I HAD PACED the floor until my swollen soles had grown sore. With not a stitch of furniture around, except for a few unpacked blankets, I sat on the floor. The darkness flooding the living room indicated it was several hours past the last time I spoke to Ethan.
During the wait, I read as many of his letters as I could. It tortured something far beyond my body. It cut deeply into my heart and soul. Ethan was rooted inside me—an incurable virus that had spread throughout my body.
The sample of Chopin that used to annoy me, elicited a new sensation. Janet came down the stairs with a baseball cap slung low, obscuring her features, while wearing the same outfit I had worn for the day. Her dark hair nearly covered her face. At a quick glance, she looked enough like me to fool people into believing she was.
“I don’t want to do this, Nikki,” she said with a sniffle. “How are we even sure it will work? How do you know things will happen like you think they will?”
Because I still held no trust in people outside of her and Ethan, I knew their awful natures would ensure things unfolded as I predicted. Instead of saying exactly what I felt, I said something to make her feel a bit more at ease. “It will. Trust me.” I fixed my shirt over her stomach.
“I would be offended, if I wasn’t so sad.”
I gazed at the front door. “Charlie’s men are here. Go with them. Say nothing to them. Keep quiet. It should buy some time until Charlie meets with you at the hotel and realizes you aren’t me. You remember what I told you to do afterward?”
Nodding, she threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly.
“Janet, go…” Handing her the box of Ethan’s letters, I took her arms from around me and shoved Kifo’s leash into her hand. Falling solemn, I watched her and my dog exit out the front door.
I sat on the stairs, remaining out of sight. Waiting.
The July rain pelted the bay, making a soothing rhythmic sound on the deck. Everywhere I turned there was a memory. The house was riddled with the ghosts of my mother and Ethan. I shivered underneath the hood of my sweatshirt.
Skidding in the driveway startled me.
I walked to the front door and was greeted by Dom. Stunned and unable to get out the words fast enough, I tried to shove him out of the door.
“No, Nikki. I’m not leaving without you. Don’t you know who’s coming for you?”
“You stupid idiot! Leave here before you get yourself killed. Ethan needs you. Go.”
Standing calm and still, he took my hands down from shoving at him. “Nah, Nikki. Ethan needs you.”
Blinking up at him through tears, my mind remained unchanged. I remembered what was always in my head, serving as a mainstay. You can’t have that future, Nikki. You never could.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked him. “It’s obvious you never liked me, so why are you bothering?”
Dom swallowed hard and remained silent.
My plan depended upon the assumption that someone in Charlie's inner circle was untrustworthy. The idea received an affirmation repeatedly in the past. When I looked up at Dom, I realized exactly who the man playing both sides was—him. “You asshole,” I gritted through my teeth. “It was you? All those things I thought Preston did…the gift, the fake phone records, the forged separation papers…the fact that you were supposed to protect me and somehow always managed to miss Preston entering the house? All the things that tore Ethan and I apart? You were partially responsible?”
Tilting his chin down to his chest, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…I did a lot of shit I’m not proud of, Nikki. Some stuff you don’t even know about. I thought I had good reasons—to protect my bro from you.”
“You were supposed to be his best friend.”
“I am. You wouldn’t understand. It was to make sure Ethan stayed out of jail. Not saying some of the shit I did was cool, but it kept him alive and out of prison.”
“And put me in direct danger. Why make up for it now? Why change your mind?”
“Because…”
The sound of car doors closing made me look around Dom’s body to the open front door. As he and his men walked into the foyer, Victor, at the helm, smiled at me.
Dom was never able to finish his statement, or obtain his goal of making amends for betraying his best friend. The shot rang out as a muffled pop, and painted me with Dom’s crimson blood.
His face contorted in agony, he slid down to the floor with a loud thud.
I turned my head, unable to see the sight of Dom’s lifeless body.
Victor stepped over his body, spitting on it as he did. “Dirty fucking rat.” Standing in front of me, he pulled out a cigar. “Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Victor Meíja.”
I completely understood what Melonie meant about his presence. The man was larger than life and made his presence known.
When he smiled at me, something inside me churned, exacerbating the nauseous feeling I endured after bearing witness to the death of Eric’s deceptive friend.
“Pleasure, pretty girl.” He held me under his scrutiny. “You’ve caused quite a bit of trouble for me.”
I shrugged despite feeling as though my heart had migrated into my throat.
“You realize my men are going to kill you when I leave. Why would you willingly slip your protection?”
“I have my reasons,” I replied, relaying the degree of what I was willing to explain. “Before things end, I have questions.”
In exchange, he winked at me, sending a shudder of disgust down my spine. “It’s a bad time, pretty girl.”
“I think it’s the perfect time,” I countered, my words curt and brusque.
“Keep your questions short. I have places to be.” Victor dropped his smile, his eyes darkening toward me. Our stare competition lasted for an awkward amount of time. “I’m an open book about your husband, pretty girl. Go on with your questions.”
I averted my eyes and tried to breathe normally to subdue a pending attack. Using the techniques Dr. Erin taught me, I successfully bore through the worst of it. “Ethan. What is your connection to him? It’s deeper than either of you have let on to me.”
He regarded me with a frown. “It intrigues me that a woman, like yourself, can marry a man she barely knows. I had to consider the fact that you’re a little…” He touched his head dramatically as if the gesture properly signified whatever message he was trying to convey. He folded his arms with a smile. “And me? You haven’t the slightest idea who I am, beyond the man your father once knew, do you?”
“I know enough. I know you're Eamon's cousin. I know what you held over my mother. I think you’ll stop at nothing to make sure your business grows. I don’t think you know the meaning of loyalty. I think when Ethan doesn’t do what you want him to do, you will turn on him. What you don’t know is he’s already turned on you.”
“Ask your questions, bitch.”
His attempt to anger me did the opposite. “Did you make sure Ethan came into my life? Did you coerce my mother into doing it?”
“How do you think your mother procured access to the Suicide Angels? You owe me for your connection to, Ethan. You know"—he began to walk in a circle and scan around the room—"I’ve watched you for quite some time. I didn’t trust your father to keep you under control and keep your mouth closed about what you saw in Lubbock. I assumed you’d be grateful to me about saving your life—because your father wasn’t willing to sacrifice his life for yours—would be enough.”
“You were the reason he wanted to book me away in a public facility?”
“Well, your father's demise ended up working out for me—at least I hoped it would. People will go through the fucking wire to protect their loved ones—to mold our loved ones into what we want them to be. Back then, I didn’t have the power I amassed today. I was vulnerable and so was Ethan. It was all about the right space at the right time. Ethan was out of control, and I needed him back in the fold again. Things didn’t go as planned. I thought you would be the one to finish shaping him into what I needed him to be; instead, you made him into what he used to be. Your mother fucked me on this one. She’s dead. Fine. But you? You’re a problem for me when you were supposed to be a solution. Because here you are, alive and not in a facility or dead like I’d prefer you to be.”
I adjusted on my feet, feeling discomforted. “Are you the reason my mother succumbed to something she could’ve been cured of, had she agreed to surgery? Did she die because you threatened her?”
“What do you think?”
“All that you’ve done, I wouldn’t put anything past you. Why? Why did you do any of it?”
He stepped forward and stood far too close to me. “Look into my eyes, pretty girl. Who do you see?”
I stilled for a minute and suddenly felt as though my stomach was floating.
“Ah, so she is a smart girl after all, is she?”
“I want to believe Monica really loved Eamon. If she was pregnant by you, it was because you raped her. How do you know Ethan is really your son?”
“It doesn’t matter what DNA has to say. That boy is my son. I created him. I gave him a need. A need he can’t and shouldn’t have to fight. My son does me proud. A made killer. A man well within his right to work by my side, and eventually, take over my business when I’m dead and gone.”
“Did Eamon ever suspect Ethan was your son?”
Rolling his shoulders, he clucked his tongue at me. “You’re going to bend the line until it breaks, aren’t you? All you need to know is Ethan is my son tried and true. I. Made. Him.”
“No matter how many scenarios you scheme up, you will fail. Just like you failed to scare my mother.”
“On the contrary, pretty girl. She was told if she didn’t sacrifice her daughter to my son, it would be known her daughter killed her father in cold blood.”
I snarled. “Are you the one holding the evidence?”
He laughed hearty and low from his belly. “Gullible girl, believing the toy solider I sent to ruin you told you the truth.”
With tears streaming down my cheeks I began to scowl at him. “Did you tell Preston to do those things to me?”
“You’re welcome. He told me you were tight as a drum and enjoyed his cock.”
I took one step forward, intending to hurt him, but I was stopped by his bodyguards.
“This talk is over,” he dismissed me. “I’ve been more than patient and kind with answering your questions. When you begin to go off script and alter my plans, it’s time for you to disappear. I’m giving you the safest and cleanest option, because your father was an all right guy for a time.” He gave me a nod, heading out the door.
“You’re wrong,” I yelled at his back. “You’ve spent years trying to make Ethan into the man you wanted him to be, it took only two years for a woman to make him into a man ready to kill you. Everything is going to come to fruition. Ethan is going to kill you. And when you die, he’s going to be the man you fought so hard to prevent him from becoming. I’ll see you in Hell very soon, Victor. Enjoy your last breaths while you still can.”
He looked over his shoulder, without directly regarding me. “I'm counting on my boy to kill me when the time is right. It's what he has to do. And you can bet your pretty ass that once he does, he will become me.
"You shouldn't have tried to play with the kings, pretty girl. You aren't sane or strong enough to take one down." He nodded to his bodyguards. "Slit this bitch’s wrists and her throat, then cut that mongrel she’s carrying out her and slit its throat, too.” He and his man left, leaving two menacing men to watch over me.
I was immediately shoved down to the floor. My arms were outstretched. The familiar pinch and burn up my arms made me wince. I kept my lips together, unwilling to allow them to hear my cries. The burn began to dissipate and I felt the warm liquid pool around my head, dampening my hair. When I felt the sharp edge at my stomach, I struggled.
“No. Please. Don’t hurt my baby. Do anything you want to me but please…save …my baby…”
I feel her all around me, and I can almost touch her tangible presence. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And for the first time in a long time, a truly warm smile crosses my face.
It’s my mother enveloping me in her warmth.
It’s my solace.