Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Her eyes roll back in her head and I panic. “Baby! Wake up!”
She blinks her eyes open slowly. “I’m so exhausted.”
Relief rushes through me. “Other than that, you feel okay?”
Her nod is slight.
“Go to sleep then. I’ll take care of you.”
The moment she passes out, I grab my knife and cut the umbilical cord. It hangs like a gnarly snake but I just need to clean her up. With careful movements, I scoop our son from her chest and wrap him in the towel. He kicks and squawks. I almost cry when I realize he has her nose. With a quick kiss to it, I smooth out his sticky hair and hold him up to a wide-eyed Eve.
“Can you hold him so I can take care of her?”
Trust is not something I hand over well, but she did just run at full speed to help me. She looks terrified, not evil. Her features soften and she nods. Kid isn’t much of a talker. I hand over the baby and she cradles him. My attention is back on my heart, my love, my motherfucking soul.
She’s a mess.
I fucked her and she was in goddamn labor.
I’m disgusted with myself.
And yet, I know it had to be done.
She needed to be claimed and stamped and owned.
Mine.
Fucking mine.
The moment I woke up and discovered she was gone, I flipped my shit. The papers all over the table meant that she’d found my dark secret. A secret I worked so hard to keep from her.
She’s my daughter.
The moment I held her, I knew.
I knew the moment she found out, if ever, she’d feel betrayed. But I told her. Fucking told her that I keep stuff from her if it meant keeping her heart safe. This was a secret that would destroy her. I just couldn’t do it. Even when she was sick to fucking death worried over incest related problems, I couldn’t tell her. This secret was worse than a little fear over birth defects. This secret had the potential to destroy her.
On autopilot, I boil some water and grab the first aid kit. Carefully, I wash Devon from head to toe. Her pussy is swollen and red. There is a small tear that I’m afraid needs to be stitched. I hate that she lies there, completely passed out, with her legs hung open. But at the same time, I need to take care of her without her moving. It takes some time but I manage to stitch her up and spread ointment over the parts of her pussy that look like they might hurt. Once she’s clean and tended to, I cover her with a blanket Eve brought from the house.
My son cries and squirms. Eve seems terrified and gladly hands him back to me. I sit on the floor and lay him on a folded towel. The chilly air seems to piss him off and his screams get louder. Quickly, I wash our precious child. Everything about him is perfect. And his lungs are powerful. He reminds me of Drew by the way he hollers.
“You’re a rowdy one, aren’t you?” I coo as I wrap him tightly in a blanket.
His fist flies free and he suckles on it. I walk on my knees with him in my arms over to where Devon sleeps. It takes some maneuvering, but I manage to nestle him against her. His mouth opens as he searches for her breast. I cradle his tiny body in a way that soon has him latching on. His cries are silenced as he greedily sucks on her nipple. With tears in my eyes, I regard Eve with a grin.
“My family.”
She smiles back. “Beautiful.”
Eve lingers in the doorway of our cabin with my son wrapped tightly in her arms as I lower Devon into our bed. Once she’s covered, I turn to accept my baby. It’s been close to three hours since Devon passed out. I knew we had more to work with here so Eve dutifully followed behind me as I carried my love back home. I’m grateful to Eve in a way I can’t explain. Without her, this would have been nearly impossible.
Once I settle my sleeping son onto the bed beside Devon, I turn to regard Eve. She lets out a squeak when I jerk her into my arms and hug her.
“Thank you.”
Her body is tense but she doesn’t fight against my embrace. When I pull away, she holds out her hand. “Fruit.”
Smirking, I stroll over to a box with our canned goods. The girl is too tiny to carry it so I find the backpack and fill it with fruit cans. It’ll be hard for her to get it back to the shack but she’s fierce. I have no doubt she’ll manage.
“If you see Buddy, will you bring him back?” I ask.
She nods as she shoulders the backpack.
That fucking dog bolted when I turned into an animal and brutally fucked Devon. I think I scared the shit out of him. He’s yet to return.
“Come visit us,” I call out to Eve. “Anytime.”
Another nod.
Then she’s gone.
I wake to a suckling sound. My back and neck are killing me. Sleeping in the chair beside the bed was a bad idea but I wanted to watch over my family.
And they are my family.
Devon is more than daughter and wife and friend.
She’s laughter and life and love.
I’m grateful for the day that sixteen-year-old girl, Abigail, agreed to adopt out her twins. She had struggled for nearly two years with trying to care for them. Having a baby at fourteen would be hard on anyone. This girl simply couldn’t take it. Sabrina and I were thrilled because it meant we could finally be parents.
My eyes drift over to Devon as she nurses our son. Her eyes are soft as she watches in awe. He’s beautiful. I love them both so fucking much.
Perfect.
With a smile on my lips, I think back to the day Abigail handed over the twins.
“Devon is the good baby,” Abigail says, almost fussing over the toddler. “Sleeps well. It’s that rowdy one over there you have to watch.”
Tears well in her eyes and she lets out a choked sob.
Sabrina flashes me a worried look. Nothing feels real about this adoption. Not until we’re at home with them will it really sink in.
“We’ll take care of them,” I vow, taking the young girl’s hand.
“It’s for the best, angel,” Abigail’s mom Patricia murmurs. “I can barely afford to feed the child I have, much less two more. Not after the divorce, especially.”
Abigail stiffens. “I know, Ma.” Then her blue eyes that sparkle like two lakes meet mine. “Can I talk to you for a second? About the babies.”
Her mother stiffens but nods her approval to give us some alone time. Sabrina and Patricia start discussing feeding routines while I slip onto the front porch with Abigail.
“What’s wrong?”
“Promise me you won’t change your mind?”
I gape at her as if she’s lost her marbles. “I swear.”
She swallows before throwing her arms around me in a tight hug. I can’t help but embrace the sweet, sad girl in my arms. She smells like apples and innocence. I kiss her soft blonde head because it feels right.
“What is it?”
Her words are whispered but I hear them. My heart cracks open in my chest. The secret is one too deep and dark for anyone but the two of us to know.
“It was Daddy.”
I swallow and stroke this poor teenage girl’s hair. “What was Daddy?”
She shudders and nearly collapses but I keep her from falling. “H-He used to come into my room when he’d b-been drinking too much. I didn’t want it but it happened…”
“I’m so sorry.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not. There is nothing wrong with them. They deserve to be loved. But not here…”
Her head tilts up and fire blazes in her eyes. “I need to get away. To escape. I can’t do that with them. Ma has blinders on. Daddy left us not long after I got pregnant. I lied to Ma. Said it was a boy from school. If she knew…”
“I won’t tell a soul,” I vow. That promise burns deep inside my heart.
“Thank you. They’re smart babies. Sweet and interactive. I just want them to be loved. I’m afraid I can’t give them what they deserve.”
“I’ll love them as though they are my own.”
“Thank you.”
“I think you should go to the police though and report him,” I say softly.
She pulls away and lifts her chin. “No. I don’t want anyone to ever know or to have an inkling. Please.”
With sadness in my heart and for the future of those two babies, I nod in agreement.
“I promise.”
She gives me a wide, toothy teenage grin. “Pinky promise?”
I laugh and offer her my pinky.
My heart is heavy as I remember Abigail. We’d only had the babies two weeks when I learned the teenager died of an overdose. I didn’t realize her escape meant death. It haunts me to this day.
But her secrets of how my Devon and Drew were born of incest stay locked away in my heart. Devon will never know. Never. She’s smart and beautiful and fucking perfect. I don’t want her to ever doubt that. One day, when she’s ready, I’ll tell her how sweet and loving her biological mother was but that’s it. She’ll never know that she was born of rape and incest.
“I’m so happy,” Devon rasps out as our son nurses.
Her blonde hair is dirty and knotted but I’ve never seen her look so serene and gorgeous.
“Me too, baby.”
“What should we name him?” she asks.
He loses his grip on her nipple and hollers. We both laugh as she helps him latch back on.
“He’s a rowdy little thing.”
Her blue eyes find mine. “Rowdy has a nice ring to it. After his uncle.”
My heart swells. “I love it. Rowdy Andrew Jamison.”
“Thank you.”
I laugh and come to sit beside her on the edge of the bed. My fingers stroke through her messy hair before I settle my palm on our baby. “What are you thanking me for? You did all the work. You did this, Pip.”
She shakes her head as tears spill out. Her lip wobbles madly. “Thank you for loving me. From day one, whenever that day was, until now. Our love has grown and morphed into something nobody else on this planet has. We’re special.”
Rowdy opens his mouth as his eyes fall shut. Who knew infants were so fucking adorable? I missed all of this with Drew and Devon. This moment, admiring my newborn son, is a moment I’ll never forget.
“I’ll get started on breakfast,” I say with a sigh. “No rest for the weary.”
She pats the bed. “We’d rather you stay here with us. The food can wait.”
I’m exhausted and sore.
The idea of sleeping with my family is one I can’t refuse.
I undress to my boxers and crawl in beside her. With my arm wrapped around them both, I fall into blissful, peaceful sleep.
I’m home.
We’re finally home.