LARK
I smiled when Maxen placed another kiss on my naked shoulder as he pressed more of himself behind me, playing big spoon to my small spoon. I never thought such contentment existed.
All of me was relaxed, happy. I didn’t have an ounce of fear or doubt left in me. Nothing else existed than this moment with Maxen, both of us naked in his bed as the sun made its course through the afternoon sky, bathing us in a glow that mirrored what the happiness filling me would look like if it had to take shape and colors. My future was full of possibilities.
“Do you have any idea how fucking perfect it is to have you in my bed?’’ Maxen whispered in my ear, kissing the shell softly before he tucked his face in the crook of my neck and took a deep breath.
“Is it crazy?’’ I trailed a few fingers over his arm wrapped around me. His big hand over my stomach pushed me farther into him as if we could get any closer.
“Crazy?’’ He laughed softly, keeping his joy and amusement just between us, not sharing it with the world like he’d usually do when he laughed so loud. “Lark, we married when we couldn’t have a single chat without fighting, then ignored each other for years, and now I’m famous, and our relationship is scrutinized by everybody out there. Yeah, it is fucking crazy.’’
I wiggled against him and entwined my legs with his, trailing my foot along his leg. Shivers coursed through me when he hardened again, his cock straining against my ass. “Maybe we should take it easy. Slow.’’
“Slow?’’ He growled in my ear and pulled back, pushing me on my back so he towered over me with a frown and lips in a tight line. His large shoulders partially hid the sun rays. “There will never be anything slow between us, unless it’s about sex because going slow can be fucking good.’’ I arched an eyebrow at him, but it didn’t stop him. “We’ve known each other for years and we only now are exploring what had always been there. I’m not going to let you slip through my damn fingers ever again, Lark. Slow, easy and everything in between can go the fuck away. You and I?’’ He lowered himself over me, making sure to keep most of his weight off me. I still felt his muscles playing under his flesh, felt the dust of hair on his legs rubbing against my limbs, felt the barbell from his nipple teasing my own nipple, his wedding ring on his necklace hit my chest. Mostly, I felt his length getting harder by the second, pushing against my already over-sensitive clit. “You and I, Lark, we’re not easy. We’re never going to be, and I don’t want us to be. When I’m with you, I feel so fucking much it quiets every bad thing inside. You’re my salvation and my hope. You’re my wife. You’re not going anywhere.’’
My heart was full, so full I wondered how it could possibly fit in my chest. All over my skin, goose bumps took over.
With my fingers, I drew his eyebrows still bunching over his mesmerizing green eyes and then down his cheekbones and his lips. He parted them to lightly bite on the pad of my left thumb. My breath hitched and arousal made itself known again as I fidgeted underneath him, pushing my hips upward. Even after three amazing orgasms, I wanted this man.
“I don’t have a job, Maxen. I don’t know where I am right now.’’
He kissed the tip of my nose with a smile. “You’re in LA with your sexy husband. What else do you need?’’
“An income?’’ I chuckled and leaned up to place a small kiss on his lips. “I don’t live in the same world as you do.’’
“Let’s not fight about this.’’ He rolled to his side and trailed his hand over my body. At my tight nipples, he took the time to circle them until my breathing came out into pants.
“We need to talk, though. Like… adults. Damn it, Maxen!’’ I pushed away his hand. “Stop it. You make it impossible to think.’’
He laughed, and this time it’s his trademark loud laugh that could easily fill a room and bring a smile to anyone. It was no wonder he was able to hide so much pain with such a laugh. It breathed light into anything and anybody.
The bed shook under us. He grabbed my hips and rolled me to my side as if it was the easiest thing to maneuver me around. When I was against him, this time with my front against his, he wrapped his big arms around me and breathed in deeply.
“What if I tell you I want you here with me? I know your life is in New York, but maybe… I don’t know.’’ His left hand fell down to my ass. “I don’t want a long-distance relationship, Lark. I travel a lot, sometimes for months, and I don’t want to be away from you even when I’m here. I’m asking a lot and if I could leave LA and stay in New York, I would, babe. Without a second thought.’’
Relocating to LA. It would be such a huge step. We weren't ready for this, to live together and be so close so often.
But at the same time, there wasn’t much keeping me in New York anymore.
My heart was screaming for me to try and stay in LA, but my head told me how much of a risk, how insane it all was. I had been following my head for the last few years, and it didn’t do me any good.
Well, it wasn’t true. It led me to Maxen in a roundabout way.
“Let me think about it, okay? I didn’t book a flight back anyway,’’ I whispered and kissed him under his ear right where I knew he loved it. His arms tightened around me and he nodded.
***
MAXEN
“Floyd wants to get us another photo shoot,’’ I said and rolled my eyes when I sat on the couch and pulled my wife into my side. My wife.
A smile took over my face at the thought. I couldn’t believe she was here and that yesterday she up and left New York. I knew in her mind she thought she’d go back there, but she wouldn’t unless it was to visit her family and if I was lucky, follow me for a concert or PR stunts.
Her life was here, in LA, now. I needed her by my side. The past twenty-four hours only made it clearer to me.
“So?’’ She put down her phone on her thigh barely covered by a cream-colored skirt that made me drool when she put it on this morning.
“We hate it.’’ Understatement of the year. “They always want us to either look like some lame boys’ band or like we’re about to be in an orgy or some fucking shit like that. Sex sells, we all know that, but shit… We’re rockers, not porn stars.’’
“You could make plenty a woman happy though. You have quite the moves,’’ she said and lightly bit my neck with a giggle. It sent a zing to my balls.
I laughed and threw my head back against the couch. Fuck, this woman. “Impressed by my moves, huh? I have plenty more.’’ I kissed the top of her head.
“I don’t doubt it.’’ She sighed and quietly moved her hand over my chest and down to my abs. “If you want, I know a photographer.’’
“Really?’’
“I worked with her on a few projects back in New York. She moved here when she got more jobs and had an opportunity to get more serious into her artistic photography. She does plenty of different work.’’
“She good then?’’
“Very. She has a real eye and when she works with people she always respects their own character. I don’t know if—’’
“I trust you, babe. It can’t be worse than what we had already had anyway. I can’t tell you the shit we’ve had to go through. I’m pretty sure Beckett is still not over that ball touching photographer when we first started.’’
“What!’’ She cackled and pulled her face away to look at me. She was smiling big, laughter in her bright blue eyes. She was breathtaking.
“This photographer was flamboyantly gay. You know we don’t care about that. We all have gay friends, but this one. Shit, he had his eyes set on Beckett and at one point, under the pretense of helping him to find his place he grabbed his dick and said something like ‘oh, you’re also really nice down there’.’’
“No!’’
“Yes. Fuck, I thought Beckett was about to run away screaming.’’ I laughed loudly again at the memory. Even to this day, I could just see Beckett’s white face and the panic in his eyes as he sought us out, silently begging for help.
“Well, this one is really professional. She’s a great person too. I can always give your manager her number. He’ll see if her portfolio has what he needs for you guys.’’
“I bet ya he’s going to hire her on the spot. He bitched to us that he can’t find anybody at this point. Apparently, word got out that we’re impossible to work with.’’
“Sometimes I think Floyd deserves an award for dealing with you guys.’’ She shook her head and toyed with my pierced nipple through my shirt. Every time she did that shit I wanted to take her and thrust inside her until only her moans filled my ears. In fact, whenever she touched me, I wanted that. I hoped I would never have enough of this, of her, of us.
My phone buzzed in my jeans against my thigh, right when I was getting ready to take her mouth. “Fuck.’’
“You should answer that. If something else came out…’’ She trailed off and didn’t finish her sentence, but we both knew what we feared. My addiction. Right now, everybody was on a field trip with my marriage to Lark, but at some point and if nothing else came out, they would dig more, and my addiction would come out. I was strong enough to face it with Lark and the guys here, but I didn’t look forward to that fucked up mess when judgment would be passed again, hitting that much harder. I didn’t want to have to release some damn public apology for something that really hurt me and the people I was the closest to.
I fished my phone out of my pants and pulled away from Lark. I sighed and glanced at the caller ID.
Mom.
My mouth was suddenly dry. I toyed with the piercing in my eyebrow and answered with a swipe of my finger.
“Hi, Mom.’’
Lark stiffened next to me and sat straighter. I didn’t look at her, but I knew her eyes were on me, careful and intent. I had never wanted to hide more. I didn’t want anyone to witness me when I was talking to the woman who gave me life. I was always rubbed raw and left too fucking hurt.
“I’ve been calling you for days, Maxen.’’
Her voice gritted my ears and I cringed. The years spent smoking weren’t kind to her, and from the few times I had seen her since I dropped out of college, I’d noticed it wasn’t kind on her skin and teeth either. She wasn’t careful of her health or anything, really. She only wanted money and men to give her whatever she was after.
“I’ve been busy. Anyway, I heard about your interview. I’m sure they gave you cash to tide you over.’’
“Don’t be cute. You know how it is.’’ She puffed out, probably smoking while talking to me. “They asked me questions, and I don’t have anything to hide, my boy.’’
My boy.
A damn fake endearment that reflected nothing at all. I had always had that. Fake and empty. I knew rejection and ignorance intimately.
Fuck.
Memories started to spiral, obscuring everything else, even Lark’s soothing presence. When she put a soft hand on my back, I barely felt it.
I remembered the time when I saw my mother being fucked by a random man against a closed shop in our small town when I was ditching school. I remembered that same day going home and finding my father with his dick deep in some paid girl’s throat and shooting his load while I was frozen in the spot. I remembered that time when my parents yelled at each other for fucking others and whatever else they had issues with and then fucking in their room so fucking loud I couldn’t cover the sounds with my shitty radio in my room. I remembered when they would yell at me when I made myself known. I remembered when my mother told me I shouldn’t have come back when I left for one fucking month without saying a damn word.
It hit me.
The fuckedupness.
The fear and disgust.
The loathing I felt for them and still loving them because they’re my parents.
And the hatred for myself, the deeply rooted belief that I wasn’t worth much of anything better, hit so hard it became tough to fucking breathe.
“Maxen, listen, my boy. I’d like to travel with Jim. I met him a few days ago and he’s real nice, but I need more money. Now.’’
Money.
I wasn’t her son.
I wasn’t her flesh and blood.
I was her fucking ATM.
I was so tired of this fucking mess.
***
LARK
It was eerie to witness such change in Maxen. A minute ago he was happy and relaxed. His eyes were bright, and his body leaned toward me. Now, it’s the opposite and it scared me.
His eyes dulled, losing any spark in them. His body didn’t tense. In fact, it seemed to draw into itself as if he was physically retreating into a shell. He barely let me touch his back. His Adam’s apple jumped in his throat as his shaky finger rose to his piercing to toy with it.
“I already sent you money this month.’’ His voice sounded empty, flat.
Chills ran up my spine, and I had the urge to take a flight back to New York to give his mother a piece of my mind. That woman didn’t deserve even half of the attention Maxen gave her. She deserved nothing if she was only there to hurt her son.
I heard the woman’s voice rising through the phone, but I couldn’t make out anything she said.
“Okay. Just… no, stop. Stop, Mom.’’ He shook his head and sighed. “I’ll transfer money… Yeah, now. I get it.’’
I blinked, and before I could reason with myself, I snatched Maxen’s phone from his hand and brought it to my ear before he even turned toward me. Fuck it.
“Mrs. Walton?’’
“Who’s this?’’ Her voice was gravelly. Either she went on a bender or she smoked heavily.
“I’m Lark Hardin. Your son’s wife.’’
“Oh, yeah.’’ She snorted and I grimaced. Maxen made a move to grab his phone, but I slapped his hand away and shook my head. “His wife. Let me laugh. He’s like his father, that one. Sweetheart, believe me, you’d be better off without him.’’
I tightened my grip on the phone and it almost slipped from between my fingers. “How dare you pump your son for money and talk about him that way in the same breath? What kind of person are you?’’
“Lark!’’ Maxen yelled, moving toward me again, but I jumped to my feet and walked away from the couch. Maxen put his head into his hands.
“He’s my son. I’ll say anything I want, you little slut! You think you can interfere in—’’
“Shut your mouth!’’ I yelled, and Maxen’s eyes found me again, horror filling them. But there was so much pain in them too, and he couldn’t hide that even if he forced one of his big smiles and loud laughs. It only fueled me further. “I should be the better person and treat you with respect even if you don’t, but I can’t. You’re hurting your son, Mrs. Walton. You should be there for him and trying to support him instead of hurting him again and again while thinking all he has is yours too. He has a successful life, and he only owes it to himself. He’s a wonderful and loyal man, and it’s not something you taught him. He’s a self-made man, and I will not let someone as toxic as you are, close to him. He deserves more than you and your ugliness. Stay away from him.’’
“How dare you! Put Maxen on the phone. Now!’’ Her loud voice buzzed in my ear, but I didn’t let it get to me. I didn’t want to impress her in any way, I just wanted to show Maxen that he was worth fighting for, that he deserved someone to be there and support him when he couldn’t fight some battles. He needed someone there for him other than his friends. I needed to be that someone.
“No. You should be ashamed of yourself.’’
“Stop. Now, Lark!’’ Maxen strode to me, and grabbed his phone back, his eyes locked on mine. They had a bit of light back in them, but there’s no hint of the happiness there had been minutes ago when he looked at me. He put his phone to his ear and listened to his mother’s poisonous words for a while before he stopped her. “Mom. Mom!’’ He talked louder, and he never looked away from me. He ran a finger between my eyebrows where I knew a deep wrinkle carved when something upset me. His touch was so soft, nothing like I expected. I was sure he’d be mad at me, but he was as caring as usual. “It needs to stop, Mom.’’
His voice wavered on those words, and his hand shook against my cheek. I put my own over his, hoping it’d give him strength and comfort.
“No, Mom.’’ He cringed at something she said, but when I feared he’d crumble and give in, he surprised me and nodded as if coming to a decision in his head. “I’m sorry you feel that way. You can do whatever you want and go to TMZ or wherever else, but it’s over. With the apartment I got for you, you’re set for a little while. It’s time you sort yourself out.’’
More yelling came through the phone, and I shook my head. Maxen stood there, his eyes intense on mine and unable to hang up. I knew he couldn’t. I saw it in the way his knuckles turned white as he gripped the phone tighter, in the line of his shoulders showing how stiff he was standing, in the way his chest heaved with his breaths.
Slowly I reached for his phone. I gave him the time to stop me, but he didn’t. I pulled on his thick wrist and brought his hand still holding the phone to my mouth and kissed his fingers until they relaxed for me to grab the phone and turn it off.
“It’s over now, Maxen,’’ I whispered, and my heart broke when his shoulders started to shake.
Before my eyes, he broke down, but I was there for him.
“Don’t fucking leave me, Lark,’’ he said quietly as he wrapped me in his arms. He was shaking all over.
“I won’t. I’m here.’’
How could I leave him anyway? Happy or not, leaving wasn’t an option anymore, not since that first night together. Or maybe it started with that first kiss on the very couch I led him to and snuggled with him as tears fell from his beautiful green eyes, purging him from the mess of his past.
No, I think it all started in the coffee shop where I met him, was brought to life in Las Vegas, and was cemented here in Maxen’s living room. The rest was only the follow up to our story that started a long time ago even if we didn’t want to face it.