LARK
I followed Harley to the huge kitchen with modern appliances in dark colors. Dex’s house, while apparently quite similar to Maxen’s, didn’t give me the same homey vibes even though somehow the atmosphere was light.
Harley sat at one of the high stools at the kitchen island and smiled at me as I followed her. She seemed like a nice person, and it’s great to see how Dex cared deeply about her. The little I had seen told me it’s reciprocal. It’s rare to witness the love between two people at first glance, and it’s heartwarming considering how closed off Dex had always been since I’ve met him.
“We should have ten minutes or so before they actually start playing.’’ She rolled her eyes with a smile and put her phone on the table, ignoring it when it kept buzzing on the countertop. I remembered hearing that she’s a blogger and Alan told me she had been hired to help the band with their social media presence. “They spend a few minutes arguing and bantering before they tune their instruments and actually start playing. It’s been like this for the last few weeks.’’
“Months you mean.’’ I frowned and took another sip of water.
She bit her lower lip and tensed briefly before she released her lip from her teeth and smiled. “Yeah, of course. I don’t see the time flying.’’
I didn’t know her and I might not be the most perceptive person, but it’s obvious something’s off. While it piqued my curiosity, I also knew it’s none of my business. It wasn’t because I had made the band logo when I was a freshman in college and used to hang out with the guys that I was entitled to be privy to their job anymore. Strangely, it saddened me. I remembered being so delighted to know musicians even though I couldn’t stand Maxen. And I would have bet everything I had they’d become famous back then. I didn’t have a good ear when it came to music, but it’s glaring how they have something rare.
“You’ve known them for a while, right?’’ Harley asked me with a cheerful voice. Curiosity seeped into her voice, and I eyed her inquisitively.
“Is it for your blog?’’
She laughed quietly and shook her head. “Believe me, no. Since I’ve met the band, I’ve been filtering everything I write. Call it my own curiosity.’’
I smiled and remembered the guys from college. It was not that long ago, but seeing them now, it was like another life. “They used to hate attending classes, but love partying. Dex was a bit of the loner of our group of friends, but he was also very sweet with me when we would all go out. Otis was the wild one at parties and more than once we had to make sure he wouldn’t pass out drunk in some strange place. Beckett was dealing with a lot of family pressure. His parents didn’t like that he was playing music and wanted him to focus on his business classes and that’s all. He’s as driven as he used to be from what I’ve seen. Maxen…’’ I trailed off and cringed. “Maxen was a womanizer, used to take everything lightly from his classes to the mess he’d find himself when he would sleep with a girl who was already dating someone. He’s a pain in the ass of epic proportion.’’
“Yet, you married him.’’
I sighed and shook my head. “We were all drunk that night.’’
She pursed her lips, assessing me with her big green eyes and I fidgeted. It was uncanny the way she looked at me as if she could see right through me.
“You could have easily gotten an annulment. Why didn’t you? Dex says it’s because you and Maxen have a hard time facing your mistakes.’’
“You don’t believe it’s the reason.’’
She shrugged and glanced at her phone when it beeped with an incoming text. She didn’t make a move to answer it. “It’s believable for maybe a year or two, but it’s been almost five years now. And somehow I don’t think Maxen isn’t the kind of guy who doesn’t go balls to the walls to get things done.’’
I looked away, unsure of what to say. I was wondering too why I had let it drag for so long. And I may not value Maxen much, but the fact that he had his wedding band around his neck had me questioning things. My reaction to it shook me a lot too. I shouldn’t care one bit if he had kept that damn wedding band, but I couldn’t shake it.
Before I could respond, my phone rang. I couldn’t hide the sigh of relief I felt, and Harley’s smile widened. I didn’t know what there was to smile about, but I wasn’t going to ask.
I quickly located my phone in my small purse and checked the caller ID. My blood rushed faster through my veins. It’s Caleb. “Sorry, I need to answer this.’’
She nodded and stood up. “I’ll be downstairs with the guys and my father. Take your time.’’
I smiled gratefully at her and answered the phone before it went to voicemail. “Hey.’’ My voice was weak sounding, and I wanted to kick my own butt for it.
“Hi, Lark.’’ Caleb’s greeting was lacking its usual strength. “I’m calling to see when you’re going to get back to work. The Bregman project is supposed to be presented in a couple of weeks.’’
Work. He’s calling to inquire about work.
I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat and pulled the phone away when I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I should have been at work right now, should have been proudly showing my engagement ring to my co-workers and cousin, but instead, I was in LA with another man, my husband. That’s just fucked up.
“I’ll be back in a couple of days tops. You don’t have to worry about my work performance, Caleb,’’ I bit.
He scoffed through the phone, and I heard the shuffle of some papers and that annoying squeaking noise his office chair made whenever he leaned back into it. “I’m sorry, but considering you left for who knows where to look for your husband, I’m entitled to question you. Don’t you think?’’
“Haven’t you ever made a mistake when you were in college? Damn it, Caleb! I’m trying to make things right.’’ I was breathing louder now, trying like hell to keep my calm when everything in me told me I should scream in the phone.
“I’ve never married a random person in Las Vegas, that’s for sure,’’ he retorted, his voice colder. But he’s not talking louder or faster. From where I was standing, he sounded like he’s having a tough business call, nothing less, nothing more.
We fell quiet for a few seconds, enough to make me think about what Maxen told me about the press taking hold of this mess in no time. And while I didn’t want to tell Caleb who my husband was, his attitude toward me urged me to shut him up. Or maybe I just wanted a damn reaction instead of this distance as if we’re already over. All I perceived was his bruised ego, not his emotions.
“Listen, I know this isn’t ideal or anything, but I need to tell you something.’’
“What, you have a baby you’ve been hiding too?’’
I glared at the floor and tensed even more. “Oh, that’s real funny. I’m in LA right now.’’
“LA? Don’t tell me. Your husband is a loser actor waiting for his big break.’’
“No, he’s Maxen Walton, the drummer of Kinky Shine. Heard of them?’’ I fired back with a contentment I shouldn’t feel when talking about my “husband’’ to who was supposed to be my future husband. Unfortunately, my temper could easily take the best of me. I only wanted Caleb to stop judging me and making me feel like I was a screw-up. “Caleb?’’
No answer.
I frowned and pulled away my phone to look at the screen to realize he hung up on me without a damn word. I was tempted to call him back and give him a piece of my riled up mind, but I didn’t. What’s the point? It’s becoming more and more obvious that he’s pulling away from me. He didn’t give me a chance to talk things out with him, and at this point, I didn’t know if I wanted to. I came here to get a divorce so I could be with Caleb and show him he’s the only one in my heart, but I was starting to wonder if maybe I hadn't been deluding myself when it came to my relationship with him. Maybe Alan had been right all along. Caleb shouldn’t be pushing me away like this because of a mistake made before I ever met him, a mistake that until today had never had any consequences. He shouldn’t feel any different toward me. Not if he truly loved me.
“Hey, you okay?’’
The rough voice brought me out of my thoughts, and I startled. My head shot up, and I met Maxen’s green eyes. I shook my head and shrugged at the same time. I didn’t fucking know if I was okay or not.
“You heard?’’ I asked in a whisper.
He nodded and frowned. The muscles in his shoulders bulged when he clenched his fists. Slowly, he walked to me, probably waiting to see if I was going to back away, but I didn’t. I stood on my feet next to the bar stool and watched him closing in on me until his body almost touched mine.
He’s a lot taller than me, but I didn’t tilt my head up to lock eyes with him. Instead, I kept my eyes on his collarbone peeking from the v-collar of his t-shirt with the logo on his muscled chest. When I took a deep breath to try and calm down my heart beating way too fast, I got a sniff of his cologne, something very manly and enticing.
“He’s an ass, Lark,’’ he said softly, using a voice I had never heard him use before. The air leaving his mouth when he uttered those words hit my face and down my neck. I shivered.
“I should have told him about you a lot sooner.’’
He sighed and put a hand under my chin to lift my head up. It’s the first time he’s willingly touched me. The pad of his fingers was rough from his calluses, and the heat of his skin seared me. My eyes widened when I met his vibrant green eyes. Not once did I think about pushing him away.
“Either way, he’s an ass for making you sad and for pushing you away. Don’t cry over him.’’
And that’s when I felt a tear falling down my face. The funny thing in this pathetic mess was that I wasn’t crying over a broken heart, but because I was utterly lost and comforted by a man I had spent years hating and then trying to chase from my mind.
He caught the tear with his thumb and caressed my skin softly. This huge man, strong and impressive with a brash attitude toward me showed more tenderness than any man ever showed me. And it made me weak in the knees, confusing me even more.
“I was supposed to be engaged to him, Maxen,’’ I breathed out, but once again I wasn’t pushing him away. If anything, I was pulling him closer. I brought my hands to his forearms. When my fingers touched his hot skin, and I felt the muscles under his flesh, heat pooled low in my belly.
A small muscle played in his jaw, and I knew he was pondering his next words. “You’re not supposed to do anything, Lark. If you love him, you should be engaged to him, but it’s not the same as ‘supposed to.’ It should be a natural next step.’’ He shook his head once and leaned closer to me, towering over me so much so that I couldn’t see anything else around the kitchen, but him. “So, the question is; do you love him?’’
My hands clenched on his forearms. They’re so thick my fingers didn’t come near to circling them. I wanted to look away from the intensity in his eyes that made me feel naked in front of him, but I couldn’t. Somehow, I was trapped there with a question I had no idea how to answer. It’s simple though.
Was I in love with Caleb?
A few days ago I’d have eagerly answered yes with an offhand shrug as if it’s a ridiculous question to ask someone who had been in a relationship for the past two years with the same man and who had been living with said man for the last year or so. But now… with Maxen there in front of me, confronting me as if he knew me so well, I had no idea. Everything was foggy in my head. Nothing made sense anymore, not even my body’s answer to my rock star husband’s closeness.
Then he smiled at me and pulled away. My hands fell back to my sides as I watched him bite his lip in what looked like a move to keep him from laughing his trademark loud laugh. “It shouldn’t be so hard to answer that, Lark.’’ His voice was light suddenly, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You find this funny? Everything in my life is going to shit right now. Just because of you.’’
He shook his head and pointed at my face, eyes turning hard on me as the mood flipped once again. “Don’t put the blame on me, sweetheart. As far as I know, we both said ‘I do’ that damn night in Vegas. And it’s not my fault if lover boy is a douche.’’
I crossed my arms over my chest and tilted my chin up. “You really enjoy this, don’t you?’’
He scoffed and toyed with the piercing in his eyebrow. “I’ve never wanted to see you hurt if that’s what you think.’’ He turned back around and headed back out the kitchen, but right before he left, he glanced over his massive shoulder. “Come on, the guys are waiting for us.’’
***
MAXEN
Dex sent me a concerned look when I walked back in the built-in studio followed by Lark, but I discreetly shook my head and went straight to my engine red drum kit. I sat heavily on the stool and watched Lark’s green eyes taking in the professional looking studio as Floyd and Harley explained to her quickly the wide panel on their side of the room, the room divided in two by a thick glass and a door I closed after me.
In her eyes, I was sure it’s all impressive with the hundreds of buttons on the control panel and the different instruments laying around between my drum kit, an old one I always kept at Dex’s, the guys’ guitars and bass along with the keyboard in one corner of the room. And one look at the walls made the studio less barren and more personalized with some of our album covers, the huge logo of the band painted just behind me and the few expensive guitars Dex had collected and displayed here.
When in LA and not out there doing who knew what, we could often be found in this room, jamming or recording some stuff. It’s a second home, and while I was usually shooting the shit with the guys, I was currently subdued and aware that it bothered them. Since rehab, I had been going back and forth between my usual loud self to this quiet man I didn’t recognize sometimes.
I twirled the sticks between my fingers and hit the cymbals to gather the guys’ attention. They all turned toward me. Otis was laughing quietly while Beckett shook his head, but the barely-there smile on his mug talked plenty for him. Dex smirked at me and replied by strumming his blue guitar.
“We’ve been going over this so much I don’t fucking remember. We’re going to play ‘Take Me, Kiss Me’ or ‘Louder’ for our opening performance at the radio station?’’ I asked and twirled the sticks again, trying like hell not to look back to the other side of the studio where Lark was now sitting next to Harley, sandwiched between the Floyds.
“’Louder.’ It’s our latest hit, and you said that you were ‘too fucking annoyed with us pansies to play anything else so we’d better follow your lead if we didn’t want to make asses of ourselves.’ I’ve paraphrased, of course,’’ Beckett said with his smartass voice that easily drove us all nuts. The dumbass had too good of a memory.
“Thank you, parrot,’’ I mumbled and shook my head. I checked the height of my stool and got ready to start counting down.
Dex and Otis strummed their guitar and bass one last time, tapped on their mics and nodded back at me. I glanced at Beckett who did the same, and I finally let myself have my fill of Lark’s face.
She could deny all she wanted, but while the situation we were in was less than stellar, she’s happy to be back with us, even if only for a couple of days. I remembered how she used to be enthusiastic when we would have a jam session or practice back in college. She wouldn’t miss it even if she would never acknowledge that I wasn’t some half-assed drummer. She missed it, and if I was honest and let myself feel it, I had missed having her around. It’s nothing new to me. It’s not like I had had an inkling since she walked back in my life out of the blue. I had always missed her and her pain in my ass temper toward me.
Damn, I had missed her so fucking much…
I took a deep breath and pushed everything else away to focus only on the music. I closed my eyes for a second until I could hear the beat of Louder, hot and heavy, then slow and tender to go back to loud and fast and back again. It’s like sex, the thrust a man made when fucking his girl.
I re-opened my eyes, twirled my sticks one last time and counted down. “One, two, three!’’ And I started playing, followed immediately by Beckett. We’re perfectly in sync, like every-fucking-time. I smiled down at my drums and upped the rhythm, beat down harder on the drums when Otis and Dex joined us with Dex’s voice belting out the lyrics of the song he’s written. The lyrics about sex, about sweat and moaning, went straight to my cock, making me hard when in my fucking mind I pictured Lark writhing with desire, begging me to take her in all the positions I knew to make her scream my name.
And the funny thing that made me laugh while I kept playing my ass off was that…I had never felt that song so strongly when playing it as I did right now with my wife watching us.
I was already sweaty when we neared the end of the last bridge, and I slowed down the beat, hit the drums more softly as Dex’s voice, rough and called smoky by our fans, quieted. And then, we glanced at each other quickly, and I nodded imperceptibly, hitting the drums perfectly when I should, leading the guys to a flawless end, strangely deafening after playing for exactly three minutes and forty-eight seconds, the exact length of “Louder.”
I was breathing faster and my forehead was damp. One glance down at my shirt showed it’s not yet plastered to my skin with sweat, but it stuck to me a bit. I had never been a half type of guy. When I did something, I did it by investing myself fully, and when I played the drums, it’s like sex for me. It’s equal instincts and attention.
I laughed loud and twirled the sticks between my fingers, smug to see we had killed this song yet again. We’ve played it a thousand times already, but it’s always good to see we didn’t need a song to warm up and sync with each other.
Dex was grinning at me, and Otis and Beckett bumped fists before they glanced at me with appreciation. We all knew that if I was off, even a bit, it pulled the whole band down, even if they played like gods. The drummer was the one setting the beat, the energy, and a certain woman had me going with energy in spades.
“Not bad at all, guys,’’ Floyd said through the intercom by pushing a button on his side of the studio.
Harley shook her head at her father and leaned to the intercom, pushing her father away from it. “He must be getting deaf with age because you were fantastic!’’
I laughed again and saw Dex standing straighter under the praise of his girl. The guy was truly a goner, but I couldn’t exactly make fun of him considering my situation.
When I looked back at Lark I saw her asking Floyd something who pointed in front of her, and before I realized what it was, her voice came out loud and clear, and my cock twitched in my pants. Now it’s definitely impossible for me to stand up if I didn’t want to flash them the boner I had. Normally I wouldn’t give a fuck, but with Lark around…
“It was amazing. I forgot what it’s like to see you play live.’’
“Don’t compare this to what we did back in college. We had bad amps and cheap instruments in comparison,’’ Beckett said with a frown, probably bothered that our professional band could be compared to what we used to be when we formed Kinky Shine at eighteen.
“It’s not that,’’ she said again, and the conviction in her voice had me smiling at her, and it’s nothing like the smile I had used in college to annoy her. “You have that energy together, that feeling of togetherness that’s just…’’ she trailed off and shrugged with a little smile on her lips.
Harley nodded next to her, and I saw Floyd smiling, visibly more relaxed these last few weeks since we had been back on track and working like hell to launch our new song and the new record with the best of our abilities.
“Let’s play ‘Naked Love’ now,’’ Dex said, drawing our attention back to the practice.
I nodded and moved my head from one side to the other to try and relieve some of the tension gathered in my neck and shoulders, but it’s not helping much. I groaned and took a deep breath, ready to play our new song, hoping we weren't going to mess up or else I could see Beckett and Dex exploding with nerves and butting heads when they’re actually thinking very much alike when it came to the music.
I held up my sticks, and the guys nodded at me. I counted down and again led the song.