Chapter One
Lassi stared at Ballynagaul’s local priest, Father Ward.
He stood in front of her Great-Aunt Roberta’s cheap pine coffin, which sat propped in the middle of the deceased’s front room.
Is that a piece of seaweed sticking out of the bottom of his pants leg? She squinted, wrinkling up her nose. Whoa. Is it glowing? No. I must be tired. Or, maybe it’s because there may have been shots of whiskey consumed before this wake began. She rubbed her eyes, squeezing them shut.
When she opened them, her attention zipped past Father Ward’s ankle to the stack of commemorative plates, pushed against the wall behind him. Is that a dead cat? Good Christ. How can I keep the wake-goers from finding it?
Wan light, punching through the heavy clouds outside, forced its way past the grimy windows, adding an air of depression. The dim glow weakly illuminated her aunt’s pinched, gaunt face, creating a shadowed mask. Even in death her aunt looked as miserable as she’d been in life.
Lassi glared at the front great-room of the cottage, filled with local folks all pretending to honor the dead. Ever since she arrived she’d heard hushed whispers of what they really thought about Roberta.
“She never spoke to a soul,” Penny O’Donnell, the co-owner of the local pub, the Laughing Rat, had said.
“Mean as a snake,” her husband Liam had added.
“My neighbors had to keep their kids away from this part of town. She’d yell and throw apples or rocks at them if she saw them heading toward the beach near her property,” Penny whispered.
“Yeah, well, you know what’s down there—at the beach, I mean,” Liam said.
Lassi had wanted to ask what they were talking about but they’d shut up and acted all innocent and smiley when she’d approached.
Fecking villagers. Lassi’s scowl deepened. All around her, the wallpaper sagged. Dirt, which had undoubtedly gathered since the cottage was built—a hundred or so years ago—lined the floors. A dank, musty odor permeated every room.
Her stomach let out a heaving growl. I shouldn’t have had those whiskey shots first thing. I’m more responsible than that. This whole Bally experience is giving me the creeps.
The coffin sat on a rickety side table she and Father Ward had dragged in the house from a shed out back. Father Ward had arrived early this morning to assist in preparation for the wake.
With chin length, dark brown wavy hair, sea-green eyes, and stubble on his jaw, he looked more like a naughty romance cover model than a priest, but who was she to judge? Even a priest had a right to be good-looking. Together, they’d pushed bags and boxes to the sides, and thrown God-knew-what into the spare bedroom to make room for the mourners to walk. Then, they had jammed Great-Aunt Roberta’s sorry excuse for furniture—a sofa with yellowed doilies on the arms, and a couple of turn-of-the-twentieth-century armchairs—against the walls. He’d helped her even out the legs of the old wooden side table with some of her great-aunt’s commemorative china plates.
“No sense shaking Roberta’s soul to heaven,” he’d said, giving the table a gentle push. It didn’t budge—much. He’d grinned at her, like a man who’d accomplished his greatest mission in life—stabilizing the dead.
“Honestly, I’d have been happy pitching her old, wrinkled body down the hill for the crows,” Lassi had told him.
He’d winced at that comment, but she didn’t care. All she wanted to do was get home to Dublin.
Instead, she was stuck taking care of Great-Aunt Roberta’s funeral and cleaning up her house—a hoarding situation if ever there was one. Great-Aunt Roberta had collected the ridiculous commemorative plates for half a century. She’d visited gift shops in every town and village in Ireland, sometimes dragging Lassi along on the rare occasions she’d been forced to visit as a kid. She would find a china plate she liked and stuff it in her oversized purse, justifying her use of the five-finger discount she thought she deserved because she’d grown up poor.
The plates stood in stacks in every corner of the house. And, as it turned out, when placed at least three-deep, they were sturdy enough to steady the table legs supporting the shriveled body of the bitter old hag, tucked in her wooden box.
Now, as Lassi studied the pretend mourners, contempt bubbled in her belly. I wish I was back home in Dublin delivering babies, not standing in the middle of Roberta’s fecking cottage in bloody Ballynagaul tending to her sorry wake. She glowered and pressed into the corner, hoping the walls might swallow her up, sending her shooting through a mystery portal away from here.
The wind outside howled and screamed. A huge gust blew the front door open. It banged against the wall with a loud thwack, no doubt heralding some new arrival.
Lassi jerked and pushed away from her post, turning her head toward the foyer. Several more wake participants shuffled up the stone front steps.
More villagers? Don't they have anything better to do? They must be here for the booze. They can’t be here for Roberta, except maybe to celebrate her departure.
She sighed and glared at her wristwatch. Still 2:15. This shindig is supposed to last until 3. She shook her wrist and held it up to her ear, catching the quiet, tick, tick, tick of her cheap Timex.
The newcomers wiped their feet on the mat bearing a handwritten “Not Welcome” statement, courtesy of Great-Aunt Roberta’s scrawling penmanship. They proceeded through the open door and entered the house, head bowed in a ridiculous show of sorrow. One by one, they made their way to the coffin. They mumbled back and forth with Father Ward. Then, they galloped to the kitchen to toast the dead. Half of them barely knew the departed’s name. The other half despised her great-aunt.
From her position in the corner, Lassi’s glance again flitted across the room toward Father Ward.
Standing near the coffin, Father Ward offered sappy comfort to all. Since no one liked her great-aunt, Lassi didn’t believe for a second they needed any kind of consoling words. No, this event got the people out of the miserable rain and gave them something to do. While I, the sole heir, have far better things to do in Dublin than tend to a relative’s remains, especially one I barely knew.
As she studied him, a shivery vibration shot through her belly and limbs. Her face flushed. She lifted her hand to her forehead. I can’t catch a fever. I’ve got too much to do.
A cracking, crunching sound burst out from under one of the coffin legs and a piece of a plate flew free.
Her eyes widened. She locked gazes with Father Ward who appeared equally alarmed.
He placed his hands on the coffin, nudged it, and nodded, lifting his hand in a thumbs-up position.
Lassi let out her breath. She wiped her forehead, mouthed a “whew,” and smiled.
She figured many a town gal had placed a bet on who could get the priest to break his vows. He was handsome, for a priest—well, for anyone, if truth be told—and must be in his twenties, same as her. He radiated soccer-hero charm and the kind of good looks girls hoped the boy who asked them to the Debs—the U.K. equivalent of the Prom—possessed. Until they got so drunk they threw up their fancy dinner all over his tux, like she’d done to Tommy McCallan at her Debs ball. Lassi had crushed hard on Tommy in secondary school. Her crush had ended when sour flecks of kale and potato landed on his cream-colored shirt. After that, Bobbie Sue—a girl from the goddamned United States—had rescued him, saying her father owned a dry cleaner’s shop. She’d told him the Debs was a poor excuse for a Prom, adding, “In the States, we’d be taken to the prom in a stretch limo, not a school bus.”
Whatever.
She flicked her fingers, ridding herself of dark musings of Tommy McCallan. Why those thoughts had lurched through her mind when she gazed at Father Ward was a mystery. She hardly crushed on Father Ward. He’s a priest, for feck’s sake. Still, she appreciated all the help the good Father had given her. He even offered to help her sell this ramshackle house. She’d gratefully accepted. Anything to spend the least amount of time in Ballynagaul, or Ballyna-nowhere, as she called it. She couldn’t wait to unload the dwelling and get back to Dublin.
Staring at the living room, stuffed full of mourners, she sighed. Ever since she’d arrived here a week ago, the walls seemed to shrink around her. Perhaps they were hoping to fall about her dead aunt’s coffin and collapse in a heap, joining her in decay. Tomorrow, she’d have to deal with all of it—the mess, the piles and piles of hoarded crap, the dead cat, the dirt...
“There you are.”
A chirpy voice assaulted her eardrums. She blinked, looking for the source of the intruder.
Ailis O’Neil.
Inwardly, she groaned. She’d met her and half the bloody town over the last couple of days and had been subjected to the gossip each one dished about the other.
“And there you are. We’ve established a fact. What do you need?” Lassi swept her gaze up and down the cherubic figure tottering toward her.
“Nothing.” The word fell long and slow from Ailis’s lips, as if coated with cold molasses. “I only want to lend comfort. It’s always a moment to pause and take stock when we lose someone, isn’t it?” She cast a moist, blue-eyed gaze at Lassi.
“Is it?” Lassi frowned. “I’m here to take care of business. That’s all. No stock to be taken or pauses to be made, save for this wake.”
Ailis’s head twitched, as if struck by a tiny hammer between her small, round eyes—which is something Lassi might enjoy doing to the woman to get her to go away.
Ailis pressed her lips together, forming a ruby-red ribbon along her too-pale skin. Then, her face softened, opening like a time lapse video of a blooming tulip.
“You poor thing. You must be in shock. Sometimes we say the darnedest things and don’t really mean it, don’t we?” She reached out a hand and seized Lassi’s fingers.
Lassi pulled a disgusted face before she had a chance to edit. Ailis’s hands were sweaty. It felt like her hand was encased by warm oysters, wrapped around her fingers.
She tugged free of Ailis’s slimy grip and tried to muster up some politeness. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine.”
Or, will be, as soon as I get out of this village. Her face stretched tight into a grimace.
Ailis nodded, made the kind of smile one practices in the mirror for moments like this, and pivoted on her heel. Her hips jiggled and wiggled as she walked, no doubt from the results of one Guinness too many. She beelined for Father Ward.
Get in line, honey. I doubt he wants a ride on your bike. Lassi rolled her eyes.
From what she’d been told, Ailis had a disreputable reputation in the community. Apart from her job as a real estate agent, she was known as the “village bicycle.” A good pour of Guinness from the local pub could—and usually did—result in a ride.
Ailis stopped and turned. “Oh! Give us a call tomorrow.” She waggled her finger between herself and the priest. “He’s coming to my office to list this house. We’ll get it handled so you have time to grieve.”
She made another simpering, sympathetic face, shook her head, and turned to totter toward Father Ward.
Oh, brother. Lassi glanced at the table leg which had lost part of a plate. She lifted her eyes and met Father Ward’s intense scrutiny.
Another shiver cascaded down her spine. Again, her face felt uncomfortably warm. Uh! I can’t get sick!
Another plate splintered, pieces flying in all directions.
Ailis jumped out of the way of the ceramic bits.
Lassi jerked from her position as a wall prop.
Father Ward hustled toward the coffin, steadying it. He jostled the coffin again. This time it wobbled a little but not enough to result in a Great-Aunt Roberta’s pine box taking a tumble.
Bloody hell. The plates must last until the end. She lifted her wrist toward her face once more, as if it moved of its own accord. 2:22. Progress. Thirty-eight minutes left. She pressed into the corner, propped on one foot, her other foot against the wall. Staring out the window at the lush, green countryside, she wished time would speed up.
Heavy footsteps tromped in her direction.
Who is it this time? She turned from her pastoral musing and directed her attention on portly Garda Galbraith. She’d met him about ten years ago and she remembered him as kindly.
He lumbered toward her, breathing heavily, like every step took effort. “There you are, lassie.”
Why does everyone declare the obvious when they see me? I’ve been making myself a lamppost in this corner since the wake began.
“Here I am.” She smiled.
“Isn’t it funny, when I call you lassie, it’s your actual name?” He grinned at her, crater-like dimples appearing in his plump cheeks.
“Ha-ha.” She shifted to put her weight on her other foot. “My given name is Lasairfhíona. That’s too much of a mouthful.”
“Lasairfhíona. Wine made from flame. It suits you, what with your red hair and your intoxicating personality. I’m sure you give the lads a run for their money.” An approving smile formed on his face.
“I don’t know about that.” She waved his words away. “I’ve no time to be getting on with the lads. My job as a labor and delivery nurse keeps me far too busy.”
He nodded. “Let me give you a squeeze, child. You’re all grown up since the last time I saw you.”
He held his arms wide.
“It’s been a while. When was it? When I was sixteen?”
“I do believe. You whirled through town like a leaf on the wind.”
“No sense in lingering.” She shuffled toward him like an obedient child, letting herself melt into his kind embrace. Wrapping her arms around him, she squeezed him back, squishing into his Santa Claus-worthy stomach. Then, she stiffened and pulled away. She didn’t want anyone to get the impression that she liked it here in Ballyna-whatever. She fell back against the wall, placing her hands against the ancient wallpaper.
“How are you managing?” he said, searching her face.
She shrugged. “I’m here, like everyone keeps telling me today. All I want to do is get this over with and get back to Dublin.”
Galbraith’s face clouded over. “Ah, Dublin.”
“What? What does ‘ah, Dublin,’ mean?” Her forehead creased.
He rested his hand on the butt of the gun in the holster at his hip. “You couldn’t pay me enough to work in Dublin. There’s crime everywhere.”
She scoffed. “And you think Ballynagaul is all innocent and serene?”
His gaze darted about before landing on hers. “In Bally, the worst stuff is a bit of drugs here and there, and maybe some petrol siphoning.”
“Are you sure about that, Garda Galbraith?” Lassi fixed her attention on him. “Because I’ve seen some messed up things happen in the smallest of villages. When Roberta would drag me around Ireland, I’d hear of horrible crimes committed between neighbors. People like to believe they’re all safe, when maybe they aren’t.”
“Aren’t you a beacon of joy,” a deep male voice said.
Her head swiveled toward the new intruder—the plump, balding owner of the Laughing Rat pub. “Oh, hey, Liam.”
He dipped his chin in greeting and sidled closer. “Sorry for your loss.”
“Oh, please. We all know Great-Aunt Roberta was a mean-spirited old biddy. She got off on scaring children who came to her door for Halloween trick or treat fun, and throwing rocks at passersby. She’s no one’s friend and nobody’s loss, especially mine.”
Garda Galbraith and Liam exchanged weighted glances. Then, they let their gazes roam around the room.
“You know I’m right.” Lassi began to chuckle. Her hilarity transformed into hearty laughter as the stress and gloom of this whole wake experience found its release.
Liam laughed nervously.
Galbraith smiled indulgently.
She struggled to get a grip on her wild outburst. Her gaze landed on Father Ward.
He stood smashed against the window, with Ailis directly in front of him. His eyes darted about wildly, like marbles on the wood floor. His face bore a grimace. He couldn’t make his dislike of the town slut any more obvious. Finally, he rested his attention on Lassi.
She smiled at him, trying to convey her sympathy through her gaze.
He smiled back, appearing to grasp at the gesture like a lifeline.
For a second, stirrings of interest for the priest pricked her attention.
More like curious wondering of what would happen if I were the one to help him break his vows. Nah. Not worth it. I’ve already got a room reserved in hell. I don’t need an adjoining suite. Another shiver catapulted up her spine.
Then, another plate exploded.
Father Ward tried to lunge toward the coffin but Ailis blocked his way.
The casket slid a few centimeters.
“Goodness,” exclaimed Ailis. She pressed her hand to her bosom.
Father Ward forced his way past her, reached down and grabbed a broken piece of ceramic. Then, he crouched, and wedged it under the leg, stabilizing the table once more.
“Well, that’s something,” Galbraith said. “Even in death she makes trouble.”
“She wasn’t steady in her last days. Poor thing could barely walk,” Liam added. “It’s like she took her unsteadiness to the beyond.”
“We’ve got it handled,” Father Ward said, confidently.
I’m not so sure. Lassi turned back to Liam and Galbraith, positioning herself so she could keep an eye on Great-Aunt Roberta.
Galbraith nodded at her. “Let me know if you need anything… anything at all.”
“Thank you.” She nodded, politely. “I might need help putting Roberta back in her broken casket if things progress.”
He frowned slightly, like she was the oddball, not him and all the rest of these fecking villagers. Then he leaned forward, kissed her cheek, and turned to tromp away, leaving her with Liam.
Liam stared at her, the way her cat at home stared at her when she got out the can opener.
“What?” She glared at him.
“You might consider stopping by the Laughing Rat. I doubt if you’ll be filling your great-aunt’s refrigerator.”
“Uh....” She studied him for a moment. Right. For a meal at your pub. With you and your forty-year old, bald-pated leer directed my way. Not happening. “No, thanks.”
An uneven cloppity-clack clattered across the wood floor.
Lassi looked over. Liam’s wife, Penny, lurched through the door from the kitchen, wielding two deviled eggs—one in each palm.
She stumbled toward them, her eyes fixed on Liam’s face in some sort of anti-climactic stare—the way couples do when they’re bored, wondering what they’d seen in the person they’d married.
“Here.” She thrust one of the eggs at him. “I thought you might be hungry for food for a change.”
Her gaze swung disinterestedly toward Lassi and back to Liam.
He smiled. “I was only offering the girl a meal or two, love. She looks stressed and tired.”
Do I? Lassi glanced down at her black shirt. She’d found the tattered thing in the closet. It needed a few holes stitched and smelled like mothballs, but at least it was black. The shirt was undoubtedly something her great-aunt had picked up at a rummage sale for no good reason.
She brushed the front placket, trying to coax a few wrinkles free.
Penny let out a chuckle. “Keeping the ladies content with your culinary charm, are you?”
Her words came out slurred.
Liam put his arm around her. “Pet. We’re all upset by this recent death. Roberta was a...” He scanned the ceiling as if it held clues. “She was a fixture in this town.” Leaning down, he kissed her cheek. “You eat the egg. I insist.”
He seized it from her palm and held it to her lips like it was made of the most delicate blown glass.
Smiling, she nibbled the cooked egg white. “So, what are you going to do with the house, Lassi?” she said through a mouthful.
She kept her attention on Liam like she was still trying to figure out what he meant to her.
“Junk everything that needs junking and sell what’s left. Then, take a trip. I’m thinking Barbados might be nice.” She twisted her hand to see her wrist. 2:52. The end of this fecking nightmare of an afternoon is near.
Penny ignored her, grabbing the last of the deviled egg from Liam’s fingers. She popped it in her mouth, while keeping her eyes glued to Liam’s face.
“How’s that food going down?” he said.
“It’s wonderful,” Penny cooed. Yellow egg bits stuck to the corners of her mouth. She smoothed her frumpy black dress like a preening pigeon.
Liam tapped her on the nose. “That’s my girl. Let’s get you home, shall we?”
He guided his wife away, without sparing a glance at Lassi.
Big fat whatever. They’re the oddest pair. When Father Ward had helped her set up for the wake, he’d mentioned how Penny had been super helpful with Roberta in the final months of her illness, so she couldn’t fault her for her oddness. Lassi’s gaze slid across the room toward Father Ward. Ailis had sauntered away from him and now stood flirting hard with a sandy-haired young man.
Father Ward took the opportunity to sidle away from her until his hip bumped the table. It wobbled, so he stayed put.
The sandy-haired man shifted from foot to foot, letting his gaze slide to the floor, to the ceiling, and side to side. A redheaded woman with a toddler on her hip came to his rescue.
“Let’s go pay our respects to Miss Finn,” the redhead said, touching his arm.
“Thank you, love, of course.” He placed his hand over hers.
From the warmth in their eyes, to the tone of their voices, they looked to be married and every bit in love.
Their regard of one another struck a soul-deep longing in Lassi—the kind she’d pushed away each time she dated a new man and got her heart squished like a roach.
The redhead led the sandy-haired man toward Lassi.
“We’re so sorry for your loss,” she said, jiggling the child on her hip.
“Truly we are. If there’s anything we can do,” the sandy-haired man added. “I’m Dylan Riordan, by the way. This is Siobhan, my lovely wife. And this chap...” He gently tweaked the toddler’s nose. “This is Paul. Say hello to...” He looked toward Lassi. “Sorry, love, I didn’t catch your first name.”
“It’s Lassi. Lassi Finn.” Relief flooded her to be talking to someone normal for a change. Fina-fucking-ly, some nice people in this village! “So, do you live in town?”
“We do.” Siobhan cast a loving glance at her husband. “We bought a giant old cottage smack dab in the middle of the village and are renovating it.”
“With a thatched roof,” Dylan said, looking at her adoringly.
“Oh, no, you don’t, Dylan, you can’t win this argument. There will be no thatched roof. They’re too much work.”
A smile played at the corner of his lips. “They’re no work at all. You’ll see, love.”
He stroked her cheek with his fingertips.
She brought them to her mouth and kissed them.
“You always get your way, don’t you?” she said, but she didn’t seem upset.
“The only thing I got my way about was marrying you. Nothing else compares.”
A blush bloomed along Siobhan’s cheek. “Oh, Dylan, I didn’t take too much convincing. I was smitten from the start.”
Lassi imagined herself in the middle of sunshine and unicorns. She smiled. Then, her gaze landed on Ailis.
Ailis stared at Dylan, a feral, hungry expression on her face.
Lassi’s eyes narrowed.
Siobhan turned to where her attention rested. She fidgeted with Paul’s red and yellow shirt, tugging it, and then smoothing it along his back. “We’d best be getting on, Dylan. Paul’s tired.”
Dylan frowned. “He just had a nap.”
“Well, then, I’m tired. Let’s go, shall we?” She took his elbow. “It was nice meeting you, Lassi.”
“It was nice meeting all of you,” Lassi said. She studied their retreating backs then let her attention slide toward Ailis.
Ailis leaned forward, like she might run after the Riordans.
A few people staggered down the hall from the kitchen, lurching toward the front door. They slung their arms around one another.
Father Ward hastened away from the coffin, looking to either catch them if they fell, or bid them farewell.
Lassi hoped for the latter. The table seemed to be holding steady now, so she pushed away from the wall and headed for the kitchen.
Not one person so much as blinked when she entered. They continued to shout, laugh, and lift their glasses high in toasts.
Pushing through the revelers, she grabbed a garbage bag from the pantry, and began picking up plastic cups and forks, paper plates with crumbs of cake, and soiled napkins, hopefully giving the universal sign indicating, “We’re done. Get the feck out of here.”
A few got the message.
“Let’s continue at the Laughing Rat,” an older man said. He reached for the hand of the woman next to him.
“I second that,” a younger man agreed. “Let’s go.” He nodded at Lassi. “Miss Finn,” he said in a slurred voice. “Sorry for your loss.” Without waiting for a response, he staggered from the room, along with several others.
Her attention drifted down the hall to Father Ward.
He stood at the front door, beaming warmly at each person, patting some on the shoulder, shaking hands with others.
The women tittered, tossing saucy, mischievous looks at their friends.
A few villagers shook his hand as if Father Ward would save their souls this very instant and absolve them of any wrongdoing.
The town elders’ faces bore serious expressions. They looked like they tolerated the priest but didn’t welcome him.
She studied the procession with narrowed eyes. She didn’t trust the seemingly pleasant exchanges. The smiles and fond words seemed habitual, not genuine. And the old-timers…do they wish for an older, more traditional looking priest? She shook her head. Maybe I’m just feeling creeped out at village life. It always struck her as way too insular, incestuous, and riddled with hatred. At least in the city, hatred was anonymous.
If someone gets stabbed to death, it’s usually by a stranger. So, you’d die wondering what the feck that was all about. You’d think it so random to be alive one second, and dead the next by the actions of someone you didn’t know. How much worse would it be to see who killed you and realize they were your neighbor or your supposed best-friend?
Yeah, village existence might seem idyllic, but she’d bet her life there were piles of steaming shite underneath everyone’s polite smiles. She hoped to get out of town before she found out what some person she thought as kind had in store for her.
She stepped down the hall toward the front room, garbage bag in hand.
As she turned to head through the arch into the great room, Father Ward turned from his farewell procession and their eyes locked.
Electricity cascaded through her limbs.
Several commemorative plates cracked, sending shards flying.
Lassi raced toward the room, right as Great-Aunt Roberta and her wooden box slid, heading for a collision with the floor, her commemorative plates, and her dead cat.