UPON HEARING ERIC’S plea, I paused before taking the first step without turning around.
His steps padded against the stained concrete flooring. The heat of his body warmed my back but was too far away to press against me. The warmth of his hand on the flat of my back made me gasp. He crawled his fingers down my spine, sending violent chills to the base of my skull and the area between my thighs. Slowly, he untied the apron from my waist and reached up to untie it from the nape of my neck. It cascaded to the ground, leaving me completely nude. Exhaling sharply, he paced forward, pressing his body against my back. Snaking his arm around me, he laid his hand against my upper thigh. He leaned into my ear with his lips parted. “I still want to fuck you the moment I see you. I’m still as deeply in love with you as I’ve ever have been. Nothing has changed, my twisted angel.”
His words made my shivers worsen. No matter what was between us, he still had an all-consuming effect over me. “Then, why are you acting this way? What did I do to make you stop trusting me and trusting what other people say about me?” My question was rhetorical. I knew not to take everything Preston said as the truth, or take stock into what little Vic had said during our very short conversation. Yet, I couldn’t ignore the fact that both men had shed light on what might’ve been going on with Eric. His carefully orchestrated chaos was spinning out of control, threatening his quality of life. I never would’ve wanted it before, but now, I wanted more than anything for him to confide in me, instead of hiding parts of himself in an effort to prevent disclosing things to me.
His hand slipped up higher and began to finger the crease between my thigh and my pelvis. “Nikki…look at me.”
I turned around, trailing his exhausted eyes while they searched mine. I placed my hands to his jaw as he slowly closed his eyes, disarmed by my touch.
He slowly leaned in, allowing his lips to sway against mine. He grabbed the back of my head and proceeded to give me a fervent, open-mouthed kiss, one I hadn’t received in much too long. Comforted by his touch, I threw my arms around his neck as he continued to kiss me with an emotion so strong it moved me internally. It couldn’t be faked. It gave me a small glimmer of hope that Ethan was still inside him. Somewhere.
He withdrew his lips and held my head, tilting it down to kiss my forehead. “I missed you,” he stated in a gentle rasp, palpable pain and regret flooded his face. “I missed you so fucking much.”
I raised my hands, resting my palms on either side of his jaw. “Stop staying away.”
“I’m always here, my twisted angel.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know that.”
“It’s better for the both of us.”
I ran my thumb across the edge of his bottom lip. His hand surrounded my wrist as he gently kissed my fingertips. Gooseflesh ran up my arm. My spine shuddered. I closed my eyes, remembering how much I missed things being this way between us. “Is it really?”
“No,” he sighed. “It’s fucking hell.”
“I lived in isolation because my mind is clouded with so many chaotic thoughts. With the drugs, most of the chaos was quiet, but it numbed me. The way you so easily managed your chaos—before you found me—I thought you could be the calm control I needed. You were…for a while. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be completely honest with me.” I finally took a breath. Dropping my eyes to the floor, I continued, “Eric, what happens when all the things that drew me to you—all the things you gave to me—aren’t the things I need anymore? What happens to us? Do we break apart? Sometimes, I think I could never stop feeling whatever it is I feel for you. Sometimes I think I can. What happens if it stops? What happens when the things that brought us together destroy what we have?”
My questions didn’t receive answers. Instead, he planted erotic kisses on my neck and slipped his hands down until they cupped my ass.
“Eric—” I was interrupted when he quickly dipped his fingers in the crease of my behind and began to run the pads of his fingers up and down my slit, spreading the lips and teasing the opening to my sex. “Eric,” my voice light as air began to fade. Shaking my head to wake out of it, I pressed my hands down on his chest. It was enough to make him move his hands, but not enough to make him move his firmly planted feet. “Stop. Don’t do this.”
His sleepy eyes widened a little. “What the fuck do you want from me?” he pressed through perceptible exhaustion. He shoved his hands in his pockets, broadening his shoulders. “Either you want the chaos or you want the simple. Make up your goddamn mind. Tell you what, since you don’t know what you want, we’re going to keep it simple. Stop worrying about the things I won’t tell you. Don’t ask questions about what I won’t tell you, and I won’t feel the need to divert you.” He winced, dropping his eyes to the floor. “And I won’t feel the need to shut down on you.”
I shook my head and turned to ascend the stairs.
He grabbed my wrists and turned me around, pressing me against his hard form. Our bodies were so close I could feel his heart race. His eyes turned wild as they examined mine. “No one will love you like I do. No one can love you as much as I do. I’ve given up everything for you. I catered who I was to fit with you. I’ve done shit I didn’t want to do to protect you. Do you want me to be your bitch next? Do you want me to be weak and pine for you? What? What the fuck is it you want from me, Nikki?”