Lacey:

Help me.

I'm screaming inside.

Ripping apart at the seams. Literally. Cutting myself until I can somehow find numbness again through blood.

No one sees me. No one hears me. No one cares. But him. The very man commanding this of me. Holding me here. I see it in his eyes. He proves it in the privacy of his room.

It’s why I snuck in here and risked my life. I needed someone to care. I needed him to care. Something’s about to happen. I can feel it. Everything is going to change. And not for the better.

My days are numbered.

No matter how much shame, pain and torture I’ve endured, I'm not ready for death. Where there’s life there’s hope, and I'm terrified soon I’ll have none.

So, all that said, when he offered for us to play ‘pretend’. I wanted it desperately. One night to pretend my reality was different. One night for him to show me what was inside of him. To show me what his eyes have been telling me all along.

I'm in full force. I am letting all my sadness fall away momentarily.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

It’s so human. He gave me a gift in his name. He told me how deeply he cares and gave me a snippet into the reasons why I'm here when he has the power to let me go.

The Castellos.

Yes, his mom cheated. Yes, he lost her. But I know that’s not why he hates them so. No. He hates them because in losing her he ended up with his father, and became what he is.

He is Boss.

And he desperately wishes he wasn’t.

But he can’t let it go. Because it’s all he’s known since his mom left him for one of them. Even my worst torture here doesn’t compare to what they did to me. It’s my only solace. I only wish I knew the plan so I can prepare.

I plan to get it tonight.

That leads us to now. His body is perfect. His stubble and hair dripping water from this incredible shower. The water slips between all his muscles. I know for me it is only washing away disgusting filth, blood and sweat. He shouldn’t even bother to touch me. But he wants to. He wants to so bad. He’s a terrible pretender. He doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea, and get more hurt later.

He has the power.

He can just command people to let me go and tell them…

I'm being stupid.

He won’t. I know that. So at least for one night, I want to feel loved. Pleasured. The feel of his skin on me. It’s not too much to ask. I could die tomorrow, and I have no one in the world anymore.

“You’re very bad at pretending. Adam.”

He looks at me, so much confusion and compassion. It’s so unlike him as “Boss” I have to blink. Is this really the same man? How can two such different people live inside one man? He must live in hell. He must be suffering immensely.

When he doesn’t flinch I wonder if I misread everything. That hurts. That’s embarrassing. The sadness that drowns me spills over. I tried too hard to pretend. I just want my piece of glass and my cell. Something I can predict and control. I turn around and blink several times. trying to control the tears.

“Lacey? Lacey?”

“Yes.” I don’t turn around. I can’t.

“Are you crying?”

I wrap my arms around my stomach.

“You are supposed to pretend. You’re supposed to pretend to care.”

He comes up behind me and touches my shoulder. So far gone in my head I jump and squeal, covering my face with my arms.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“Habit,” I mumbled, dropping my arms slightly.

“You want to feel cared for? That’s important to you.”

I turn around and look up at him through a lock of hair and shrug. I can’t even talk about it without losing it. The loneliness is the worst part of this. The hole my family used to fill. I can tell he feels the pain that just consumed my heart.

He tangles his fingers in my hair and pulls my head back to look at him. He searches my eyes.

Then he kisses me.

With everything he has.

Telling me a story. Like he always does with his lips.

I step into him. When he pulls his mouth off mine I look at him and take a risk.

“Touch me. Just for tonight. Erase the bad touches… with good ones.”

He looks like he could cry.

“Adam. Please. Unless” I look down, “you think I'm gross. Cause I kind of am….”

Rage takes over his features. He picks me up and pushes me against the wall.

“You are not gross! Do you hear me?”

His eyes are nearly black.

“We are gross. The Castellos are gross. You are not gross. Now, hold on to something.”

My eyes go wide and I feel myself start to smile.

“Wh… what are you gonna do?”

He looks up at me, really sexy. A dark smile toys at his lips.

“You asked me to touch you. That’s not a request I take lightly.”

His fingers graze my sex. I jump. No one’s touched me there for pleasure in years. Adam looks at me. He kisses me gently.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

Then he smirks. Something about it unnerves me.

“Uh… Adam?”

“Hold on my little dove.”

“Adam,” I shriek when he gets down on his knees.

“Breath. And hold on.”

“Adam…”

Then everything in me awakens. All the dark and light. He removes my underwear, throwing it to the side. I shiver. It’s so intimate.

I freeze. His tongue lands on me. Slowly tasting me. I grip the wall immediately and my legs start to shake. Never once is he aggressive or rough. It’s a slow build that makes my legs shake and my heart wobble. My inner walls clench over and over, desperately wanting to release. But…

I moan when he goes inside me a little bit further. I try and grip the tile but it’s too slippery. My belly tightens. His tongue is still working me slowly, gently, when his finger comes up and touches my clit. Everything in me electrifies.

“Adam. Oh my God. I’m gonna… Adam!”

I panic. I don’t know what to do. I'm gonna fall. I’ve never come before. Before becoming a prisoner I only had sex once and like most first times it was nothing to ride home about.

“Adam!” I shriek when I can’t fight it. I explode in a haze of light and pleasure, and mild panic. Strong hands grip my hips. I feel myself shake. It feels so good. All I’ve known is a pain for so long. I fall forward. Adam catches me.

“Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

I cry, leaning forward on the arm he reached out to stop my fall. It feels like I'm being split open. How come a caring touch hurts more than a cruel one?

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He pushes me up to standing and wraps an arm around my shoulders. When we get to the door, he stops.

“Stay here,” he says gently. “You… gonna be okay?”

I nod. Unable to speak. I can’t process what just happened. I stay there, mind reeling. What am I doing? Stupid, stupid girl.

Adam, Boss, sir… whoever he is, comes back with the biggest, softest towel I’ve ever experienced. I don’t want to go back to my prison. I don’t want to.

The bathroom is heated and the towel is softening around me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more physically comfortable and more emotionally uncomfortable.

The towel drowns me.

“What are we doing?” Adam mumbles, running a hand over his face.

“Don’t pull away.” I need you! I need you to hold me together. I'm gonna break.

He comes over and wipes the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. “What’s going on? Want to stop? Too much pretending?”

“No. Please. I just… no one’s been that gentle with me. Not for a long time.”

His eyebrows pull in. “Lacey, how did you end up with the Castellos? Please tell me. Please. I need to… understand.”

I side eye him. Study him. I can’t stop myself from telling him. I should keep my stupid mouth shut. I think I want his sympathy, and that’s so wrong.

“I agreed to be sold to them. They saw me with my papa, my dad,” I clarify, “they offered a price for me. My parents had just had my little brother. I’ve told you this, but we had no money. We were gonna lose our home. That was no way for him to be raised. Mom and dad asked me if I’d be willing to go. They were sad but said it’d save Jamie from a hard life. So I agreed.”

Boss steps back horrified.

“Your family sold you to them!” he shouts, sounding like the Boss I know him to be over everything else. I panic.

“Don’t hurt them. Please, sir. Please.” I fall right back into my role. “Please. Everything I sacrificed will be for nothing! You can’t kill Jamie’s parents.”

Because they aren’t mine since they asked me to do this, knowing I couldn’t say no to something that would help Jamie.

He looks so dark.

“They sold… you! How could they do that?”

He sounds rightfully horrified.

“There’s always another way. For fucking money! Their daughter. You! No. No. I can’t… accept this.”

I shrug. “I mean whether or not you accept it that’s what happened.”

Hold me.

He stares at me open-mouthed. Then he closes it and turns away from me. I see his hands cover his face. To stop myself from falling apart I start to towel off so I can get dressed and get out and cry in private.

Glass. I need glass. Too many feelings.

I'm drying off one of my feet when strong hands spin me around and lips land on me. Hands go under my butt and lift me off the ground, not once taking the lips off me. I wrap my legs around him to keep from flailing around. He carries me to the bed and lies me down. He doesn’t hesitate. He crawls over me. His arms go around me. His body over me, pinning me to the bed.

He traces his hand along my old and new cuts. Tears spring to my eyes. I’ll never get used to him seeing them. No one ever notices or cares.

“I understand.”

I blink.

“I understand why you do it. Don’t ever take it too far okay? No matter what happens just… don’t end things yourself. But…” he squeezes his eyes in pain, “If this helps then I get it.”

“You have a preference for my death?”

“Don’t ever kill yourself Lacey.”

“I’d never. I have hope as long as I'm breathing.”

He groans. “How are you so perfect?” he asks, sounding pained.

I laugh. “I'm not.”

“What do you want Lacey? From tonight. Tell me and it’s yours. Within, you know, reason. It has to stay in here.”

My heart aches, but I ignore it.

“Just hold me. Touch me. No one’s…” tears hit my eyes, “No one’s …” I choke on air, “no one’s touched me nicely in so, so long.”

“Is that why you cried back there?”

“Yes. And you… caught me.”

His mouth opens and closes. His hands trace my sides. I close my eyes. My body shivers.

“You know you’ve been in my room before I took you in here a few weeks ago.”

My eyebrows furrow.

“Yeah. When we first brought you here, you fainted. Do you remember that?”

“Yes,” I say quietly.

“I brought you in here after you passed out, not that you’d remember. When you woke up you were very disoriented. You tucked yourself into my covers and fell back asleep.”

He laughs. My eyes go wide and then I snort. “I did not! I’d never!”

“You did.” He nods as his lips curl up.

“Wow. What did you do?”

“Uh, I had someone bring you to your cell. I mean part of it was that you are a prisoner, so my motives were mostly evil, but also, I didn’t want you to wake up in my bed after passing out out of fear. You would have thought I… yeah. And that’s one thing I’d never do.”

“Oh. Yeah. Totally. I… would have.”

He nods. “I know.”

“Adam?”

“Yes.” He brushes a strand of my hair back and traces a bruise on my cheek.

“Stay calm, please, but please don’t hurt Jamie’s parents. He needs them. I'm begging you. Please. I can’t… If you hurt them… everything is for nothing. And Jamie…”

I choke. I can’t say any more. His eyes are so dark, furious. Not at me, but he’s so mad. He’s so mad they sold me. I just can’t understand why he’s so mad. I mean. He’s holding me, prisoner, too. He’s hurting me too!

“Promise me? Please!” I yell. “I opened up to you. I told you what you wanted to hear. Please. Please. Please. Adam?” I pause. “Please.”

“I promise,” he says coldly. “I won’t lay a finger on them.”

I glare at him. Does he think I'm stupid?

“Or your men? No one will lay a hand on them.”

I stare at him firmly. I rarely dare to look at him this way, but sometimes it is just worth whatever comes my way.

Like right now.

“No one will lay a hand on them,” he nods in affirmation. “I won’t make everything you went through pointless. You have my word on that.”

“Adam, I can’t trust you. How do I know you won’t hurt them? I shouldn’t have said anything.”

My heart is beating two hundred beats per minute. He’ll hurt them. He’s so mad. My mind is spinning. I’ve never thought of killing myself, but if all this is for nothing I think I would. I don’t think I could live with that kind of realization or pain.

“Lacey!” I turn and look at him, realizing my mind just went somewhere else, somewhere far away. He cups my face. “I won’t. I don’t go back on my word. I’ve never lied to you. I’ve done a lot, but I’ve never lied.”

“Okay. I won’t survive it, sir. You hurt them, then come in my cell and stab me yourself, because that’s what you’d be doing.”

He looks mildly horrified by that.

“I do understand. I don’t make decisions like this based on emotions anyway. Very fucking lucky for your family.”

I exhale a deep breath. My whole body sinks into the bed. He notices. He climbs off me, and lies down to my left, reaching over to wrap an arm around me.

“Go to sleep Lacey.”

I hide my face in the crook of his strong arm.

“I don’t want to.”

I feel him take a deep breath. “I know, but I have to get you back in the early hours of the morning so I don’t raise suspicion. Sleep in peace… while you can.”

I pull into his warmth and strength. He quickly leans over and turns the lamp off. I tuck myself as close to him as I can, savoring his warmth and strength. It won’t last long. Even in the moonlight, I can see his tattoos and scars reminding me of my place.

And his.