Maria
6 months later
When the car came to a stop, Lena and I stepped out with our shopping bags. She was practically sprinting for the doors, and I laughed, trying to catch up with her.
“Hurry,” she yelled. “I want to change before Boris comes home.”
I couldn’t help but shake my head with excitement. Boris and Lena had been together for the longest time, yet they were still very much in love. The honeymoon stage, as Lena liked to put it, never passed away between them, even after almost four years of being together. I loved catching them during their little stolen moments, when they thought nobody was watching them. It was endearing to watch Boris change the moment Lena was in his presence. His hardened expression, the shield he had up every other time, would melt away, and in its place was soft eyes for his Lena.
I guess love like theirs was rare.
My smile widened, and my heart thumped. The butterflies in my stomach increased when I thought of Lyov and me. How similar we were and how much I had grown to crave Lyov more over the months we had been together.
Those brewing feelings inside of me continued to build up with each passing day. Every time I was in Lyov’s presence, I was so utterly lost in him. He had me completely ensnared in his alluring trap. Lyov Ivanshov was dangerous. He was a killer. He was cold. He was your worst nightmare. Oh, but what a beautiful nightmare he was.
I had learned to love it, as much as I loved his good sides. It was impossible to only love half of someone’s soul.
Lena pulled me into the house, bringing my attention back to her. She wiggled her hips and winked. “He is going to love this new lingerie. And red is his favorite color on me.”
“I can tell. Because you bought three different sets. All in red.”
Lena shrugged and then bit on her lips, almost shyly. But I knew differently. She was a little minx and loved to play games with Boris. She knew every button of his, and she was about to push them all tonight. Boris had proposed again, the night before. Properly this time. She said yes. Tonight was her way of celebration.
Lena and I were closing on the main staircase when we suddenly stopped short. Isaak appeared in front of us, blocking our path. Our laughter died down at the expression on his face.
“Where were you both?” he snapped. “You went out alone.”
Immediately, a sense of uneasiness creeped its way into my body. The harsh look he gave us said he was mad.
Oh God. I knew instantly what this was about. Like a click in my mind and I just knew. My stomach twisted, and I closed my eyes in dread.
When Lena sighed in exasperation, I opened my eyes again. She raised her arms and wiggled her shopping bags in front of him. “Shopping. Can’t you see? Is there a problem?”
I wanted to pull at her arms and stop her from speaking, from making this worse. This was not the time to sass Isaak.
Lena cleared her throat before continuing. “Weren’t you and Lyov coming home tomorrow?”
Isaak didn’t answer. Instead, his dark eyes pinned me on the spot. “Lyov is waiting for you upstairs.”
My throat was suddenly dry. I opened my mouth to speak, but my words didn’t come out. Instead, I snapped it shut again and nodded. Isaak stalked away, and Lena finally realized something wasn’t exactly right.
She looked back at me, and her brows furrowed in confusion. “Is Lyov mad?”
My fingers tightened around my shopping bags, and I shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s waiting for me. I’ll go and talk to him.”
Lena pulled me back when I took a trembling step toward the stairs. She looked very displeased about the thought of Lyov being mad at me. Her voice dropped an octave when she spoke.
“Is he angry because we left without any protection? I know he expects us to take bodyguards with us every time we leave, but I didn’t think this would be an issue. If it is, I can talk to him and explain.”
My throat was dry, and I swallowed a few times before answering. “Lyov wants to see me. It will be okay.”
The frown on Lena’s face didn’t disappear. Instead, she looked aggravated and utterly saddened by the fact that Lyov and I could possibly have a problem between us. “But from Isaak’s words, I can tell Lyov is mad. And I don’t want you to face him like this, Maria. Lyov is a little…uncontrollable when he’s pissed off. When he’s like this, he’s not the man you’re accustomed to.”
I quickly pulled my hand away from her grasp, shocked and appalled by the meaning of her words. My heart thumped with the need to defend the man I had grown to love. “I’m not scared of Lyov. He will never hurt me.”
Her eyes widened, realizing her mistake, and she tried to reason with me. “I know. I didn’t say he would hurt you. But…”
I stopped her tirade of words with a shake of my head. “I know my Lyov. I know I can handle him when he’s like this.”
I appreciated Lena wanting to help, but Lyov could be a wild beast, and only I knew how to tame the monster if it really came to it.
Placing a hand on Lena’s shoulders, I gave her a comforting pat. “Don’t worry. Today was fun. Thank you for spending it with me.” She gave me a tight smile and watched me walk away.
Each step I took was hard. Lyov had come home early. And I wasn’t here. I wasn’t here to hug him or kiss him or welcome him home like every other time. My smiles were not the first thing he saw as soon as he stepped inside our home.
He always told me how he couldn’t wait to come back to me. How the only thing he cared about was to see me again…His Angel. He said I calmed him. Every time he was away from me, he said it was the hardest for him. And when I was in his embrace again, everything was right for him—for us.
But that wasn’t the worst part. Me not being home was not the problem. Lyov wouldn’t be angry about something like this. No. It was entirely something else that had me crippled with nervousness.
The rules. The rules that I had never once broken…but I did today.
Panic rose in my chest, and my breathing was ragged as I reached the door of our bedroom. I opened it with sweaty palms.
When I walked inside, my knees weakened. There was nothing warm or welcoming about our room. Not like always. This time, it was dark and brooding. A heavy air around us.
Darkness enveloped me, but I could still see him. My Lyov. My Master. He was standing by the large windows that overlooked the back garden, staring intently into the pitch-black night. The moon in the sky cast a small, soft glow on his hardened face.
Lyov looked vicious.
Cold sweat broke out across the skin of my neck, and my heart raced. I felt for the light switch across the wall beside the door. The room was finally illuminated, and I could see him better.
He was still dressed in his immaculate black suit. Lyov stood stoically, his arms behind his back, his fingers laced together. He looked in control and ready to take on the world.
“Lyov,” I whispered, taking a step toward him. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even turn around or acknowledge me. The only reaction I got was his body tightening at the sound of my voice.
There was a lump in my throat when I tried to speak. I said his name again, taking another step further inside the room.
Finally, he spoke. My heart clenched and then soared. But the bittersweet relief that had flooded through me disappeared just as quickly as I felt it, when I acknowledged his words.
Realization dawned to me, and tears sprung to my eyes.
“Go to bed.”
Three simple cold words.
“I…” I started but couldn’t formulate a correct sentence. I could only say his name. It was the only thing that made sense to me. The only thing that felt right. “Lyov.”
“Will you please look at…me?” I whispered, my voice breaking.
He faced me, and I breathed in a painful breath. Dark grey eyes. Dark angry eyes. Filled with something akin to hurt.
His jaw clenched, and I saw him grit his teeth. The tired look on his face was masked with harshness. But underneath it all…I saw the one thing that had the power to break me.
I saw disappointment in his gaze.
A sense of emptiness filled my chest, and my stomach dropped. I felt hollow. My fingers twitched, and my arms were begging to wrap around Lyov and hold him.
I am sorry, Master, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t speak.
“I don’t like to repeat myself. Go to sleep, Maria.”
He stared at me, waiting and watching my reaction. When I didn’t move, he cocked his head to the side. He looked menacing. I wasn’t scared, though. There was no fear. Not at all.
My gaze skittered to the bed before I looked at Lyov again. Please hold me.
Maybe he could tell something from my expression because he sighed and pinched his eyes closed. “Please, Maria.”
That did it. His almost broken please. Him begging me.
“Okay,” I agreed. Leaving my shopping bags in the corner of the room, I quickly changed my clothes and pulled on my nightgown. After turning off the lights, I climbed into bed.
Lyov still hadn’t moved from his position. His back stayed straight, his body tight as he watched my every move. I pulled the bedsheet over my body and laid on my side, facing the window, where he was standing.
He sat down on the couch. We were still facing each other. We were still staring, our gaze never wavering from each other. The silence between us stretched.
I took in a deep breath. Even though he wasn’t touching me, holding me…even though in this moment, Lyov was emotionally and physically withdrawn from me, his presence was still my safe haven.
Lyov knew that. Without as much as a touch, he brought me comfort.
My eyes started to droop, and a sense of something heavy settled over my shoulders. I forced myself to stay awake, not wanting to look away from my Lyov for even a second.
After a few more seconds of battling against my sleep, through hazy eyes, I watched Lyov stand up and walk away. No. Come back.
I didn’t have the energy to call him back. I was cocooned in a smog of despair, and it hurt. It hurt so much, knowing that I had hurt Lyov. My heart broke a thousand times when I thought about how stupid I was. They were simple rules to follow. Lyov never asked much of me. I was given what I needed…or wanted. He gave me everything and asked so little in return. Yet…I messed up.
I was reckless. Selfish. It hurt even more when I realized that I purposely went against him, knowing full well of the consequences. I was literally silently begging for this mess.
Lyov. His name was just a whisper in my mind as sleep took over, and I went under, sinking into the darkness.
***
In the faraway world of my sleep, I felt the bed move. And then I felt his touch. I forced myself to open my eyes, to gaze upon Lyov’s face, but sleep was lulling me hard into the darkness, and I couldn’t fight the dense fog.
So I just let myself feel it. Him. His touch. His sweet gentle caress that I had desperately yearned for. He had refused to give it to me, leaving me cold and wanting. Needing.
Gently, he stroked his finger down my cheek, and I wanted to move into his touch. I wanted to weep with happiness. Master was touching me. He wasn’t angry anymore. I hoped he wasn’t.
Lyov tucked my hair behind my ears, and he continued to caress the round softness of my cheeks and then traced the edge my jaw. His warm plump lips feathered over my forehead in a sweet kiss. “Angel,” he whispered, and I smiled. My soul was filled with warmth and contentment.
I wanted to lose myself in him, drown in him and his scent. Don’t stop touching me. Please. Don’t be mad anymore.
A sigh escaped past my lips, and his touch disappeared. I reached for him through my dreams, fighting against cloudy binds. Master was gone again. There was a dull ache in my chest again, but this time, I let the fogginess of sleep sweep me away.
The next time I woke up, the sense of despair had still not left me. I rolled over in bed, hoping to find Lyov. When I touched cold emptiness, tears stung my eyes. I looked around the room, searching for him, and I found nothing. Not even a glimpse of my hard, angry, yet gentle lover.
Getting out of bed, I left the room. I could tell it was still in the middle of the night. The house was dark and eerily silent. Everyone was asleep as I went in search for Master. My bare feet softly padded across the hall, and I stopped in front of the piano room.
I could feel him from the other side of the door. His presence was overwhelming even with a barrier between us. My heartbeat turned erratic, and I breathed through my nose, forcing a deep gulp of air. I softly opened the door and walked inside. Closing it behind me, my gaze instantly found Lyov.
Master was sitting on his usual couch, the seat that belonged to me. The same place he always sat to watch me play the piano.
His legs were spread out in front of him, and his hands were fisted on his lap. He had leaned his head back against the couch, and his eyes were closed. I walked closer, my gaze never leaving his sleeping form. Stopping in front of him, I drank in my fill, taking in every inch of this dark, beautiful man, whom I had the pleasure of calling mine.
My strong Lyov, my master, my King…he looked defeated in his sleep. A wounded animal. But even then, the angry lines on his forehead were still present. How did I mess up so bad?
I went down in front of him, between his legs. I tucked my ankle beneath me and sat back on my haunches, kneeling for my Master. With my body cradled between his legs, I pressed into him and placed my head over his right thigh.
A sigh of contentment and relief expelled from the most inner part of me. I was overwhelmed, and I closed my eyes. My soul was both calm and a stormy nest.
His thigh twitched underneath my cheek, and I knew he was awake. I felt his arm move, and a smile whispered against my lips, expecting him to touch me. But Lyov didn’t.
Nervous apprehension fluttered deep inside my stomach, and I peeked up at him. His eyes were on me, focused intently. He was giving me a very mean look, and I swallowed, wetting my lips.
Lyov didn’t touch me, but he spoke. One word. One simple question that I didn’t truly have an answer for. “Why?”
Lifting my head from his lap, I stayed in my kneeling position. “I wasn’t thinking properly. I didn’t think it would be dangerous. I thought that maybe…”
My words were halted when Lyov lurched forward, and he gripped my throat. There was nothing rough about the way he manhandled me. No. His touch was surprisingly gentle. But I didn’t miss the dominance in his hold. And I also didn’t miss the possessive gleam in his grey eyes.
“You thought it wouldn’t be dangerous?” he whispered, oh so quietly. That voice. It did things to me. Even with Lyov angry, my body tingled, and I pressed more into his touch. His fingers tightened the slightest bit around my neck.
I licked my lips again, and Master watched with hungry attention. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I am sorry.”
“Worry me? You didn’t mean to worry me? Is that all you have to say for yourself, Maria? I have those bodyguards there to protect you! They are not to leave your side the moment you step out of the estate. Fuck! Do you understand that I do this…I do everything to protect you? Do you understand that these men are there to keep you safe? It’s the only fucking way I can bear to be away from you, for you to be out of my sight. Because I know you can be safe with them. Otherwise, I would lose my fucking mind.”
My lips parted with a breathy sigh. I wanted to speak, but I was at a loss for words. I was so careless and insensitive. God. I really did mess up. When I went to apologize again, Lyov’s lips curled back into a snarl, and my mouth snapped shut immediately.
“I have enemies, Maria. Too many to count. And in the last six months, I have made dozens more. Do you know that I am a target every single fucking day? Do you understand that to kill me, to fuck me up, to destroy me…they will destroy you? They will come at you, Maria. And they will be merciless. To hurt me…they will hurt you. Do you not see that every day, I live in fear? I wake up in fear. I go to sleep in fear. Because the mere thought of losing you drives me to the point of insanity.”
Each word came out with a growl, his chest heaving, his eyes…uncivilized.
“I am a mad man, Maria. And you tested my patience today,” he hissed, his face coming so close to mine, and I shivered in his hold.
My hand came up and gripped his wrist, not to dislodge his hold from my throat but to keep it there. His eyes flared dangerously, and I knew I was playing with fire.
“I am sorry,” I whispered.
“No. I don’t think you are.”
Shock coursed through my body at his words, and I flinched. The tears made another appearance. I tried to deny his claim, but the look on his face stopped me.
“Stand up,” he ordered softly. But oh, it was every bit menacing.
My body was his, my mind was his…and I obeyed instantly. There was no hesitation. His grip released my throat, and I stood up on shaking legs in front of Master.
“You broke my rules, Maria. The rules are there to protect you, and you consciously went against me. I can’t keep you safe like this.”
My chin wobbled against the effort to keep my tears at bay. I was ashamed. Embarrassed. And wanted nothing more than for Lyov to just hold me.
But he was angry. I’d made him angry.
“You know what happens when you break one of my rules. You are aware of the consequences,” he continued in the same harsh, rough voice.
I nodded silently.
“Your words,” he demanded. Each word hit me like a harsh lash against my fragile skin. Lyov was brutal.
“Yes. I am aware of the consequences, Master.” Maybe…just maybe that was why I did it.
He stared me down, his grey eyes icy. “Good. Undress then.”