Reed is amused by my nesting. I’m not amused. I feel unsettled. As if I don’t get everything unpacked and put where it goes, it’ll never get done. I want everything perfect so that when the baby comes, we can relax.
Nervousness causes my stomach to rumble. We may never relax. If there’s something wrong with the baby, we may have to move back to town. What if it needs a hospital or extra care?
Another sharp, aching back pain slices through me. I read that it could be labor pains. But I also read it could be false labor. Once my water breaks, I’ll know the baby is coming. Until then, I’ll wait through the pains.
Reed’s snores are comforting. He works so hard each day. The house. Food. Everything. By the time he falls into bed, he passes out. I want him to rest more. Now that the cabin extension is finished, maybe he can.
I yelp when another pain snags me in its grip. It makes Buddy whimper in concern. I let out a swoosh of breath and pet him with my bare foot. “Shhhh.”
He settles and I flip through pictures Mom had saved. One of Dad holding me at two years old has my heart warming. He looks so young and terrified. It melts my heart. I hunt through the pictures searching for ones when we were infants. I come up short. With a frown, I dig deeper into the box. At the very bottom, I find a sealed yellow envelope that says: Private. Do Not Open.
Curiosity gets the better of me. My eyes flicker to Dad and he still sleeps soundly. Dragging my eyes back to the envelope, I quietly tear it open. Inside is a manila envelope filled with court documents. Clipped to the front, I find a picture of a pretty blonde young teen—no older than fourteen or so—holding two baby twins.
She has my eyes.
The thought hits me hard and my heart stills in my chest.
I pluck the picture off and set it on the table. Tears well in my eyes as the betrayal sinks in. He lied to me. He lied about everything.
Adoption papers.
Loads of them.
All mumbo jumbo but in a nutshell, Abigail Hunter, gave away her rights to us to my parents.
I’m going to be sick.
Bile rises up and I quickly swallow it down.
This can’t be true.
Every single worry about what incest does to babies didn’t matter. Reed isn’t my biological father. A pained moan rips from my chest that causes him to stir but not wake up. I feel as though my heart has been torn from me. Tears travel down my cheeks and drip down onto the papers.
No wonder Mom didn’t like us.
We weren’t hers.
My body trembles as I throw on my dress and stuff my feet into my boots. The pains that keep slicing across my lower back and wrapping around to my stomach are nothing in comparison to the searing, hollowing, soul-crushing pain in my heart.
I don’t know where I am going.
I don’t care.
But I can’t stay here with him.
He’s not even…we’re not even…
I heft the lock out of place and push through the door. The night air is frigid and it cools my heated flesh. With sobs choking me, I push through the gate and run. I don’t know where I’m going but it’s far away from here and the wreckage of our lives. My boots crunch on the forest underbrush and my cries are so loud. Buddy dutifully runs ahead of me as if to kill anything that might step in my way.
I’ve been running for at least ten minutes when I hear it.
Pain.
Sorrow.
Devastation.
Rage.
The roar is half-man, half-animal.
It echoes through the trees and haunts me.
And it’s coming for me.
It will stalk me until it captures me.
I don’t want to be captured.
I want to be free.
Hate and fury and the sickening feeling of being duped my entire life fuels me on. A sharp pain hits me so hard, I stumble and nearly fall. I have to hold onto my stomach and suppress a scream until the pain passes. Once I can move again, I trudge forward although I’m much slower than before. My body trembles with my sobs.
“Devon!”
The way he says my name is a claim. A promise. A vow to love and cherish and protect. I hate the way he says it. He has no claim to me. I don’t belong to him. I never did.
Our relationship was built on lies.
He let me think the most awful things about me, about us, about our baby.
“Devon!”
Another pain renders me immobile. I fall to my knees. The pain is unbearable and blinding. I’m lost to the absolute severity of it. He’s closer now. I can hear his grunting. Cursing. Begging. Pleading. Crying.
Closer.
And closer.
The pain subsides and I stand on shaky legs. Step after step, I move myself forward. I’ve barely made it three when the slice across my midsection strikes again. Once again, I drop to my knees. I’m sobbing and desperately clutching at the earth as I crawl away from him. Every nerve ending in my body is alive and exposed and thrashing. The pain is too intense.
I’m going to die out here.
And worse yet, he’s getting closer.
“N-No,” I choke out as I crawl. “S-Stay away from me.”
But I’m too late. Not quick enough. Like a viper, he strikes. His fist is in my hair and he’s mauling me much like that bear once did. Nothing is gentle or curious. He’s rough and territorial and demanding.
I cry out when he lands on the dirt behind me and jerks my head back. His strong arm wraps around my middle above my protruding belly in a possessive way. In his arms, I feel both safe and suffocated. My mind is warring with itself. I want him but I hate him. I love him but I can’t stand to be touched by him.
“Mine.” His growl is fierce and intimidating. More frightening than any forest animal. “Mine.”
“No!” I screech and wiggle in his grasp.
His cock is hard and intrusive against my back. I hate it. I love it. I don’t want it. I do.
“Mine!”
“No!”
I’m shoved forward and I barely have a chance to steady myself with my hands before he’s shoving my dress up my hips. With a rip, he tears the fabric down the back and it falls to the dirt at my wrists. I scream and kick but he’s strong. Determined. Undaunted.
Another slice of pain steals my breath and my sanity. He takes this moment of weakness. Fucking takes it like it belongs to him. Like he owns every part of me. His cock rips through me as he brutally shoves his way inside. This isn’t rape like those bush people—because despite my screams of horror—I still want him. This is a hostile takeover. A reminder of who I belong to.
“I hate you!” I scream but I’ve stopped fighting. I fall to my shoulder with my ass up in the air.
“I fucking love you!” he roars, his hips slamming hard against my backside. “You can’t ever leave me! Ever!”
I sob and scream and curse him. Another painful explosion rips across my abdomen making me black out for a second.
“Mine, Devon! You’re mine, goddammit! I don’t give a shit about those papers!” He’s crying behind me. Furious but crying. “Y-You were mine the moment she handed you to me.” His voice cracks and his brutal grip on my hips lessen. He runs a gentle palm up my spine. “I don’t understand it but you burrowed your way in my heart at just two years old when we got you.”
We’re both crying and he’s fucking me slowly.
“Y-You l-let me b-believe s-something could b-be wrong w-with the b-baby,” I accuse, my words garbled and messy.
He fists my hair again and jerks me upright so that his hot breath is in my ear. Everything hurts but I need him like I need air. I hate him. I love him.
“Because I wanted to protect your goddamn heart. I knew it would fucking crush you, baby. Please understand that every single damn thing I have ever done has always been for you.” He twists his grip on my hair so that our mouths meet. With an intensity I never knew existed, he devours me with a claiming kiss. His cock is deep inside me, I’m turned at an uncomfortable angle, and everything hurts like hell. And yet I’m kissing him back just as hard.
“I hate you,” I sob.
Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
“I hate you…”
“I love you, Pip.”
“I hate you…”
Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.
“I love you so goddamned much,” he breathes against my mouth.
“I hate you.” Another sob as pain so intense ripples through me. I’m going to die. Right here. Right now. On the floor of the forest with a dick deep inside me.
And he won’t know.
He won’t know those are lies.
“Daddy,” I choke out. “I love you.”
“I know, baby. I fucking know.”
The pain that sears through me has my insides contracting so hard I think I’ll puke. Behind me, Reed comes with a feral grunt.
“Fuck!”
He’s barely pulled out when a rush of warm heat gushes out with him. We’re both stunned and I start to collapse but he grips me.
“A-Are you fucking having the baby?!” He yanks up his jeans with his free hand.
I cry in response.
“Fuck! Shit! Oh, God!”
He scoops me into his strong arms and all I can do is shake uncontrollably. I never hated him. I’m so upset and confused but I could never hate him. He’s mine. We’re cosmic and untouchable together.
I’m so dazed as he runs through the forest. My eyes are half-lidded and swollen but I soon see a shack. He charges up to it and with a powerful kick, he blasts the door off and into the house.
A girl shrieks from the back but he doesn’t seem bothered. He lays me down on some blankets that are in front of the fireplace.
“Eve!” he roars. “Help!”
He kneels in front of me and urges my thighs apart. When he looks down between them, his eyes widen in horror.
“What?!” I demand, my voice shrill. Terror overcomes me and I try to look past my stomach to see.
“Lie back,” he orders, his tone abrupt. “The baby is coming. Just lie the fuck back, Devon.”
A small girl stares at me in shock. Her wild brown hair is a mess and her eyes are wide. He barks out orders to her. Water. Towels. All sorts of things. He mentions the cabin. I lose sense of reality as another wave of pain crashes into me. The girl bolts.
“I-I can’t d-do this,” I choke out. “I’m going t-to die.”
He glares at me. “The fuck you will. You’re going to have this damn baby right now and you’re going to be okay. I’m going to see if I can feel the head.”
My eyes roll back when he begins pushing his thick fingers inside me. Immediately, he jerks them out and shudders.
“What?”
“The baby is breech.”
Panicked, I let out a scream. “You have to turn the baby before it’s too late!”
Sweat pours down his temples and his eyes dart all around as if he’s coming up with a plan.
“Lie back and try to relax,” he barks.
I do as I’m told and ignore the excruciating pain as he begins working his fingers and then hand inside me. Slurping sounds can be heard as he moves it deeper inside me. He uses his free hand to push on my belly. The pain is too much.
“I need you to push right there,” he grunts, his eyes manic. “We can do this but I need your help.”
I gag as I press on my upper stomach on the right. Everything shifts inside me and I let out another scream. Another contraction rips through me as he pulls his arm back out.
I turn my head to the side and expel my dinner. The pain is too much to bear. His hands are all over my face assessing me and then he’s back between my thighs. My energy is depleted and I feel overwhelmed. As though I truly will die on this floor. I just hope our baby lives.
“You have to stay strong, Pip,” he chokes out, clutching my knee. “Stay with me. Focus. I can’t get this baby out of you. You’re going to have to do that all on your own. Would it help to get on your knees?”
I cry until another contraction steals my breath. Tears roll down my temples. I don’t know what to do. I just want the pain gone. I want the baby out of me. I want to…
Push.
The urge is unlike any other feeling in the world.
It becomes my only thought.
Push.
I grip my knees and bear down, a guttural sound ripping from my chest. My eyes are closed but I can hear Dad praising me. The urge passes and I fall limp.
“You’re doing well,” he assures me. “Next time the pain hits, do that again.”
We don’t have to wait long.
The pain explodes through me again.
I bear down and keep my eyes on him. His eyes are looking down. When his face lights up, I gape at him in shock.
“I can see the head! We fucking did it! Baby, I can see the hair! Dark like me,” he bellows.
I start laughing or sobbing, I’m not sure which, but I’m happy. Knowing the baby is so close—that it will look like him maybe—has me more determined than ever.
Over and over again.
I push and push.
“Oh, God,” I scream. “It hurts!”
“I know, sweetheart. You’re doing so well. Just keep going.”
The next push, I feel some relief and Dad’s eyes are wide.
“Holy fuck! The head’s out. Jesus, Devon, the head’s out!”
I don’t have time to recover because another painful contraction tears through me. I bear down. Over and over until relief like I’ve never known slides out of me and into the arms of my father.
I black out.
For a moment.
But then my eyes are wide.
“It’s not crying!” I shriek. “Why isn’t it crying?!”
Dad’s face is twisted up as he panics. He holds the limp baby in his arms and I sob at seeing it.
“Fuck!” he cries out. “Cry! Why the hell isn’t he crying?!” Fat tears roll down my dad’s face.
He?
“It’s a boy?” I question, a sob caught in my throat.
He nods. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What do we do?”
“I don’t know!”
He grabs our son by the ankles and turns him upside down. I’m horrified by how brutal he’s being. Then, not so gently, he spanks the infant’s small bottom. I’m about to scream at my father when I hear it.
Choked at first.
Then louder.
His lungs. They’re powerful.
“He’s crying!” I exclaim. “Oh my God, he’s crying!”
He cradles the baby in his hands and passes him to me. My arms protectively wrap around the child as I pull him to my chest. He’s perfect. Dark hair, long skinny body. Perfect.
Mine.
Oh, God, he’s mine.
I lie there crying in joy for what feels like forever. The baby is sticky and bloody pressed against me. He won’t stop crying but I take this as good news. The umbilical cord is still attached to him and somewhere inside me.
Another smaller pain ripples through me. “I think the placenta is coming out.”
Dad’s face is frantic as he does his best to give birth to the placenta. It comes out easily. I’m shivering, my teeth chattering, when Eve runs back into the house, her arms full and a backpack slung over her shoulder. She brings me a towel and I wrap it around my son.
Blackness clouds my vision and I pass out.