Poppy shrugged out of her jacket, untied her scrub pants and let them fall to the floor. She sat down on the bench in just her underwear and scrub top, too tired to care if any of the other interns came in. She was exhausted, but finally finished with one of the most grueling shifts yet.

Throughout the day, thoughts of her pizza and movie night with Ryan swam through her head. Everything should have been normal. They’d had similar nights ever since she could remember. But something was off, and she couldn't quite place it.

She felt a shift more than anything else. The way Ryan looked at her, and it wasn’t just him. Poppy caught herself as she stole glances at him when she thought he wasn’t looking. When they caught each other, a shot of excitement and nerves raced through her. Her heart kicked like never before, and try as she might, she couldn’t make it stop.

After he’d left and she tossed and turned in bed, she almost reached for her vibrator. It was a gift, perhaps a gag gift, from Sarah years ago. She’d used it a few times. It was a bullet, small and unassuming—and the only thing that brought her to orgasm. She resisted for a moment, knowing she’d just end up thinking about Ryan and that was the last thing she needed.

What the hell, why not? Poppy pulled the vibrator out of the drawer and slid, naked, under the covers. On its lowest setting, she held the vibrator against her nipple and closed her eyes.

One of her hands glided down her belly to her clit, already throbbing. Her wetness had already started to spread. Poppy bit her lip and moved the vibrator to her other nipple.

Suddenly, it was Ryan’s hand between her legs. “I love how wet you get,” she imagined him saying to her. She spread her legs wider below the covers.

He slapped her clit lightly with his palm and it made her gasp. She put the vibrator on her clit and turned it up a notch. In her mind, it was Ryan who held the vibrator to her, while he kneeled between her legs and stroked himself.

She bucked against the vibrator. Now it was his tongue on her, and he lapped her up like he couldn’t get enough. Her insides ached to be filled with him. “You taste so sweet,” he whispered up to her. She dove a finger into her pink folds and tasted herself.

Ryan’s five o’clock shadow raked lightly across her center, and it made her call out his name. “Tell me you want me to fuck you,” he said. She turned the vibrator up another click.

It was all she wanted. “Please,” she said. He put just the tip in her opening.

“Is this what you want?” he asked. She turned the vibrator to its highest setting, and he plunged all the way into her.

One hand held the vibrator between her legs, slippery from her wetness, while the other pinched her nipples.

Beside her, the phone buzzed with a text. She glanced at it and saw Ryan’s name pop up right as she climaxed. It was hard and intense, enough that it instantly knocked her out.

In the morning, she awoke to a nearly dead phone and a vibrator pressed against her thigh and covered in her dried come.

Her fantasy stuck with her for the entire shift. She was a little shocked about how wildly she’d used the vibrator. It was the first time it had ever made her come like that—maybe the first time she’d really come at all.

Once, when she’d had too much to drink, she’d brought up Will using it on her but he balked at the idea. Embarrassed, even in her alcohol-infused state, she’d never asked again.

Poppy shook her head as she kicked off her ortho shoes in the changing room. Why had she waited so long to make herself feel like that?

“Oh my God, that was a bastard of a shift.” Penny slumped down next to her and kicked off her Danskos.

Poppy straightened her back, on high alert. She still felt weird about her last interaction with Penny.

“That Doctor Know-It-All seriously needs to lighten up,” Penny said and wiggled out of her scrubs. “As if these shifts aren’t beastly enough without her up in our face.”

She relaxed. It seemed like Penny wasn’t put off by their last conversation after all.

“How’s Will doing?” Penny asked as she pulled on jeans. “When’s he coming back?”

“Friday or Saturday, just a couple more days,” Poppy told her with a smile.

“Yeah? You must be excited. And how are things with Ryan?” Penny didn’t look at her, but pulled a threadbare T-shirt over her head. “Is he still trying to mack on you?”

“No!” Poppy said. Even she was aware of how defensive she sounded. “We’re just friends—”

“Relax, I’m just playing,” Penny said.

Nobody could ever know what had happened between her and Ryan. Especially someone who knew Will. Those lines they'd crossed, the line she'd almost thrown herself across, those had to be their secret for good.

“It’s not funny,” she told Penny curtly, and pulled on a flowy skirt.

“Sorry,” Penny said. Poppy shrugged. “No, for real. I didn’t know you were actually mad about it.”

“I’m not mad,” Poppy said. “It’s just annoying. And if people overhear, it might give them the wrong idea.”

“I get it,” Penny said. “I’ll stop. Hey, how about I buy you a drink to make up for it?”

“I’m really tired—”

“We’re all really tired.” Penny cut her off. “Come on, you can’t spend your whole life just working and sitting at home. Have some fun! You only have a few more days before your man’s back.”

“Seriously Penny, I just wanna go home and—”

“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Penny said. “Just one drink. C’mon, it’ll be like going to the bar in Grey’s Anatomy. You can be Meredith.”

“Meredith? Seriously? You do know how that storyline ends, right?”

“Fine, do you want to be Christina?”

Poppy sighed. “Alright. I’ll be Christina.”

“Well, then come on, Doctor Chang,” Penny said, and looped her elbow through hers.

“Hey! At least let me put a shirt on,” Poppy said.

“Picky, picky. Now we won’t get any free drinks.” Penny poked at Poppy’s breasts spilling out of her satin bra.

They headed across town separately, toward one of the few restaurant pubs that could draw a crowd on a Wednesday night. It was usually a date night spot, but happy hour ran late and they were both on intern salaries.

“There’s a spot at the bar,” Penny said, and pointed to two stools flanked by what seemed to be college boys on either side.

“You wanna share an appetizer?” Poppy asked her. “Flatbread?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Penny replied as she surveyed the room. “This place is dead.”

As they sipped on watered-down cocktails and waited for their food, Poppy looked around the bar. It was mostly couples, and the occasional huddle of work crowds. Suddenly, she spotted a familiar pairing across the bar nestled in a booth. Ryan and Sarah were there. Their backs were to her, and Ryan played with Sarah’s hair.

Poppy instinctively ducked down a little. As she sized Penny up, she couldn’t tell if she’d seen them or not. “What are you doing?” Penny asked.

“Nothing,” she said. She forced herself to sit up straight. “Sorry.”

Penny gossiped about people at work and complained about their attending physicians. “I mean, she doesn’t even try to…”

Poppy completely tuned out and watched Ryan and Sarah from across the bar. Sarah nuzzled his neck and he bit her ear. Surges of jealousy flooded her system. “There’s a four-top over there if you want it,” the bartender said as he cut into her thoughts. “I can move your tab over there.”

“Let’s go,” Penny said. “These kids are annoying.”

“Okay, grandma,” one of the boys said to her.

From the table, she had a much better view of the couple. Poppy watched them in profile. They were right in her line of vision as she watched Penny’s mouth flap open and shut.

Sarah threw her head back and laughed, which made Poppy cringe. “Are you even listening to me? What are you—”

Penny moved to turn around, and Poppy gripped her thigh. “Don’t—”

“Oh. My. God,” Penny said, and whipped back to face Poppy with a maniacal grin. “It’s them!”

She wasn’t certain, but Penny seemed off. Phony. Was this a big performance she’d orchestrated?

“They seem to be getting along really well. Like, really well,” Penny said. “What are they doing now? I can’t see.”

“Nothing,” Poppy said. “Talking, laughing.” Why are you reporting to Penny?

She watched them kiss and saw a flicker of pink between their mouths. They made out in the middle of the restaurant. Ryan’s hand moved to Sarah’s breast, and she didn’t even act surprised. Were they sleeping together? Don’t be stupid, of course they are—they’ve been seeing each other awhile now.

“What about now?” Penny probed.

“Shh.”

“Tell me! I mean, my God, Sarah is super hot for him. Right?”

“Penny, please.”

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from them in the booth. And was Sarah… Poppy couldn’t believe it. Sarah’s hand moved from Ryan’s chest, down his stomach and to the bulge of his jeans. It was difficult to see in the darkness below the table, but it looked like Sarah was starting to unzip him. She’s going to give him a handjob right here. Right now. I’m going to watch him get off in Sarah’s hand.

“You have to tell me, I’m dying over here,” Penny said. “Can I turn around? Or—”

The excitement in Penny’s eyes was unmistakable. She'd known Sarah and Ryan would be here. Poppy didn’t know how, but somehow Penny knew. That realization broke the spell cast over her.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing,” Poppy said as she stood up with determination. “But I think it’s cruel. Childish, and cruel.”

“What are you talking about?” Penny asked with a sniff. “You’re acting crazy.”

“Apps are here,” announced the cheery waitress as she arrived and slid the hot platter onto the table.

“She’s paying,” Poppy said. Penny’s mouth dropped open.

“Seriously, you’re going to ditch me here with the bill and a bunch of food that you ordered?” Penny asked. The waitress’ eyes widened and she scuttled away.

“Yep,” Poppy said. She turned on her heels and made a beeline for the door.

“You’re a fucking bitch, you know that, right?” Penny called after her, but she didn’t care.

In her car, she struggled to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t know if it was seeing Ryan and Sarah or what. Maybe it was Penny. But none of them really owed her anything, so she didn’t know why she was so emotional.

Ryan was just moving on like she told him to. Sarah was just being herself. And Penny—well, she was always strange.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked her reflection. Some of the tears had escaped down her cheeks and took what was left of her mascara with them.

Maybe Penny was sort of right. Maybe she was acting crazy. What did it matter to her if Ryan got a handjob in a restaurant? She shouldn’t care if Sarah gave him a blowjob or just rode him wild in plain sight.

Maybe she'd imagined the whole Penny thing, too. Sure, she could have known that Ryan and Sarah were at the restaurant. Maybe they'd checked in there or something. But there was no way she could have known they’d be going at it like rabbits.

As Poppy angled toward home, tears stayed on the brim of her eyelids.

When Will gets back, it will be okay. It will all be okay. Everything will go back to normal.