“I WAS WONDERING IF I was ever going to hear from you again. What’s been going on? How are you?” I say in greeting after looking at the screen of my ringing phone.
“Are you alone?” Kelli asks.
“There aren’t any other adults around if that’s what you’re asking.” I laugh, reaching down with my foot to move Liam’s bouncy seat. “Are you okay?”
“I wanted to call and let you know I’ve found out some info on Stone.”
I sit up straighter on the couch. “What about him?”
“Joseph Cameron called Mark last night and I overheard them discussing Stone and some fight next weekend. When Mark got off the phone, I questioned him about it. Apparently Stone tried refusing to fight for Cameron or whatever, and that’s when he started screwing with him by shutting down his job and his gym. I don’t know for sure, but I guess Mark is involved with this group somehow and Cameron told him that Stone finally agreed to fight because he needs the purse money.”
I’m made of questions, a hundred different ones swirling around in my head. “Money? Stone has money. Why would he—”
“I guess Cameron did some research and figured out that all Stone’s money is tied up in his businesses and his parents owe a debt they can’t pay.”
“How do you know all this? Are you involved in this shit, too, Kelli?” Now I’m standing, pacing back and forth by the window, my head starting to pound.
“I’m not involved with whatever they are, but I’ve been having an affair with Mark. We think someone snapped a picture of us together. That’s why I’ve been laying low.”
“You’ve been sleeping with the mayor and didn’t feel like that was something I should know before now? Wow, Kelli. I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Believe me, I’m aware of what I’ve done. Okay? That’s why I called to tell you I’m splitting town for a while. If the media gets wind of this, I won’t be able to show my face in this city.”
My heart breaks for her even if I’m disappointed in her choices. She’s still my friend.
“Where are you going to go? All your family is here. And me, I’m here. No matter what you do, I’m still here for you.” I hear a sniffle on the other end. I can’t even imagine leaving everything I know behind and starting over somewhere. It’s too scary to even think about.
“I don’t know where I’m going, but when I get there I’ll call you. But promise me you won’t tell anybody that you talked to me. I’ve never brought you up to Mark, but if he puts two and two together, he may try to contact you.”
“I won’t tell anybody anything if you promise to let me know you’re safe,” I bargain.
“You won’t recognize the number, but I’ll call you.”
“Is there anything else I need to know?”
“That’s all I know, but I wouldn’t put anything past these guys. Be careful, Lydia.”
We say our goodbyes and by the time I hang up the phone I feel like I’m going to puke. I walk back to the couch and peek over the side of the bouncy seat to see Liam’s fallen asleep, so I sit, slumping back and wracking my brain with all the crazy thoughts and questions.
Some of it makes Stone’s actions over the last couple of weeks make sense. I’ve known from the beginning that he’s not a game player, so when he started keeping me at a distance and not really playing in to my advances, I knew I had to be missing something because his interest hadn’t waned and his investment in whatever this is only increased, yet he wouldn’t make a pass at me, wouldn’t sleep with me, and wouldn’t stay the night.
When he said he felt like he was doing the wrong thing yesterday, it confused me because at first I thought he was talking about us. But now I think he was talking about this fight because if he were talking about us he would’ve said so. But instead he shut down the conversation and went on like he hadn’t said anything at all. It makes sense.
Putting it together makes me wonder if he’s considering backing out, and now, knowing what I know about how far Cameron can take this, I know I can’t let Stone do that. If I call him on it, even if I encourage him to go through with it or lead him to believe that I know anything about this, he’ll pull out and try to duke it out with Cameron in court. If Cameron has as much pull as I think he does, with the people I think he does, Stone’s only chance of winning is in the circle.
I move to the table and open my laptop, starting it and pulling the file folders filled with all the information I’d gathered on Cameron so far from my bag.
There must be a link here that I’m missing and the only way I’m going to find it is old-fashioned research.
My phone buzzes on the table and I pick it up to see Stone’s name across the screen, noting the time. Shit, I bet he’s off work and if I don’t come up with a good excuse he’ll stop by, and right now, I can’t see him.
I deny the call and pull up our text thread, chewing my lip and going with the only excuse I know will buy me some time.
At the hospital. Probably won’t be in until late tonight.
That nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach grows and I feel shitty for lying to him immediately. But more than that, I feel shitty for what I know I’m about to have to do to him—to us.
I swallow thickly, shaking off the emotions running thick through my veins and using it to fuel the task at hand, knowing that in the end, shutting down Joseph Cameron is the way to show my love for him. Even if Stone never knows I did it.
Having Liam with me and knowing he will bring a smile to Madison’s face, and seeing a smile on Liz and Aston’s face, is the best part of walking into the hospital these days. I don’t think I saw either of them smile when Madi wasn’t here with us. Didn’t hear Liz’s musical laugh, so much like Madison’s. Didn’t hear the so-horrible-they-were-funny jokes Aston would torture us with. Madison’s absence was a domino effect of great proportions and I don’t think there will ever come a day where I can adequately describe it to her or anyone.
When I walk to the door of Madi’s room, I expect to see her and at least Liz, but there’s nobody. A tiny pang of worry kicks up, but then I reason with logic and imagine she is undergoing tests or something.
“Liz said you’d be here.” I turn to see Joan, one of Madison’s regular nurses in the hall behind me. “Come on. I’ve got something to show you.”
I tilt my head and give her a curious smile, following when she turns to walk down the hall. We come to a set of large double doors and Joan pushes one open for us to enter what looks to be the hospital’s rehabilitation unit.
Stepping inside, I sweep my eyes across the room and spot long blond hair and my breath catches. Not because it’s Madi, but because she’s standing, gripping her hands around two parallel bars with a nurse behind her, shuffling her feet forward.
When an uncontrolled sob breaks free of my lips, she looks over at me. “Lydia,” she says my name and my hand flies to my mouth. She hasn’t said my name since coming to and I realize now how long it’s been since I’ve heard it.
“Look at you. Wow, Madi.”
“She’s been killing her goals this morning, haven’t you?” the nurse standing behind her says.
Madi nods, turning her head slightly to look back over her shoulder, using her eyes to do the talking.
“You ready to sit for a while?”
Madi nods again and the nurse pulls her wheelchair around behind Madison.
I set Liam’s car seat atop one of the tables to the side, removing my coat and unable to wipe the smile or the tears from my face as the nurse pushes Madison over. Madi’s smile only grows as she gets closer to Liam.
Not knowing that Madi was pregnant before that night meant never just getting to be the overly happy and anxious best friend, awaiting Liam’s arrival. So, I never allowed myself to picture Madi as a mother. Didn’t get to see the way her entire being transformed when she reached out to hold him or rocked him to sleep. So much of those normal expected experiences were taken away from us all.
But as crazy as it sounds, it’s so much greater this way—life changing.
We’re all aware that Madison’s life is a miracle and her recovery even more so. That knowledge makes watching her interaction to her son infinitely more special. She is regaining her speech and her strength slowly, so her words and gestures are few, but when she holds him I see the most from her.
I unbuckle the straps that secure him, pulling him out and kissing his little cheek before laying him in her arms. I stay close in case her arms get tired, which usually, I have to pry him away and I hate it.
“He’s really starting to open his eyes a lot, huh?”
If possible, her smile widens.
“I wonder what color they’ll be?”
She seems to study him closer. She points to her blue shirt.
“Blue?” I say, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, that’s what me and Stone thought, too.”
She looks up at me in confusion. I swallow thickly both at my mention of him and the fact that we haven’t discussed him yet. I wanted to wait until she could discuss it with me, ask questions, voice concerns. But who knows when that will be? And I can’t help the part of me that wants her to know the other person who has been a big part of Liam’s little life so far.
“I’m sure the night you woke up is foggy, but Stone was with me that night.”
Her eyes narrow in thought, but she doesn’t make a gesture. Liam begins to squirm, his little fist coming up to meet his mouth. I look up at the clock and see that it’s been several hours since his last bottle. I pull the bottle I made just before we left from my bag and shake it before placing it to his lips.
“He’s an eater. That’s for sure. I swear, I didn’t realize until this last week how much he’s starting to wake up in the night.” My eyes close briefly as I think of all Stone’s done, all the help that he gave so freely. I look at her and wait until she looks at me. “Since Stone’s been gone.” It only takes her a minute to understand, but I see it when she does.
“I met him on New Year’s, through Helaena. He’s gorgeous. He’s successful. He’s kind and loyal.” Her eyes watch me. “But mostly, all I could focus on, is that he’s a fighter, in the underground.” I want to go further and tell her that I’m scared he’s just like Damon, but I don’t even want to say his name, allow his existence to infiltrate our space. “I just couldn’t let it go. I’m so sorry Madi, I will understand if you’re angry, feel betrayed. I tried to keep myself from falling for him, but I’m in love with him, Madison.” It’s the first time I’ve even admitted the words to myself. I knew that I did, the words have just lingered on the tip of my tongue. I look up at her, tears in my eyes. “I love him.”
I feel like such an asshole for putting her in this situation, knowing that she can’t say what she wants to say, probably making her angry with herself and frustrated. I shake my head, wishing I could take back every word I just said and rewind time, when she reaches out and touches my knee.
What I see reflected when I look up at her is an indecipherable, yet breathtaking sight. Sorrow, concern, understanding, acceptance, they’re all there. She shakes her head slowly and I place my hand on hers. She squeezes.
When Liam empties the bottle, I wipe my cheeks and stand to take him. Madison’s eyes are pleading as she attempts to lift him to her shoulder to burp him. Her strength builds every day, but isn’t quite there. Instead of taking him, I lift him up to her shoulder and help hold him there while she lifts her hand to lightly pat and burp him.
She just wants to burp him. To feel him. To care for him and be his mother. And God, she’ll never know how unprepared I was for the pain I feel every time I must take him from her, but she lets me because she knows I have to.
I get it and I want that for her. And she will.
I know what it feels like to want something so bad, yet having to pull away because it’s what’s best.
Believe me, the pain in my heart reminds me that I know exactly what it’s like.
After a night of no sleep and a day of avoiding calls from Stone, it didn’t take long after Madi and Liam fell asleep for me to find a comfortable position in one of the horrid chairs in her room and drift off. I don’t even realize I have until the sound of her door opening stirs me from sleep as Liz and Aston walk in the door.
I stand, smoothing my hair and wiping the corner of my mouth, looking around frantically until I locate Liam in the bassinet, fast asleep.
Instead of filing in the room, Liz waves me out into the hallway. I ease out, pulling the door behind me, taking in Liz’s evening gown and Aston’s tux.
“I thought you guys were going somewhere tonight?” I whisper like I’m still in the room, half asleep and clearing my throat.
“We were until Dr. Montgomery called, then we decided we wanted to tell Madison the good news before we went.”
“Good news?” I ask and Liz nods her head, grabbing my hand and squeezing.
“They are going to let Madison come home for her next phase of rehab.”
“Are you serious? When?”
“Next week, probably Thursday.” She beams.
“We’ll have to get someone at the house to make some modifications to aide in the transition, but that won’t be an issue. I can get someone there tomorrow I’m sure,” Aston interjects.
“Wow. This is amazing. She’s going to be so excited you guys.” A smile spreads across my entire face.
We enter the quiet room, knowing it’s about to be anything but. Liz rubs Madison’s arm gently and she stirs awake, grinning as her eyes open and her mom comes in to focus. Her eyes round a bit and she opens her mouth, forcing out a “Wow,” gesturing to Liz’s dress.
“Yeah, me and Dad have to go to a dinner. But we got a phone call from Dr. Montgomery and we had to come see you first.”
Madison’s eyes morph into a look of worry and Liz is quick to reassure her.
“No honey, it’s good news. Really good news.” Liz eases onto the side of the bed, taking Madison’s hand in hers. “Are you ready to come home?”
“Yes,” Madison forces out, her voice strained but clearer than it has been.
“Well, this time next week, you’re going to get to do just that.”
Madison’s eyes dart from Liz up to Aston and over to me, wide and full of excited disbelief.
I don’t know if we’re all cried out or if we refuse to give anything but utter joy to this moment, but tonight we just smile.
There are a million things everyone wants to say, but we’ve all adapted to the silence, learning to express our feelings without words until Madison can join in on our conversations.
It’s really put my entire life into perspective, and as much as I have to look back and be sad or angry over if I choose to do so, it’s all made me appreciate every second and every person that’s a part of my life.
It’s turned me in to something I never thought I could consider myself to be—a fighter.
And I’ve still got a lot left to fight for.