Rose:

Maria invited me out again. This time with Kylie. No thanks. I bought myself, at least, one free night when I slept with that guy. John? Jake? Jim? I don’t know. Whatever. The point is, I bought myself time.

Besides, I have stuff to think about. Like Sven. He’s trying to get under my skin. He’s a criminal. A member of the mafia, and for some reason he’s chosen me to mess with. Do I have a target on my back? I love my job. Why did he have to come here?

It’d be easier if he wasn’t the most good-looking man I’d ever seen. Dark hair, dark eyes, full dark eyebrows that give him a sinister look. He’s elegant. Not a word I ever thought I’d use to describe a man, but that’s what he is. Elegant.

What am I saying? He’s an asshole putting on a show. I pour myself a drink and grab something I haven’t grabbed in a while. Kristy would be so mad at me. Along with Maria, but I won’t tell them. I grab a cigarette and step out on the porch, feeling the smoke fill my lungs.

You’re not empty Rose.

There are six men who you can help.

Get it together.

I put out the cigarette, throw it in the ashtray and drink my shot of vodka, wincing as it goes down. I should eat. I'm not really hungry though. I’ll eat breakfast tomorrow. Geez, I'm one step away from being one of the girls.

Kristy always jokes about that, but it’s kinda not a joke.

I fall asleep way too early. I have nothing else to do. It’s really depressing. I just want to be at work. Where I have a home, people and a purpose, not this empty shell of a place I go back to. It’s funny. This is exactly the apartment I always dreamt of. I guess when I was a little girl I never realized a house doesn’t make a home.

When I wake up the next morning I throw on my grey scrubs, straighten my hair, put on makeup and go. Work. Yayy.

Then I remember I'm not with my girls.

I'm with the guys. Something new… and Sven. I’d have to deal with him. It’s okay. It’s all fine. I'm anywhere but here.

“Hi Rose,” Kylie greets me as I walk in the door to work. She looks tired. She and Maria must have stayed out too late last night.

Reminding me. Shit, I forgot to eat breakfast. No wonder I feel dizzy.

“Hi Kylie.”

“You’re early.”

“Don’t tell Kristy,” I beg.

She sighs. “Rose you have a problem.”

Okay, I have to use my leverage here.

“I'm not clocking in. Besides, I’ll make a deal. I won’t tell her how hungover you are right now if you don’t tell her what time I got here.”

She glares at me. “That’s low. You have a dark side Rose. For someone so nice… you have a dark side.”

I shrug. “We all do.”

“Well fine. You know you have a deal.”

Her tone is sour. I know she’s mad at me, but I really can’t have her tell Kristy. I’m mid thought when suddenly my vision blurs. I have to reach for the desk to stay steady.

“Rose, are you okay?” she says quickly, all anger gone.

“I’m… I'm okay. What are the boys doing?”

“They are heading to breakfast.”

Oh, thank God.

“Okay, thank you.”

I feel remarkably dizzy as I turn from Kylie and head to the dining hall. It’s the same hall for men and women, but for now they eat at separate times. We don’t plan on doing that for long. Just until we adjust to everything, and figure out how best to handle the different clientele.

I'm honestly gonna throw up. How long has it been since I’ve eaten? Shit. Days. Fuck. Kristy would kill me. I need food now. She can’t know. I'm gonna get fired or thrown into treatment myself. I turn into the hallway and suddenly the dizziness washes over me even worse than before. I waver on my feet. I try desperately to stay up, but I fall into the doorway.

Falling. Falling. I'm gonna hit the floor like an idiot in front of my patients… when bam. I stop falling. Hands reach under me and shove me back to standing. One hand stays on me as I try to regain control of my footing. The hand is too low, but I can’t think about that at the moment.

Finally, my vision clears a little and I gather myself as best I can. I look up to thank whoever caught me from what probably would have been a concussion. I gasp and leap back when I see who it is.

Sven.

“I…”

He cocks an eyebrow. “That was quite the entrance little Rose.”

“I…” I clear my throat. You’re in charge here Rose. “Thank you Sven. I don’t know what happened.”

He steps closer to me, way too close. “I think you are lying little Rose.”

“Just Rose,” I choke out, trying to back away.

He smirks. It’s dark, evil. He’s in flipping treatment and it’s like he runs the place. What the hell? I need help. He’s stealing the one thing I'm good at.

“Sit for breakfast Mr. Xander.”

His smile spreads impossibly wide, like he’s having fun! Fun torturing me. Of course. He’s a criminal.

“Okay. Of course, just Rose. When you tell me, your hero,” he mocks, placing a hand on his chest, “why you collapsed in my arms just now.”

“Sven. Sit! It’s breakfast. Now!” I snap. It’s my first time snapping at a client. My eyes go wide. I’ve never snapped at a patient. This seems to please the total asshole!

“Well, when you say it so sweetly.”

He leaves my personal bubble and saunters off. I glare at him. I shake my head, realizing I'm giving him more attention than I should hating him. I greet all the other men quickly; Will, Ben, Mike, Sam and Carson. Mostly alcoholics, one severe bipolar trying to figure out his medication. I slowly make my way to the kitchen. I feel like I'm walking underwater, and it’s only made worse by the fact that I feel Sven’s eyes on me. Watching me. Studying me.

“Hi Rosa. Do you mind if I steal something to eat? Anything.”

I'm practically begging. I’ll pass out. This hit me so hard.

“Si, si...” she frowns and rambles off in Spanish before scolding me with a stick of bread. “You’re too skinny senorita.”

“I know,” I mumble.

“Go sit with boys. I’ll bring food to you.”

“Thank you Rosa.”

She looks me over and frowns, not saying another word. She’s like a strict grandmother.  I sit by Carson and Will. Rosa comes out five minutes later with a giant plate of food. I'm almost embarrassed; ham, eggs, bacon, waffles with butter and syrup. My eyes go wide and I laugh escapes my lips. She sets it down in front of me, and then in front of all the men points a spatula in my face.

“Come, Rose!” Eat Rose.

Now I really feel Sven staring at me as I mumble a thanks to Rosa. Maybe I’d have rather starved.

Nope. Not once I dig in. I eat as much as I can. Stuffing my face, way too fast while the rest of the men are still getting their food. Carson, who it turns out is super funny, starts laughing.

“Do you get paid here? You’re eating like a starving person.”

It’s sad that thought my first thought is he needs to stop giving Sven ideas. He’s too perceptive. Too smart.

I laugh. “I forgot dinner. Whoops, my bad.”

“Dinner for the past year?”

They all laugh. My cheeks heat and I shove my food away. Carson immediately looks sorry.

“Rose, seriously, I'm kidding.”

“No, I'm full. You guys start group today. You should be excited.”

I glance at the clock. I'm officially allowed to be here now. I walk over to the side computer and clock in real quick.

“Bring your dishes to the kitchen window and I’ll hand out schedules and stuff.”

I walk to the back and wait for them. I worry for each of them, watching for any signs of struggle. Anticipating it before it happens. A dark figure appears in my vision.

“So, you’re starving yourself.”

“Mind your own busi… Focus on your recovery Sven. I assure you I'm fine.”

“Still feel the way you felt in my arms Rose.” He smirks.

I glare at him. “Focus. On. You.”

“For me or for you?”

“Sven!”

“Like you saying my name…”

“Oh, Jesus Christ!”

I stomp off. “Everyone in the main room. Now!”

He’s making me crazy! I was never like this with the girls. When they get in the main area I hand out the schedules. Lucky for me they are in a group and/or therapy for all morning. I don’t have to see him ‘til lunch. God, he’s reversing things. Usually, I hate doing the paperwork and look forward to being with the clients. Now I dread it. Lunch is at twelve, but Kev, one of the other techs, comes in at eleven. When he gets in I feel relieved.

“Hey Kev!”

“Hey Rose. How are you? How are they?”

“I'm good. They seem good. A little too good actually. I'm expecting a catastrophe this afternoon.”

“Okay,” he laughs. I'm never wrong though. Not about this stuff.

Kev takes a seat and grabs some of my papers and starts filing them out. I love everyone, especially Maria, but Kev is my favorite to work with. He’s looks like a surfer, but his mom is anorexic and still struggles. Because of this, he’s a super hard worker. He does shit without being asked. It makes working with him really easy and really enjoyable. Finally, lunch rolls around.

Kev greets all the guys and asks about the group while I stay back and observe. Watching over them. I have a feeling. Sure enough…

“I'm not hungry! I want to work on my letter and the assignment my therapist gave me…”

He goes on. He can’t stop talking. He’s having a manic episode.

“Kev! Call the psychiatrist.”

I walk over. “Hey Ben. Are you sure you’re not hungry for lunch. You haven’t eaten in a few hours?”

Behind the haze of the disorder I know he sees what is happening, but once again his mind is in charge. “It won’t taste good. I want to work on my letter and assignment.”

“Okay, Ben. Actually, what is going to happen here is Dr. Bradford is going to come down and speak with you for a bit. How does that sound?”

“Not great. I don’t really want to speak with him.”

“But he wants to help you. Okay?”

Ben pulls away from me, desperately looking for a pen and paper. “Ben, I know you’ve got a lot going on in your mind right now.”

He looks at me as if to ask ‘why aren’t you helping me’? Thank goodness, as if on cue, Dr. Bradford walks in.

“Hey Ben. You think we can talk for a few minutes?”

“No, I want to write my letter and write. I'm not hungry. I said I'm not hungry.”

“Well, how about if I let you skip lunch for now and write while you are with me. Come on. It’s just a new room.”

After a little more bickering Ben concedes and goes with him. Okay, now to get the other guys under control.

“Guys. Can you sit for lunch please?”

“I could use a drink,” one of them mumbles.

I turn around. It’s Sam. “Well Sam, I believe you meet with Mr. Rollins next. You can talk to him about your urges. Now can everyone please sit? Lunch is good today. Rosa made pizza.”

There are some grumbles, but they all sit. Day one is usually where reality hits and everyone is pissy. Once they are all seated Kev walks up to me.

“You have a gift,” he laughs. “You always know.”

I shrug. “I’ve been doing this for kind of a long time.”

I wait for the ‘and you’re a workaholic line’, but it never comes. Kev never criticizes me for working too much and I kind of love him for it. I clean up some of the papers and puzzles Ben messed up. Kev takes a seat. When I'm done cleaning, I look up to see Kev sitting in the spot by Carson. There is only one other seat for techs. By Sven.

I take the deepest breath possible and take a seat.