Rose:

No.

This can’t be happening. When will it be official? I pour myself another shot. I haven’t had one in several weeks. Leave it to Sven to break my streak.

I'm gonna need seven hundred shots and eight hundred packs of cigarettes just to forget this for the next ten minutes even.

My phone rings and I glance at it. It’s Kev. I sigh. He’s so nice to me and I feel nothing for him. What’s wrong with me? I have to pick up. I know if I don’t he’ll show up here. He’s done it before. He came over with Tacos and a bottle of wine. It was a nice evening. He’s everything a girl could hope for. Kristy loves us together. It’s too bad I still feel so dead inside. I have nothing to give him but my body. Which, to clarify, I have not done yet.

“Hey Kev,” I answer.

“Hey Rose. I just wanted to check on you. You left sick today. That’s so unlike you. I'm assuming you are dying or close to it.”

Bingo!

“Kind of.”

“I’ll bring you some medicine or something. I'm not expert at this, but I’ll bring you like chicken noodle soup and Tylenol.”

That earns a little laugh from me. Working or not we are caretakers. “No Kev, you could get sick.”

“No way. You, Rose Bellemore, were sick enough to miss work. I’ll just drop it by.”

“Kev…”

“Rose…”

“Kev, I'm not sick.”

This has got to be the two shots I’ve just taken.

“What? Rose what do you mean?”

“I got bad news.” I choke on my last words.

“I'm coming over.”

Then he clicks off. Maybe it’s not a bad idea. Maybe once he sees me he’ll leave me, because, for real, he’s way too good for me at this stage in my life. That’s not even my insecurities talking. It’s just fact.

I grab the vodka and drink all I can until I'm sick. I sit on the couch shivering in my blanket. I cry. How can he do this to me? How can God do this to me? Not my home.

Not again.

A knock on the door jolts me. I stumble to the door and throw it open. Kev’s there in a green t-shirt and basketball shorts with his shaggy, dirty blonde hair and subtly defined muscles.

“Jesus Rose.”

A half-choked, half-drunk cry escapes my lips. Kev takes the blanket and wraps it around me, rubbing my arm up and down, leading me to the couch.

“Fuck. What’s wrong? How can I help?”

I cry and fall into him, letting him hold and comfort me. He’s too nice to leave me hanging. I bank on that.

“Please talk to me Rose.”

Little Rose. Precious Flower. No. Go away. Go away.

“I can’t Kev.”

He rubs my back. “Rose,” he pulls me away and looks at me, “does this have something to do with Sven talking to you today?”

NO! Don’t guess Kev. You’ll be in danger. My damn body gives me away. I immediately start to rapidly shake.

“Shit. I knew it. Fuck. What did he say, Rose? Rose,” he shakes me lightly. “What did he say?”

“He…” I can say the part about him owning Fallen Ridge but not about him threatening me, “He owns Fallen Ridge. He… brought it.”

Kev’s eyes go wide. “Why? Why would he do that? We both know he bullshitted his way out of there. He hated it. Why the hell…”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

“It’s gonna be weird. And I'm pissed... but this is why you are crying? I don’t understand. I'm sorry Rose. Explain. Did something else happen?”

That’s when I know. Kev and I… despite his kindness… we could never happen. He doesn’t understand me.

I touch his chest. “Sleep with me.”

“Rose…” he backs away. I see his hard-on through his shorts, betraying him, “You’re drunk.”

“Not that drunk.”

He glares at me. “You’re plastered.”

“Okay, maybe I am, but I know what I'm doing.”

“Rose, trust me. I really want to fuck you, but I’d hate myself. I can’t sleep with a drunk girl.”

“I'm not some flipping rage out drunk! I'm in control. You know it. Please. You want me. I want a… release,” escape. “Kev, you aren’t taking advantage.”

“Rose, I don’t know what to do here.”

“Please.”

He leans forward and plants his lips on mine, testing me. That’s a test I always pass. One thing leads to another and we have sex. It’s good. Right thing to say, right? He’s good. He kisses me before leaving and says we’ll talk the next day.

I smoke on the porch until early morning, then shower until the smell is gone. After that I drown myself in makeup and black scrubs to hide the exhaustion from my face.

When I arrive at work the next day Kristy and Dr. Bradford look at me sympathetically. Neither of them try to talk to me. They totally ignore me. Too ashamed. The first patient that’s actually beyond their scope to help, and it’s me. Not even an actual patient.

“Staff meeting!” Kristy calls. “Rosa and I will watch the patients. The rest of you. Main lounge, women’s unit.”

Kev stops me on the way, looking totally freaked. “Rose, are we okay? Are you okay?”

I place my hand on his face. “Kev, I wanted that. We’re good. I'm better. Let’s get to this meeting. Okay?”

He smiles, looking relieved. “Alright.”

He goes with the crowd. When the majority of them have gone I sprint the other way. I find the restroom that’s furthest from the women’s lobby. I run in and lock the door, taking deep breaths. I don’t know how much time passes. I sit on the toilet, huddled in a ball. Remembering when things were good.

“Come here my precious flower.”

“Daddy!” I squeal, running into his arms.

“I missed you.”

“Sorry Rosie. You know daddy’s gotta work. Mommy’s not here anymore to help.”

I push out my lower lip. “I don’t want you to go away again.”

“Be strong my precious flower. Remember what daddy said about being strong?”

“Yes!” I squiggle in his arms, and he sets me down. I make fake muscles. “Gotta be a warrior princess!”

He chuckles. “Yes precious Rosie. You gotta be a warrior princess. That’s how you get through life, precious.”

I shake my head.

“Don’t recall seeing you at the meeting?”

I screech and leap off the toilet, taking deep breaths as I try and back further into the stall.

“Coming in. It’s only to my benefit if you aren’t decent.”

Somehow he gets in the stall seamlessly without breaking the door down. He leans against the door frame casually as I scatter as far as I can into the stall. He’s wearing a black button-down with his top buttons undone, gold rings, a gold watch and black slacks. Why is he so good looking? Why does he make me all tingly? I'm fucking sick.

I need my girls.

I think they help me more than I’ve ever helped them.

“I’ll repeat myself just once. I don’t recall seeing you at the meeting.”

Then he pauses, his eyes raking over me. He steps closer, all up in my space and sniffs. Literally smells me without saying a word.

“Someone will come in her Mr. Xander,” I stutter.

“Jesus, we are back to Mr. Xander? Alright. Question. Since when do you smoke little Rose?”

My eyes go wide. “How… I showered. I don’t?”

“I want to know why.”

“You know why,” I hiss.

“You act like I’ve come to kill you.”

I clamp my mouth shut. I have nothing smart to say back, and I have to remember who he is.

“Smart choice.”

He grabs my arm with a death grip and pulls me from the stall. “You have work Rose. You are needed.” A tear slips from my cheek. “I have good news and bad news for you. What do you want first?”

“Bad.” You’ve already delivered it asshole.

“The good news is you are working with the girls again.”

For a split second, the pain disappears.

“Really?” I light up. My girls.

He nods. “The bad news, for you, is Kev got fired.”

“What? No! Not Kev, please! I'm not quitting. Please don’t fire Kev.” I need him. He’s my friend. He’s nice to me without expectations.

His eyes darken and he nails me to the wall with his palm. “Because you are fucking him,” he hisses.

HOW?

“No. Sven, it’s… it’s not like that…”

“Oh, I'm Sven now.”

I push past him. “KEV! KEV! NO!”

I go running but there’s a growl and I'm yanked back by my hair. The pain is bad, but it could have been a lot worse. Sven holds me in place.

“I will help him find another job if you shut up.”

“No you won’t,” I whisper, tears falling. “You’re trying to destroy me.”

“No. Remake you.”

“I don’t want to be remade.”

“Oh little Rose,” he smiles one of his sexy, dark smiles, holding the promise of nothing but sex, violence and sin, “You are begging to be remade. Screaming for it.”

Then his lips crash against mine. I whimper. No this is wrong.

“I'm not a patient anymore,” he growls.

“You’re a still criminal,” I moan.

He growls and shoves me harder into the wall. His hand slips into my scrubs. I moan and try and get away while keeping the sensations he’s invoking. Nothing I'm doing is making sense. He pinches my nipple hard. I squeal as he rubs it between his rough, calloused hands. I whimper.

“Sven. No. Sven.” I'm half begging him to go, half begging him to stay.

“If she’s saying no you should probably step away.”

It’s like ice water is poured over me and shoved into my scrubs. Kev.

“Kev, it’s not what it looks like. I… he… Kev… I…”

“It’s fine,” his tone is dry, “I’m sure Sven told me you were in here on purpose.” I HATE HIM. “I just wanted to say bye.”

He looks between me and Sven.

“Take care of yourself Rose.”

I practically run at Kev.

“Don’t leave me.” I grab the front of his scrubs desperately. “I don’t deserve anything, but please, you’re my friend. A real friend.”

“I wanted more, but you just don’t have it to give.”

“Don’t leave me.” I hold him tighter. His eyes look so pained. “Don’t go.”

“Rose,” he gently starts peeling my hands away. He’s not even two fingers in when I am yanked off and pulled up against a hard body, “I have to go. I can’t save you. I wish I could.”

“NO! KEV!” I scream as he walks off. “No. No. No.”

My perfect little security blanket is being torn apart around me. I scream and thrash in Sven’s arms. He holds tight without saying anything.

“I hate you!” I scream. “I hate you! I hate you so much! Fuck you, you fucking asshole! Kev. No,” I start to go limp. “My one friend.”

My body falls completely, being held up solely by Sven. And I cry. He waits. He doesn’t say or do anything.

“You done yet?”

“You took my friend.”

“No,” he growls and turns me to face him, shaking me slightly. “If he was your knight and fucking shining armour he wouldn’t have walked off like a pussy while I manhandled you.”

He shoves me off him and goes to the door.

“Think about that next time you choose who your ‘friends’ are. Be in the women’s lounge in five minutes!”

He slams the door and walks out.

Holy shit. He’s right. He’s really right.

He’s really taking everything from me.

Even my memories.