9
Angelo
L
eaving the shopping trip abruptly was stupid, but I didn’t see any other choice at the time. For a brief moment something had been odd between me and Faye and I didn’t know what to do with that feeling. I couldn’t like her, that was crazy. Not only did I not like anyone like that, not for a long term thing anyway, but I couldn’t with Faye. She wasn’t the sort of girl that was right for me, she wasn’t the sort of person who I ever spent romantic time with before, and most of all she didn’t like me.
She liked Kevin, a thought that made me feel ill these days.
“So what the hell is the deal with you and Faye the hottie?” Maddie asked me teasingly as soon as she hopped out the car and she left us by ourselves. “There’s a lot of chemistry there. Please don’t tell me you’re the one making her dress in a certain way because I will kick you ass for it.”
“Are you serious? I’m offended that you would even think that.” I rolled my eyes at her. “I like the way she looked before. But only in a friend way anyway, she’s more into Kevin.”
“Urgh, the guy from your team?” Maddie knew everyone because she’d joined me at college parties from time to time. “But he’s an asshole. Does she know that?”
I shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what she knows, but she likes him. That’s why I brought her shopping today to help build up her confidence. I mean, not just for Kevin but for other things too. She’s always behind the camera and I think she wants to be in front of it as well. I’m trying to convince her to start acting for the drama club or something. I don’t know…”
“Angelo, for goodness sake you like this girl. You do realize that, right?” I pursed my lips together, unable to answer that remark. If she’d said it any time before what just happened then I would’ve instantly shot back with a negative reply, but there was definitely something between us and I didn’t know what it was. “You should probably just tell her already, before Kevin gets in the picture. I mean, I’m not suggesting that they’ll end up in great romance, I think he will break poor fragile Faye’s heart and she’ll be far too upset to ever think about dating anyone again.”
Maddie’s wise words stick in my throat, but still I don’t know how to act upon them. Even if I think about going to speak to her, to see what there could be between us it makes me panic.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sure I’ll be bored of her soon enough, just like I always am. You know me, Maddie, I’m not the sort of guy to settle down now, am I?”
“I guess you’re definitely the person that I would avoid personally, but this is different, Angelo. You like her. I don’t think Faye is the sort of girl you just want to mess around with.”
I paused for a second, allowing this to wash over me, but I stopped myself at the very last moment. “No, it’s too late for me to actually like someone,” I insist. “I can’t. I’ll be finishing college soon, and then who knows where I’m going to end up. I can’t have any attachment to anything.”
“Is this really what this is about?” Maddie stares at me knowingly.
“I guess not.” I sighed loudly. She could always see me better than anyone else could, I guess she had the advantage of growing up with me to know who I truly was. “It’s also that I don’t trust anyone. I know that people talk about me and they think I’m going to go far, and I’m scared that people will just want to attach themselves to me for that reason alone.”
Maddie didn’t say anything for a while, we just walked alongside each other as we got towards my dorm room. I could tell that she was deep in thought and I didn’t want to interrupt. If she was about to come up with some big revelation that changed everything then I really needed to hear it.
“Do you know how arrogant that sounds?” Maddie finally blurted out, tossing her hands in the air in utter dismay at me. “I mean, you’re my big brother, you have eighteen months on me, but sometimes you’re dumb as shit and it makes me sad. What sort of bitches are you hanging out with if you think they just want you for your popularity? If there’s any truth to that then you need to get yourself some more friends. And I can tell you one thing for sure. Faye is not like that all.”
Guilt washed over me as Maddie said that. Maybe she was right. To be fair my sister was normally the one to ground me when I got a bit too big for my boots. Clearly from her reaction this was just another moment like that. I felt like shit as I realized what an idiot I was.
“Sorry, Maddie, I didn’t mean to sound like a prick then, I’m probably just making excuses.”
“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe you’ve been a big fish in a small pond for far too long. That’s not going to be the case forever, you aren’t going to always be the big shot. I think you assume that the world is always going to be easy for you, and that what you want will fall at your feet but it won’t. You need to work to get far, you need to actually put in some effort, and don’t you forget it.”
That was something that Maddie had locked away for a long time, I could tell by the way it spilled out of her mouth in a conversation that wasn’t actually anything to do with my future in the sense of a career… but she was right. I did need to get my head out my ass and actually push.
The YouTube channel would only get me so far, it wasn’t going to be the answer to everything.
Maybe it would suit me better to think about that rather than to worry about girls, Faye, and even what would happen with her and Kevin. That was their business, not mine.
“So, now you’re just going to film me eating?” I teased Faye, unable to keep the playful tone out of my voice. “That’s real interesting, I’m sure. Look, here is a banana.”
“We’ve done everything else,” Faye replied with a chuckle. “I’m running out of ideas and people might want to know more about your diet. I can’t interview you again, I can’t show you training, I certainly can’t film you walking down the hallway anymore, and you haven’t been to many parties because you’ve turned into a massive bore these days. What the hell else am I supposed to do?”
That was fair, I hadn’t been living my usual party lifestyle, but after speaking with Maddie I realized that it was time to push myself. I’d been contacting all kinds of clubs, trying to see if any of them might be interested in me. I wasn’t telling anyone what I was doing, in case it didn’t work out as planned, but I was still working hard, putting my ego on the line to try and succeed.
“Yeah alright fine. Get some good shots of my food then.”
Faye leaned in and she actually did take some, presumably artsy, shots of what I was eating.
“It doesn’t matter what you do, people love watching you,” Faye commented idly. “You have got to be one of the most popular video subjects that I’ve ever had the pleasure of filming.”
That much was true, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me anymore. I needed my head to shrink. However popular I was, it was only in this small pond. Damn it, I should have Maddie around me every single day kicking my ass. Of course I hadn’t listened to her other advice when it came to Faye, but that was a different matter. I didn’t want to pursue her because it could have been a passing fancy. I didn’t want to screw up a perfectly good friendship over a sexual fling.
“So, this video will be up online tonight,” she said while snapping her camera closed. “Same time as usual, roughly. Is that okay with you?” She paused for a second. “I guess our time will be up soon, I’ll be on to filming the next person. That’s going to be odd, isn’t it?”
“Not if you get Kevin.” God those words felt like bile in my throat. I hated speaking them, but I had to if I was going to act like I wasn’t falling apart. “That’ll be fun, won’t it?”
Faye’s shoulders rolled back and she looked across to the other table where my team mates sat. There was an inch of her cleavage peeking out of her top and her skinny jeans slid down slightly showing off the delicious skin of her hips. She wasn’t the girl I started working with, going shopping with Maddie was certainly a good idea. She had flown out of her shell.
I couldn’t discuss Kevin with her, however much I tried. I needed to change the subject.
“So, I saw a flyer up on the notice board that the drama club is running a production of Romeo and Juliet.” Faye’s eyes snapped back to stare at me with wide shocked eyes. “I’m going to audition for Romeo and I wondered if you would like to come with me?”
“You’re auditioning?” Faye gave me a knowing look, she could tell exactly what I was doing. I wasn’t going to be offered any role, I couldn’t act to save my life. Nor would I have any time to do so, but I figured this was the best way to get her involved in this too. “Seriously?”
“I am, why the hell not?” I half shrugged at her. I had a smile playing on my lips as I spoke. “I might as well give it a go. You will too, with me, in support, won’t you?”
She didn’t look impressed, Faye wasn’t one to be manipulated by me, but because this was something that she really wanted herself deep down she ended up nodding to agree. “Fine, I’ll come with you but you have to take me out to dinner afterwards.”
I smirked, this was accidently working out even better than planned. I loved the idea of spending dinner with Faye. We could do that as just friends, couldn’t we? That wasn’t strange.
“Yep, I’ll take you out for dinner. Sure thing. I suppose we need to celebrate the end of our time together anyway, shouldn’t we? It’s been… well, it’s been an experience. That’s for sure.”
She nodded and slid into the seat next to me. I could tell that she was thinking about our time together which made me reminisce too. Faye probably didn’t realize it, but she’d had a massive impact on my life. She’d changed me in ways that I didn’t even know I needed changing. I was going to miss her a whole lot. I felt jealous about Kevin and the other guys spending time with her, and not just because I had confusing feelings for her. Just because I liked her company a whole lot.
“Yeah, it’s really been something hasn’t it?” Faye said softly. “But it isn’t like we won’t ever hang out again. It might not be as much, but we’re friends now, aren’t we?”
Friends… yes, that was all I could hope for. A nice friendship with Faye wasn’t nothing. I was lucky to have that much. Friends.
“Yes, we’re friends, and that’s something that we should celebrate too.”