Chapter Thirteen
Harlow
She paced back and forth, alternating between being pissed off and combating feelings of happiness.
Sticking a hand into her pocket, she felt the lump of little bits of metal there. Taking them out, she started to toss them from hand to hand, the action making a little jingling noise every time.
Couldn’t he just leave?
It would be so much easier if Vanek had just done as she’d asked, and stayed away for the two days she’d needed to do what was necessary. Everything else he’d said he would do before then he’d kept his word about. Why did he have to start changing that now?
He remained distant, staying near the broken float while she hid in a corner, trying to organize her thoughts. The distance was good; she needed that to maintain a clear head. Anytime he came around, she started to feel herself fill with giddiness and delight. His big smile or booming laugh, the way his chestnut eyes twinkled with joy whenever they landed on her. All of it filled her heart in a way that she’d seldom if ever experienced before.
Which was exactly what made him all the more dangerous to her. Harlow knew she couldn’t resist him and his charms, that even trying would be pointless. That was the entire reason for her letter to him, instead of attempting to do so in person. She knew her own weaknesses, and when it came to Vanek, they were lengthy. There was little she would be able to do to stop him from convincing her to change her mind.
Harlow couldn’t do that though. She needed to go, to leave him behind, in the past. Because if she didn’t, then eventually he would just leave her, broken and scarred. It had happened before. The military was one vast grinder. It pulled people in and spit them out, and Harlow couldn’t go through that loss again. She’d never truly recovered from the damage it had done the first time. Doing it again wasn’t an option, no matter how unfair that might be to Vanek.
Which is why she’d been planning on packing everything up today and getting the hell out of there before she was to see him again. His presence in the warehouse, right then and there, made that impossible. Until he left, she was stuck here fighting against the pull toward her.
Eyes of pale blue grew milky and clouded as yet another thought entered her brain. Vanek had always seemed to do whatever he did for a reason. She had yet to fathom what those reasons were when it came to her, besides a general interest in her, but she’d noticed that from the start. Which meant if she followed that chain of logic, that his showing up here was for a reason. Not the flimsy one about repairing the float, but something deeper.
Harlow spun on her right foot and marched across the warehouse toward him, her footfalls echoing off the concrete as she approached. Notified by the noise, Vanek put down the wrench he was holding and slowly came about to face her.
“Tell me the real reason.” There was no soft introduction, no apology. She needed to know.
“Uh, what real reason?”
“Today. Why are you here right now? The real reason?”
Vanek eyed her for a long moment, then reached back out and grabbed the wrench again, tossing it up in the air and catching it. He did that several times before his fingers closed around the handle and held it close.
“First, to work on the float, like I said earlier. It’s broken, and you need it. I can fix it. Simple as that. And second…? Second,” he tossed the wrench again, “I didn’t want you to do something crazy.”
“Crazy?”
“Yeah. You know, like pack up all your floats and leave town without talking to me.” He shrugged, tossing the wrench back onto the table.
It clattered on the wood for several seconds while neither of them spoke. Then Harlow’s anger burst like a dam.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
She’d expected Vanek to be hurt by the words, or to react with anger and frustration. It irked her that he just seemed to accept the words, as if he could see right through them to the large part of her heart and brain that wanted the exact opposite from him. That wanted him closer, to hold her tight, to keep her safe and warm. It burned with aching need deep within her, fighting against the box which she’d locked the thoughts and desires in. No matter how hard she squeezed though, something still seemed to seep out every now and then, and Vanek appeared to be able to pick up on that.
“Because we need to talk,” he said gently.
Harlow whirled away from him. “I don’t want to.” She was pouting now, sulking even, and they both knew it. Avoiding the issue wasn’t going to make it go away, but she didn’t want to face it either.
“Harlow,” he said softly, stepping around until they were face-to-face again, though he respectfully kept his distance. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. I get that. But you can’t keep running away from whatever this is forever.”
“Yes I can.”
He smiled faintly and shook his head. “You know better than that. I know you do. You’re smart, and thoughtful, and capable of seeing that running away forever isn’t the answer.”
She wanted nothing more than to be angry at him. To hate him. To yell hurtful things that would make him storm off and leave her alone so that she could leave. Yet no matter how hard she tried to do so, her body wouldn’t respond. It didn’t want to hurt him. He was saying all the right things, and showing her that he was there. For her. Vanek was making his stand, and that deserved some respect.
“Fine,” she said with a half-shudder, half-sob. “But not without a drink.”
Pushing past him, she walked across the warehouse, around the float, and to the piles of stuff on one wall that were there when she’d gotten access to the building. Scaffolding and other items she couldn’t identify, courtesy of the building’s owners, and mixed in between them near the wall was a little fridge.
“This has been here this whole time?” Vanek asked as she opened it. “And stocked with beer? You’ve been holding out.”
Harlow choked back a sad smile and popped the tops of both, handing one to him.
“And she drinks beer,” he said in awe. “I didn’t know that.”
Looking down at the floor, she shrugged. “I wanted you to think I was classy when we went out,” she admitted. “I don’t mind wine, but beer is just so much more refreshing.”
Vanek gave her another smile and raised his beer. She hesitated before clinking hers against the offered cheers, but in the end she couldn’t leave him hanging. They drank together briefly and then located some chairs. Well, she sat on a workbench and he lowered himself gently onto one of the non-broken floats. Never once did he push her, or urge her on while she sat there and gathered her thoughts.
“I’ve not told anyone this,” she said slowly. “I still can’t believe I’m going to tell you.”
The big man nodded solemnly, giving the moment the seriousness that he could tell it deserved. Ugh, why does he have to be so perfectly understanding of everything? Why can’t he just act like a dick for once so I can tell him to fuck off and go away? It would be so much easier…
“Thank you,” Vanek said into the silence.
“For what? Being a complete bitch to you the past two days?”
He couldn’t quite hide his smile at the self-deprecating comment, but he did get his beer to his mouth in record time to help.
“No,” he said after a long pull. “For talking to me. I can tell that this means the world to you, and that agreeing to talk was extremely difficult. It means a lot to me that you’re willing to do that for me.”
Is that what she was doing it for? Harlow hadn’t really thought of it that way. She’d hoped that by explaining what was going on, he’d understand and leave her alone, letting her go. How was Vanek seeing it then? Did he think that by somehow revealing her past that it meant she trusted him enough to confide in him and work with him to fix it?
Holy shit. That was exactly what he thought. Harlow wanted to groan in dismay. She couldn’t back out now either, since she’d already agreed to talk. The worst part of all was that she couldn’t figure out if he was right or not. Just like she’d feared, being near to him, talking to him, and just letting him into her comfort zone was playing tricks with her.
“You didn’t give me much of a choice on the matter,” she muttered.
“Sure I did. You could have still packed up and left with me here. I wouldn’t have physically stopped you. You know that.”
She did? Of course you did. He’s not an asshole. You were just too embarrassed to admit that you were fleeing and have him watch you do it.
Or deep down she wanted to tell him, to have him assure her that things were going to be okay, for some completely unexpected reason that she couldn’t see coming. Harlow wanted that fairytale romance ending, and Vanek was just the guy to play the part. But no matter what, she didn’t see it ending that way. They were just too different.
Still…
“When I was young, really young, maybe four at best, my father ran away to join the military. Never gave a reason. Just up and left, leaving my mom alone to raise me. He was a soldier, like you.”
Vanek frowned. She could tell he wanted to say something, but didn’t, letting her talk.
“I don’t remember much of my father, you know. Vague memories. I’ve seen the odd picture. Things like that.” She took a deep breath, her chest starting to shake with nerves. “Because he never came back. Ever.”
Vanek’s eyes never wavered, capturing her in their tender gaze, as if telling her that he was sorry, like all the words people had spoken to her at his funeral. All the empty sayings of how he would be so proud of her, or of how they knew she would be strong for him.
Never once did they acknowledge how empty her life had suddenly just become. Of how much the loss hurt when it awoke her in the middle of the night in a sobbing fit. Nobody ever helped her with things. Nobody came to the father-daughter dances at school, or was her little league coach. Nobody ever did that for her. There was no one around to walk her down the aisle if she ever got married. But it was okay, because her father was proud of her. And she was strong. So it was okay.
Harlow wanted to scream in anger at all the people with their meaningless words. It wasn’t them who’d lost their daddy. It wasn’t them who had to grow up in a broken home, where she was just a reminder to her mother of the man that they’d both lost. None of them had to feel like she was unwanted.
The tears were flowing violently now as she belatedly realized she’d been saying all of her previous thoughts out loud for Vanek to hear. His eyes glistened with pain as well. Never once did he say anything. He got up, putting his beer to the side, and walked over to her stiffly to put an arm around her.
“When my mother finally passed,” she whispered between sobs. “It was easy. I’d already been through losing one parent. Becoming an orphan just seemed to complete the process, though I was only fourteen.”
“I’m so sorry, Harlow,” he said at last. “Nobody should ever go through that. There’s nothing I can say to make it feel any better, but know that I’m here, right now, to hold you.”
She pulled away from him. “That’s the problem though, Vanek. You’re here right now. But what about tomorrow? Or the next day? What about when the government finally calls you up and says that you’re going on tour? That you deploy tomorrow. What then? Who will be there for me then?” Harlow shook her head. “I can’t go through that. Not again.”
Vanek’s chest rose and fell, her head moving up and down as powerful lungs worked to bring him oxygen. “I’m not a soldier, Harlow. Not in that sense.”
“What are you then?” She looked up at him.
He smiled. “Honestly? You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You’d call me crazy.”
“I already know you’re rather peculiar, Vanek. You can tell me.”
She watched his lips compress and then work back and forth as he stared at her thoughtfully, his eyes focusing and clouding as he thought of different things.
“Okay, but remember the part where I said you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Uh-huh. Make with the truth,” she said, her mood lightening a little with his antics.
“Fine.” He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. “I’m a dragon working with the government to save the world.”
The words came out so fast that it took her a moment to parse them. Then another moment to repeat it six times in her head to ensure she’d done that right.
“Uh-huhhhhhh,” she said slowly.
“See, I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” Vanek shrugged mightily, the movement jostling her. “But one thing I promise you is that I wouldn’t run away without telling you. You would get more than a note stuck under a rock.”
Harlow’s eyes filled with tears once more and she began to sob.
“That’s all I ever got,” she said through the haze of warm liquid running down her cheeks, soaking his shirt.
“What? What’s all you ever got?” he asked, pulling her in tight, thick fingers running slowly up and down her spine in a soothing motion as powerful biceps pressed into her shoulders.
“A letter. My father left it when he went away.”
“Oh. What does it say?”
She sniffled, wishing for a tissue or ten. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I never opened it. I don’t want to read all about his excuses for leaving me and Mom. He should have been there, Vanek. For us. He didn’t have to go.”
The big man, or dragon, if she listened to his jokes, held her tight without a word while she sobbed for another few minutes.
“Sorry about your shirt,” she said when at last forming words was easy again.
“It’s okay,” he assured her. “Trust me. It really is.” He peeled it off.
Her eyes quickly ran over his upper body, admiring the sculpted lines of his chest, the rippled bumps of his abs, and the glorious tautness of his arms. Despite her sorrows, she couldn’t help but admire his gorgeous physique. Vanek didn’t seem to notice her admiration, and he was oblivious to the effect it had on her as he pulled her back into him.
“Do you know why I bought the float company?” she asked, resting in his embrace, feeling the heat from his skin begin to warm her.
“Why?”
“It’s the only memory I have of us being a family,” she said quietly. “My dad had me on his shoulders, and my mom was there too, standing right next to us, telling me what was going on. I don’t even remember the parade, I just remember being together, as a family, in that one moment.” She sighed, eyes closed, reliving it one more time. “When I turned twenty-one and received my father’s death benefits and the inheritance from my mother’s passing, I used it all to buy the float company.”
Harlow pulled back, looking up at Vanek. She could see one little track down his cheek, and it touched her heart that he’d shed a tear with her. Perhaps he was for real.
“I just wanted to give little kids the same memories that I gave them. Family. Love. Of their parents, something joyful that they can hold onto if the times get tough.” She rolled her shoulders to try and relax them a little. “Nobody should ever have to go through what I went through, Vanek. Nobody.”
“I know. But you’re doing a good job,” he said encouragingly. “You’re bringing lots of happiness to people. I saw that the day I met you.”
“You mean the day you broke my best float?”
He hung his head. “Yeah. That would be the same day,” he grumbled. “But you should keep doing that.”
Harlow looked away. “I can’t. Not now that I lost my next client.”
She felt his muscles stiffen underneath her.
“You lost the client?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” he growled.
“Because you came barging into my meeting.”