Lyov
Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.
Something was wrong.
Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.
I could feel my heart beating in my ears and the pulse racing in my neck.
Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.
There was something heavy sitting on my lungs. My heart pounded and clenched, and I didn’t even fucking know why.
Beat. Thump. Beat. Thump.
I didn’t get carsick, but right now, I was about to throw up.
My chest grew tight with a strange feeling, and I rubbed it, hoping to elevate the burning sensation there. I felt on edge, and my stomach churned as if sensing something wrong was going to happen.
“Isaak, I need to go back,” I announced without thinking.
He looked in the rear-view mirror, confused. “What?”
“Go back,” I said through clenched teeth, still rubbing my chest. The pain wouldn’t alleviate. When he wouldn’t do what I said, the frustration built inside of me. Mixed with fear and agitation, it was a weird, fucked-up feeling. Why was I even scared? I didn’t fucking know. I just felt unsettled.
All I knew was that in this moment, right now…I had to be home. Nothing felt right. Being away felt wrong. So, so wrong.
My lungs clenched, and it fucking hurt.
“Fuck! This can wait. Turn the goddamn car around!” I roared. Isaak hit the brake hard, and he turned his head to look at me, sending me a confused, yet somewhat dark, angry look.
“Lyov, we got a call that there was an attack at the club. The place was lit on fire. There are people…”
I stopped his tirade of words with a low growl. His mouth snapped shut when I leveled him with a dark look of my own. “I don’t give a fuck. Let the others take care of it. I need to get back home. Now.”
He was silent for a second, just staring at me. “Is something wrong?”
My fists clenched, and I looked outside at the dark night. Everything felt eerily strange, as if a balance was broken. “I don’t know,” I said, my throat suddenly feeling tight. “But right now, I need to be with my wife and son. I could tell Maria didn’t want me to leave tonight.”
It had felt wrong, leaving her when she so desperately clung to my hand. As if she couldn’t bear the few hours of separation. Fuck, even I couldn’t. A few minutes away from her felt like hours. Hours felt like months. Every time I was away, not in the proximity to touch her or stare at her smile, in those beautiful blue eyes—it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Sometimes, it wasn’t just love. It was so much more.
I was obsessed with my Angel.
Eight years together didn’t lessen what I felt for Maria. No, I just fell deeper into her beautiful trap every day. Every morning I would wake up and see her beautiful face first thing. Hear her voice and then watch her smile sleepily at me, her eyes sparkling with something akin to adoration and so much love.
With a heavy sigh, from the corner of my eye, I saw Isaak nodding. He didn’t say anything else; he just put the car into gear again and drove back to the estate.
The whole drive back was filled with tense silence. I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes, trying to control my somewhat irregular breathing. I just didn’t understand, and it frustrated me even more.
Finally, the car came to a stop. I didn’t waste any time getting out of the car. Something was wrong. I knew it for sure this time. My guards weren’t present. There were always four of them at the gates.
Today…not even one of them was here.
And the rest of the entrance…empty. Silence. Where the fuck was everyone?
Isaak swore behind me, but he stayed close to my heels as I ran into the house.
Red. First thing that filled my sight.
Blood. Bodies. Death.
The air smelled of sweat, blood, and death. My estate looked like something akin to a horror movie. A fucking massacre.
This wasn’t the same house I left behind. No, this…this was all wrong.
My heart stammered, and I ran blindly upstairs, ignoring everything else…everyone else. The cries of pain, the bellows of agony and anger…of fear, I blocked it all out.
Except…my Angel.
“Maria!”
My voice didn’t sound right. There was fear in it. Horror. Distress. Panic. Everything that wasn’t Lyov Ivanshov.
Right now, I wasn’t the King of the underworld.
Right now, I was just a man who desperately needed to hold his Angel. I was a husband who feared—the last time he had touched his wife was hours ago—that he would never get the chance again.
My heart raced as I ran to my room, where I knew Maria would be. With each step, it was harder for me to breathe. The blood. The dead bodies. Fuck.
I was silently praying to the Higher Powers. For the first fucking time in my life, I prayed as I ran. Let her be safe. Let Alessio be safe. They were all who mattered.
None of my prayers mattered, though. I was too late. And after all, the prayers of a Devil could never be accepted. I made hell my home. Heaven was far from my reach, let alone that my prayers would make any difference.
The door was open.
My lungs clenched. My heartbeats became faster, harder, and erratic. There was a turbulence of emotions in me.
I walked inside, and my legs weakened before giving out under me. I sank to my knees. My breath left me. My heart was in pieces.
My body trembled with the force of reality. My brain tried to register the scene in front of me, while my soul slowly withered into nothingness. The world swirled around me, and my stomach rolled with a sick feeling, fighting the urge to throw up. It felt like a clawed hand was around my throat, restricting my air. I couldn’t breathe. I fought for it, gasping, but I just couldn’t…breathe.
My lips parted, and a roar of agony ripped through my throat.
No. No. No.
This was just a fucking dream. I slapped myself on the head, hitting myself over and over again. Wake up. Wake up, damn it.
I closed my eyes and continued to scream, hoping it would pull me from this nightmare.
But when I opened my eyes again, I only saw blood.
Blood covering my Angel.
Blood everywhere.
My Angel’s corpse.
“Maria.” Her name came out as a whimper.
Everything else faded away. It was just her and me. Just me and my broken Angel.
I crawled to her, slipping on the bloody floor. Falling beside her too-still body, I wrapped my arms around her. I held her on my lap, her blood seeping into my clothes.
Blood never did anything to me. Fuck, I lived for it…to spill the blood of others. But not my Maria. I couldn’t bear it. It made me sick, and I crumpled at the pain.
With a hand, I held her face. “Please, open your eyes, Angel. Please. Don’t do this to me.”
I shook her body, but there was no response.
Silence. She was too cold. So cold that I would never be able to warm her again. Her warmth had left her…me…us. And now, I was cold too. Cold and so empty.
Pain had a way of evolving. You felt it in every pore, down to your bones, and the depth of your heart—your soul. Sometimes it started slow and then your body would slowly go numb.
Pain was an emotion that thrived from weakness, no matter how much you were meant to be strong and powerful.
When it came to pain…to the hurting part of your soul, there was no escape. And just like that, it filtrated me like a virus, a sick feeling that felt like I could never rid of. My lungs contracted, and my chest felt like it was being dug on, knives cutting through, deeper and deeper. Slashing with no remorse, carving a sculpture of pain without any sympathy. My heart was being wrenched away, and I watched it bleed, shrivel, and die.
Just like my Angel.
No. This couldn’t be happening. Not like this. Not this way.
I bellowed out another scream as I pulled her body closer into my embrace. Burying my face in her neck, I cried. “Wake up. Please wake up. You can’t…leave…me.”
But she did…my Maria left me. I was too late.
My throat felt tight and heavy. Raw from crying and screaming. Maybe I was like this for hours, clinging to Maria’s still, cold body. I held onto her until I was numb…until nothing made any sense to me. Until my ears became deaf. My eyes lost their sight, except of her beautiful face. Everything else was just a dark hole.
I caressed my Angel’s face, moving her hair behind her ears. Her lips were parched and cracked, bloodied. But there was a whisper of a smile on them.
That hurt. Fuck, did it hurt. My soul was stabbed and torn open, leaving nothing except a hollow depth.
I leaned forward and placed my forehead against hers. She loved it when I did that. She would always smile, and her eyes would sparkle.
My lips feathered over hers. She always kissed me back.
She didn’t kiss me back this time.
Kiss me back, Angel.
I sobbed into her lips, pressing harder and hoping to feel her move…hoping to feel her kiss but nothing.
How could fate be so cruel?
“You promised not to leave me…” I whimpered, my voice cracking over each word. “You promised me forever.”
Our memories flashed in front of my eyes. The first time I saw Maria. The first word. The first touch. Our first kiss. I thought of us.
I saw all the happy moments we went through. When we married. When we said our vows. When we found out we were going to have a baby. Every night she played the piano for us. Every time I made love to her. We had wanted this. A family. Our family. Our happily ever after in this fucked-up world.
We were so happy.
We were meant to always be happy…we were meant to have our Princess. To watch our babies play together, grow, and marry. We were going to be grandparents. We were going to be together, grow old…live our lives together. As one.
Not apart.
Not alone.
But our ending didn’t happen like we wanted.
My clouded thoughts broke through at the screams penetrating the walls of my room, now my living hell.
I looked away from Maria, long enough to see Lena coming into the room, sobbing her heart out. She fell down to her knees beside another body, and she cried to the moon. I realized it was Boris.
Another love was lost.
Another broken love story.
Another tainted story.
The walls became my solace as I kept my Angel in my embrace. I refused to let go, watching the walls, which were now tainted in blood.
Hours must have passed, maybe.
Isaak came to kneel beside me. I refused to acknowledge him…until he tried to separate me from my wife. My hand lurched out, and I gripped his wrist, feeling his bone almost crunch underneath my hold.
He didn’t even flinch. His hardened expression was gone. In its place…I saw pain. Not because I was about to break his fucking hand…but because he felt this loss too.
“Lyov,” he tried to say but couldn’t really speak. His mouth snapped shut. He looked down at Maria’s body, his gaze staying on her stomach for a second longer before he closed his eyes tightly. Bringing his fist to his mouth, he choked back a sob too.
I knew what he was seeing.
Maria’s stomach torn open.
Our baby no longer lived there, safely cocooned in her mother’s womb.
I heard Lena’s voice, and I forced myself to watch as she came forward. Sinking to her knees a few feet away from me, she picked up the tiny body and held my baby in her arms. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Lena looked so…broken. Fuck, I knew what she was feeling right now.
“She is beautiful,” she whispered. She cried softly, holding my princess closer to her chest. “Do you want to see her?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t. I just…couldn’t. Not without Maria. We were supposed to look at our Princess together, while she breathed, lived, and cried.
Not cold, still, and silent. “Take…her…away.”
The realization sat heavy on my shoulders, and whatever was left of my heart crumbled. My head hung low, and I closed my eyes.
I didn’t just lose my Angel. I also lost our princess. I would never know what the color of her eyes were. Or if she had her mother’s smile. Would she pout like Alessio if Maria and I didn’t cuddle her exactly the way she wanted?
In that moment, I was scared to think of Alessio. If I lost him too…then what would I have left? As if Lena could tell my thoughts, she softly called out, “Alessio.”
My eyes opened when I heard her gasp. She quickly handed my baby to Isaak, who left the room, and Lena pulled a trembling Alessio from under the bed. His face was ashen and caked with dry tears. His expression was a mask of shock and fear. His little legs were shaking so hard Lena had to hold him up. His pants were wet, and I knew it was probably piss.
Alessio didn’t make a sound. He stared into the distance. Lena quickly placed a hand over his eyes, shielding his gaze from the horrifying scene in front of him. She ushered him out of the room and followed suit.
I looked down at my Angel again. My fingers couldn’t stop caressing her cheek, touching her cold, velvet skin.
I knew this would be the last time.
“I don’t want to let you go, Angel. I…can’t. Fuck, I just can’t…I can’t…live…I can’t…breathe,” I cried into her neck. “This is all…my fault…I shouldn’t…have left you. I shouldn’t have…all…my fault. I…am sorry…so…so sorry…please…come back.”
I only got silence in response.
From now on, I would never hear her voice. No matter how loud I would call for Maria, I would only get silence.
I had forced fate. And this was the outcome.
Angels don’t belong in this world…in my world.