Benjamin could not explain the great swell of emotion that was coursing through him as he ran his hands through Sarah’s long, dark curls. This was entirely untoward and improper, more heated than their innocent kiss that afternoon. It was certainly far from his first kiss and yet, somehow, he had never experienced the like of this before.

To have such a depth of feeling over a woman was not something Benjamin had ever come across. His women had been used for their bodies only, something with which he could take his pleasure and then discard.

With Sarah it was not so.

He admired her. Even though she was a servant and therefore under his control, the respect he held for her bordered on admiration. Her compassionate heart shone through in almost every word she said. Her kindness towards him when he had been drunk and improper had brought a healing to his soul. Her loveliness of both face and character continued to pull him in, even though he was trying his best to resist.

But that he could not seem to do.

Having seen the light in her eyes, the pink of her cheeks and the darting of her gaze towards his lips, Benjamin had taken a chance and given in to his feelings. Hauling her into her arms, he had pressed gentle kisses to her mouth, and she returned them with equal fervor.

It was clear she lacked experience with a man, but that shy vulnerability made his heart soar. He wanted to show her the depths of love making, although inwardly, Benjamin swore to himself that he would not take her innocence. He could not, would not be that man again. Not when Sarah herself had such faith in him.

His body began to grow hot with need, his fingers tracing the curve of her neck as she gasped against his lips. With a great force of will, Benjamin made himself move slowly, pushing back his overwhelming desire for her. This was not to be the same experience he had foisted on so many other willing women. This was different. Sarah was different.

With gentle fingers, he undid one of the buttons on the back of her dress, refusing to allow himself to undo more but needing to see more than her blasted uniform would allow. Managing to free her shoulder from its confines, he began to feather kisses down the column of her throat and along her collarbone, hearing her gasp aloud. Her fingers dragged themselves through his hair and she arched back as though desperate for more of his caresses.

“Sarah,” he breathed, sitting up so that he might look into her eyes. “You are so very beautiful.”

Her eyes fluttered open, her lips parting in surprise. “Thank you, my lord.”

“Benjamin,” he murmured, brushing her hair at her temples. “You must call me Benjamin.”

She blinked then as if drawn from the warmth of their embrace back to cold reality.

“No,” she stammered, sitting up a little more and tugging at the shoulder of her dress. “No, I should not. This is all wrong. I should not be -- ”

“I have nothing but the best of intentions for you, I promise,” Benjamin said, hurriedly, suddenly afraid that she was about to leave him. “Sarah, I mean it. Call me what you wish, but I am trying to be a changed man and I find with you that I….”

She looked at him, no longer struggling to remove herself from him. “What is it?” she asked, softly. “Tell me, please. I must know what you feel.”

To tell her was to make himself vulnerable to her but the desire to have her with him was stronger than his reluctance. “I find that I feel more for you than I have ever felt before,” he whispered, the truth tearing at his heart. “I do not know what I shall do with it, nor what lies ahead for us, but I will not allow myself to use you and then throw you aside. I want to know what it means to care for another.”

Sarah did not respond, her mouth forming a perfect circle as she gazed at him in astonishment.

“I do not know whether you can trust me, given my previous behavior,” he continued, more quietly. “But I mean it, truly. I feel things for you that I want to explore.”

“But I am a servant and I have much to lose,” she replied, anxiety in her expression although she did not move away.

He shook his head. “I shall never let anything happen to your reputation, I swear it,” he replied, desperate to convince her that he meant every word.

“There can be no future for us,” she whispered, a sheen of tears in her eyes. “Despite what I feel, I cannot allow this to continue past … past tonight.”

Benjamin did not allow her to proceed, pressing his mouth to hers once more. She responded immediately, more familiar with him now. Unable to stop himself, Benjamin ran his tongue along the seam of her lips, pressing inside when she opened them. Emboldened, she clung to him fervently, returning his kiss as best she could.

Heat roared in his chest, bursting through his veins. Benjamin found the back of her dress once more and began to undo more buttons, and, much to his surprise, he discovered that she was doing the same to his shirt. This was not what he had expected, nor intended.

Her hands touched the bare skin of his chest, her cool fingers running over him boldly. Oh, how he wanted to explain what he felt, how he desired to have her in his arms for the rest of the night – but instead, he simply took her hand and pressed it to his skin once more.

She leaned back as she touched him tentatively and Benjamin steeled himself not to move, not to respond in kind. Sarah explored him carefully, her eyes widening as she took in the expanse of his chest. Benjamin caught his breath, his need for her growing stronger with every second. She inched her fingers down his abdomen, feeling the taut muscles.

“Wait, wait,” he breathed, catching her hand and looking deeply into her eyes. “Sarah, I can’t. We cannot … go further.”

A raging war burst through him, his body screaming at him just to take her there and then while his mind insisted that he at least try to behave respectably.

“Why?” Her eyes were wide, her cheeks burning with heat. He did not want her to feel ashamed or embarrassed, did not want her to put the blame on herself.

“If you continue, then I will most likely take you to bed,” Benjamin said, honestly. “Your touch sets me on fire even though you do not know it.” He smiled softly and lifted his hand to brush back a tendril of hair from her face. “I am trying my best to do right by you.” He could tell she was entirely innocent of all the goings on between man and woman and even that warned him away from continuing things.

“You are trying to be a respectable gentleman,” Sarah murmured, dropping her eyes from his. “I cannot fault you for that.”

Benjamin wrapped one arm around her shoulders and held her close in an attempt to reassure her. “You have nothing to fear from me, Sarah. I want to continue this, truly I do, but I must know what I can offer you first.”

She stiffened in his arms, her face turned away from him. “I will not prostitute myself, Lord Harrington.”

He shook his head, upset that this was what she thought. “No, indeed, that was not what I meant.” Catching her chin in his hand, he turned it gently until she looked at him. “This is all so very new to me, Sarah. I do not know what to do with such feelings, nor what they mean.” Seeing her expression soften, he smiled gently. “Will you give me some time to work such things out? I promise I will not treat you any differently from how things have been before.”

After a few moments, she nodded, no trace of anger or upset in her expression. Benjamin sighed heavily and held her in his arms, relaxing against the chair’s back. “This is more difficult than I imagined,” he muttered, wryly. “I had not thought that being respectable would be quite so trying.”

Sarah laughed softly, resting her head against his shoulder. Benjamin smiled to himself as they sat there together, his heart growing warm with a sudden swell of peaceful happiness.

When he finally let her go, he gently did up the buttons on the back of her dress, issued a swift kiss on her brow, and sent her out the door as his manhood swelled in protest.

* * *

The following morning, Benjamin tried to treat Sarah just as he normally would but found he simply could not prevent his eyes from going to her whenever he had a spare moment. Oftentimes he would discover that she was looking back at him, her eyes filled with something he could not quite understand.

It was both exciting and terrifying in equal measure.

Benjamin wanted her more today than he did yesterday, perhaps even more so knowing that he could not have her. He knew full well that his father would not take kindly to the news that he had taken one of the servants to bed, or that he’d chosen to make her his paramour. How strange it was to realize that the idea of suggesting such a thing to Sarah would be truly horrendous. She was worth more to him than just to be his occasional bed partner and, on top of that, to do so would rid her of all respectability. He would not even mention it, knowing that she would reject it outright if he did so.

What was it that he was feeling for his servant? And why could he simply not get her from his mind? She was worth her weight in pure gold given the amount of work she had done for him, but it was her compassionate heart and kind nature that continued to pull him closer. And, after what they had shared last evening, Benjamin felt a longing for her that he couldn’t ignore.

But what kind of future can I offer her? he thought to himself, frowning. She is a servant and I am of noble birth.

But, then again, he was not the heir nor even the second son. Surely it would not matter whom he married?

Benjamin stared, unblinking, down at the paper in front of him. Marriage? When had he started considering that kind of idea? For almost as long as he could remember, the very notion had been distasteful to him, right up until he’d met Sarah. That was when things had begun to change, when he’d started considering things he’d never thought possible. He asked himself if he felt such for her because he was so far removed from his regular life. However, in London there were women on every side who could make an appropriate wife and he had never thought the same of any of them. Besides that, there were plenty of comely maids about and he had not given them a second look once he had met her.

Sarah. It was all because of Sarah. When he looked into her eyes, he wanted to be the respectable, honorable gentleman she could both trust and respect. In twining herself around his heart, she had forced him to consider his behavior and try to change it. All in all, she was good for him.

“Then perhaps Father will have no objection,” Benjamin muttered to himself, his eyes darting to Sarah’s small back once more.