Sasha
I think I had too much to drink. I just feel so happy. I love every song that gets played and Karen and I dance to each one without a care in the world. I shouldn’t have drank so much but I know Colin is here to look after me. We just played another gig and I am on such a high.
The longer the night goes on, the more I keep thinking of him. I really have missed him. I tried to hold onto my hurt and anger for him but it’s getting harder. I keep looking over his way and like he knows when I’m looking at him, his eyes will find mine. Each time, I see that look he always used to give me.
I know that he wants me.
He would be an idiot if he couldn’t tell I wanted him, too.
I am still sexually frustrated since I didn’t get to finish as Colin pulled Digger away from me the other day and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction in pleasing myself.
I used to think that Digger was everything I needed sexually, but having Colin so close to me, how he speaks to me, I know I was missing something.
I am never truly sexually satisfied since Colin ruined me for any other man long ago.
I know that now.
He has been back in my life for only a few days and he is already getting under my skin.
I shouldn’t be thinking like this. He is my stepbrother but I want to say fuck it. Just for one night. It’s only a matter of time before we end up tearing each other’s clothes off, so why not just do it now and get it over with?
I grab Karen by the hand and pull her to the bar, ordering four shots of tequila. I down two, one right after the other, and wait for her to do the same.
“I want to fuck Colin,” I blurt out to her. She starts coughing,
“What?” She touches her chest. “You can’t fuck him. You’ve been telling me how much you hate him since he’s been back.”
“I know, but I still want to fuck him. Angry sex can be so good.” I look over to him and watch as he looks around the area. Seeing him in his suit, the shirt hugging his tight body, has me burning up. I feel my body being shaken as I turn to Karen.
“Sasha, he is your stepbrother. If it got out that you fucked him, even once, your reputation, the band's reputation will never be the same.” I know that she’s right. I don’t know if it’s the drink but with the ache building inside me, I don’t care.
“I know that. I just need him.” I need his hard cock so bad. She holds onto my shoulders.
“I think we have had way too much to drink. I know you will think differently tomorrow.”
“What if I get you and Aaron to fuck?” I try and bargain and she steps back. I know she liked him back in school. She wouldn’t admit it, but she did. She wouldn’t have wanted to lose her virginity to him if she didn’t have some sort of thing for him.
“If I wanted to fuck him, I could.” She places her hands on her hips. I start shaking my head at her.
“I heard Colin say to him that he isn’t allowed to fuck you since he’s on the job looking after me, unless Colin says so, but if Colin is busy with me, you could get busy with Aaron.” I sing out the last words.
“You are one evil girl.” I know me saying Aaron isn’t allowed to go near her, is more of a challenge for her.
“Just let me fuck him to get him out of my system. He may not be all that anymore. I may have thought he was great in bed since he was my first but now that I’m more experienced, he could be shit. If he is, that’s it.”
“What if he is mind-blowing like you remember?” I know that it is most likely to be.
“Then at least I had it one more time. You and I know after the stalker thing is over with, he will be gone. So let me do this,” I plead with her.
“I’m not your mother, but you do what you want to do.” Bingo.
“You are only agreeing because you want to fuck Aaron now.” We both burst out laughing.
“You shouldn’t have told me he isn’t allowed.. Now all I’m thinking about is his dick.” She groans.
“We are fucked up.”
She shrugs. “All the good rockstars are. Go get fucked girl.” I give her a tight hug.
“Tell him to come find me, I’m going to get some fresh air.” I head to the fire exit that leads me to an alleyway and I lean against the wall, my heart pounding.
It doesn’t take long for Colin to run out, and he looks angry, but I need him. I need him right now.
I need him to touch me.
“What the fuck were you thinking, coming out here on your own?” he growls, his eyes trained on me. Before I give him time to say anything else, I pull him to me, my mouth landing on his. He quickly pulls back, looking confused. “Sasha,” he breathes.
“Don’t think,” I beg him. He takes a step back.
“We can’t do this. You know we can’t do this.” I walk slowly to him, pressing my body close to his.
“I know.” I lay my hands on his chest and can feel his heartbeat pounding against my palm. “I missed you, Colin. So much.” I look into his eyes. “I need you inside me.”
“Please don’t talk like that.” He holds onto my hands.
“If I could give up my music right now just for you to fuck me, to please me, to make me scream out in ecstasy, I would. I am aching for you.”
“You don’t mean that. You’ve had too much to drink…” He is shaking his head, looking to the ground.
“I mean it. I miss you, Colin. Have you missed me?” I hold my breath as I glide my hand down his chest until I reach his erection, cupping it.
“Every day,” he whispers, his forehead pressing against mine. “But we can’t do this.”
“I need you, Colin. Please need me, too.” He looks up to the sky before looking back to me and his eyes have gone dark. His lips land on mine as he pushes me against the wall. His kiss isn’t gentle; it’s hard, it's fast. His hands are touching me everywhere, my fingers dig into his hair as he groans into my mouth.
I feel his hands lift my skirt until his fingers find my soaked underwear and I moan when I feel him rip them away from me, the air hitting my heated pussy. I grip his hair tighter when his fingers enter me.
He starts thrusting his fingers in and out, making my head dizzy. I grab hold of his belt, undoing the buckle and his pants, freeing his cock, wrapping my hand around him. I place him at my entrance and he soon thrusts inside me, causing us both to groan by the contact.
I’m so full.
It’s like I can feel him everywhere.
He starts thrusting like a crazy man. He bites down on my neck and I scream out in pleasure. Fuck, I’ve missed this. No one else can do this to me; no one can make me feel like I’m on cloud nine. He bites down harder and I hold onto his head, asking him for more.
He goes harder and faster and I’m so close, I can feel my release approaching, when there is a commotion down the alley and we both stop. The only sounds I can hear is our heavy breathing. We both look to where the sound came from but nothing else happens.
“Fuck.” Colin breathes before he pulls out of me and I whimper at the loss. It has dawned on me that’s twice now I haven’t got my release.
I could cry.
I watch Colin adjust himself and I pull down my skirt, taking the ripped underwear from the ground and placing them in his pocket. He takes my hand and guides us down the alleyway and no one is there but a trash can has fallen to the ground.
“We need to go.” He calls someone on his phone and swears when they don’t pick up. It doesn’t take a genius to know he’s trying to call Aaron and he’s probably busy fucking Karen. At least they’re getting some. We get to our car and he helps me as he talks down the phone. “We are heading back to Sasha’s home. Think the guy was watching her, meet me there.” He hangs up.
We don’t say anything else on the ride over, both sitting in silence, and when we get home, he takes me with him as he searches all the rooms but nothing is out of place. He heads to the living room and sits on the couch, his head in his hands. I sit opposite him, feeling a little out of place. The alcohol leaving my system.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” he says, still not looking at me.
“I know,” I tell him.
“I want you, Sasha. I have always wanted you, but things are different now.”
“I know,” I say again.
“If I could have you without consequences, then I would. Being around you is so hard, but I’m trying. You look at me with your big eyes, hearing that sexy voice of yours saying you want me…” He sighs. “It makes me want to throw caution to the wind and say fuck it. Not caring what our parents think or what the people out in the real world would think.” I stay silent. “But we would get so much grief. You are following your dream and, trust me, I know what it feels like for it to be snatched up away from you.” I see the sadness in his eyes.
He lost his dream. One stupid game ended his whole career. Everything he ever worked for. Gone. I know he wouldn’t want that for me.
“Your mother would hate me and she has been so good to me. My father would disown me. I wouldn’t want them to see you any different,” he continues.
“I know,” I whisper.
“I need to think with my head and not my heart.” I feel tears prickle my eyes. “I still love you.” I look up to him and his eyes are on me.
“I still love you,” I whisper to him, tears flowing down my cheeks. “I haven’t stopped loving you.” I start to cry harder. “I have tried so hard to move on, but I can’t. You hurt me so much. You broke me, you broke me for any other man.” He stands, walking towards me, but I stand up, moving away from him, wiping the tears away angrily.
“I tried to do what was right.”
“By ignoring me…”
“By protecting you,” he interrupts me.
“From what? You promised me you would never hurt me. You promised that you would stay in touch with me. You lied to me. You were my everything and you lied.” He tries to walk towards me again but I move away.
“You don’t get to sit there and tell me everything that I already know. Telling me all the reasons why we can’t be together. I have told myself all those things for years. It still doesn’t stop how I feel. You tell me you still love me and I’m supposed to nod my head and act like nothing has changed? That you are going to be by my side for God knows how long and we are supposed to be okay with that?”
“Sasha,” he says shakily.
“Don’t ‘Sasha’ me. I gave myself to you tonight. I gave you my body and you acted like I disgusted you after.”
“I thought we were being watched. If you disgusted me, I wouldn’t have dragged you around the whole fucking house making sure that you were safe. My main priority is you being safe!” he yells back at me.
“But fuck how we feel?”
“Stop talking like that!” he screams at me.
“Like what?” I spit at him.
“Like this…” He points at me. “Like this bitch that has taken over your body. I am trying to do what’s right. Don’t you get that?”
“What is right is that you and I were meant to be together. You said I could have you as long as I wanted you. I want you now. I want you to be mine. I want you to want me,” I cry out to him. I walk around him but after a few steps, he takes hold of my hand, spinning me around.
“I want that, too.” He pulls me into him, cupping my cheeks.
“Then have me. I hate how we have been, how we have been acting around each other. It’s not us. I just want to be us again.”
“Not everyone will accept us.” His thumb strokes my bottom lip, causing my eyes to close.
“I have spent years away from you, don’t let me go through that again,” I whisper and soon, his lips gently touch mine.
“I’m all in.” He pulls back.
“You mean it?” I give him a watery smile.
“If you know this won’t be easy. But yes, I’m all in, if you will have me?” I jump up, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“I will always have you.”
“You have been a complete bitch, I hated seeing you like that. It was like being around someone else.”
“You have been a complete ass. So annoying,” she teases.
“Guess we are a match made in heaven.” He kisses my nose. “I love you, Sasha, and I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you.” He rubs his nose with mine.
“You’re here now.” I lean forward and kiss him and the door bangs open, Karen and Aaron barging in. Their eyes bug out when they see us. “Hi, guys,” I say sheepishly.
“Hi, Sash.” Karen gives me a small wave.
“I got your message,” Aaron says, holding a brown envelope in his hands. “We found this on the doorstep.” Colin helps me to my feet and we both walk to Aaron. I watch Colin take the envelope. He opens it up and we see picture after picture of us in the alleyway.
“That motherfucker!” he shouts into the room. I take the photos from him, looking through each one.
“He was watching us,” I say quietly.