I burst through the nursing home doors like I was Cinderella trying desperately to make it back home before time ran out. I lost my shoe but kept powering onward, pointing to the secured doors and shouting to be let through immediately.

The receptionist’s mouth dropped open, aghast at my sudden appearance, as she hovered her hand over the button she needed to press to let me through. But she stopped, as if remembering her job. “Miss, like I told you the last time, you need to sign in first.”

Blocked by the gatekeeper, I stooped to pick up my shoe but instead of putting it back on, tugged the other one off, then confronted Brenda.

“If you don’t let me in there right now to see my gran, I’ll…” What would I do? Start throwing my heels at her, like mini projectiles? Jump over the desk and hit the button myself? Both of those things would have security here to kick my ass to the curb and I would never get to see Gran when she needed me the most. “Please, just let me in. My gran had a heart attack. Her nurse called me.”

The tears began to burn again, a couple breaking free and making a run for it down my cheeks. I wiped at them harshly.

“Like I said—”

“Fine. There. Happy now?” I said as I scribbled my name on the clipboard. “Open up!”

I sprinted down the corridor to Gran’s room, dodging around a few elderly inmates that were doing their best impressions of lazy Sunday drivers at the wheels of their walkers.

Gran’s room was just how I’d left it the day before, except that now by her bedside was a collection of monitors and gadgets, beeping and burping out the occasional chirp. And of course, there was Gran, in her bed, but looking older than I’d ever seen her. The machines looked like they were draining the life out of her, not providing assistance. I rushed to her side and searched for her pale, soft hand beneath the covers.

“Gran, I’m here,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry it took so long. But I’m here now.”

Her eyelids remained shuttered to the world but I had to believe she was going to be okay. That she would wake up.

“Oh, didn’t see you there,” a nurse I didn’t recognize said as she entered the room, her eyes eventually focusing on me.

“Do you know what happened?” I questioned, hoping to get some answers. How could she have been fine yesterday, talking and joking, and then suddenly this?

The nurse busied around the machines, logging information on a chart she’d pulled from the end of the bed. “Your grandmother suffered a heart attack a few hours ago.”

“I know that already, but why? She was fine.”

The nurse gave me a grim look and I knew right away this woman wasn’t the type to reveal sensitive information. “I’ll have the doctor come in to talk to you when he’s free, okay?”

I nodded. The nurse was almost out of the room when I quickly added, “When will she wake up?”

“It’s hard to tell, shouldn’t be too long. But she needs to rest. The doctor will tell you more.”

She left and I started to sob quietly. I wasn’t ready to face a life with no ties to anyone. My parents were gone. Gran was all I had left. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; there was Sebastian. But I knew I couldn’t count on him to stick around now that I’d stood him up at the altar. I buried my head in my hands. He was never going to forgive me.

A while later, I heard the whine of the door as it squeaked open on its hinges. Expecting the doctor, I wiped my tear-streaked face and looked up, ready to hear Gran’s verdict.

But nothing could have prepared me for the face my eyes set on instead.

“What are you doing here?” I said automatically, the shock taking over my body and thought processes. A second later my brain caught up with what I’d just said, and how I’d said it. My hand flew to my mouth as if I could ram the mistake back down my throat.

Sebastian, with an eyebrow arched, stood in his grey wedding suit, a golden silk tie around his thick neck, wearing a look of partial satisfaction and horror.

“I could ask you the same thing, Anna. If that is even your real name. Nice accent, by the way.”

“Shit,” I muffled through my fingers covering my mouth. The cat was out of the bag, he knew. But how much did he know?

His expression turned stony, a blank-faced rock that looked impenetrable. I couldn’t glean what was going on behind the cool of his eyes.

“Well? Are you not going to say anything? Don’t you think I deserve an explanation?”

“I… I don’t know what to say, Sebastian,” I started. Honestly, I had no idea where to begin. What could I say to smooth over all the lies?

“For starters, you can tell me your real name, in case the passport I saw is faked too. Did Josephine put you up to this?”

“Josephine? No, who is that?” I shook my heard, trying to remember if I should know the name, then my mind snagged on a memory. Sebastian had mentioned a secretary, maybe that was her. “My name really is Anna, though. I just needed to get home… I needed the money for my gran’s care. I just neglected to tell you she wasn’t in Russia.” My shoulders sagged from the shame. I’d brought this all on myself.

He crossed his hands over his chest, the corners of his suit creasing with harsh lines at the inner crooks of his elbows. He didn’t believe me. Why would he? I’d already lied to him so many times. All I knew was that I couldn’t bear to lose him.

“You lied to me. You pretended to be someone else… Tell me one thing, was it all fake?”

“Oh god no.” I shot to my feet at the accusation that my feelings for him were but an illusion. “That was all real. The last few days have been the best of my life. Being with you, consumed by you… it wasn’t fake. I promise you that.”

The lines around his eyes softened, or at least I thought they did. I so wanted him to look at me like I was his whole world again, and would’ve given anything to make that happen, but my mind was a jumble. I felt like I was saying all the wrong things, only pushing him further away.

“How can I ever trust you, Anna?”

“I don’t know. I’m so sorry I kept you waiting at the church… It wasn’t my intention to leave you at the altar.” I turned to my gran lying in the bed. “I got a phone call that she had a heart attack and…” I couldn’t continue, I felt my world crumbling around me. My very worst nightmare was happening and I had no way to wake myself up.

Suddenly Sebastian was there, his arms around me, holding me up. I sank into him, letting him envelop me, his smell comforting and reassuring. I clutched his jacket, never wanting to let go.

“You didn’t leave me at the altar,” I heard him say above me. I stiffened and stopped crying at this new revelation. “And you look stunning by the way.”

Not understanding, I left the safe confines of his chest and tilted my chin to looked at him. “What?”

“I guess I have some explaining to do of my own.”

I stepped away now, a cold coming over me like a freezing fog had just descended. “Sebastian?”

Sheepishly, he smiled and ran his hand through the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “Technically, today wasn’t our wedding day.”

“What? But you said…”

“I know what I said. This whole thing has been a ridiculous mess, hasn’t it? What a pair we make. Fuck, it’s complicated.”

“It isn’t. Either today we were supposed to get married or we weren’t. I had every intention of saying “I do,” Sebastian! So if it’s the latter then… oh my god, you lied? But I don’t understand. Why? You used a mail-order bride service, flew me home, proposed to me, then told me there was going to be a wedding. Our wedding. There wasn’t actually going to be one?”

Sebastian tilted his head, wincing as he followed my train of thought. “When you put it like that it sounds dreadful.”

“Dreadful? You tricked me! You fucking liar!”

“You can talk! You’re the one who pretended to be a Russian mail-order bride.”

“Yes! Because I had no other choice. What were your reasons, Sebastian? I needed to get home. I needed the money. I was stranded! I even sold my necklace, the last thing I ever had of my mom and dad, all so I didn’t have to sell this stupid dress and ring!” I held up my left hand to show him the gem was still where it supposed to be, as if that was supposed to prove to him that I fully intended to marry him.

“Well, technically it wasn’t me that tricked you, either.”

My hands flew up in the air. “You’re making no sense!”

“Fuck, all I wanted was to find a date. A bridesmaid that would fit into that dress, so I didn’t screw up my best friend’s wedding. I didn’t order you! Do you really think I’m the kind of guy that needs to put in a special order for a bride? All I needed was a date with the right measurements, I didn’t want a bloody bride! But no, my secretary who hates my guts thought it would be a good way to get back at me. And when I saw you…” Sebastian’s face softened, then perhaps remembering my own lies, twisted and became hard. “You just fit the bill, alright?”

My mouth dropped open. He never wanted to marry me. He’d only needed a stand-in, a date for a wedding. And for some godforsaken reason, that meant he had to order one in from another country. Who the hell was this man I’d been sharing my days and nights with? I didn’t know him at all.

I swallowed the furball-like lump that was caught in my throat. “You didn’t want to marry me?” I said my voice barely a whisper, full of the pain and realization.

“I never said that! I—”

“What is all this noise?” the nurse from earlier cried as she burst through the door, obviously summoned by the raised voices. “Your grandmother is trying to rest. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“I’m staying,” I said firmly, planting my feet. There was no way they were going to kick me out. My eyes flicked to Sebastian, who looked like he never even wanted to be in here in the first place.

“Anna, we still need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. We really don’t. You’ve made your feelings clear.”

“Okay, that’s enough. Sir, you’re going to have to leave now. Please don’t make me have to call security.”

“Fine, I’m going. I have to leave anyway, I still have a wedding to get to. You’ll know where I’ll be if you want to change your mind and talk, Anna. Because whatever you think of me, know one thing: I never lied about how I felt about you. That was real. I lo—”

“Out!”

The nurse started pushing him out the door and I so desperately wanted to tell her to wait, to stop and let him continue. But she managed to get him over the threshold and closed the door behind her. Silence, apart from the whir from the machines, surrounded me and I was left with my own hesitant thoughts. I’d made the right decision, right?

“Anna?” Gran croaked from her bed. I rushed to her and took her reaching hand. “What was all that noise about? Who was that handsome man?”

“Gran, you’re awake, thank god. You were listening?” I shook my head trying to get my priorities straight. “I should go get the doctor.” I was about to leave to do just that when her grip tightened.

“No, stay. I’m fine. A little groggy and thirsty. Nothing I can’t handle. Pour me a glass of water, will you?”

She let me go long enough to find a tumbler. Filling it with water from the jug nearby, and popping a straw into the glass, I then helped Gran sit up, presenting the straw to her to take.

“That’s better,” she said once she drained half the glass. She smacked her lips together in appreciation, then as if she was getting ready to do battle, she shifted on the bed, straightening up then looking at me poignantly. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re awake and that you get plenty of rest. You’re not well, Gran. But I’m here now. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

“I’ll have plenty of rest when I’m dead.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Young lady, I am fully aware of my limitations and my looming expiration date, and I would like to discuss something more interesting. So who was that man in my room? Are you going to tell me or will you force me out of this bed so I can find out for myself? I’m sure the nurses know. They always do. Gossips the lot of them. And you also better start explaining why you felt the need to sell your mother’s necklace.”

I groaned; she’d obviously been awake a lot longer than she’d let on if she’d heard me tell Sebastian about selling the locket. I took a deep breath. It was time to come clean.

Gran was good enough to wait until the end of my recount of the last week to give me the telling off of a lifetime. It was a wonder the nurse didn’t eject me from the room for good this time.

“I can’t believe this. I never thought my own granddaughter would be so damn foolish.” Gran tutted, clicking her tongue several times as she shook her head.

“I know. I’m sorry. It wasn’t one of my best ideas. But can’t you understand I had to get home? I was trapped in Saint Petersburg and the nursing home was threatening to evict you. I had to do something… anything, to get back. Even if that meant signing myself up on that site.” I let my head drop, the shame bubbling once again escalating up to the surface. I wished there was some way to erase the look of disappointment that was painted so precisely on Gran’s face. Even her wrinkles looked angry at me. If I could go back, right to the very beginning, would I have done anything differently? What if I’d ignored the girls I’d met in the hostel? Declined Sofia’s help? None of this would’ve have happened, I wouldn’t have been back here, wouldn’t have met Sebastian. But Gran, an old woman, would have also been kicked out onto the streets to fend for herself while I was miles away. My gran, homeless. No, I wouldn’t have changed anything. I would’ve still done it, even if the result ended up the same, with my heart breaking.

“Oh, you foolish girl. If you think I’m scolding you for doing what you needed to do to get yourself out of trouble, and back to me, then you’re not as intelligent as I thought you were.”

I raised my head to meet her gaze. “Huh?”

“Do I really need to spell it out for you?”

“I think you’re going to have to, Gran. Because you’ve lost me.”

“Sebastian, you said his name was?”

I nodded, desperately trying to figure out ahead of time what she was about to tell me. “Yes, what about him?”

I’d never known Gran to roll her eyes, but this time she did. “You love him. So why are you sitting here with me, all dressed up, when there’s a handsome man, who as far as I could tell, also loves you too?”

“But… it’s complicated.”

“Crystal clear from where I’m sitting. You love him. He loves you. The very fact that you thought today was your wedding day and you admitted to me you were going to marry him, proves to me you’re a risk-taker. You always have been. You and your mother were so alike in that regard.”

“But he lied to me.”

“Don’t interrupt me, I’m not finished yet. All my life I’ve known you to go after what you want in life, you follow your heart everywhere you go, so don’t let a little hiccup and a tiny bit of wounded pride stop you from being with the man you love. If you don’t go to him right now, clear the air, start again, then my dear you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You have to embrace life and love with both hands, and never let it go.”

I twisted my lips. There was a kernel of truth to her words. Hell, there was a whole bushel.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say something? Are you just going to sit there and do nothing?”

I gave her a wry smile. “Oh, I can speak now, can I?”

“Don’t you sass me,” she replied, a huge grin on her face, some color back in her cheeks. At least there was some silver lining to this emotionally draining day; my gran seemed to have regained some of her strength. And she’d certainly proved she hadn’t lost any of her sharp wit.

“What if…” I started, as I gripped the edge of the bed, “what if he doesn’t want me? What if he doesn’t love me?”

Gran lifted a finger to my cheek and wiped away a tear.

“There’s only one way to find out. Now, go be brave. I’ll be here waiting to hear the news.”