35 – Home

Burton’s farmhouse was not far from VF and, within ten minutes, they were close. The farm road ahead of them was mostly empty, and they were cruising along at a fast speed. Leilani was dozing in the seat next to him, a death grip on his hand, even in sleep.

He shifted the stick shift with his left hand while he steered with his knees. It wasn’t smooth, but he was managing. Anything not to disturb her.

He glanced at her. Then at the road. Then back at her. She was curled up on the seat, her knees drawn to her chest, the seatbelt crossing under her arm and across one slim hip. She looked radiant, like something had changed inside her. Something had shifted her worldview and made her feel safe and happy. He hoped with all his heart that something was him, because he was never leaving her side again, and so she would always look like that. Happy. Radiant. Beautiful. His. He still could barely believe it.

In her sleep, she licked her lips and said his name, softly, in the way of a whisper or a sigh. “Jaggar.”

Jaggar stared straight ahead at the road, his cock hardening instantly behind his zipper, his mind racing to contemplate what she might be imagining to say his name like that. He growled softly at his cock. Fucking traitor-ass-fucking-piece-of-shit-body-part was not going to ruin this moment by poking its head out. Leilani was exhausted. She’d been through so much. Jaggar could wait forever, if he needed to.

You hear that? he told himself. Not yet.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel compulsively, and he almost wished that he’d taken her before, while they’d been in his bed through the door from the meadow. When the beast had not been with him.

Jaggar tightened down on his mental processes, repeating his mantra, calling up his discipline and control born of years of discipline and control.

Take me to church.

***

Leilani woke up as the truck slowed, then turned to the right, gravel crunching beneath their tires. Were they at the farmhouse? She opened her eyes to see, remembering she couldn’t see when silver flooded her vision instead. Darn. Always sneaking up on her. She would get used to it eventually.

She held her breath as her mate stopped the truck they were in, then put it in park and turned off the engine with the wrong hand because she had ahold of his other one.

“We’re here?” she asked, feeling like she could float away with happiness. She’d never had the dream that a prince would come and save her from her own life, but somehow, that’s what had happened. He didn’t do it alone, a voice inside her said.

“We’re at the farmhouse,” Jaggar confirmed. He squeezed her hand. “I need to let you go if you want me to come around and get you.”

“I’ll scooch over,” she whispered, not wanting to release him. The world was a scary place without him, and she was too emotional at that moment to erect some walls or figure out what to focus on when the clock called her and Jaggar wasn’t within grabbing distance.

She scooched before he could protest, inching around the gear shift, angling under the steering wheel. He helped and in no time at all they were standing outside.

“Did we beat everyone?”

“Yes. Evie and Harlan won’t come for a while, and I don’t think Burton is here.” He didn’t reach out in ruhi to the male, he could feel that Burton was not ready to respond to anyone.

Leilani took a deep breath. She smelled farmland and dust and hot, flat air. The morning sun shone on her face, warming it. She smiled. “Do we have a… a bed in there?”

Jaggar shut the truck door behind her, then bent and caught her behind the knees, picking her up. “Let’s go see. There’s a spare room. I can move my stuff in after we catch up on some sleep. And you…” His voice trailed off. She shook her head, brushing it off. “It’s cool. You can buy me things. I like books and hair ties.”

He didn’t speak, but he tightened his arms around her. “I’ll buy you anything you want,” he said, his voice rough. She let her eyes drift closed, ignoring the dangerous clock in her mind, ignoring all the silver light, focusing on her mate and his sincere words. They made her feel good.

She clutched at his chest, then moved her arms around his neck. This was becoming such a familiar posture for him, like he preferred to carry her, rather than lead her around.

Somehow, the thought gave her a sense of calm inside her. She took notice of it, realizing the stark contrast to how she’d been feeling. Something was different, and she didn’t know what.

Predator. The thought flitted through her mind, and she did not know what to make of it. The catamount may have called her that, but… why? She was no predator.

Leilani laid her head on her mate’s shoulder, keeping her eyes squeezed tightly shut. She wanted… she wanted to pretend, just for a day or two, that the only reason she couldn’t see was because she wasn’t looking. She would face her blindness later. Not yet.

Jaggar carried her inside the house, into a cool, quiet room. “Mudroom,” he said, then he went up two stairs. “Pantry,” he said, then, “Kitchen. You hungry?”

“I’m too tired to be hungry.” But was she? She didn’t want food, she wanted… Jaggar. She was tired. A bone-deep weariness that wanted to immobilize her, but still, she wanted her mate.

Something niggled at her, like there was something left undone, or like this time they had was borrowed and they didn’t deserve it. Something was making her feel… She traced her hands over her mate’s face, mapping his expression, thinking the feeling was coming from him and she was just picking up on it. He carried her into another room.

“Dining room,” he said. “The whole bottom of the house is a circle. Kitchen with breakfast nook, this is the formal dining room, down those steps are the basement, this way is Burton’s office, out there is the range, and through here…” he stepped through another doorway, she could tell by the way the air moved differently around her as he took her through it. “This is the living room.”

He stopped talking, and stood there, holding her close to him. His big body trembled slightly. “What?” she whispered? “Are you ok?”

He didn’t answer and she got the feeling he was choked up. She caressed his cheek. “I want to know,” she said softly, laying her head down on his chest again, content that he would answer if he could.

After a few moments, he said, “There’s a picture here, of Evie. I’m in it. She’s young. We’re both young.” He didn’t say a word for a few minutes and she felt like crying.

He started up some creaky wooden stairs, pulling her close to him. “There’s another picture down there, and it got to me. It’s Evie’s graduation. There were so many females.” His voice broke. “And now there’s...” He didn’t finish the thought. Leilani leaned into him and kissed him on the chest, just over his heart.

By the time he reached the top of the stairs, his tone had lightened, a bit of hope creeping in. “But we did something, didn’t we? We’ve won a few battles.” He turned right and moved through an open room. “We’ve got Evie back, that’s something. And we’ve got young again. That’s something, too.”

Leilani’s heart seized in her chest.

Young. He meant babies. One thing she’d never even considered or thought of.

Babies.

How did she feel about babies?

The only answer she had, deep inside herself, if she were completely honest, was… scared.

***

Leilani lost herself for just a second, the silver light flaring monstrously in her mind, calling her attention, demanding it. The clock wanted her touch. It wanted to be used. It wanted to be useful. Leilani drifted away from reality to inside her own mind. She reached for the clock with trembling fingers, having no idea where she would go.

“Lele,” Jaggar said, kissing her forehead. “You here, sweetheart? You staying with me?”

“I’m here,” she murmured, the silver light falling away gradually, until her visual field was more black nothingness than silver somethingness. She clutched her mate, glad for his solidness, glad for his bigness, glad for his uncompromising intensity. She always knew exactly where he was in space, his presence was that strong, and right then, his presence was calling her, pushing out thoughts of babies, pushing out thoughts of anything but his big hands all over her body. It was time.

He turned right again, moving sideways through a doorway into what had to be a bathroom. He set her on her feet on a soft bathmat and pulled her close to him. “How do you feel about a shower?” he asked, his deep voice rumbling through the small room.

“Yes please,” she said, trembling suddenly, feeling more helpless than the moment called for, more vulnerable, too. And naughtier. His hands brushed her shoulders, sending a thrill of pleasure waves through her skin. She shivered.

Delicious images filled her mind, making her core swell, sending her completely off-balance. She imagined the two of them in the shower together, warm water sluicing over already-wet skin, bodies naked, hands… everywhere, lips… everywhere. Yes, please, she told him in her mind, projecting the thought at him, hoping she was getting it right, hoping he could hear her…

He skimmed his hands down her shoulders, pulling a soft noise of assent from her. She couldn’t take it. She was about to vibrate right off the bathmat when he grounded her slightly with his hands, spanning her waist with them. His heat warmed her from the outside in. She almost purred in response. Sexy, was all she could think, and she couldn’t even see him. His big hands were sexy, the way he smelled was sexy, the muscles on his forearms and his chest were sexy, and that voice. She melted.

He hooked his fingers under the hem of her shirt. “I need you naked,” he said, his voice soft as could be. She licked her lips, then raised her arms. Off her shirt came. No bra underneath. She didn’t need one, never had.

She trembled violently, feeling his eyes, but not his hands, on her. She could see him in her mind. Tall. Muscles for days. Intense, masculine face. She saw the heat in his eyes as he gazed at her. She saw him bending to hook his thumbs into her waistband and draw her pants and panties down.

They slid from her body, taking any modesty she might have had with them. After what she and Jaggar had been through, they knew each other intimately. This was just a formality, a delicious, mind-blowing, pleasure-filled formality. Somehow, the concept of him being her mate let her drop everything, all the baggage she had because of her inexperience, all of the shyness and secrecy women were supposed to have. He was her mate, and he would love the way she looked, no matter what. It was how she felt about him. Love didn’t have to enter into it. Nothing did, except what being a mate really meant. She got that finally, and she was ok with it.

Jaggar breathed deeply as he stood, his hands skimming up the sides of her legs, then settling on her hips. “You’re beautiful,” he said. “You’re perfect.”

She tried to respond. Tried to say something to him, but the words would not come. She didn’t know what to say. Emotions swirled inside her. Was it like this for everyone when it was their first time? Maybe, maybe not, but it overwhelmed her. Jaggar kissed her on the forehead one time, then took her hand with one of his. He twisted his body and turned on the shower.

“I’m coming in with you,” he said, pulling her close, taking her hand and holding it under the warm water. “I’ll wash you.”

“Oh,” she said, feeling her body clench at his voice, pleasure starting already. She was so ready for him. It felt good, but she didn’t know an orgasm could happen with no stimulation, only words. That’s what it felt like to her. She tensed. Her breath came hard and fast. Panting, she was panting, and he hadn’t even touched her. The feeling stalled, the pressure and sensation catching inside her center. She was so swollen. She was not going to make it through any of this. He was going to kill her with that deep voice alone.

He released her hand, drawing his hand up the bottom of her arm, his fingertips barely caressing her. “You’re trembling,” he said, then he helped her into the shower. “Is it warm enough?”

“Yes.” She wasn’t trembling because she was cold. Desire suffused through her. Pure, sexual desire that she’d never felt before. She welcomed it. The moment felt more powerful than time travel.

He pulled his hands off her and she grabbed for him. He got in close to her again, holding her. “I have to get undressed, Lele. Do you think I can, or do I need to wash you in my boots?” He growled his approval. “I will if you need me to.”

She let go of him. She leaned against the wall of the shower. “You can get undressed. I’m… I’m good.” It was easy to focus away from the clock with him so near, with her body so ready for him.

His hands left her slowly. Was he hovering? No, his belt was already hitting the floor, and then he was in the shower with her, his front pressing up against her back.

She tensed, waiting for whatever came next. She couldn’t wait to not be a virgin anymore. She could not wait until her mate had claimed her.

He turned her so she was facing him and ran a washcloth over her collarbones. She lost herself to the pleasure of his hands on her, wondering at how quickly her mind had been turned from fear of her mate to… acceptance of her mate. He was everything she never knew she’d needed.

“Your hair,” he whispered to her. “Can I wash it?”

She nodded.

He took his time with her, making small rumbling noises of satisfaction deep in his chest. Leilani stood obediently, giving herself over completely to the sensation of her mate touching her. Her mate washing her.

If she had one regret during that long shower, it was that he didn’t touch her in all the places that were most begging for his touch. He didn’t speak. He didn’t have to. His reverent touch told her everything he was thinking, but he kept his body held away from hers.

The water seemed like it was losing its heat. She was getting pruny and she couldn’t wait for him any longer. He wouldn’t even get close to her, maybe waiting for her to make the first move, wanting to make sure she was comfortable. Ok, she could do that.

She reached out and touched his chest, then dropped her hand lower. “Jaggar,” she said softly, almost telling him she wanted to know him, but damming the words in her throat. She did not want to risk time-traveling with him. Not then.

“Lele,” he said.

She let her hand lower, until she was at his muscled midsection, then lower still. Her fingers touched hardness and she gasped, then grasped. His cock was big, and thick, and so much bigger than she’d ever thought one would be allowed to be. She swallowed hard, fear sprinting one lap around her head before she banished it.

No way, she wasn’t going to be scared of this. He would never hurt her. He was gentle with her, and kind, and oh so considerate. She wrapped her fingers around him. His hips bucked forward and he sucked in a breath between his teeth.

His hands covered hers, and she thought for a moment he was going to show her what to do, how he liked to be touched…

But he only softly removed her hand from him, then reached past her to turn off the water. He opened the curtain and she heard the soft whisper of cloth. “Let me dry you,” he said.

Within a few short moments, she was dry and had a towel wrapped around her hair and another around her torso. Again, Jaggar had skimmed away from the parts of her that had most called out to him.

He led her into the other room.

“You must be tired,” he said, as he showed her where the bed was.

“I am,” she admitted. It fell in on her quick and hard and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept. The throbbing at her center seemed to be far away, no less intense, but not quite as important as sleep at that moment.

She climbed into the bed, her towels still around her, laying her head on the pillow, reaching out for her mate… hoping he was coming right behind her.

He was. He slid in beside her and curved her towel-covered body into his towel-covered body.

She fell asleep.