MAXEN
Reluctantly and after a few minutes without moving, I get out of the bed and took care of the used condom in the attached bathroom. Then, I braced myself on the stark white sink and let my head hang between my shoulders.
I’ve had a lot of sex in my life since I lost my virginity at fifteen. I’ve also had a lot of good and great sex, but fuck… That, with Lark?
It was life-altering.
I took a deep breath, willed my heart to calm down in my chest and walked back to the room where Lark was covered by the cream bed sheets.
She’s sitting on the bed, her back against the headboard while her bare arms are crossed over her breasts, keeping the sheet over them. When I walked back in the room, her blue eyes fell on me, and I was struck with a truth I’ve been fighting for years, a truth quite laughable when you knew me; I was in love with this woman. I was truly and madly in love with her. It wasn’t just a matter of sexual attraction with a dash of juvenile crush. It was so much more than that. If anything, the sex only opened my eyes as to how fucking deep I was.
An electrified shiver ran through my damn body, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was buck ass naked, soft cock hanging between my legs and standing next to the bed where my wife was watching me, waiting for me to do something or say something. But what could you fucking say when you’ve had mind-fucking good sex with your wife, and you’re filing for a damn divorce?
“If you want me to grab my clothes, just say it instead of staring at me like that, Maxen,’’ she said in a tired voice, one eyebrow raised. Under that bravado, I noticed how unsettled she was. Damn it, she wasn’t officially broken up with a man she wanted to marry just a few days ago and here I was, freshly fucked.
I ran a hand over my face and muttered a curse. “Of course I don’t want you to leave my fucking bed, Lark. Come on.’’ I walked the rest of the way to the bed and sat next to her. My shoulder brushed against hers, and I frowned down at my body when goose bumps broke out all over my damn skin. Good thing my tattoos hid it if you weren’t looking too closely. “I never thought you’d have sex with me.’’
“I never thought it would happen either,’’ she replied softly, her head bent down while her arms were still crossed as if she’s trying to protect herself. If she knew my feelings for her, she’d see she wasn’t the one in need of some fucking protection here. “What happens now?’’
“What do you mean?’’
I turned my head toward her right when she sought my face by tilting her head up. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. She’s weighing her next words.
“You’re the one used to casual sex.’’
I blinked at her and gritted my teeth. I needed to make a damn hard effort not to bite her head off. I hated that she put herself in the same box as the women who went to my bed because it’s nowhere near the same. I hated that she thought I’d treat her poorly. I hated… Mostly, I hated that she didn’t seem to have felt how different it had been.
Instead of getting angry, I swallowed past the damn boulder in my throat, cleared it and then leaned heavily against the headboard, trying like hell to make the tension in my shoulders go away. “Whether you want it or not, we’re married. It’s different.’’
“We’re married on paper, Maxen. That means nothing.’’
I kept my eyes on the open door leading to the small living room of the suite, pushing through the ache created by her damn words. “Maybe for you, but for me marriage means something.’’ You mean everything.
“It means something? Let me laugh. You’re the womanizer of the band! There’s not a damn week without a picture in the papers with your tongue down some new woman’s throat.’’ She uncrossed her arms and put a hand to her breasts to keep the sheet up while her other one ran through her long hair. “Because of that, they all call me ‘the most famous deceived wife.’’’
I cringed at the journalists’ moniker given to Lark. I was sure more would come soon, but I hated that. I could take what they’ve been saying about me since Kinky Shine’s first song hit the charts a few years ago, but it’s hard when they’re going after someone I loved.
“I’m sorry.’’ I sighed. “I’d do anything to get you out of this situation, Lark. It was never my intention to put you through that shit.’’
“I know,’’ she said after a little while, and she did something that surprised me. It also choked me.
She leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder. She’s looking for comfort from me.
Hesitantly, I moved and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer until our sides were plastered together. It was nothing sexual even though we’re both naked and the sheet covering her fell to pool at her hips, but it was the most intimate I’ve ever been with a woman.
“I didn’t think I’d ever get married, Lark,’’ I whispered close to her ear, and she tensed against me. I tightened my arm around her. “My parents were married for a long time and sort of split when I was seventeen. Their marriage… Fuck, their marriage was an ugly thing.’’ I didn’t close my eyes, but I kept stock of Lark in my arms, her warmth, her silky skin under my fingers and her hair caressing my shoulder and chest. I didn’t want to go back to that dark past and remember how my parents screwed more than their share. That’s when Dex and I became friends and hung out together when our families were going to shit. We could only count on each other.
“What happened? I don’t think you or the guys ever told me.’’
I brought my chin to the top of her head and took a deep breath. She smelled of her sweet sweat and mine, her fruity shampoo and her perfume. “I don’t like talking about that shit. It’s over and done.’’ I fell silent and gazed at the ceiling. She wasn’t going to push, but maybe she deserved to know a bit more about her husband. And for all I knew, all that shit may be hitting the internet and gossip rags soon anyway. “I don’t exactly know how it happened, but my father lost his job a long time ago and started drinking more and more. My mother is… she’s not the strongest woman, and soon enough she started behaving strangely. My parents fought a lot, and one day I heard them talking about their respective lovers, fuck buddies, whatever the hell you call them. That’s when shit hit the fan for real. My father started drinking even more and hired damn whores, and my mother would disappear with some asshat for days. It was ugly. I saw things I shouldn’t have.’’ My voice turned hoarse on the last few words, and I had to clear my throat to chase the shaking in there. “I became an inconvenience and the witness of their marriage turning to hell. They finally got a divorce a few weeks before the end of our freshman year in college. Remember that day when I forced all of you to go out and celebrate?’’
She barely nodded under my chin. “I remember. You got so drunk Dex had to support you on the way back to the dorms.’’
“Yeah, and you asked me what we were celebrating.’’
“You said, ‘the end of a fucking nightmare.’ I remember, but I never thought it would be… I mean, I thought it was just words.’’
“You couldn’t have guessed.’’ I sighed again and took a few strands of her hair in my fingers and ran them through her soft hair. “But you see, because of their marriage, I never thought I’d get married. I always told myself that if it ever happened, I’d never make my wife suffer, never hurt her and do my fucking best to make things work.’’ I chuckled without finding any humor in the situation. She moved away from me, and I let her go. She searched my eyes, her face was so close that I saw her pain at hearing my story and it only gutted me more. “I failed.’’
“No, you didn’t fail. Why are you saying that?’’
I frowned and looked at the door half opened leading to the rest of the hotel suite. “We’re getting a divorce, you’re hurt by all these journalists’ articles and your boyfriend has all but broken up with you. I bring only bad things to you, Lark. You don’t have to sweeten things, I know.’’
Her palm touched my cheek. I tensed up and waited for her next move. Delicately, she forced my head back to hers. I’ve never felt like this with a woman, so raw and open, and I’ve never loved being handled by one like I was with Lark.
“Don’t think this is all on you, Maxen. We got married for all the wrong reasons and then ignored it. We’re facing the consequences of our reckless trip to Vegas, and it’s brought to the limelight because of your job, not because of you.’’ She traced soothing patterns on my cheeks with her thumbs. “I don’t blame you and you haven’t done anything to hurt me.’’
I brought a hand to her head and wove my fingers through her messy thick hair. “Wait ’til it blows over before you change your view on me.’’
She frowned and leaned closer. Her soft lips caressed mine in a soft touch, but damn if I didn’t feel it in the deepest part of me. “It’s too late.’’
Damn, this woman… She’s captured my fucking heart at eighteen, and had kept it with her ever since then, but only now did it beat extra beats as if she breathed more life into it. “Don’t say this. I’m a fucked up son of a bitch.’’
“Because of your drug addiction? Damn it, you’re clean now, aren’t you?’’
“Yeah, I am, but—’’
“But nothing, Maxen. You’re clean. You went to rehab and worked on yourself to stay clean. You had a lot to deal with from your past, but when you fell, you got back on your feet. You can be proud of yourself.’’
I closed my eyes when they started to prickle at her words. I wanted to find some witty shit to say to diffuse the heavy atmosphere, but I couldn’t find a damn thing. I replayed her words in my head, and they astounded the remaining pains I didn’t know I still felt deep inside.
In rehab, I remembered a counselor telling me that under all my laughing exterior and friendly behavior, I have issues with how I perceive myself and how I think of myself as less than I was worth which could be laughable to people who thought they knew me. So, hearing the woman I loved telling me this meant a lot, more so when you knew how far we’ve come. But it didn’t mean she’s falling for me or anything like that. I was aware that at the first opening, she’d go back to her perfect man in NYC and marry the fucker without a glance back my way.
I re-opened my eyes and smiled before I kissed her. She gasped in my mouth when my lips came into contact with hers, and I didn’t waste a moment. I slipped my tongue between her lips and caressed hers. If I could, I’d fucking devour her mouth, I’d pour in her every damn thing I felt until she couldn’t take it anymore.
I broke the kiss when I needed oxygen and locked eyes with her. Her pupils were large in her glassy blue eyes, and I was sure I looked the same. “I don’t…’’ I shook my head unable to form a sentence that could come close to reflecting what she’s making me feel. “You’re an amazing woman, Lark Hardin,’’ I stuttered, out of breath.
She chuckled and pressed her head into the crook of my neck, hiding her flushed face. She captured my heart forever when she placed a small kiss below my ear. I didn’t mind anyway, she’s had my heart for years, and I didn’t want it back. It’s hers.
***
LARK
When I woke up in Maxen’s arms, I was anxious at first, but when I registered how his big, tattooed arms felt around me, how warm and safe I was, I immediately relaxed and savored this moment suspended in time, away from the real world and what’s left unsolved.
The warmth of his skin seeped into me, leaving no place untouched as if he’s left his mark on me.
I didn’t regret what had happened between us last night. I knew that if he had pushed me away afterward instead of drawing me to him and keeping me in his arms all night, I wouldn’t feel the same this morning.
Maxen had shown me another side of him, a side I wouldn’t have thought was there, proving me how wrong I had been all these years.
I didn’t move and kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to start this day and pull away from him to deal with the mess outside. I would have never thought I’d say this, but I didn’t want to leave Maxen just yet. I didn’t know what it meant, but right now the meaning didn’t matter.
“I know you’re awake,’’ he said in a raspy voice from sleep. It rumbled from his chest under my head, and I sighed. I rested my chin on his left pec.
I opened my eyes into small slits and smiled when I caught his sleepy face. He yawned and put a hand in front of his mouth before bringing it back to my bare back.
“I don’t want to go out,’’ I protested and pouted.
He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder. “I’d rather stay in bed, naked all day with you too.’’
I laughed with him and playfully smacked his tight abs. Instead of pulling my hand away, I kept it there and moved it over the bumps of his muscles.
“Oh fuck, Lark. You can’t do that.’’ He shook his head and grabbed my wrist. His grip wasn’t tight to be painful, but it was restraining all the same. “I’m hard and too horny not to jump on you.’’
I let my eyes wander to his crotch. It’s impossible to miss. Under the thin sheet, his hard cock tented the fabric in such a way I couldn’t help but to press my thighs together and clench my core. “And that’s a problem because?’’
He laughed his loud laugh that used to annoy me, but only made me smile now. His head was thrown back against the pillow, his chin tilted upward, his mouth open and his white teeth gleaming in the morning light. I didn’t understand how blind I had been all those years. I’ve always known he’s a good-looking man, but only now did it strike me deeply.
“You’re killing me, babe.’’ He brought his head to me and kissed my forehead before he released me.
“I hope you’re aware you’re the first man I know who says no to morning sex. And coming from you it’s a shock.’’
He grinned and nodded. “It shocks me as much as it does you.’’ He rubbed his face, and in the quiet room, I heard his beard rasping against his palm and fingers.
I smiled bigger and right when I was about to reach his neck and place a kiss somewhere I knew had him going, loud knocking at the door stopped me. Maxen cursed after a frustrated growl escaped his mouth.
“And reality comes knocking at the door. Literally,’’ I muttered, pouting at his chest.
“I fucking hate them all right now, whoever they are.’’ He shook his head, quickly placed a kiss on top of my head and left the bed. He scanned the room and located his jeans thrown on the floor in a wrinkled heap. He shook them once and glared at the other part of the suite when the person knocked again. “Asshole doesn’t have a damn minute,’’ he complained under his breath, but I heard him without straining.
I leaned on my elbows as I watched him put on the jeans. I bit my lip when his strong thighs disappeared under the well-worn denim, but I silently applauded when I realized he didn’t plan on putting on a shirt. With his tattoos, his broad chest and shoulders, his thick arms and well-defined abs, I was happy to have a bit more time to enjoy the view. Considering his jeans were sitting very low on his hips and that the button wasn’t closed, I had a hard time tearing my eyes off the hair I saw leading to a place I would have loved to explore a bit more this morning.
I couldn’t remember ever being so attracted to a man’s body before. I’ve dated good-looking men and Caleb wasn’t an ugly duckling either, but there’s something about Maxen that screamed sex. It’s potent. It’s heady.
It’s irresistible.
“You make this very difficult, babe.’’
My eyes glided over his chest and stopped on the barbell going through his nipple. “You make it very difficult too, Maxen. You should go before they break down the door,’’ I nodded at where we could hear the person knocking louder.
He swore again and stalked to the door. I strained to listen and immediately recognized Dex’s voice. “What were you doing, fucker? I’ve been at the door for the past five fucking minutes!’’
“Keep it down! The other rooms don’t need to hear ya.’’
“All right. Go get dressed. Harley got you an interview with that journalist. You’re supposed to meet her in an hour. Is Lark still asleep?’’
“Uh, no, she’s…huh…’’
I cringed at hearing Maxen stuttering. He couldn’t be more obvious if he tried. I quickly got up and put on my clothes. I glared at the wrinkled fabric of my dress while I listened to the heavy silence that fell between the two men. Shit, this was so embarrassing.
“No, you didn’t.’’
“What are you talking about?’’ Maxen asked, and from here the fake confusion didn’t sound very convincing. I rolled my eyes.
“You and Lark… you two fucked?’’
“Damn it,’’ Maxen growled, and I decided it was time I walked out. I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping it’d tame it enough to pass as semi-decent, and located the two men near the door of the suite.
When Maxen turned to look at me, I couldn’t overlook the hunger in his green eyes, and I smiled at him. But when I glanced at Dex, I blushed with embarrassment. His dark eyes were almost bugging out of his head as he took a good look at me and then at his best friend.
“That’s…unexpected.’’ He blinked and suddenly, chuckled.
I frowned at him, surprised by his reaction and even more when both men exchanged a long look, as if they were communicating something in silence. “A part of me really wants to know what that look is all about, but the biggest part thinks it’s best if I don’t.’’
Maxen laughed his booming laugh, and I smiled at him, unable to keep my frown up. Dex loosened up a little too at seeing his friend like this. Now I knew why Dex had been so careful, so attentive of Maxen and his mood. With Maxen’s drug issues, it’s understandable that Dex felt like he had a duty to be there for his best friend and catch him before he fell again.
“I’ll go and get dressed. Dex, ask your girl to send me info about that journal. I don’t want to be taken by surprise. It’s my one chance to make things right.’’ He turned around to go back to his bedroom.
“Harley is writing you an email right now. You should get it anytime, and she told me that she negotiated for a ten-minute interview, nothing more and nothing will be recorded,’’ Dex said right as Maxen walked in his room and closed the door with a kick. “Ten bucks he’ll lose his shit with the journalist.’’
I pursed my lips at Dex and shook my head. “He better not. Are you going with him?’’
“Nah. I’m supposed to record an acoustic version of our new song for a YouTube channel. Otis and Beckett should be with Floyd waiting for Maxen’s return with the ID of the person who leaked the info and depending on who it is, they’ll have PR stunts to put in action.’’ He crossed his arms and glared over my shoulder, his dark eyes lost in thoughts. “I’d rather be with Maxen.’’
“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.’’
He frowned at me and smirked his trademark smirk that’s so different from the softy he really was. His smirk was sending a bad boy image when he’s probably the guy who’s the least bad of the band. “He told you where he was this summer.’’
I nodded and glanced at his room, but we didn’t hear anything. He’s probably still in his shower. “He’s not going to take drugs because of this. Stop worrying.’’
“Lark, you don’t know him like I do. With you caught up in this fucking mess? Anything could happen.’’
“What does that mean?’’
He shrugged and uncrossed his arms. “Just… Just keep in mind that Maxen is good at hiding what he feels. Behind his laugh? There’s a lot you don’t suspect. A lot.’’ He came to me, squeezed my shoulder and left the room without looking back while I had many questions running through my head.