3
Angelo
“C
ome on, Angelo, what are you doing?” my roommate, Simon, called out to me as I had my head over a book. “You aren’t studying, are you? What the fuck are you being such a bore?”
I was trying to meet a deadline, but I knew that wouldn’t fly. The guys on the team barely bothered to do any actual work because they got by on the football. There were times when I felt that way as well, but every now and again I was wracked by guilt and I wanted to do something.
“Just doing a bit of reading,” I replied while slamming the book shut. “Why, what’s going on?”
“We’re headed out, going to that new night club that just opened in the city. You have to come, the whole team is going to be there. Plus…” He nudged me playfully. “I heard that Marissa is going too. Don’t you two have a little thing going on? A little fuck buddy thing?”
I rolled my eyes, hating that term. “No, not at all. Just because we slept together, what, two or three times, doesn’t mean we have something going on.” I pushed myself up into a standing positon, giving in to the temptation to spend the night out drinking and having fun. “She’s just cool, she doesn’t want anything serious anyway which is perfect because obviously I don’t either.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever buddy. Maybe you’re in love with her and you don’t realize it.”
I wasn’t going to give Simon the satisfaction of answering that stupid statement, so I rolled my eyes and grabbed a shirt from my wardrobe to wear. “Give me a few moments and I’ll be ready to go out. What’s this club called anyway? I haven’t heard about some hot new place opening.”
“Prysm or something, I don’t know,” Simon shrugged not caring. “Who cares, it’ll be fun.”
There was a lot of noise out in the hallway outside the dorm room, which meant that the team was ready. I needed to speed the hell up if I didn’t want to get left behind. We were loyal brothers to one another, but only until booze came into the equation. Then it was pretty much every man for himself. The amount of scraps over girls that I’d had to break up was ridiculous.
Once I was dressed, me and Simon headed out the door and joined the rest of the group. Someone yelled that there was a bus booked for the night so we got outside quickly. Just as Simon predicted, Marissa was there, looking sexy as hell. She had a tight, low cut black dress on that barely left anything to the imagination. Which was even more intense for me because I knew exactly what was going on underneath that small bit of material and it was good. But I didn’t love her, I just liked her because she was cool and fun. She never even bothered to text me in between hook ups which was incredible. She really didn’t care about me aside from the sex stuff which was perfect.
“Hey there, Marissa,” I said with a grin. “How’s it going? Long time, no see.”
“Has it been a long time…” She shrugged and winked at me. “I haven’t noticed. I’m too busy to worry about hanging out with you all the time. What’s being going on?”
I tried to think back over the last few days, but I couldn’t think about anything interesting that I’d done. The only thing that cropped into my mind was Dimitri telling me that I was going to be the first football player to be filmed for a month. Being the captain, apparently I was the most interesting… and also I needed to show the others how it was done, how to behave properly.
“Well, like I was talking to you about before, I’m going to have my documentary film soon.”
“Oh you are?” Marissa sidled over to me and wrapped her arms around me waist. “Am I going to be in this film? Since I’m on your side every single time there’s a night out at the moment.”
I chuckled but there wasn’t any mirth there as I did. I didn’t like the idea of being seen with any girls on film for many reasons. One, because I didn’t want any potential football scouts to see me as a womanizer, and also because I didn’t want there to be any permanent reminders of this fling. I didn’t want anyone – especially Marissa – to think that it was anything serious. It wouldn’t go on for too much longer, so I had to keep my distance as much as I possible could.
“I don’t think the kid will be filming nights out,” I told her in as light hearted tone of voice that I could manage. “I think it’ll just be crazy interviews and lots of shots of me shirtless while I try and get dressed after practice. Nothing very interesting at all… but I’ll be a star.”
“Ooh, I still like the idea of that. That’ll be fun.”
With that, the bus arrived and we all got on it, which meant I didn’t need to talk about the documentary project anymore. It was dumb of me to discuss it, I needed to remember not to do that again. I made a mental note to forget about it when I was around Marissa. Instead I needed to focus on the more superficial things that didn’t really mean anything. Usually I was good at that.
“So, have you heard anything about this club?” I asked Marissa who was pretty much sitting on my lap as we drove along the roads. “What’s it supposed to be like?”
“It’s good, I was there last night with some guy named Benji that asked me out on a date. There are all different floors with all types of music, so it’s fun if you want a change of scene.”
I wasn’t sure why, but that statement left me a little cold. Marissa really didn’t care about me at all. It was good, but weirdly bad as well. I wasn’t sure why, because while it suited me, it also sucked a bit. I didn’t have any emotional feelings for Marissa, but I didn’t like being on a rotation system…
What the hell is wrong with me? I shook my head, trying to rid my brain of all those strange thoughts. Just forget about that, enjoy the night instead…
I perched on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands feeling like shit about myself. I wasn’t sure what the hell was wrong with me and I couldn’t seem the shake off the sensation however hard I tried. Something unpleasant had settled in my stomach as we travelled towards the night club and no amount of booze had managed to get rid of it. If anything, the alcohol had made it worse.
I assumed that heading home with Marissa and losing myself in her body for a short time would help me, but it hadn’t. I felt empty and cold during sex and I felt even worse afterwards. I didn’t know what was going on, but this didn’t seem like enough anymore. It was all just so meaningless.
Urgh, what the fuck? I pushed myself up and stomped across the to door. What the hell is wrong with me? I wanted to talk to Simon about it to get his advice, but he wasn’t here. He’d gone back to some other girl’s room so it was just me and Marissa, and I certainly couldn’t talk to her about the weird shit going through my mind. I need to get out of here. I need some space.
I grabbed my clothing and staggered out of my room, still maybe a tiny bit drunk. The library was open twenty-four hours a day for those kids who wanted to write the essays throughout the night. I was never ever seen in there, barely even in the day time, but tonight it felt like as good a place to be as any. No one would bother me in there and it would give me some time to think. I needed to shake off this funk enough to get some sleep so I wouldn’t feel like shit in the morning. I couldn’t have all these churned up emotions during practice tomorrow. Feelings fucked up focus and if I didn’t concentrate then I’d screw up. As captain, I had to be the one in full control of myself all the time.
A heat burned over my skin as I entered the warmth of the library, which caused me to shudder violently. I guess I hadn’t noticed how cold it was outside until I got here.
What am I doing here? I thought to myself. This is so fucking stupid. Now what?
I walked through the aisles of books, trying not to catch the attention of the librarian because it was pretty obvious that I didn’t have a purpose here. Even though I didn’t want to be here, I also didn’t want to get kicked out. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I needed to get my head screwed on before I went back to face Marissa, since for some reason that she was the problem.
I don’t love her, I told myself angrily. That isn’t it… so what the hell is it?
“Oh sorry.” All of a sudden I was dragged back into the present moment by a red head banging into me. She had the tired eyes of someone who’d been working all night rather than drinking in some dumb ass night club. “I didn’t mean to bang into you then, I didn’t see you there.”
“Did you bang into me?” I actually didn’t feel it, but then this girl had a petite frame. “I didn’t even feel it. I’m probably the one in the way anyway, I’m just wandering around aimlessly.”
“Is everything alright?” she asked me while rubbing her forehead. “You look…”
“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m all good.” I felt myself nodding a bit too vigorously. “Just having a middle of the night crisis that somehow brought me to the library for some strange reason.” I wasn’t sure why I said that, so I needed to blow past it quickly. “So what are you doing here in the middle of the night? Got a deadline in the morning, or something?”
“Sort of.” As she shrugged and she half smiled to herself, I found myself matching the expression. There was something a little bit infectious about her happiness. “I’m editing a video for the drama club. I need to get it done quickly because they get a bit… well, dramatic, if I don’t.”
I chuckled, the tension flying off my shoulders as I lost myself in someone else’s problems for a change. Burying my head in the sand would ultimately come back to bite me on the ass, but since I wasn’t quite sure what the hell was wrong with me I didn’t know what else I could do.
“I can imagine… you know, I play for the football team…” I paused for her to say that she knew who I was, but she didn’t. Her expression remained so blank that I had to believe that maybe she really didn’t know me. “And we’re looking for someone to film mini documentaries on all the players.”
“Yeah, I did see that in the editing suite and I was thinking about applying. What would it be exactly? Just following certain players around to see what makes them a great player?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Sounds fun right, you should apply. I’ll put in a good word for you since I know how dedicated you are. What’s your name?”
“Faye.” She blushed lightly as she said her name which made me thinks he might be shy.
“Well, Faye, it was lovely to meet you. I’m Angelo.”