Boss:

I should be thinking about Sven’s new role and how I’ll ensure his loyalty or the girl he brought to our place.

But no.

My mind is solely on Lacey. What the fuck did she mean when she said she couldn’t stay captive ‘even for’... Even for who? I assumed she was kidnapped. Taken. Then she denied me. In front of Sven. In front of everyone.

I sent her away with Giovanni out of anger. As Boss, it was the right thing to do. I had to show her her place. Show Sven she meant nothing to me. As a human being, a part of myself I thought I had squandered, it killed me. She looked hurt. No one else would be able to read that, but I know her like I know myself, unfortunately. It’s like her feelings are my own. I feel them that powerfully. She expected different from me. I just don’t know why she’d think I was anything less than a monster.

After the shock and pain wore off she disappeared inside herself. I turned away to keep Sven from noticing. I have to be on guard around him.

But I did fucking notice.

Lacey fell into herself. So far. And it fucking bothered me.

I know she’s with Giovanni now. As Boss, I need to leave it be, but I can’t. I can’t. I need to at least know if he’s hurting her. I need to know if I lost her forever because of what I did. If I finally cracked her. Broke her.

“Gioele!” I snap. “Keep an eye on things. I have business to take care of.”

I storm down the hallway. On a mission. I have to get to her. I skip stairs, as I walk down to where Lacey is held. My face is set in a grimace. I'm furious at myself, my actions and my feelings.

My fear.

I don’t hear any noise and for some reason that sets my teeth on edge. I round the corner. Lacey is in her cell, on the floor instead of the bed. Hiding in the corner. I don’t see Giovanni which surprises me. I expected to find him beating her. Then I would have more of a reason to kill him. Yet, what I see haunts me more.

Lacey has her dress lifted up to the hem of her panties. She has a small shard of glass in her hand and is slicing through her skin with it, absentmindedly. Like she’s in a trance. I want to move, say something, but I'm haunted by her. The dead look in her. The way she cuts herself without feeling the pain. She looks like a ghost except for her blood.

I don’t like seeing her blood.

Right as I'm about to stop her Giovanni rounds the corner, belt undone. I see red. Not just red. Fire. Fury. Hell. Rath.

“You little fucking slut…”

Lacey jumps and smooths out her dress, drops the glass and looks at him with the same dead look in her eye.

“When I'm done with you you’ll…”

“She’ll nothing!”

I round the corner and cock my gun. I want to slice him into a million little pieces. Rage swells within me. I glance at Lacey. For a moment the dead in her eyes is gone. Replaced by pure shock. She’s only looking at me.

“You are fucking lucky I don’t want to kill in front of her anymore. Because you’d be dead ten ways from tomorrow if that wasn’t the case.”

I glance down at his loose belt. I have to breathe through my nose to gain control. I don’t know if he was going to beat her with the belt or worse. I’ll find out though. Whatever it is I'm sure he’s done it to her before.

I glance at her. I can’t kill in front of her again. I have to stay in control.

“I knew you had a weakness for this girl. I fucking knew she meant something to you.”

I walk over and smack him upside the head with the gun.

“You’d do best to shut up.”

“Boss, think. She’s just a…”

“Turn away Lacey.”

I don’t turn to check to see if she listened. I know she’s listening.

I grab Giovanni by the throat. “You’re lucky I don’t have time to kill you the way you deserve,” I hiss.

I shove his disgusting body away from me and shoot him in the head with perfect aim. I stare at him one more time, shaking with rage. I want to slice him into tiny pieces. That was too quick! Way too fucking quick and painless. The rage that made me successful is suffocating me right now. That is until I glanced at Lacey. She’s huddled in a ball, leaning against the wall with her head tucked into the nook between her legs and the wall. Her eyes are squeezed tight and her hands are over her ears. She looks like a young child... but she’s not. She’s the strongest woman I know. A weakness I can’t allow myself, but I can’t turn away from her in this moment.

I walk over to her, hands shaking. I drop the gun without even looking at Giovanni’s dead body. I gently move one hand from her ear.

“Don’t open your eyes.”

She nods, barely moving at all. Trusting me, even after I willingly handed her over to him. I place my hands under her knees and neck, and lift her off the ground, holding her tight to my body.

She keeps her hands curled in her lap, wanting or knowing not to touch me, but she tucks her head into my chest. I squeeze her tighter.

“Don’t look,” I repeat in a whisper when we pass Giovanni.

She curls inward. I blink hard. So alone. I'm so fucking alone, but so is she. She has so much love to give, but I give nothing but hate and pain. She’s so much better than me.

I rush down the hall. No one can see me with her like this, especially not Sven. But everyone would be a risk.

When I finally reach my room I throw the door open and close it quickly. My sanctuary. I set her on the edge of the bed. Forcing her to uncurl from her ball, so her legs hang over the end. She still leans forward, hiding her face with her hair and her hunched over posture.

I take a deep breath. What the hell do I do? Why did I bring her here? What have I done? FUCK. I'm too fucking old for this, and too fucking young to end up alone.

“Can I really talk in here?” she whispers.

My head snaps up. “Yes.”

She looks at me, her eyes teary. She opens her mouth and then closes it again, shaking her head. Giving me a rare glimpse into the fact she’s a real woman with feelings.

“You made me very angry,” I say.

“You hurt me.”

I take another deep breath. “You disrespected me.”

“You disrespect me all the time!”

My eyebrows shoot up and her eyes widen.

“No. Sir. I'm sorry. I…” She looks down, “please don’t hurt me. That was an accident.”

I glare at her under raised eyebrows. We both know she crossed a line. The sanctuary of this room is an illusion.

“I’ll let that go, but watch it. You have freedom in here but…”

“I know.”

“Alright.”

I'm being a fucking idiot. This shit is all going to backfire. I twist the gold ring on my finger and sigh. I go into my bathroom to find the first aid kit. I walk back out and set it on the bed next to her. She furrows her eyebrows.

“He didn’t…”

“No, he didn’t.”

I grab the hem of her dress. Her hand jumps out and grabs mine, trying to stop it. Something happens when she touches me. We both freeze. She stares at me and I stare at her, in shock. She quickly pulls away and looks down at her lap.

“Please don’t.”

“It could get infected.”

I lift her dress and tuck it into her underwear. I take a deep breath and sigh when I see the deep red gashes on her thigh.

“Geez Lacey.”

She ducks her head further.

“Where did you get the glass?”

“Giovanni broke a wine glass. I took it.”

I smile. “You’re a little thief, aren’t you?”

She shrugs. I dab disinfectant on her cuts. She doesn’t wince even though I know it hurts.

“Lacey…”

“I know what you are going to ask. Sir, I can’t tell you.”

Anger swells, but I try and swallow it.

“Why?”

“I’ll tell you things that affect me, but, sir,” her eyes water, “you’re dangerous. The most dangerous. I can’t let other people hurt because I don’t know how to stay quiet.”

“Okay. Things that affect you. Fine. I wanna know about your cuts.”

She jolts. I hold her in place so I can put on the gauze and then bandages on her cuts, before smoothing her dress back down.

“Sir?”

“Call me…”

I shake my head. No, I can’t. Never. She can’t know my name. Me. Too dangerous.

“It won’t leave this room.”

“But... “

“You have my word,” I say firmly.

She searches me before nodding.

“I don’t go back on my word.”

“I… know.”

“Talk to me little dove.”

“The first time I… cut myself was the first day of my captivity. Not here. Um, with them. I’d never done it before, but I… I needed an escape.”

“Why?”

My eyes bore into hers. I know I'm giving her the most intense eye contact, but I can’t stop myself. My role as Boss is ingrained. And I desperately want this information.

“They did something.”

“They hurt you.”

“Kind of.”

“What does that mean?”

“He touched me!” she shrieks. “With his fingers. I felt so disgusting. I needed it out. I needed that feeling out of me!”

I freeze like stone. “They raped you?”

Her face goes haywire trying to process my bluntness. “No, sir. Just his… fingers.”

I nod, understanding. I walk up to her and move her hair back. Tears slip.

“I know I'm weak. I mean I’d done it before but…”’

I grab her face.

“You are not weak! Don’t tell yourself that. Do you hear me?”

She nods and wipes her tears. I have the strong urge to kiss her hands. Hold her, but I step away instead. Protecting both of us. Who am I fucking kidding? I'm protecting myself.

“My men have never… Right?”

God if they have. They will pray for death.

“No. No sir. Thank you. Thank you, so much.”

She looks down. I can do nothing but nod. At least I’ve never allowed that.

“Okay. Good. Continue.”

She looks up at me. I nod, encouraging her. It’s like she absorbs that and uses it to keep going. Did she just ask for my encouragement? Holy hell. I'm going to destroy both of us playing this game.

“After that, it became a habit. Anytime something bad happened I would make a cut to drown it out and get rid of the pain. But then, every day became bad. It was all bad. So every day I made a cut to commemorate my time. Keep track of it. Remind myself to never hold onto to too much hope, but that I do have some power. Power to make myself feel numb.”

I don’t know what to say, but she needs me to say something so I just nod.

“What was your life like… before?”

“Beautiful. Simple.”

Her voice is sad. I start to pace the floor as she speaks.

“Explain.”

“My dad was a farmer. My mom helped him. She was a seamstress part-time. We were really, really poor,” there’s a small smile on her face, “Then my baby brother was born. He was our world. The cutest little thing. We’d sit by the fire and play board games and sing. We worked hard, but we played hard too. It was… well, perfect, but nothing good lasts forever.”

“You like simple things?”

“I did.”

“And now?”

“Whatever doesn’t hurt me. I like.”

“So this room…”

“I really, really like.”

The corners of my lips turn up. “Me too.”

“What… about you?” She looks down and whispers.

I lift her chin. “You can ask.”

“What was your life like… before this.”

“I thought it was simple, but it turned out it never was. I was born to do this.”

“Will I ever be free?”

“I don’t know.”

“But…”

“That’s not a simple question Lacey!”

“Can I go back to my cell now?”

“Done pretending?”

She shakes her head. “Yes. Pretending for too long hurts.”

I understand that. More than she knows. “Yes, let’s get you back.”

She lowers her head. I know she’s hiding the pain there. Trying to fall into herself again. I let her. I won’t take that from her. When we get back down to her cell I take one long look at her.

“I wish I’d never run into you.” She nods as tears fall. “You fell into my lap. You left me no choice.”

When she doesn’t respond I open her cell door. “Get in. I’ll have someone new to watch you in a little bit.”

I watch her retreating form and remember the day I met her. Captured her.

“Marcelo!”

He runs to catch up with me on the sidewalk.

“We still don’t have any Goddamn information on the Castelo Family?”

“No boss.”

I growl. “Fine. Make sure that shipment gets out by…”

I glance over when I hear subtle banging behind me. What I see makes me smile and shake my head. Some girl with dark dirty blonde hair is frantically trying to open my car door. Stupid girl. Luck is not in her favor.

“Looking for something?” I call over.

Her head snaps up. Her eyes are wide and filled with horror. Her face is swollen and red from healing bruises. There’s a cut on her cheek. I can’t see her body, because it’s hidden by the car. She goes running, but I snap my fingers and nearly instantly two of men have each one of her arms. She tries to kick and wriggle out, but once she realizes she’s not going anywhere she goes totally limp.

I walk around the car casually, whistling. I can see her body start to shake. She’s looking at the ground, hiding behind her hair. Once I'm in front of her I look her up and down. The girls been beaten to all hell. I really don’t want to do anything to her, but she tried to break into my Goddamn car. I have to set a precedent. I can’t let her get away with it. Not in front of my men. Not in front of people who may or may not spying.

Her grey cotton shorts are ripped at the side, she’s shoeless so I know her feet are burned and cut, her white cotton shirt are ripped on the right side. I see gashes there, and since I'm me I know they are from a whip.

Where the fucking hell was this girl?

“What’s your name?”

Silence. Just shaking and depressed acceptance.

“This is how this is going to go little girl. You picked the wrong man’s car to break into. I ask a question and you will answer. Understand?”

There’s a nod. Subtle, but I see it.

“Alright. What’s your name?”

“Lacey.”

Her voice is so quiet I can barely hear her, and she still isn’t looking at me. I like that name. Lacey. Hmm, it fits her.

“What the fuck do you think you were doing trying to break into my car?”

Because now you’re forcing me to do something! Something you probably don’t deserve. For the first time, her grey eyes meet mine. There is nothing but complete and utter terror there.

“Please.”

“Answer me.”

“I… they’re going to find me.”

She starts to shake so hard I see the shock on one of my men’s faces. They both tighten their grip. I walk forward and place my hand under her chin. She jolts and tries to pull away, but I don’t let her.

“Who? What does that have to do with you breaking into my car?”

She ducks her head again.

“Hide.”

My head rears back.

“You were trying to hide in my car.”

She nods. I groan. “That was so stupid.”

“I… didn’t… know….”

“You didn’t know it was me? So it would have been okay if it was someone else.”

“I didn’t want to do anything! They’ll find me. They are going to find me.”

Again, with the seizure-like shaking. Now I'm intrigued.

“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned that. Who are you running from?”

“No!” She tries to get free. I grab her chin and squeeze.

“Stop. Who. Are. You. Running. From.”

“You,” she whispers.

“Me?” The fuck?

“No. Not you. The other. The other ones.”

Fucking hell.

“You’re running from the Castelos?!”

She shakes profusely and nods. Oh, the world is against this girl. I glance at Marcelo. His eyebrows shoot up. I swallow to contain my excitement. I look her up and down. They’ll miss this one. This is what I’ve been looking for my whole life. And this little gift fell right into my fucking lap.

I smirk and lean right into her.

“Looks like you’re going to get your wish little dove.”

I turn to my men and my voice goes cold.

“Throw her in the car.”

Last thing I see before she’s thrown in the car is her eyes rolling back and her passing out.

I snap back to the present. I need to talk to Sven.

Now!