CHAPTER TWELVE
Reagan
A week passed. A fucking week. That damn new car sat, unmoved, in Nan’s driveway. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to crack. At the end of the day, Nate had done something nice and I was being a brat about it. But I was also stubborn, and I wouldn’t be the first to back down. I guessed he was the same, seeing as he never said he was sorry or even acknowledged that he was in the wrong. So, for a week, we avoided words with each other. It was hard trying to ignore him when all I wanted was to touch him, and I wondered if it was for him as well. I kept telling myself that he didn’t care. That he wasn’t spilling any tears over me. And I was stupid to think that I meant something to him.
Friday night was dead at the bar. Like ghost town dead. Not even Nate came by. Thank God I had Chris to keep me company. I wondered what was going on. Chris had no clue and told me there was more than likely a club gathering of some sorts. I was a little miffed that I didn’t know about it. I was also a little disappointed that I didn’t get to go. Sure, I wasn’t in the club, but sometimes they let outsiders in at special times, right? I knew a lot of the guys by now. And I thought that a few of them were my friends, or close to. Brand and I were definitely on a friendly level. Bocca, too. Even through all the harmless flirting, I felt like he genuinely liked talking to me.
I tried my best to shrug it off, but it only ended up being another candle on the I’m-pissed-at-Nate cake. Chris tried his hardest to get me to talk about Nate a few times. But I was quick to shut it down, saying that there was nothing to talk about. I could tell he didn’t believe me, but he let it drop.
Saturday night it was packed. I swear all the bikers were there. In the middle of slinging beers, I saw Brand walk in. His head held a little higher than normal and had a smile on his face. Man, his face just lit up when he smiled. And those dimples, it was the most adorable thing I’d seen. He saw me and I flashed him my pearly whites, followed by a questioning brow. He came and sat in front of me. That’s when I noticed his prospect patch was gone and in its place a brighter, whiter patch with his name. Brand. The name I’d started calling him. The very one that I gave to him. Well, sort of. I was going to take the credit for it. I smiled wider.
Without thinking, I leaned over the bar and threw my arms around his neck. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around me and hugged me as tight as he could with the wide bar between us. There wasn’t anything to it, a simple happy, friendly hug of excitement. My eyes found Nate over Brand’s shoulder. His jaw was ticking and after a stare down that lasted a few long seconds, he turned away from me. I pulled back then grabbed Brand a beer.
“Congrats! This one is on me,” I said with a wink winked. He shot me a look that let me know I was dumb. I knew they didn’t pay for the beers. “Humor me, okay?” I rolled my eyes.
“Thanks, Reagan.” He took a long swig.
“So was this why I was so lonely last night?” I asked. He huffed out a laugh.
“Hey!” Chris said beside me. “I was here. Gee thanks. Can’t say I blame her, though. You are—”
“Not in this life, Chris.” Brand said cutting him off with a playful chuckle in his tone. I raised an eyebrow. I was missing something. I didn’t get the gay vibe off of Chris, and I swore I’d heard him talk about girls before. “I love you, man. Just not that much.”
“Wait…” I turned around and gave Chris a questioning look. He smiled then turned around and walked away from me. I turned back to Brand. “Is he?” Brand shrugged and stood up.
“Thanks for the love and the beer.” He smiled then blended into the crowd, leaving my head all confused.
I watched Chris for a little while. His interactions with the guys didn’t set anything off. Normal bro stuff. I was more curious than anything. It wouldn’t have changed the way I felt about him. I was only a bit surprised by it if anything. I seriously had no idea and I wasn’t getting any clues watching him. I shrugged it off as Nate came up to the bar. Taking a deep breath, I walked over and looked at him. Being that close to him made my head swim. His scent was swirling all around me and all I wanted to do was bury my face in his chest. Or neck. Or his…
I shook my head pulling myself out of the dirty thoughts that were making me wet.
“Reagan,” he said in a curt tone.
“Loch,” I replied back.
I hadn’t called him Nate in a few days. It was a way for me to put distance between us and let him know I was still pissed. His jaw ticked and his lips were in a slight frown. I handed him another beer and that was the end of that. That was how it had been. It was frustrating. And with each day that it went on, I felt like I was going to crack. I was finding it harder to stay mad at him. Especially when he was standing two feet in front of me, looking sexy as hell. I couldn’t make up my mind on what I wanted to do more, slap him or fuck him.
I had Sunday and Monday off. I didn’t see Nate once those two days. It was exactly what I needed to rebuild my walls. I had been in town a few weeks. I started to feel safer. I figured if Lance was going to come after me it would have happened by then. The nightmares were still happening almost every night. I wondered if I was ever going to escape them. If life would ever return to normal. Well, as normal as my life had been. I was eating, at least I wasn’t wasting away anymore.
But sleep was still lost to me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw it. I felt his hands on me, choking me. The image of Liz’s body hanging off of her bed over his shoulder. I couldn’t shake it. I even tried taking over the counter sleeping pills. The only thing they did was make the images more vivid and put me in such a deep state that I couldn’t wake up and escape them.
Everything about that night was still ingrained into my head like it had just happened. I walked into the apartment. Everything seemed normal. Nothing looked out of place. I was ready to go out and have a good night. I was ready to drink my birthday away with pretty much my only friend. I all but skipped into the apartment and down the hall. Liz’s door was open and everything came slowly into view the closer I got.
Lance’s big body covered Liz’s, her head and arm dangling lifelessly off the side of the bed. His hands were around her neck as his body pinned her down. Her eyes were glassy and unfocused. I thought she was dead, but her eyes blinked once. It was such a slow blink that I wondered if it was her last. I was standing three feet in front of her, but I didn’t think she was even aware I was there. A gasp escaped me before I could stop it, alerting Lance that I was there. He lifted his head and the smile that came across his face sent shivers down my spine.
I couldn’t move, no matter how hard my brain was willing my body to. I felt the hot trail of tears down my cheeks. He let go of her neck and stalked towards me. My eyes glued to his as he got closer. My breath caught in my chest and I could feel my heart pounding hard. I snapped out of it too late. I tried to turn and run, but his hands were on my shoulders, pushing me up against the wall. My head flew back and I let out a yelp as it made contact with the wall behind me.
“You are mine, now,” he whispered in my ear. “I did this for us, Reagan.” His breath was hot and sticky on my neck.
I tried to shake him off, but he was too strong. He wrapped his hand around my neck and pushed me harder into the wall. Then his fist reared back and I closed my eyes to the oncoming blows. Three hard hits to the face and white spots dotted the darkness behind my lids.
“Ever since I saw you I knew I was going to have you.” He licked up my neck and I felt the bile rise up my throat.
Something in my brain clicked as I felt his free hand reach for my pants. I struggled with all my might. My arms and legs flailed wildly and finally my knee made contact between his legs. He wavered enough for me to punch him in the throat, and then he dropped me. I ran. I ran without looking back. Thankful that I still had my purse slung over my body.
The same images played on a loop over and over again every time I closed my eyes. I wondered if I would ever be free from the nightmare, but deep down I knew I would never be.
Tuesday I woke up exhausted and dragging. Coffee didn’t help. When it came time to get ready for work, I could barely peel myself off of the couch. After a lengthy shower, I was able to pull myself together enough to get dressed. I was in for a long night and hoped it wouldn’t be busy.
I was tired. I was tired of being tired. I hated the feeling that my life was out of control. I hated the notion that I was weak in any way. I had a sensation deep inside that Lance was going to come after me. And I knew it was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down.
I shoved my feet in my boots. Taking a deep breath, I prepared for the walk to the bar. I was still holding strong that I wasn’t going to drive that new car Nate bought me. It wasn’t a long walk, but I knew it would seem like it. I was half tempted to give in and take that fucking new car. But I was too stubborn to let myself break down and do it. I pulled open the front door and in my dazed state almost missed it as I headed down the stairs.
There in the driveway was my old car. The one that had gotten me through so much. It was much cleaner than the last time I saw it. I ran over to it, feeling suddenly energized. I threw my body on the hood, arms spread wide like I was hugging the damn thing. I may have giggled a little, too. I looked up and noticed a scrap of white fabric tied to the antenna. It waved in the wind calling a truce to this stupid thing. It looked like an old cut up cotton shirt. I smiled wider. It was cute and it made me warm on the inside. I knew I had to forgive him and move on. I hopped in and happily drove to the bar, excited to see Nate.