Ryan took another swallow of coffee as he sat on his tiny balcony. With just the little steel table and chair squeezed onto the space, it was a small slice of a retreat, but it was his. Papers from the US Marshals were fanned out before him, held down by his phone.

There were a number of urgent vacancies available around the country. All immediate openings were for overseeing WitSec persons or hunting fugitives. Clearly, there’s a reason so many of these posts are going unclaimed. He thought back to what Lieutenant Stevens had said about the Marshals program being starved for new recruits.

He enjoyed the work with Li, but it wasn’t particularly challenging. That adoration of exotic cars just didn’t have the same pull in him it seemed to with other men. Plus, it was very much considered a training post with no promise of long-term or full-time employment. He was technically a contractor with zero stability. Ryan pushed another paper with an opening description under the pile he’d already pored over.

If he left the car post, would Poppy even care? Maybe it would be easier for both of them, and she could slide right back into that pre-packaged life with Will.

Ryan shook his head. Melodramatic much?

Still, he felt like shit after the way they'd parted the other day. He’d returned from the corner shop with Americanos plus bagels and lox, Poppy’s favorite, and they'd eaten in silence. When he’d made an excuse to leave, she’d barely looked at him.

Since when did they connect best in the bedroom? It was exactly what he’d been afraid of—their friendship falling apart. And for what? Some good times between the sheets.

No. Some fucking incredible times between the sheets.

His phone lit up with Sarah’s name. Funny, he didn’t even feel a stir of excitement. Granted, he’d been breadcrumbing her at best since the tubing trip. It’s not her fault. She doesn’t deserve that. He knew he should break it off with her, but he couldn’t. He’d never been good at walking away from relationships, even casual ones, but this one was particularly thorny.

The lies have to stop, he thought. The lies to yourself, and the lies to everyone else.

It was obvious he wanted Poppy. Obvious to him, to Will, and hell, it had to be obvious to Poppy, right? She was all he could think about.

The phone began to ring, and it made his heart race. He wasn’t ready to have the talk with Sarah, not yet. His nerves settled when he saw it was the strange “1111” number that could only be Eli.

“Yes, Mr. President,” he answered.

Eli laughed on the other end. He always sounded funny calling from the office. “Just making sure you’re okay,” he said. “After you nearly drowned in, what was it, six feet of water, Navy SEAL?”

“Those rapids are a trip when you’re a six-pack deep,” Ryan said. “Why are you calling me from the Big House, anyway?”

“You mean the White House,” Eli said. “I’m sure there’s a whole orchestra listening in, so let’s keep phrases like ‘Big House’ to a minimum, huh?”

“Right, right,” Ryan said. “So, what’s up?”

“You mean besides the whole world keeping an eye on me like a grumpy schoolteacher? Not much. I could use some discourse on the real world, though. Tell me how civilian life is treating you.”

Ryan considered a safe play, but the events of the past few weeks overwhelmed him. If he couldn’t talk to his brother about this crap, who could he vent to? “More drama over here than Afghanistan,” he said.

“Oh yeah? I said no disturbances,” Eli said coolly.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, talking to one of the interns. But really, what’s up?”

“It’s… I don’t know, man. My ‘love life’ if you want to put a term to it.”

“Oh, I see,” Eli said. “You falling in love, finally? Who is it? That Sophia girl who’s always tagging you?”

“Who? Oh, you mean Sarah—no, not her.”

“Really? I mean, I’m not Facebook stalking you or anything, but you two have looked pretty chummy these past few weeks. She’s cute,” Eli added.

“Yeah. She’s a great girl.”

“So it seems the SEALs couldn’t slow down your playboy roll after all then. What’s the flavor of the month’s name?”

“Poppy.”

“Poppy? Like, the Poppy? The one who’s been your best friend forever?” Eli was clearly shocked. That couldn’t be a good sign. If the President of the United States thought this was dramatic, what would everyone else think?

“Yeah, how many people named Poppy do you know?” He was on the defensive, but couldn’t help it.

“Okay, chill out. How do you… what… does she… doesn’t she have a boyfriend?” Is that the best you can do?

“Technically, kind of a fiancé now,” Ryan said.

“Jesus, Ryan. You need to walk away from that.”

“I can’t,” he admitted. “I think I’m in too deep now.”

“How far has it gone?”

“Um, well, ‘all the way’ I guess you could say.”

“You’re sleeping together?”

That’s an understatement. “Yeah,” he said.

“And that Sophia girl? You at least broke it off with her, right?”

“Not exactly…”

“Shit, Ryan, you’ve made a mess.”

“It gets worse.”

“How does it get worse?”

“Well, I know you never knew Poppy that well or anything. And I didn’t know this either until really recently. But—”

Ryan didn’t know if he should tell Eli or not. But it wasn’t like Eli would go blabbing around town, and already there was a weight lifted off of Ryan’s shoulders just by sharing this much. “But what?” Eli prodded.

“She was a virgin?” It was out now.

“What do you mean she was a virgin? Wait, isn’t she your age?” The confusion in Eli’s voice was thick.

“I mean the other night…”

“Ryan, stop.” Stop. He wished he could.

“I’m in deep,” Ryan admitted. “I don’t know what to do.”

“And it’s not just the sex?” Eli asked.

“No,” Ryan said, nearly offended.

“Calm down, I was just asking. Because, you know, the whole taking someone’s virginity thing can be a trip for some guys—”

“Eli, come on. You know me better than that.”

“You’re right. Sorry. But what about your friendship? I mean, you two have been glued at the hip since you were kids.”

“I know,” Ryan said. “I know. I’m—I’m not even sure there will be anything left after all of this. But I need to find out. I’m willing to risk it.” It was true, though the first time he’d realized it.

“And Poppy?”

“I need to find out if she’s willing to risk it, too. Once and for all. This has gone on long enough.”

“You’re telling me,” Eli said. “I have to tell you, I always wondered. In high school and everything. You seemed almost too close, you know? I figured you were boning like mad and just keeping it a secret for whatever reason.”

“Boning, Eli? Really? Is that how the POTUS talks?”

“It is when he’s talking to his brother and wants to give the phone observers something to gossip about.”

“I just, I don’t want to hurt anyone. You know? Especially her. And Sarah. They—neither of them deserve any of this.”

“If you really want this,” Eli said, “if you’re sure, go for a grand gesture. Women love that sort of thing.”

“You mean like a proposal?”

“No, you idiot! Besides, isn’t she already engaged?”

“Oh. Yeah,” Ryan said.

“I mean—sorry, I don’t mean to make light of it. I just mean, not anything like that unless you’re really, really ready for it. I know you’ve been tight with her for years, but there’s no reason to jump straight from friends to marriage.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“If this all works out, if you end up together, enjoy it. You know? Date! Have fun. Make up for some of those lost years.”

Lost years. Ryan had never thought of it like that. Had they really wasted so many years? In a way, maybe Eli was right. But on the other hand, no time spent with Poppy, whether it was just friendship or not, felt wasted.

“Yeah. But a grand gesture like what?” He’d never felt the need to do something like that before. Then again, all of his former relationships had been easy and casual. The women had never acted like they expected anything more. Of course, maybe that was normal. What else would a girl expect if she dated someone who was constantly on tour?

“Something real,” Eli said. “A genuine step forward, together. Just talk to her, Ryan. Make a declaration.”

“A declaration, huh? There’s some polititalk for you.”

“You know what I mean,” Eli said.

“Yeah, I do.”

“I said no dist—oh. Alright.” Eli’s voice was muffled as he barked at whoever was in the office. “Hey, Ryan, I have to go. But keep me posted, okay? And I don’t want to see any more smoochy pictures of you and that Sophia girl online, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go govern the free world,” Ryan said.

“Talk later.” Eli was gone.

He kicked his feet onto the balcony railing and started mulling over ideas. Scenes from cheesy movies flew through his head. Skywriting from a plane, hot air balloon rides with champagne, a penthouse suite at the fanciest hotel in D.C. filled with flowers.

That’s way over the top, he thought. Worse, it wasn’t Poppy. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t them.

He sat up and knocked over the last of his coffee onto the papers. He knew what to do.