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
The agony was more than being made to crawl around with a collar around my neck, for the sadistic, ugly pleasure of men.
The thought of leaving my family behind—my Lyov, this pain…it came from the pit of my soul, the marrow of me.
It hurt knowing that our dreams would be shattered the moment Alfredo pulled the trigger.
This time, when our princess is born, I want to be the one to cut the umbilical cord. And I want to hold her first. Last time, you got to hold our son first.
I want to take you to see the world, Angel. Just me and you.
I want to kiss you at the sunrise. And I want to make love to you in front of the sunset.
It hurt even more because I had to break the promise I made to Lyov.
Angel, I didn’t realize I was alone until I met you. I had been missing a piece of me, I was somehow…empty in the inside, but I didn’t know.
Master, from now on…you will never be alone. I will always be here for you.
Promise?
Promise.
My dark, angry Prince Charming had come on his black horse. He had swept me up, saved me, and dragged me into his violent world, where I planted roses and made them bloom with every breath I took. It was a twisted fairy tale, with a beauty within the thorns.
My eyes clouded with tears, and I felt those droplets slide down my cheeks.
We will never end, Angel. Not even God can separate us. This…this is my vow to you. Right here and now.
Lyov was wrong. No matter how powerful of a King he was, this was not in his control. If only I had told him this, if only I hadn’t let us drown in such a beautiful reverie.
I saw our last kiss. Our last touch. Our last hug. The last time our bodies had entwined in the most intimate way. I heard his last words.
Through blurry eyes, I saw Alfredo’s fingers move. My eyes closed. But my lips smiled.
You have a beautiful smile, Maria. I want to see it on you every day.
I will always smile for you, Master. Promise. Forever. Until my last breath.
The trigger was pulled. A loud bang. My chest heaved. My last heartbeat belonged to Lyov.
I thought we would live happily ever after. But there was no happy ending in this life. I found this out the hard way, as the blood flowed, red as roses…
I love you. I love you so much. Do you hear me, Lyov? I love you, Master. My Lyov. Please don’t forget that. Please keep fighting. Please protect our son. Don’t let him go. Love him the way he deserves. Please be strong, my love. Please. Please. Please. For your Angel.
A breath. And then breathless. Silence. Darkness. Cold.
Our fairy tale was now just a distant memory. So very far away and out of reach.
“Till death do us part.”