SADIE
I WAS A VIRGIN.
Not in the sexual sense, of course, but in the getting drunk out-of-my mind sense.
I’d never allowed myself to get even close to being fully emerged in the first stage of drunken euphoria, and yet tonight somehow all the signs showed I had gotten there.
My inhibitions were down. I could feel the flush creeping over my cheeks. I knew I was talking way too much. And when I reached for the rail and fumbled trying to take ahold of it, it was clear my fine motor skills were impaired.
I was sauced.
There were six stages of drunkenness. I knew this from all the research I’d done as a pre-teen the year my mother was found dead on our kitchen floor and my father subsequently took to the bottle.
Euphoria had always been the easy part to get through. Easy going. Free-spirited. Fun, even. I could have lived with that. Too bad it never stopped there.
When it came to my father, though, excitement always followed, and it brought out his erratic behavior. I never knew what to expect. The excessive drinking left my father either jovial or depressed. Either way, that was usually when the craziness began.
If he was happy, we went shopping or for ice-cream or swimming, regardless of the time of night. If his mood turned dark, he became paranoid. He believed someone was watching us, and he worried I was in danger—that I’d end up like my mother. That’s when he locked us in the house and stood guard by the front door with his rifle.
If he drank so much that he actually reached the third stage of drunkenness, he became confused, and this usually resulted in him becoming completely delusional.
During those manic times, more times than not, he ended up locking me in the bathroom or a closet to keep me safe. I hated being locked up most of all. No sunlight. No idea when the stupor would pass, or if my father had passed out and forgotten all about me.
He never made it past the fourth stage of drunkenness, when unconsciousness turned fatal, and I used to be thankful for that. Looking back now, I didn’t know if that wouldn’t have been better.
For him
For me.
For everyone.
Sundance reached for me, and his hot touch had me blinking away the long-ago past.
I wasn’t that sad, weak girl anymore.
I was stronger.
And it was the strong part of me that knew I should walk away and do what I came to here to do—for Riley. The weak part of me wondered how fast Sundance could get me to the room he’d just reserved, so I could put my trouble behind me, if only for a little while.
In the dull brass doors of the elevator, I watched our warped reflections. Sundance kissed the back of my neck with those amazing lips, and then those fascinating hands went around my waist, and the weak in me won out.
My phone started going off, and I knew who was calling me. Why he was calling. What he wanted. The task I was supposed to be doing. The wallets I should be collecting.
When I reached into my purse to attempt to silence it, the set of dog tags I always carried with me shined back at me.
Was I more like my father than I thought?
No. No, I wasn’t.
Reaching in front of me, Sundance offered, “Mint?”
I forgot everything.
No. No. No.
Sundance had somehow managed to pull the tin of mints from my bag, and I hadn’t even noticed.
With impaired movement, I knocked the tin from his hold, and they scattered all over the elevator floor.
My heart clamored in my chest, but then he said, “Oops,” and started laughing. I laughed as well, and he bent down and swept the little green tablets into the container.
On his knees, I stared down. Thoughts of what he could do to me in that position were all I could think about.
Slowly, he climbed up my body, his hands brushing over every inch of me as he did. “I hope you weren’t attached to those,” he whispered in my ear.
“No, not at all,” I moaned.
The elevator door opened and as we meandered down the hall, Sundance pretended to do a layup and launched the metal tin into the trashcan in the foyer.
I should have cared.
I didn’t.
I laughed instead at the sexy way he moved.
The air pulsated with the impending fantasy I was about to fulfill. The guy in the picture. Stock-photo guy. The hot guy I wanted to know, and not just know. I wanted to taste, feel, suck. And it was happening. It was so happening.
Outside the hotel room door, I watched those magic hands work the lock and then watched as they pulled his luggage and mine inside.
Sundance had sprung for a suite, and I watched him some more as he sauntered across the plush surroundings and over to the bar on clumsy feet.
We were both drunk.
Very drunk.
And soon, very soon, we were going to have our hands all over each other, and that meant one thing about me would be revealed.
“I have a confession to make,” I said.
He looked over his shoulder with a raised brow. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin.”
I shook my head and laughed. “No.”
“Fuck, you’re married?”
I laughed again, loving the way the word ‘fuck’ rolled off his lips. “No. It’s nothing like that. It’s just I think you should know . . . I’m not a blonde.”
Pausing his steps, he turned around just as I tugged off my wig. It was going to come out one way or another, so sooner rather than later seemed appropriate.
Smirking, he sauntered back in my direction with measured steps and pushed me up against the floor-to-ceiling window. “Naughty girl,” he teased, running his fingers through my hair. Then he added, “But thank fuck.”
“Is your ex-fiancée a blonde?” I breathed around his steamy kiss.
He nodded but said nothing more, just started running his hands all over my body.
I did the same to him. I couldn’t touch him enough. Couldn’t get enough.
His palms landed on my breasts, and he started to tweak my nipples through the fabric. I moaned as he continued to fit his lips to mine. Rough. Hot. Wet. His tongue twisted hard and hungry around mine. The kiss was stormy, feral, and the floor fell away from under me until all that was left were wet lips—his and mine.
My thoughts spun, his kiss was rousing a passion within me I’d never felt. It had to be the alcohol.
He pushed me harder against the cool glass and slid a hand between my legs. I couldn’t believe how slick and wet I was for him. He moaned a little when his fingertips encountered the garters, and he pulled open the slit of my dress to look. Breaking the kiss, he stared. And stared. And stared some more. Then he looked at my face.
“You are so sexy,” he said.
My breath caught.
This time when our lips met, he kissed me long and slow and deep. His tongue stroked mine. His hands went between my thighs again, and he tugged my dress higher to explore the straps of my garters.
He let out a stuttering sigh. “Do you dress this way all the time?”
“Yes,” I said with a smile but then laughed and told the truth. “No, actually this is only my second time.”
“Grrr . . .” I think he might have growled.
Quickly turning me around, he pressed me to the window to unzip my dress, and then he tugged the material down with skilled precision.
Outside it was storming, and inside it was, too.
With my heart beating out of my chest and my palms pressed flush to the glass, I tried to hide my gasp. My ribs still hadn’t healed, and I hadn’t expected this level of physical activity.
“What happened to you?” he asked when the bandages were revealed.
“Nothing. Don’t stop.” My words were slurred.
He turned me back around. “What happened to you?” His words were slurred, as well, but when repeated, fiercer than before.
I reached up and grabbed the back of his neck to pull his lips down to mine. “Shhh. I’m fine.”
He stared down at me, not moving an inch.
“I swear. I’m fine. I was in a car accident weeks ago.”
“You sure it doesn’t hurt?”
I shook my head. “I’m sure.”
With that, he tugged at my hair and took my mouth in a punishing kiss. This all-American beefcake stock-photo guy had a dirty side.
I found myself wanting this more than I should. I didn’t deserve him. Even knowing this didn’t stop me. I ripped open his white shirt, the one he must have worn to his ex-fiancée’s wedding, and the buttons went flying. Not caring at all, he continued to kiss me hard, fast, savage-like. Yet his hands were gentle as they roamed my body.
My hands went to his zipper, where I ripped down his pants. After he stepped out of them, he backed us toward the bed, slow step by slow step, where he went tumbling down on the mattress.
On his back, I could see the ridges of his six-pack. I licked my lips. He was so perfectly formed from head to toe. A God in his own right. He quirked a finger, beckoning me to him. “You’re too far away to ride me from there.”
Laughing, I kicked off my shoes and dress and then crawled up the bed in my bra and garters. I wasn’t wearing panties, so without any type of foreplay what-so-ever, I raised on my knees and impaled myself down on his long, hard ridge. “Is this better?” I mused.
“Fuck, yeah,” he muttered, grabbing my hips so he could control my movements. “We should use protection,” he managed as he angled me back and thrust upwards.
God, he was deep. So deep. “Yes, we probably should.”
His muscles went tight. “Shit.”
“What?”
“I don’t have any condoms on me,” he managed with another deep thrust.
My body was vibrating. “It doesn’t matter. I have an IUD. And I’m clean. Besides, we’re a little late, and I’d hate to stop now,” I said.
I’d never been this reckless.
It wasn’t ideal, but I knew I was clean, and for some reason I found myself trusting him. Something in his eyes told me he hadn’t been with anyone since his fiancée.
“Yeah, it’s a little late, and I’m clean too,” he groaned, pumping up and down so hard, so fast, I thought he might tear me in two. Tomorrow, my inner thighs were going to burn and I’d never looked forward to pain more.
His hands rushed over my body, and I covered them, following them, as he played with my breasts.
Pulling my small swells from the cups and pressing them together, he looked up at me. “Does this hurt?”
I leaned down and captured his mouth. “Nothing about you hurts.”
He was breathing heavy, his need taking over. I was breathing heavy, too, my need overpowering any pain.
I pushed back up, and he remained beneath me. In this position, we fucked like two starved lovers. Moving to our own beat, we writhed and moaned and groaned until we both came in a burst of never-ending pleasure.
I hadn’t felt anything like this, ever.
This was sex between strangers.
Sex between two lost souls.
Sex.
Raw.
Savage.
Real.
Uninhibited.
It was what I had needed, and what he needed, too . . . at least for the moment.