Allison
Of the many sides she’d seen of Leonardo, Allison didn’t think she’d ever see a terrified one. While she hadn’t considered herself a virgin or innocent for years, it wasn’t until she felt how huge he was and then the piercing that she considered the real possibility of this happening. But she’d been too far gone at that moment to stop and give him a heads-up.
As big as Leo was, she was willing to bet he’d made even someone having sex on a regular basis bleed. She didn’t understand why he looked so horrified.
“I’m not.” She shook her head, bending down to pick up her shorts but didn’t put them on. Of course, she would be wearing white shorts today. “I mean I wasn’t even before today. I need to clean up.”
He instantly pointed to the door to the bathroom in his room. Obviously, he didn’t understand, and how could she expect him to? She’d explain soon enough, but first things first. Once in the bathroom, she cleaned up quickly, layering the crotch of her panties with toilet paper before putting the shorts back on.
When she walked out, Leonardo was sitting on his bed now. The horrific expression he’d worn earlier was gone, but he still appeared stunned. “Maybe I should’ve been clearer, but everything happened so fast. Before I could give it more thought, it was already happening.”
“If you weren’t a virgin, then why . . .?”
“I haven’t considered myself innocent or a virgin for a very long time.”
He stared at her, understandably confused. So, she took a deep breath as her mind raced to try and explain this. In spite of this entire weekend being so unexpected, the very last thing she thought she’d be telling him about was this. But she knew she had no choice now.
“Growing up in foster care wasn’t easy. There was a lot my sister and I had to deal with. She got in trouble a lot for protecting me—her way. I was always scared she was going to be arrested and I’d be all alone. So, I kept some things from her, things I knew she’d be incapable of dealing with without violence. There was a boy . . .”
She paused when she felt her throat swell. She’d never been emotional about this even back then, so why the hell was she getting so now? This was something she hadn’t even thought about in so many years, something she’d tried to erase from her memory, and now here she was talking about it to the only man in her life she’d felt so much for.
“Were you raped?” he asked as a more familiar expression replaced the stunned one from earlier.
Reminiscent of her sister and likely how she’d react if Allison were to ever tell her, Leonardo looked ready to kill.
“No.” She shook her head then sat down next to him.
His hand was immediately in hers as he searched her eyes. “So, what did you keep from your sister?”
“Let’s just say growing up in foster care I had some horrible foster dads . . . I did what I had to do. It was a boy my age. I did what I had to do to keep my foster father away.”
Leonardo squeezed her hand, as the unmistakable vehemence in his eyes went more severe. Allison touched his face and smiled, trying to lighten things up a bit. “Alan, another foster kid who lived with us, noticed my stepfather’s lustful leering and suggestiveness. He asked why I didn’t tell Lila, but in hindsight, I know now he already knew why. That man wouldn’t dare even look at my sister the wrong way, much less touch her, but he knew he’d get away with it with me. Like Alan, he also knew I’d keep it to myself for the sake of not getting her in trouble.”
Allison explained how Alan offered to help her. He’d stay close by whenever Lila wasn’t around so Mr. Castro wouldn’t be so open to paw her because it was the only time he ever dared to.
“Alan was sixteen. I was twelve and naïve. I believed he was just looking out for me, until it too escalated. He’d insinuate that maybe he should talk to Lila about my foster dad’s behavior anytime I hesitated to let him do more. It went as far as him . . . using his fingers, oral . . . and it went on for months. Only reason it stopped was because we were moved to another foster home when Lila got expelled from that school district and it was too inconvenient for the Castro family to drive her clear across town to her new school. Thankfully, CPS did everything they could to keep siblings together, so I moved with her to a new foster home. Otherwise, I’d already decided that if sleeping with Alan would keep Lila from killing Mr. Castro I’d do it.”
“So, this was your first time?” Leonardo asked, once again looking horrified; though Allison could tell he was trying to tone it down now.
“Doing this, yes, but . . .”
She shook her head because she hated to have to say it, especially to him, but she needed him to understand. The last thing she wanted was for him to beat himself up over this. Already, he’d pushed her away all this time because he thought her too young and innocent to be part of his life. So, she was putting it out there. All of it.
“By the time I was thirteen, I’d done lots of other things with him most girls even older than I hadn’t done. I figured it out fairly quickly. He didn’t care about me. He was just using me and my situation to get what he wanted, and I willingly went along. Most girls in my situation fell into a deep depression, and trust me having gone through foster care, I’d heard a lot of stories: girls who needed heavy therapy and some trying to commit suicide over stuff like this. Not me. I was more worried about what Lila would do if she found out.”
She shook her head, but even now, she didn’t feel as disgusted with herself as she knew most would. To this day, she knew if she had to do it over again she would. She knew her sister too well, and turning to her for help, especially at that age when her anger issues were at their worst, would’ve been disastrous. But right now, what she really needed to do was convince Leonardo, who was still looking at her so stunned, that he hadn’t taken her innocence. Not by a long shot.
“You didn’t deflower some innocent little virgin, if that’s what you’re worried about. And . . .” She squeezed his hand again, looking him straight in his eyes. “In case you forgot, I wanted it just as much as you did.”
Leonardo stared at her for a moment without saying anything then finally exhaled loudly and pulled her to him. “Just cause some asshole took advantage of you and you handled it as best you could, doesn’t mean you weren’t innocent. So, don’t even compare yourself to the girls that did that stuff for money or drugs. You are better than them.”
He kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly as Allison let what he just said sink in. Being held by him like that overwhelmed her with emotion. She’d never felt so safe in her life.
“And I’m not worried about having deflowered you,” he added with a chuckle. “But you were a virgin, baby. I just wish I’d known. I would’ve been a lot gentler and would’ve preferred your first time to be more special than me banging you up against my bedroom door.”
Incredibly, despite the heaviness of this conversation, Allison giggled, pulling away to look at him. “I liked you banging me against your bedroom door.” She leaned in, kissing him softly. “As incredibly exciting and big a turn-on, it was also very special to me.” Chewing the corner of her lip as they gazed at each other for a few silent moments, she finally added the last and most terrifying part to her statement. “I just hope it’s not a one-time thing.”
She held her breath because he closed his eyes and didn’t immediately respond. “I don’t want it to be, Ali. But I don’t see how the hell this could ever work. Our worlds are so different, and you deserve better—”
“Better than what?” Allison felt her heart speed up because she didn’t like where this seemed to be going. “Better than being with someone who makes me feel things I never have in my life? Better than being happy?”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, babe.” He shook his head. “I’ve done some bad shit in my life. Been involved with some really disgusting people.”
“And I haven’t? I just told you about two of them. We all have a past. I’d love to hear your story because I’m so intrigued by you and I want to know everything about you. But I’m not looking to be a part of your past. All I’m asking is for the chance to be a part of your future.”
Finally, he cracked a smile and then kissed her softly, tenderly, with a gentleness that made her sigh. “You might want a future with me. Even I’ve begun to dream of one with you, but other people might not be as thrilled about the prospect as we are.”
“Other people?” she asked, pulling back. “What other people?”
“Your sister. You can’t tell me she’s gonna be happy about this.”
“You let me worry about my sister. Despite what you might think, she can be reasonable.” Even Allison wasn’t entirely sure if she believed that, so she added. “Besides, I am an adult. Regardless of her opinion, one thing I know about Lila is she’ll respect my wishes. What she’s mostly ever been worried about when it comes to her baby sister is my safety. I won’t be forgetting what you did for me Friday night any time soon. I’m pretty sure at this point you’d stop at nothing to keep me safe.”
His expression went a bit hard suddenly. “That’s what worries me most. My past may be in my past, but I already know for damn sure nothing in this new future of mine will stop the old me—the real me—from resurfacing in a heartbeat when it comes to you. That guy’s just been dormant for a while, but you have no idea what he’s capable of.”
“Well, as long as he’s on my side, I’m not gonna worry about it.”
Allison thought she’d heard the motor of a car or two outside earlier, but now she heard voices in the house and doors opening and closing. Then there was a knock at the bedroom door. “You here, Beast?”
“Yeah,” Leonardo called out. “I’ll be out in a sec.”
“You stubborn fuck.”
The voice trailed off a bit as Allison listened to him cuss some more then someone else say something about how Leonardo’s obstinate ass just couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Allison turned to Leonardo quizzically.
“My roommates.” He smirked. “They’re real charmers. Feel like meeting them?”
“Sure.” She shrugged, laughing nervously.
They stood up, and Leonardo took her hand in his as they walked out of the bedroom. Her hand felt tiny in his. It was just one of the many things she loved about him already. How despite feeling too big for her own skin her entire life, next to him she felt tiny and dainty.
There was only one guy in the kitchen when they walked into it. He was facing the sink where the water was running. From behind, Allison could see he was a big guy. Almost as big as Leonardo. Only unlike Leonardo he was nowhere near being bald. The sides of his head were shaved close, but the dark hair on the top of his head was much longer. While he wore a black T-shirt and jeans that covered most of him, she saw he had something else in common with Leonardo. Every inch of the visible part of his arms was inked.
“Where’s O?” Leonardo asked.
The guy turned slightly then did a double take when he realized Leonardo wasn’t alone. There was an instant curious smirk on his clean-cut face. With the strangest combination of a clean-cut face and his chiseled features, he was almost pretty, but then even his hands and fingers were inked. From behind, she hadn’t seen it, but the hair on top was slicked back, and Allison could see it was all one length and probably fell over the side of his head when not slicked. Like Leonardo, as menacing as his size made him look, his entire demeanor brightened in a very sexy way from just the smirk.
“In the garage,” the guy said, openly taking Allison in from top to bottom.
“This is Allison,” Leonardo said, leaning against the center island and pulling her to him. “Allison, this is one of my roommates, Nine.”
“Allison?” Nine said, lifting his chin and smiling even bigger as she smiled back in response. “So, this why your door was closed?”
He spoke to Leonardo, but his wickedly playful eyes never left Allison. They were this light shade of golden hazel. As usual, she felt her face warm at the implication.
“She’s why I was holed up this weekend,” Leonardo explained, ignoring the question.
Another guy walked in from a door Allison could only assume went into the garage. He was a hair shorter than Leonardo and Nine but equally big in the arms and chest, and while not as heavily tatted as Nine or even Leonardo, he did have his share of tattoos. He wasn’t bald either, nor did he have the long hair on top that fell over the side like Nine’s, but it was on the longish side, far unrulier than Nine’s. He, too, was instantly smirking when he saw Allison leaning up against Leonardo.
“This must be Allison,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.
“Yeah, it is,” Leonardo confirmed then turned to Allison. “This is O, my other roommate.”
“O, Nine, and Beast.” Allison finally spoke up. “All your friends have nicknames? Or is Nine your real name?”
“Name’s Rudy,” Nine said.
“Rodolfo,” O clarified, making sure he rolled the R and heavily enunciated every one of the syllables. “But he’s been this close to being killed so many times, we started calling him Nine for his nine lives.”
“More like twenty,” Leonardo added with a chuckle. “We’ll get him eventually.”
“Not a chance,” Nine said, turning to Allison. “And no one calls me Rodolfo. I only answer to Rudy or Nine.”
Allison nodded, making note of that. “Is O just a nickname too?” she asked, turning to him.
“Orlando,” he explained. “But most call me O. I’m good with either.”
She nodded again. Good to know. Because like with Leonardo, now that things had changed between them, she preferred using the longer, sexier names.
“So, what the hell, man?” Orlando asked, turning to Leonardo. “Your stubborn ass couldn’t wait one more night?”
“Nah.” Leonardo explained about Ron being arrested and his needing to get out of his apartment ASAP. How Allison was the one that got the call about it and why she was here with him now.
“So, what’s the deal with Flip?” Leonardo asked Orlando. “You talk to him again?”
“Yeah, you’re good, I guess. You know he can’t say a whole lot on those calls, but he did say you didn’t have to worry about the girl being harassed anymore.” Orlando turned to Allison. “But I am curious now. The whole world’s seen and heard how hot your sister can get. What’s she have to say about all this?”
Gulping, Allison exchanged a glance with Leonardo then turned back to Orlando. “She doesn’t know. I was waiting to get more information because I know she’ll want to know everything. But now that I have more, I’ll tell her about it as soon as I get the chance.”
Leonardo gave her a look that said he wasn’t buying her nonchalance. His holding her hand and pulling her to him so openly in front of his two good friends could only mean one thing. He’d given into this being more than just a sexual thing. After today, Allison wouldn’t be working up the nerve to explain to Lila about her still staying in touch with this man. She’d be telling her about her relationship with him.
It’d been less than an hour, and already she could tell he knew her well enough to know she was full of it. Telling Lila about this wasn’t going to be nearly as simple as she was trying to make it sound. But she kept up the act because she did have every intention of telling her sister everything.
Nine let out a slow whistle then laughed. “Any chance you can get that conversation on video? Bet that one would go viral just as fast as the other one.”
Orlando laughed with him, and Allison tried laughing too as if the very thought didn’t unnerve her to no end.
Lila, Beast is my boyfriend now. By the way, I was almost attacked by a guy with a loaded gun the other night. You see Leo’s brother, a formal cartel member, is doing hard time in jail for murder. His enemies come after his loved ones whenever there’s a beef among them. But don’t worry. My boyfriend nearly killed the guy then turned the gun on me and called me a bitch. But, but, but! Before you lose your shit, he had good reason!
Dear God, this was not going to go over well at all. Snapping out of her thoughts, Allison smiled sweetly at Leonardo when she caught him still looking at her. The guys spoke a little more about Friday’s incident and then a little about a job Orlando was waiting to hear about before Orlando excused himself to get in the shower and Nine plopped down on the sofa to watch some TV.
Leonardo and Allison headed out front after she said goodbye to his roommates. “I’ll just follow you in O’s truck,” Leonardo said as they walked out. “I have to pull it out anyway to let you out.”
He walked her to her car then kissed her against it when they reached the driver-side door. “There’s still time to back out,” he said, leaning his forehead against hers.
“Back out of this?” she asked, rubbing his deliciously muscled back. “No way. I stuck it out too long waiting for this to happen. I think we can both admit now we were hoping and knew long before tonight something might happen.”
He smiled that smile she was already in love with and nodded. “I saw you thinking in there. Telling your sister about this is not gonna be that easy, is it?”
Allison tilted her head, trying not to smirk. “It’ll be a different conversation for us,” she admitted. “But then this whole situation is different. Don’t worry. I got this. Not sure if you’ve noticed something about me.” He peered at her curiously. “Just like when it comes to getting a breaking story, I stop at nothing until I get what I want, and I want this.” She hugged him a little tighter. “So as long as you want this too, nothing and no one is going to stop this from happening.”
“That reminds me.” His expression went all serious again. “Things happened so fast today, and then they showed up.” He motioned toward the house. “I didn’t get a chance to address this further.”
“What?”
“Carson.” He lifted a menacing brow. “I know he’s your editor and you do things with him that involve school and shit, but you said he kissed you. I already hate him. I hope you’re not planning on still doing stuff with him outside that class. After today, I can’t be held responsible for what I’d do to that little fucker if I found out you did.”
Allison couldn’t help laughing. “Way ahead of you. After Friday night, despite you suggesting that I give him another shot, I knew there was no way I’d be able to feel anything for him or anyone now that I knew how you felt. I was supposed to have gone out with him last night, but I cancelled. Told him I’d explain on Monday. Ironically, because of that one kiss we shared, I’m sure telling him I’m in a relationship will make any kind of getting together out of school too awkward now.”
“He better not go back to being a dick with you either.”
Shaking her head, Allison touched that protruding vein on his forehead. “He was very touchy when I mentioned being nervous about people thinking maybe he was giving me special treatment because we’d gone out a few times. He insisted he’s a professional who would never do something like that. I don’t think he’ll go back to burying my stories just because we’re not going out anymore and prove my theory correct.”
Leonardo lowered his hand over her ass and squeezed. “But you’ll tell me if he does, right?”
“Yes, I will.” She smiled, hoping he wouldn’t remember her admitting to keeping things from Lila so she wouldn’t get her in trouble.
No way would she be doing anything of the sort and risk her boyfriend, who was still on probation, getting thrown back in jail. There was still so much about him she didn’t even know. But no matter how far he’d come, he’d admitted it himself and she’d seen bloody proof already. That side of him was alive and well.
Just as her heart began to race at the very thought of just what she was in for, he planted a knee-weakening kiss on her before opening the door for her. “You had your chance to back out,” he teased, leaning into her window after closing the door.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“You sure?” He smiled though it faded quickly. “You still don’t know my whole story. And trust me it’s not pretty. Gets pretty fucking gruesome. You sure you can handle it?”
She gulped, trying not to show how nervous his warnings made her. “As long as it’s in the past.”
He stared at her for a moment with an unsure expression then leaned in and kissed her one last time. “I’ll be up for a while. Call me and we’ll talk.”
She watched through her rearview mirror at the massiveness of the man she could now call hers. Her insides roiled, wondering how bad his past could really be. He’d warned her enough about it. Could she really handle it?
He turned back to her when he reached the truck that was parked at an angle. One smile from him and she was certain of one thing. She’d never felt so much for any guy—ever. After just one day of being indulged with his kisses, his body, and those smiles, she knew one thing she couldn’t handle: not having him in her life now. As long as it was in his past, she could handle anything.
“My brother wasn’t the only one involved with the Mexican cartel. We were born into it, only we got out when we got the opportunity. Then later, when my brother was given ten to life for killing someone, he made me promise that I’d leave the life of crime we were still living and make a real effort to live on the right side of the law for once.”
Allison sat, gripping her phone, and listened intently to all of it. Leonardo said he’d be honest, no matter how brutal and gruesome, because he wanted her to know all of it. He even assured her he’d understand if she changed her mind about him after finding out the whole truth about him.
He wasn’t lying either when he promised not to sugarcoat anything. She sat speechless for the most part as he told her everything. At times, she got the feeling he was hoping she’d want out because he spared her no details, regardless how gruesome.
“My mother attempted to hide me, keep me from the life she knew my father would want to drag me into. She could for a long time. But he found us when I was twelve.”
He told her about the beating he endured at the hands of his father, how he branded him with the cartel’s emblem like an animal then how his father proceeded to rape his mother while Leonardo listened helplessly in the other room.
“When it was all over, I either joined the cartel and represent the family name like my older brother from another woman or he threatened to torment my mother until I did. He mentioned ways he’d do it: have other cartel members gang-rape her while I watched, then torture her. My mom begged me not to. She said she’d hidden us for twelve years and she could do it again, but after hearing her get beaten and raped once already, I wasn’t about to chance it happening again. So, I was in.”
For the next hour, maybe more, Allison listened to the horror of Leonardo’s life. He hadn’t been exaggerating about the disgusting people he’d lived his life alongside. He said on the outside he was loyal to his father because he had to be. Cartel members were merciless. He needed them to think he had his father’s back and his father had his. But a cartel member became dangerous when he had nothing to lose. So, when his mother had gone missing when he was just fourteen, he assumed the worst. She’d been killed. Still, a part of him held out hope even to this day. With his mom gone, the only other person the cartel assumed he cared about was his father. A few years later, he and his brother united. Both wanted out of the cartel.
The only thing keeping them as an asset to the cartel was that they were still working with their father, whom everyone assumed they’d be willing to put their lives on the line for. The cartel also assumed you’d be more likely to stay loyal if the threat of that person being hurt existed.
“So, when we decided we were turning our backs on the cartel—moving to the states for good—I murdered my dad, and I enjoyed every fucking moment of it. Beat him to death the way I’d watched him beat my mother and as mercilessly as he’d beaten me.”
He paused for a moment as if to take a breath, and Allison had a feeling why. She’d heard the gradual change in his voice as he’d told the story. He still had a lot of deep-seated anger that no doubt talking about this after all these years had brought out. Now she understood where it all stemmed.
“It was as bloody and gruesome a murder as they get, and I became La Fiera. All the anger I’d held in for years because of what he did to my mother, what he did to my life, unleashed. Never in my life had I felt such satisfaction. I wanted nothing more than to see him suffer. The few who witnessed it didn’t waste time spreading the word. And La Fiera was the name I went by and was very proud of for many years, even after I left the cartel. Even had it tattooed on me as a reminder of one of the most satisfying days of my life.”
He explained it’d been easy to disappear since everyone in the cartel thought he and his brother had taken his dad’s last name, Valdez. They answered to it, even if on paper each had their mothers’ last names.
“I didn’t know it, but my brother, who’s older, kept some ties with the cartel as a safeguard, in case we ever needed them. Since the house was in my mother’s name still, I left it as is, so in case she ever came back, she’d find it just the way she left it.”
He paused for a moment, clearing his throat, but before Allison could comment, he went on. “At first, we went our separate ways. I moved around Arizona while he came here. But even then, Ali, we didn’t go clean. I was dealing drugs, stealing cars. I’d done a few stints in jail. So had my brother, so it was hard to get decent jobs. Then my brother got involved in underground fighting here. It was lucrative because he was so damn good at it and knew I would be too. I moved out here, and after that fight I told you about with the dirty fighter, I became Beast. It was also where I met Nine and O. It took a stroke of bad luck to have me seriously thinking about turning my life around.”
He explained about all the other times he’d been hauled in for underground fighting, which didn’t carry too heavy a penalty since both fighters were willing participants. But the guy his brother killed just so happened to be a relative of some legislator. The black sheep of their family. Still the relative made some noise, and the judge decided to make an example of Felipe, and since he was already on probation to begin with, she threw the book at him.
Allison sat there, stunned in silence, listening to all the details as he put them out there, slowly, cautiously, pausing at times to wait for a reaction. Though she’d managed to not react in a way that might come across negative. He’d warned her, and she’d tried to prepare herself for this. She was determined not to judge.
Even when he’d first told her he’d murdered someone and enjoyed it, Allison had assumed he was either lying or it’d been someone he’d killed in self-defense. But she quickly put herself or even Lila in his place. Allison hadn’t been exaggerating when she admitted to why she’d done the shameful things in her past. Just like Leonardo, Lila would’ve snuffed the life out of anyone who’d done what his father had done to his mother, had Allison been the victim. So even this Lila would have to understand, but Allison still didn’t understand something. Gio’s words were back in her head again. The extensive background checks they did on these guys. How was this missed?
“Did you do time for murdering your dad?”
“Nah. That happened in Mexico. Things over there are nothing like they are here. We dumped the body where we knew it’d be years before anyone found it. There’s no CSI over there, babe.” He laughed humorlessly. “My dad’s was the first murder I did all on my own, but I’d been involved in plenty of others, not actually pulling the trigger or landing the fatal blow, but dumping bodies, being the lookout, driving the getaway car, etc. It comes with the territory when you’re in the cartel, and homicide investigations over there are a joke. The entire time I was involved, only time I heard of anyone paying for killing someone else was with their own lives from retaliation. Never by the law.”
Allison wasn’t naïve. Yes, Leonardo had a dangerous past. Yes, his life’s story was heartbreaking. He’d never found his mother and still lived with the torment that she just might be out there being tortured.
In many ways, he and Allison were alike. Everything he told her about his past before his dad came into it, was normal. Just like Allison’s had been for the most part until her mother’s passing, they both had a loving mother who taught them how to love. He was a good man with a good heart who’d been dragged into the underworld.
Leonardo told her about his brother nearly reaching the ten-year mark of his sentence and of his possible parole if he’d kept his end of it up by doing his best to stay out of trouble in prison. So, he might be let out at the ten-year mark. They had plans, goals, and aspirations, and neither wanted any part of the violent life their monster dad inflicted on them. But he had a good and vulnerable heart she’d witnessed and felt. What more could she ask for?
“I know everything about my past sucks.” His voice lowered to a near whisper, and Allison hated the unmistakable shame in the tone. “I know I’m the one that keeps saying you and I are too different. That I’m no good for you. It’s why I wanted you to know everything. Because after tonight, after feeling everything I felt this entire weekend, there’s still more I need you to know. But I want that to be in person. You gonna be at the gym tomorrow?”
Allison felt her insides tighten. “Yes.”
There was more? What could possibly be worse than what he’d already shared that he’d feel it necessary to tell her in person?
“Good, I’ll see you then. It’s late. I’ll let you go now so you can get some rest. Sleep tight, baby.”
For a long while after they’d hung up, Allison lay there on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn’t want to regret anything, but as she replayed everything that happened this weekend, the reality sunk in of who she was now seriously involved with. What in the world had she gotten herself into?