Oh shit.

Was Sebastian on to me? No, he couldn’t be, I thought, trying to reassure myself.

I hoped my little trick with my new phone worked, the one I’d found in the package that Sebastian had kindly promised and sent over. But maybe the ruse had taken too long, the pause between his question and my answer abnormally delayed?

On the journey to the care home, I’d searched and found a translation app called Parlez-Voice that vocalized what you wanted it to say in the language you selected. The Russian female voice wasn’t quite like mine, more abrasive and raw than my normally breathy and light rhythm. It would do the trick though, at least I hoped it would, if I ever found the need to use it. After seeing Gran, and paying off a little of the arrears, that moment came sooner than I thought it would.

When Sebastian asked where I was, my first thought was to come clean, tell him I’d ventured out of the apartment for a bit of fresh air, to explore, but then that would only lead to more questions. So in my haste, I opened my new app, typed in a string of words and tapped for it to translate it into Russian. It didn’t really matter what I put in, as far as I knew Sebastian didn’t understand a word of my supposed native language, just as long as it sounded convincing, like I had spoken the words myself.

Thankfully he seemed to buy it, but my nerves got the best of me and I quickly ended the call.

Back in the car, with Big Jim in the front, he kept shooting glances my way, catching my eye in the rearview mirror, then frowning as if I were a puzzle he was trying to solve. I paid him no mind. I was drained enough to wonder if he was onto me too but resolved to be extra cautious around him. I was sure I’d spotted him and his car earlier in the day, near the apartment. But the styling of the vehicle was too similar to others I’d seen. And really what cause did Big Jim have for following a seemingly innocent young woman around?

My hand drifted to my neck. I was filled with sadness again. I sank deeper into the leather seats of the town car and tried to focus on the passing scenery. It was no use. Although I’d managed to stave off the wolf at the care home door, I felt like I’d lost a big part of my heart…

Before calling for the car to come get me and take me up to see Gran, I’d taken a walk around the block. It had been then when I thought I’d seen Big Jim. But I was in a hurry and using my new phone, I navigated toward the nearest pawnshop with both the ring and dress. The smartphone had certainly come in handy today, I mused.

As I walked, I made a bargain with myself. Every single penny that I took from Sebastian to keep my gran safe in the nursing home, I would pay back. With interest, if need be. It was the only way to quell the guilt about what I intended to do. And it was the right thing to do, of course, especially if I wasn’t going to marry him and ditch him at the altar.

The ring felt heavy in my pocket, and I half-believed I was Frodo, weighed down by this precious gift… but I told myself everything would be better once it was out of my hands, and I handed over the cash to Mr. Kershaw. The relief would be worth it, even if I would have to tell more lies later on to cover my tracks. But no ring meant no engagement, right?

I faltered at the pawnshop door, hand resting on the metal handle. Three golden symbols painted on the glass.

Indecision plagued me. I could walk all this back, come clean. Tell Sebastian everything, maybe he would forgive me? Maybe he would even help. He seemed the generous sort… but I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. I’d been burned too many times before, and my mother always taught me to rely on myself.

I couldn’t put my trust in him. It was on short supply.

Back outside, I stood on the sidewalk, stunned by the direct sunshine in my eyes. It felt like a spotlight illuminating what I’d just done… or more precisely what I hadn’t done.

As the transaction for both the ring and the wedding gown was almost complete, the clerk counting out the bills before my eyes, I’d backed away from the counter.

Somehow when it came to part with these two gifts that essentially weren’t mine, I found myself unable to do it. The look on Sebastian’s face when he would find out what I’d done practically shattered my already-aching heart. I wouldn’t cause him that pain or betray him.

“I’ve changed my mind,” I declared and snatched the ring from the glass counter, shoving it safely back into my pocket.

The short woman glared at me from over her half-moon glasses, letting out a disappointing breath. “Well leave if you’re just going to waste my time,” she said with an impatient roll of her eyes. She began to put the money back in the draw, out of my clutches.

My mind reeled. What was I doing? I needed the money. Sebastian wouldn’t miss it and I’d already betrayed his trust even if he didn’t know about it yet. However it was like I was stuck before an invisible barrier, I couldn’t break through. Maybe I was weak, letting my emotions overwhelm me. Yet somehow this man I’d only known for a few days had affected me. Deeply.

“Wait. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

But I did know what I needed to do. I couldn’t sell the engagement ring or the gown. They weren’t mine to sell.

My hand hovered at my throat. Mom would be disappointed if I didn’t do this, she’d tell me to do whatever I needed to survive, or to protect the ones I love from ruin or pain. But she would also say to do no harm to others too. At least this way I was only hurting my own heart, and not Sebastian’s. She would want me to sell the necklace to help Gran.

I unlatched the last remaining item I had of my mom and held out the thin gold chain, the locket dangling.

“How much will you give me for this?”

The woman smiled, revealing her remaining, yellow-blackened teeth.

I’d held it together long enough until I was back in the apartment. There I collapsed in a heap by the door, my body wracked with sobs. I let myself grieve again, let the tears pour out of me until there was none left to give and the well was dry. Then like my mom had instilled in me from an early age, I got back up, then washed my face, and called Big Jim to come get me. Gran was my priority now.