Ike
I knew at some point Charlotte would find me, so I waited in the most obvious place.
Our place.
Laying down under the shade of our tree, I closed my eyes and listened. The rapids and the wind brought me calm.
“Ike,” Charlotte’s voice called to me as I felt something softly stroking my face. I didn’t open my eyes, I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not.
“Ike,” she whispered again. Then she lifted my arm and lay beside me, resting her head on my chest. “There were so many times I’d lay beneath this tree after you left and just stare up. I always loved the way the sun peeked through the leaves in the fall.”
“You talked to me,” I said.
She stilled. “You heard me?”
“I thought I was imagining it.” Opening my eyes, I tilted my head down to look at her. “I’m sorry…about the way I was in the hospital. I’m not proud of that.”
Scooting up, she cupped my cheek with her hand and gazed into my eyes. “You never have to apologize. I’m sorry that’s how you had to find out. I know that was hard for you.”
We watched each other a moment before I asked, “So this is it, yeah? Feels like déjà vu a little.”
A sad smile captured her mouth. “Yes, it does.”
Rolling her on her back, I stared down at her. Her dark hair was fanned out over an array of colorful leaves. I ran my finger down her nose to her lower lip, then to her chest. “I know you’re worried about me…or you feel bad for me. But don’t.”
Her eyes teared up. “I feel like all I do is hurt you. Never intentionally, but just my existence is always bringing you pain.”
“You know that’s not true. You know it.” With my thumb I caught a tear skating down her face. “You know how there have been times you felt like your gift was more of a curse? Days when you wished you didn’t have it?”
She nodded.
“If you could have…would you have? Would you have wished it away so you didn’t have to feel the pain of it all?”
She let her gaze drop. “At times...before I really knew what I was doing…maybe. But no. I’ve hated it in so many ways, but I don’t think I could ever let it go.”
“And why is that?”
“Because for all the terrible parts…there’s good. I’ve helped a lot of people. Like Meadow. If I didn’t have my ability…I wouldn’t have been able to help her.”
“So you would choose to endure the hard parts, the suffering for the greater good?”
Her voice cracked when she answered, “I would.”
“And that’s how I feel about loving you. There’s no choice in it. I just do. But even if somehow I could erase you from my mind, take away the hurt and disappointment I feel having to let you go again…having to give you to my brother…again…I wouldn’t. For all the bad…there’s so much good.”
She sobbed and covered her face. “I’m so sorry, Ike. I’m so sorry. I can’t bear that I’m hurting you.”
Pulling her hands away, I sat her up. “No more crying, Charlotte. We don’t have much time.” She swallowed and wiped at her face. “I want to say the right words to you. I want to give you comfort and send you off with peace.” I drew in a long deep breath, steadying myself. “I wish I could tell you I’m at peace with it, that I’m okay. But I can’t. I’m not okay with it. I’m not okay with having to let you go again. But…I am okay with not being okay with it.” I chuckled sadly at myself. I didn’t think anything I was saying made sense. All Charlotte probably heard was gibberish. “I’ve been asking why? Why do I have to say goodbye, again? Am I being punished? But I realized that maybe there’s no happily ever after here—at least not in the way I’ve imagined it. None of this with you and me and George will ever be simple or fairytale. I’ve been expecting and wanting that kind of peace. That’s the way I thought it should be.”
“I’ve thought that, too,” she whimpered, her lip trembling.
I shook my head. “I think a part of you and me has always fought against what is because we couldn’t let go of what could be. Our peace is not only in each other.”
She narrowed her eyes in confusion. I wasn’t the best at explaining my feelings, and I squeezed my eyes closed and gave myself a silent pep-talk. Make her understand, Ike.
“I mean…I think we are part of something bigger. We’ve always known that you were. I mean…your gift, but where did George and I fit? What was the meaning or purpose of us falling in love with the same woman?” I snorted a laugh. “I was dead. What were the chances of that…of all of that?”
She blinked a few times. “What are you saying, Ike?”
I took her by the arms and squeezed. “I’m saying that you were meant to help souls. I prayed for something to wake George up and save him…then you showed up. I was meant to save you when you were about to kill yourself. You were meant to save George and fall in love with him and have his child. My parents lost a son, and now they’ll have a grandson. Your parents lost their only son, and now they’ll have your son. Meadow was locked in a dark room after dying a horrific death, and I was meant to be here…for her. You were meant to bring her to me. We keep looking at this three-point dynamic; the complications of you and me and George, but we are only three points on an unlimited-point plan.”
“You sound like Marlena,” she murmured.
“She’s right, though. Love is…bigger than us. We don’t get to make choices about this. The only choice we have is how we move with it. The only thing I can do is give you my blessing. Whatever happens, wherever you are, my heart is yours. Always.”
Streams of tears ran down both of her cheeks. Taking her face in my hands I locked my stare with her. “I love you, Charlotte. I’ll always love you. It’s what I was meant to do.”
She hugged me, holding me tightly. When she pulled away, her eyes met mine and she kissed me.
Then, we said goodbye without words.